if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[nutcheesy]

No no and no.

 

Honestly it'll make you sound manipulative.

 

There's Absolutely no need for any kind of contact.

 

Leave it be.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

have I just ruin any chances left between us? I feel more empty now... I hope this gets over soon..

[barky2]

have I just ruin any chances left between us? I feel more empty now... I hope this gets over soon..

 

You blocking her was exactly what you need to do to heal and move on.

 

That's what you need to focus on.

 

Blocking her, yelling screaming ect doesn't matter about " chances".

 

While y'all are worried about " chances" y'all should be worried about getting your happiness back.

 

Once you do that, you'll see all the things in life that opens up for you.

 

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

So I spoke to my ex again today (she rang me off a private number so I answered straight away out of curiosity) it was only about arrangements for the kids but it was quite nice to have a conversation with her that didn't end in us arguing. It hurt a bit when I got off the phone after hearing her voice though but not as much as it would have a few weeks ago so I feel I'm making (somewhat slow) progress. I definitely wasn't expecting the call so hopefully other things will happen when I'm not expecting them but I'm not gonna sit and wait for it. She seemed like her old self again and I suspect that was because he wasn't there, when she's with him she's a different person for some reason. Just thought I'd share this as I am already experiencing things getting easier, just a few weeks ago a phone call with her would have killed me but now it doesn't bother me much.

[FredJones80]

just a few weeks ago a phone call with her would have killed me but now it doesn't bother me much.

 

Keep up the good work Chris9210 I'm 4 weeks since BU and nearly 2 weeks NC, thought I was getting somewhere but now I'm starting to feel really down again.

 

Please someone make this pain stop!

[chris9210]

Keep up the good work Chris9210 I'm 4 weeks since BU and nearly 2 weeks NC, thought I was getting somewhere but now I'm starting to feel really down again.

 

Please someone make this pain stop!

 

Aww no! What was it that made you feel down again? Does it not make you feel like the NC was pointless when this happens, I know it would with me? Anyway keep at it, it can only benefit you in the end, like Barky keeps saying, you either end up with her again or you move on to someone better! Either way you will be a better person for it!

[FredJones80]

Aww no! What was it that made you feel down again? Does it not make you feel like the NC was pointless when this happens, I know it would with me? Anyway keep at it, it can only benefit you in the end, like Barky keeps saying, you either end up with her again or you move on to someone better! Either way you will be a better person for it!

 

Actually I think NC is better, makes me feel stronger that I don't have to keep wimping out and contacting her, I wish I'd of started it sooner.

 

I think now its just missing her, I guess it'll get easier again, i go through ups and downs, sometimes I think I can handle it, other times I feel like my world has ended.

 

Thanks for the support Chris

[SCJACK]

It definitely gets better... I used to wake up depressed every morning but for the past 3 days I noticed my sadness feelings aren't really affecting me in the mornings anymore. Idk if it's just my cooling period and then maybe in a few days it'll hit me again or not. I still think about her but it's not hurting as much as it used to.

[nutcheesy]

It definitely gets better... I used to wake up depressed every morning but for the past 3 days I noticed my sadness feelings aren't really affecting me in the mornings anymore. Idk if it's just my cooling period and then maybe in a few days it'll hit me again or not. I still think about her but it's not hurting as much as it used to.

 

Im at that stage too when morning doesnt hurt that bad. When it hurts, i grab my affirmation journal and start writing down positive thoughts. It is most the frustrating throughout the day when you keep thinking about her.. keep hanging on to the false hope and hoping she'll come back.

[malin819]

Im at that stage too when morning doesnt hurt that bad. When it hurts, i grab my affirmation journal and start writing down positive thoughts. It is most the frustrating throughout the day when you keep thinking about her.. keep hanging on to the false hope and hoping she'll come back.

 

morning are the hardest of course...still in that stage

[canine]

I recently saw something on facebook..."Sometimes the hardest decision you can make is to move on but,once you move on, you realize it was the best decision you ever made."

[EuTuBrute]

I'm here for 2 reasons

 

1) Free bump for the best thread on the forum. Barky you are a true genius on relationship advice.

 

2) Just like you said, they always come back! My ex and I are in the stages of reconciliation.

 

Best advice on your original post “I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.”

Edited May 2, 2014 by EuTuBrute

[chris9210]

I'm here for 2 reasons

 

1) Free bump for the best thread on the forum. Barky you are a true genius on relationship advice.

 

2) Just like you said, they always come back! My ex and I are in the stages of reconciliation.

 

Best advice on your original post “I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.”

 

This gives me a bit of motivation to carry on with the advice given in this thread! If you don't mind me asking, how long from the breakup to the reconciliation stage? What happened in between? It would be nice to hear a real life story of this actually working, give me something to aspire to (without hanging on to false hope)

[chris9210]

Also I think I'm in the anger stage of the grieving process, I've been thinking of her and everything she's done, the way she's been so horrible since the breakup and all I can think is "what a heartless bitch she is. What did I ever see in her. God she's changed, why do I want her back." etc. You were right, it is fun but every time I think of her and her new boyfriend I just want to punch something lol. So I will start some kind of martial art class as part of the healing process and to unleash my anger.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I'm here for 2 reasons

 

1) Free bump for the best thread on the forum. Barky you are a true genius on relationship advice.

2) Just like you said, they always come back! My ex and I are in the stages of reconciliation.

Best advice on your original post “I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.”

 

It seems like they "always come back" in some form (breadcrumb, random text, etc) but in no circumstance is it 100% they come back to you because they want a relationship again. All that is doing is giving members on here false hope that if they let them go, they ALWAYS come back. Wrong on a lot of accounts

[barky2]

I'm here for 2 reasons

 

1) Free bump for the best thread on the forum. Barky you are a true genius on relationship advice.

 

2) Just like you said, they always come back! My ex and I are in the stages of reconciliation.

 

Best advice on your original post “I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.”

 

Congrats my dude!

 

Just make sure it's for the right reasons, and take it verrrrry slow.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[nutcheesy]

How do you stop comparing to your ex's current date? I'm in a constant battle with my thoughts. Some days I'm all filled with positive thoughts and completely no stalking. Today I woke up with nnegative thoughts and began my stalking moves again. Arghh. Reading tons of article is not helping. Is this a case of low self esteem?

 

NC day 10. I can't stop playing scenarios in my head the day she's gonna text me and what I would reply etc.

[barky2]

How do you stop comparing to your ex's current date? I'm in a constant battle with my thoughts. Some days I'm all filled with positive thoughts and completely no stalking. Today I woke up with nnegative thoughts and began my stalking moves again. Arghh. Reading tons of article is not helping. Is this a case of low self esteem?

 

NC day 10. I can't stop playing scenarios in my head the day she's gonna text me and what I would reply etc.

 

All part of it man.

 

Been there done that.

 

What you know with her is the comfort, you know her inside and out.

 

No one will ever be just like her.

 

But that's also a good thing.

 

When you start dating, you'll find the good where with her you found the bad.

 

You need to give dating time.

 

Don't rush into anything just go out and have some fun.

 

The girl I ended up with was completely opposite of my ex...and that's a understatement.

 

And honestly?

 

I've never been happier.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Zing]

Hello, pretty cool thread you have here, really getting some sound advice, and I'm going to keep checking in to help me while I move forward with NC.

 

I was with my girlfriend for around 7 months, and I really opened my heart to her, in the grand scheme of things it took me quite a while to find someone I really wanted to be with, I don't mesh well with some personalities and I was ecstatic to finally have found someone(at 24)

 

It's been about 7 weeks since we broke up, and unfortunately, a few hours since I last contacted her. When it happened I was devastated and did all the needy begging and texting, she completely cut me off and ignored me for about a week while I did that. Eventually I stopped after reading about NC but broke it a few days later to try and apologize, and i still had some of her stuff at my place, she replied and gave me some bull**** about letting me "getting it out of my system". The last time we actually got to really speak she apologized for it having to end how it did, but twice gave me false hope saying maybe we could have coffee in a few months, and that we could be friends(I told her immediately that that doesn't work and she tried to argue with me that it does). We maintained low contact for a week or so til she got all her stuff back. After that, with reconciliation in mind I actually kept NC for I think about 2 weeks, when I sent her a letter, which started out light and just me telling her how I'm doing and asking how she is, but then later I went on about mistakes I'd made and how I'd never treat her in that particular way if I had the chance again and what not. No response, but I never texted or called her since the initial break up.

 

About a week after that I knew she was going away on a cruise and I had a really good idea for a thoughtful gift that she might use while away, so I sent her that with a short note, I didn't really expect a response honestly, and told myself I was just being friendly. Obviously I still want her back badly and these two things just showed her that.

 

Up until this point I was working on this invisible deadline where I wanted to get her back before a concert I know she wanted to go to/is going to, or at the very least, her birthday(at the end of May). Both now I realize are a tragic pipedream, but whatever. There's always next year right?

 

So after I sent the gift I still didn't contact her for maybe another week/week and a half,(she was on the cruise for a week of that). Then come last week and it had been around 7 weeks and I was thinking that's almost a couple of months, maybe she'd be open to reconnecting as friends, so I sent her what I thought was a friendly text referencing something we'd done in the past together and how it put a smile on my face and just asking how her cruise was. I honestly had expected some kind of response considering when I had last texted/seen her, she was actually talking to me, but no, it was straight back to complete icing me out. A day went by and I sent another message assuring her I wasn't looking for anything else and just wanted to repair our friendship. Nothing. Waited another 2 days and sent another message saying I was confused and asking if she was ignoring me or was it some new found hatred. I asked her to tell me if we cant be friends and I would just get lost. Still nothing. That was earlier today. I was extremely close to just blowing up and sending an angry text demanding answers, but I'm glad I didn't do that.

 

I'm just starting to get so ****ing mad that she can't even just tell me to go away, she won't even help me move on in any way, and all the **** she said just feels like lies now. I hate that I still miss her just as badly as the day we broke up. I'm devastated that she still wouldn't talk to me even after (admittedly half-hearted) NC.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm finally "getting the picture" because I've rescinded my friend request on facebook(i unfriended her right after the break up, then tried to take it back) and blocked her, and I asked my brother to also unfriend her, as I was constantly using his FB to stalk hers. I guess I'm going to really make a go at moving on, but I just don't know if it's possible, I thought I had done NC, and I went on a couple of dates over the past few weeks but I could tell immediately that it was not even close to my relationship with my ex. Which would in turn make me panic about the relationship I've lost(most of the times I contacted her were after the dates) The prospect of finding a another relationship like the one I had seems so daunting and impossible and I realize I sound like one big cliche but oh well.

[SCJACK]

Hello, pretty cool thread you have here, really getting some sound advice, and I'm going to keep checking in to help me while I move forward with NC.

 

I was with my girlfriend for around 7 months, and I really opened my heart to her, in the grand scheme of things it took me quite a while to find someone I really wanted to be with, I don't mesh well with some personalities and I was ecstatic to finally have found someone(at 24)

 

It's been about 7 weeks since we broke up, and unfortunately, a few hours since I last contacted her. When it happened I was devastated and did all the needy begging and texting, she completely cut me off and ignored me for about a week while I did that. Eventually I stopped after reading about NC but broke it a few days later to try and apologize, and i still had some of her stuff at my place, she replied and gave me some bull**** about letting me "getting it out of my system". The last time we actually got to really speak she apologized for it having to end how it did, but twice gave me false hope saying maybe we could have coffee in a few months, and that we could be friends(I told her immediately that that doesn't work and she tried to argue with me that it does). We maintained low contact for a week or so til she got all her stuff back. After that, with reconciliation in mind I actually kept NC for I think about 2 weeks, when I sent her a letter, which started out light and just me telling her how I'm doing and asking how she is, but then later I went on about mistakes I'd made and how I'd never treat her in that particular way if I had the chance again and what not. No response, but I never texted or called her since the initial break up.

 

About a week after that I knew she was going away on a cruise and I had a really good idea for a thoughtful gift that she might use while away, so I sent her that with a short note, I didn't really expect a response honestly, and told myself I was just being friendly. Obviously I still want her back badly and these two things just showed her that.

 

Up until this point I was working on this invisible deadline where I wanted to get her back before a concert I know she wanted to go to/is going to, or at the very least, her birthday(at the end of May). Both now I realize are a tragic pipedream, but whatever. There's always next year right?

 

So after I sent the gift I still didn't contact her for maybe another week/week and a half,(she was on the cruise for a week of that). Then come last week and it had been around 7 weeks and I was thinking that's almost a couple of months, maybe she'd be open to reconnecting as friends, so I sent her what I thought was a friendly text referencing something we'd done in the past together and how it put a smile on my face and just asking how her cruise was. I honestly had expected some kind of response considering when I had last texted/seen her, she was actually talking to me, but no, it was straight back to complete icing me out. A day went by and I sent another message assuring her I wasn't looking for anything else and just wanted to repair our friendship. Nothing. Waited another 2 days and sent another message saying I was confused and asking if she was ignoring me or was it some new found hatred. I asked her to tell me if we cant be friends and I would just get lost. Still nothing. That was earlier today. I was extremely close to just blowing up and sending an angry text demanding answers, but I'm glad I didn't do that.

 

I'm just starting to get so ****ing mad that she can't even just tell me to go away, she won't even help me move on in any way, and all the **** she said just feels like lies now. I hate that I still miss her just as badly as the day we broke up. I'm devastated that she still wouldn't talk to me even after (admittedly half-hearted) NC.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm finally "getting the picture" because I've rescinded my friend request on facebook(i unfriended her right after the break up, then tried to take it back) and blocked her, and I asked my brother to also unfriend her, as I was constantly using his FB to stalk hers. I guess I'm going to really make a go at moving on, but I just don't know if it's possible, I thought I had done NC, and I went on a couple of dates over the past few weeks but I could tell immediately that it was not even close to my relationship with my ex. Which would in turn make me panic about the relationship I've lost(most of the times I contacted her were after the dates) The prospect of finding a another relationship like the one I had seems so daunting and impossible and I realize I sound like one big cliche but oh well.

 

You made alot of mistakes. Do yourself a favor and go NC not to get her back but for yourself to heal and move on. She doesn't want to be friends with you she just said that to ease her guilt and couldn't care less about you. Her actions are showing this. (Or maybe she does care and wants you to move on that's why she's ignoring) But right now you can't be friends. Never beg or plead, don't stalk her fb, don't send her gifts and kiss ass to her because it could push her away and make you appear weak, don't send her letters to let her know how you are or how you feel because she already knows this, and stop texting her so much because that will get annoying and you are pushing her away even more because she clearly isn't replying. NEVER contact her again, wait until she contacts you first. Go NC and try to move on from this. I made basically all the same mistakes you did and I regret it. Just don't give in and text her immediately if she contacts you again, post on the board before you do that.

[barky2]

Hello, pretty cool thread you have here, really getting some sound advice, and I'm going to keep checking in to help me while I move forward with NC.

 

I was with my girlfriend for around 7 months, and I really opened my heart to her, in the grand scheme of things it took me quite a while to find someone I really wanted to be with, I don't mesh well with some personalities and I was ecstatic to finally have found someone(at 24)

 

It's been about 7 weeks since we broke up, and unfortunately, a few hours since I last contacted her. When it happened I was devastated and did all the needy begging and texting, she completely cut me off and ignored me for about a week while I did that. Eventually I stopped after reading about NC but broke it a few days later to try and apologize, and i still had some of her stuff at my place, she replied and gave me some bull**** about letting me "getting it out of my system". The last time we actually got to really speak she apologized for it having to end how it did, but twice gave me false hope saying maybe we could have coffee in a few months, and that we could be friends(I told her immediately that that doesn't work and she tried to argue with me that it does). We maintained low contact for a week or so til she got all her stuff back. After that, with reconciliation in mind I actually kept NC for I think about 2 weeks, when I sent her a letter, which started out light and just me telling her how I'm doing and asking how she is, but then later I went on about mistakes I'd made and how I'd never treat her in that particular way if I had the chance again and what not. No response, but I never texted or called her since the initial break up.

 

About a week after that I knew she was going away on a cruise and I had a really good idea for a thoughtful gift that she might use while away, so I sent her that with a short note, I didn't really expect a response honestly, and told myself I was just being friendly. Obviously I still want her back badly and these two things just showed her that.

 

Up until this point I was working on this invisible deadline where I wanted to get her back before a concert I know she wanted to go to/is going to, or at the very least, her birthday(at the end of May). Both now I realize are a tragic pipedream, but whatever. There's always next year right?

 

So after I sent the gift I still didn't contact her for maybe another week/week and a half,(she was on the cruise for a week of that). Then come last week and it had been around 7 weeks and I was thinking that's almost a couple of months, maybe she'd be open to reconnecting as friends, so I sent her what I thought was a friendly text referencing something we'd done in the past together and how it put a smile on my face and just asking how her cruise was. I honestly had expected some kind of response considering when I had last texted/seen her, she was actually talking to me, but no, it was straight back to complete icing me out. A day went by and I sent another message assuring her I wasn't looking for anything else and just wanted to repair our friendship. Nothing. Waited another 2 days and sent another message saying I was confused and asking if she was ignoring me or was it some new found hatred. I asked her to tell me if we cant be friends and I would just get lost. Still nothing. That was earlier today. I was extremely close to just blowing up and sending an angry text demanding answers, but I'm glad I didn't do that.

 

I'm just starting to get so ****ing mad that she can't even just tell me to go away, she won't even help me move on in any way, and all the **** she said just feels like lies now. I hate that I still miss her just as badly as the day we broke up. I'm devastated that she still wouldn't talk to me even after (admittedly half-hearted) NC.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm finally "getting the picture" because I've rescinded my friend request on facebook(i unfriended her right after the break up, then tried to take it back) and blocked her, and I asked my brother to also unfriend her, as I was constantly using his FB to stalk hers. I guess I'm going to really make a go at moving on, but I just don't know if it's possible, I thought I had done NC, and I went on a couple of dates over the past few weeks but I could tell immediately that it was not even close to my relationship with my ex. Which would in turn make me panic about the relationship I've lost(most of the times I contacted her were after the dates) The prospect of finding a another relationship like the one I had seems so daunting and impossible and I realize I sound like one big cliche but oh well.

 

 

Sorry you're going through this, but I'm gonna be blunt with you.

 

You keep contacting her...over and over.

 

You let it sit for 2 months, then a few days..then a few hours.

 

When are you just going to say enough is enough?

 

The more you push the further she goes.

 

Understand that first and foremost.

 

Stop everything.

 

You're acting needy towards her, no woman wants that.

 

You need to stop contacting her.

 

Everytime you do, you push her away.

 

It's so counter productive of what you want.

 

Everytime you get the feeling you want to, remind yourself she's not going to say ok let's get back together, she's going to not respond and walk even further away.

 

If you have to, leave the ball in her court. I always recommend that for people that are acting like you.. No offense.

 

Just say " hey , we can't be friends, I refuse to do that. But if you ever want to slowly try and piece this back together and try again, let me know you have my number. But I'm moving on."

 

THEN YOU DO NOT CONTACT HER AGAIN!!!!!!

 

Stick to your damn guns and move the f on!!

 

Go be single.

 

Walk away saying you did your best, and that's it, it's done. And begin your healing process.

 

Re read my first post in this thread, you posted on it yet didn't read it.

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Zing]

Hey thanks for the replies. I definitely read your post, twice actually, unfortunately not until the other day, so i already made all these mistakes. Just wanted to be upfront about the stupid things ive done.

 

Anyways, i did what you said and sent her a final message putting the ball in her court. I hate being single but I'm gonna live with it and move on now.

[EuTuBrute]

It seems like they "always come back" in some form (breadcrumb, random text, etc) but in no circumstance is it 100% they come back to you because they want a relationship again. All that is doing is giving members on here false hope that if they let them go, they ALWAYS come back. Wrong on a lot of accounts

 

Well we just made it official tonight .. By all means I don't want to give false hope but anything can happen dumpees.

 

But by all means get your happiness back. That is key! Because even if you don't get back with your ex you will find someone else!

[chris9210]

So I dropped my kids off yesterday with their mum but when I got there she wasn't there, instead just her boyfriend was. So I gave him the kids and he just turned to me and said "she asked me to meet you here" so I asked why and he said "she didn't want to meet you, she never wants to see you again." Now I know this question probably has an obvious answer, but is this really it? After 5 years together, 2 kids and living together, along with everything else we have been through, this is where we end up? She never wants to see me again, she is happy to just forget about me and move on with this new douche? Maybe I am in denial but I would have thought I meant more to her than that given the length of time we were together and the seriousness of our relationship, we were best friends, never left each others sides and we where even engaged to be married! Am I just naive or is it really possible for someone to just not care after a relationship like this?

[FredJones80]

Am I just naive or is it really possible for someone to just not care after a relationship like this?

 

Seems pretty ****. Perhaps her head is just turned by this new douche? Maybe if that messes up she will see what she gave up.

[sooshi]

I don't know how to let go of the way my ex-fiance disrespected me by pursuing my best friend shortly after he ended our engagement. He doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong, and that hurts. I don't know how to let go. Nearly two months later, and I haven't heard a word from him. No apology, no empathy or compassion for how I'm feeling. Just his anger that I blocked him/encouraged my friend to block him for ONE NIGHT, and for sending a FB message to my friend's partner to say how happy I was they were finally together (gain). In the end, my ex sees me as an incredibly manipulative and untrustworthy person. Ugh, barky!