if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[chris9210]

Yes most people who are truly happy have zero need to broadcast it.

 

It's either she's trying to convict herself she's happy, or someone else she's happy.

 

I mean, with all due respect, I don't think you're over her yet, especially if you saw it and had any kind of reaction.

 

Just let it go, don't even think twice about her status.

 

And block her on it also.

 

 

 

Barky

 

You are of course right, I'm not over her yet, I've been trying to convince myself and others that I am but I'm not even close. Does the fact that she's just moved in with this guy change your answer or still the same? As in, if they now live together could it be possible for her to be unhappy or not? Once again thank you for your informative answer!

[gj13]

Yes most people who are truly happy have zero need to broadcast it.

 

It's either she's trying to convict herself she's happy, or someone else she's happy.

 

I mean, with all due respect, I don't think you're over her yet, especially if you saw it and had any kind of reaction.

 

Just let it go, don't even think twice about her status.

 

And block her on it also.

 

 

 

Barky

 

Hey Barky and Chris, I'm going through something similar. My ex kept me hanging there (sending me txts, calling, sendin videos, meeting up... all the cutesy stuff that someone does when "trying") and out the blue he went out with someone and published song lyrics (the "beging again" type), and how happy he'd been that weekend and how everything was changing now (even the date he went out with this girl), all on twitter... the only account that's unprotected and also some lyrics in his whatsapp status. Obviously i made up a whole happy love story about him in my head, and reading your comment made me realize that maybe he did all this to get to me.

 

I haven't chechek since then (10 days) and don't plan to, so im not entirely sure if he kept going out with her or if he's published anything after that so I'm unsure as to what to think about this Obviously i miss him but with another person in the picture i'm done and keeping as far away as possible..

[barky2]

Dude thanks for the reply, I'm quoting this because today I saw her put up a picture on Instagram, some quote about being happy without looking for it..clearly aimed at me. But hearing that just reassured me that she is trying to convince herself to be happy and deep down she is still struggling. Thanks so much Barky for all the advice you're helping me out so much!!

 

Your best bet is to just block her or delete her man...seeing this is just setting you back.

 

Your thought of her convincing herself are valid, but walk away on that note.

 

If you keep peeking, you're bound to get hurt.

 

Trust me, ask anyone who's spied on their exs social media.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

I do have a question though about social media, because even though she broke up with me we haven't blocked/deleted each other from social media sites. I've posted on those sites as normal, but would you suggest I go "ghost" or keep doing as I'm doing.

 

Lol I had to think about this for a few before I responded.

 

I thought about what I did and what I should've done.

 

The question is what do you want to accomplish by her seeing you all happy and giddy?

 

In reality you're doing the same thing she's doing.

 

Sure going ghost for awhile may stir up her wondering where you are and what you're doing..

 

But

 

When she walked out she lost the right to know.

 

Me?

 

I plastered everything with partying, girls , when I went on vacations, ect.

 

Just because I knew it'd get back to her and make her jealous.

 

Hindsight 20/20...either way wouldn't have mattered.

 

This has been asked a few times though, some people say " delete and go live your life" other says " post everything fun you're doing so they see what they're missing out on" me? I can't say which is the right or wrong answer.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

You are of course right, I'm not over her yet, I've been trying to convince myself and others that I am but I'm not even close. Does the fact that she's just moved in with this guy change your answer or still the same? As in, if they now live together could it be possible for her to be unhappy or not? Once again thank you for your informative answer!

 

If she has already " moved in with someone" shortly after the break?

 

That's unhealthy..and will explode shortly.

 

Honeymoon phase..."omg I love you let's move in"

 

Quickly turns into

 

Wtf did I just do.

 

I can't put a time frame on it, nor can I promise she'll ever contact you or want to be with you again...but what I can promise is she's not right in the head to move in that quickly with someone.

 

After my breakup I dated a girl, total rebound, I was hers, she just got out of one. I was moving to a condo right on the beach, we were dating and I asks her to come live with me. Course she said yes ( honeymoon " we'll be together forever phase") until I woke up like wtf am I doIng?? Told her she couldn't move in and we later broke it off.

 

But that's just my story, I thought about what I was doing and knew it wasn't right.

 

To answer your question?

 

No, it's not healthy they're moving in so quick.

 

The girl I'm with now, we lived apart for 2 years before we moved in together.

 

But that situation that your ex is in...no good.

 

But focus on yourself, that situation of her moving in with another guy should cut all hope in your eyes so you can move on.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Hey Barky and Chris, I'm going through something similar. My ex kept me hanging there (sending me txts, calling, sendin videos, meeting up... all the cutesy stuff that someone does when "trying") and out the blue he went out with someone and published song lyrics (the "beging again" type), and how happy he'd been that weekend and how everything was changing now (even the date he went out with this girl), all on twitter... the only account that's unprotected and also some lyrics in his whatsapp status. Obviously i made up a whole happy love story about him in my head, and reading your comment made me realize that maybe he did all this to get to me.

 

I haven't chechek since then (10 days) and don't plan to, so im not entirely sure if he kept going out with her or if he's published anything after that so I'm unsure as to what to think about this Obviously i miss him but with another person in the picture i'm done and keeping as far away as possible..

 

In this case ignorance is bliss.

 

The less you know the better.

 

Assume the worst so you can keep moving on.

 

And once again I say, " honeymoon phase"

 

Everyone has to realize that **** wears off quick, that's why MOST relationships only last 1-6 months.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Barky thanks for the reply! And guess what I'm finally starting to getting to enjoy the things I used too (like lacrosse) and I get in my car from tonight's game and who calls....

 

No VM or message though..but it's good to know that know she's checking up on me/wondering what I'm doing!

 

Not calling back, no sense if she didn't leave a message. For all I know it could have been a butt call!

 

Thanks Barky!

[Lando94]

Thanks for sharing this with us, Barky. You have no idea how comforting and usefull it is reading about someone who has been through the same thing.

 

My situation is like most. I was with my high school sweetheart for five years. Only girl i've ever been in a serious relationship with. She broke up with me 3 months ago because she felt like we were two different people and didn't feel "in love" anymore. I did everything i was not supposed to. Begged and pleaded for a month straight. Still seeing her at least twice a week and started working out daily. Pretty much after that month i started to get the picture and stand back a little. Still talking to her at least once a week with ME initiating contact. One night i had a long 45 minute conversation on the phone with her and she was crying saying how she thinks about us on a daily basis and doesn't want to hurt me but want to see other people and what else is out there. Finally i got it out of her that she's seeing a guy at her work that has also just broke up with his girlfriend. This killed me.

 

After that, i went full NC. She texted me a week later seeing "how i was doing" which i replied to...(Dumb*** move on my part) and we talked for a little bit and she just stopped replying. Fast-forward a week and she showed up at a park i live on(i live on a lake 30 seconds from a private park) with this guy to "hangout". She parked right in front to where i would be able to see her car and she could have gone to any other park on this lake (especially the one she lives RIGHT next to). I walked down and told her she needed to leave the park seeing as i didn't like being used which went fine except for her calling me a few names that didn't bother me.

 

Now, i haven't talked to her since then (1 month). I went to pick up some stuff at her moms house which she had since moved out of because of a fight they had. It sounds like she's completely taken a 180 and headed downhill with schooling and work. She cut her parents out of her life and doesn't talk to anybody but this new guy. She told me that the best thing i could really do right now is move on and that's something to listen to coming from her own mother. We both know she's going to come back once things don't go her way and at this point she completely thinks she's not doing anything wrong.

 

I want her to come back but i don't. If that makes any sense. She did this to me last year. Broke up with me for a guy at her work who had recently broke up with his girlfriend. That lasted a month. I know there's no reason i should take her back but its incredibly hard seeing as one day we were talking about the rest of our lives together and then another, she's saying "i don't feel in love" and that it's over. What possibly more could i do to make things right and move on?

[barky2]

Barky thanks for the reply! And guess what I'm finally starting to getting to enjoy the things I used too (like lacrosse) and I get in my car from tonight's game and who calls....

 

No VM or message though..but it's good to know that know she's checking up on me/wondering what I'm doing!

 

Not calling back, no sense if she didn't leave a message. For all I know it could have been a butt call!

 

Thanks Barky!

 

 

Usually how it starts.

 

Keep pushing forward.

 

Always post here before responding to anything, this is a great community who'll guide you right.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Thanks for sharing this with us, Barky. You have no idea how comforting and usefull it is reading about someone who has been through the same thing.

 

My situation is like most. I was with my high school sweetheart for five years. Only girl i've ever been in a serious relationship with. She broke up with me 3 months ago because she felt like we were two different people and didn't feel "in love" anymore. I did everything i was not supposed to. Begged and pleaded for a month straight. Still seeing her at least twice a week and started working out daily. Pretty much after that month i started to get the picture and stand back a little. Still talking to her at least once a week with ME initiating contact. One night i had a long 45 minute conversation on the phone with her and she was crying saying how she thinks about us on a daily basis and doesn't want to hurt me but want to see other people and what else is out there. Finally i got it out of her that she's seeing a guy at her work that has also just broke up with his girlfriend. This killed me.

 

After that, i went full NC. She texted me a week later seeing "how i was doing" which i replied to...(Dumb*** move on my part) and we talked for a little bit and she just stopped replying. Fast-forward a week and she showed up at a park i live on(i live on a lake 30 seconds from a private park) with this guy to "hangout". She parked right in front to where i would be able to see her car and she could have gone to any other park on this lake (especially the one she lives RIGHT next to). I walked down and told her she needed to leave the park seeing as i didn't like being used which went fine except for her calling me a few names that didn't bother me.

 

Now, i haven't talked to her since then (1 month). I went to pick up some stuff at her moms house which she had since moved out of because of a fight they had. It sounds like she's completely taken a 180 and headed downhill with schooling and work. She cut her parents out of her life and doesn't talk to anybody but this new guy. She told me that the best thing i could really do right now is move on and that's something to listen to coming from her own mother. We both know she's going to come back once things don't go her way and at this point she completely thinks she's not doing anything wrong.

 

I want her to come back but i don't. If that makes any sense. She did this to me last year. Broke up with me for a guy at her work who had recently broke up with his girlfriend. That lasted a month. I know there's no reason i should take her back but its incredibly hard seeing as one day we were talking about the rest of our lives together and then another, she's saying "i don't feel in love" and that it's over. What possibly more could i do to make things right and move on?

 

Sucks man, sorry to hear this.

 

What can you do to move on?

 

I mean the writings on the wall with this chic, she's left you twice for someone else, and when it didn't work out the first time she came back.

 

This willl just keep happening man.

 

I was with my ex for 10years, also high school sweethearts.

 

The harsh reality I had to face, although we'll always love eachother and share so much history....we just aren't good for eachother.

 

That's what you need to focus on.

 

But I can promise you this, she wil keep doing this to you until she does find someone to settle with.

 

Just keep moving forward. You will get past this and you'll find someone MUCH better, someone you love if not more than you ex.

 

Do not contact her.

 

The whole " world wind down spiral" her life is going...is extremely typical with people who get into a rebound / leave a partner for someone else.

 

Let her fall dude.

 

Don't play capt save a ho.

 

Bc that's what she is.

 

Head up broski.

 

 

 

Barky

[toolforgrowth]

Don't play capt save a ho.

 

This has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. And oh so true.

[newenglandkid]

Ugh so she texted me earlier tonight asking how I was doing and I simply replied good you? She said alright and I said that's good. And I didn't respond .

 

Then she said she feels weird bc all of her friends are talking about moving into new apartments (as were we) and now she says she has no plan in life. Well I really milked the "well isn't this what you wanted" and "idk what to say you ended this" which she promptly said yeah and idk.

 

I can see she's starting to realize some of the consequences of breaking up, some that maybe she didn't think of before hand. But I can say I did feel awesome afterward because I didn't feel bad ONE BIT for saying any of that. I feel like I have the power to control how I feel towards her which is great!!

 

We small talked for a few more mins before I ended it saying I needed to go to bed, but like I said I felt awesome. Right now I'm at the point where I'm happy with whatever happens, if she realizes that she made a mistake and wants to try again, then id be willin to sit down and discuss possible recconciling. But I'm also at the point where I'm doing enough things that I enjoy in life where I don't need her and I feel alright with that decision!

[barky2]

Ugh so she texted me earlier tonight asking how I was doing and I simply replied good you? She said alright and I said that's good. And I didn't respond .

 

Then she said she feels weird bc all of her friends are talking about moving into new apartments (as were we) and now she says she has no plan in life. Well I really milked the "well isn't this what you wanted" and "idk what to say you ended this" which she promptly said yeah and idk.

 

I can see she's starting to realize some of the consequences of breaking up, some that maybe she didn't think of before hand. But I can say I did feel awesome afterward because I didn't feel bad ONE BIT for saying any of that. I feel like I have the power to control how I feel towards her which is great!!

 

We small talked for a few more mins before I ended it saying I needed to go to bed, but like I said I felt awesome. Right now I'm at the point where I'm happy with whatever happens, if she realizes that she made a mistake and wants to try again, then id be willin to sit down and discuss possible recconciling. But I'm also at the point where I'm doing enough things that I enjoy in life where I don't need her and I feel alright with that decision!

 

 

 

 

Right now is when you don't give them an inch.

 

You responded so she knows you're still there.

 

Her " sad " feeling is now cured and she's back on her merry way.

 

You were used as a " pick me up " kinda like the last shot at final call at a bar.

 

And responding " this is what you wanted " translates to " are you sure you want this?"

 

And she shot it down with a YES.

 

So give her what she wants.

 

Let her go cry somewhere else.

 

Put your damn foot down man.

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

I hear what you're saying Barky, I just thought that by letting her know that the reason she is feeling like this is because of her choice, that she would come to the realization that she has the power to change it (by trying to get back together). But like I said I understand what your saying, not gonna give a damn inch now.

[gj13]

In this case ignorance is bliss.

 

The less you know the better.

 

Assume the worst so you can keep moving on.

 

And once again I say, " honeymoon phase"

 

Everyone has to realize that **** wears off quick, that's why MOST relationships only last 1-6 months.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

You are so right, that's why i keep avoiding all social media now (1 week). And i do prefer not to know whether he's with someone or not, and actually the fact that i think he is is helping me so much to stay focused and not look for him/contact him. Boundaries and self respect.

 

Still, i do hope i get to the point where i don't give a damn on whether he's in a relationship and how long it has/will last.

[newenglandkid]

Barky or anyone...

 

So up until this point (3wks) I hadn't blocked my ex on social media bc I couldn't bring myself to do it. Well today she put up a song lyric that basically said I don't love u but I don't want u to leave.

 

Big time indirect breadcrumb.

 

I blocked her now, but now I'm a little shaken up. Any words to calm me down?

[Elle1975]

Barky or anyone...

 

So up until this point (3wks) I hadn't blocked my ex on social media bc I couldn't bring myself to do it. Well today she put up a song lyric that basically said I don't love u but I don't want u to leave.

 

Big time indirect breadcrumb.

 

I blocked her now, but now I'm a little shaken up. Any words to calm me down?

 

To calm myself down, I clean my apartment. I know, probably not everybody's little secret.. I would suggest getting out of the house, going to the movies, the book store, the mall, etc.. get away from the computer.

 

When I removed my ex, I literally ran out of the house. I think I went to the mall. I knew I had to get away. Worked though.

[newenglandkid]

Thanks I will try that!!

 

One more for Barky..you said that not to give an inch on the breadcrumbs, but when did you know to finally break NC? Do they just bluntly come out and say they want to talk or try again or what?

[Lando94]

My ex would do the same thing...she would post corny quotes about how time heals everything, love quotes, and all that jazz (even when she was seeing the new guy). I've blocked her on FB since then and she just claims to have "moved on" but her posts scream otherwise. It's easiest if you just do what everyone tells you. Block them, delete them, do whatever you can to not look at their profile because you will see something you don't want to. I didn't stop looking until i saw a picture of her and her new guy out for a birthday dinner. So save yourself the heartache.

[barky2]

Thanks I will try that!!

 

One more for Barky..you said that not to give an inch on the breadcrumbs, but when did you know to finally break NC? Do they just bluntly come out and say they want to talk or try again or what?

 

Why would those lyrics be considered a breadcrumb?

 

Also how do you know they're about you?

 

This is EXACTLY why some say to block and ex on social media.

 

Because one stupid little thing can make your head go nuts and build up a scenario in your head to make it become what you want.

 

Did she say she wants you back?

 

Has she knocked on your door?

 

No and no.

 

So block the **** out of her and move on dude.

 

This is doing nothing but causing you stress.

 

The more you do and go threw this the longer it'll be till you move on.

 

BELIEVE ME I've had my ex move a mountain, and ask anyone else on here who's also had it, you don't have to question what they're doing, it's obvious.

 

Leave it be dude, block her I'm serious.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

My ex would do the same thing...she would post corny quotes about how time heals everything, love quotes, and all that jazz (even when she was seeing the new guy). I've blocked her on FB since then and she just claims to have "moved on" but her posts scream otherwise. It's easiest if you just do what everyone tells you. Block them, delete them, do whatever you can to not look at their profile because you will see something you don't want to. I didn't stop looking until i saw a picture of her and her new guy out for a birthday dinner. So save yourself the heartache.

 

This is what I scream sometimes...

 

If you keep looking at a exs fb or whatever, one day you'll see something that hurts you to the core..

 

ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!!

 

Ignorance is bliss!!

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

So ex went to trivia night (like we used to do) and she ended up texting me asking a question about education (I have a degree in that). Felt good to ignore it! I'm not some lifeline on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

 

I'm excited to see how this ends up going!

 

Hope everyone is staying positive today!

[barky2]

So ex went to trivia night (like we used to do) and she ended up texting me asking a question about education (I have a degree in that). Felt good to ignore it! I'm not some lifeline on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

 

I'm excited to see how this ends up going!

 

Hope everyone is staying positive today!

 

 

Empowering feeling isn't it?

 

 

Barky

[UK Man]

Barky2

 

would you mind reading this post of mine please . ( link below ) It's quite long and I would really appreciate it

 

If you could give me your thoughts on the situation that would be great

 

Thanks

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/477765-wife-wants-time-think-but-seeing-someone-else

[dunkinhoops]

hope you can help barky2

 

my ex dumped me..we were together for a year...she ended it because she wasn't wanting to commit and wanted to focus on school and her family

 

she ended up sleping with a few guys and i was hurt and felt betrayed even though we werent together but she kept in contact with me an di felt like she was leading me on...

 

i went nc and she has tried reaching out to me

 

what should i make of this?