if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[barky2]

Barky, if you find my posts i need to update you

Since all that happened i went back at xmas seems she had a change oh heart.

Anyway i was back 2 months when her brother who she hadnt met in 20 plus years came into her life. I warned her i didnt want to be involved due to all the crap her toxic family caused us.

 

I got very paranoid during this period he was only her half brother same dad, they where going off out at night driving about (she said talking, gine for hours)

He was no good showing off with my kids and his lies was unreal kept changing what he was saying after each visit, hed sit at my house for hours.

Until one day id had enough had it out with her and she asked me to go.

 

This time i tried to listen to what ppl said on here i got a place and started to build myself up again, she kept in touch then when her brother dissapeared (which i was unaware of at the time) she came back to me.

We had sex and i thought we was ok again but then she started the im to needy crap, wasnt allowed to touch unless she was ok to. I know myself i was trying to hard, taking her out blah blah. I felt like a dog beaten down yet again hence my frustration of yet again not knowing where i stood caused me to have a go and im back single again.

 

I just dont know what this girl wants!

Keeps txting sometimes nasty then when i told her f@@k you im dating then

She was nice acting like she was now the victim which she seems to do around

Our friends etc. what i cant get my head round Barky is

If she doesnt want me why not just stop chatting to me its the same all the time

Please if anyone on here will take the time to read my story id really appreciate it

 

Ive come close to ending my life over this girl she is my world 14 years is a long time ive been honorable throughout it

 

This girls no good..plain and simple.

 

This is where I want you to read..and to really understand...ok?

 

At some point she's lost respect for you.

 

It's normal, especially with a LTR.

 

It's time to regain respect from her.

 

That's why she keeps saying you're needy, talking down to you ect.

 

The absolute only way to get respect back is by nc.

 

It shows in living my life without you and moving on.

 

Whatever you do, don't do some dumb **** to end your life over a girl.

 

That's struck a really bad cord with me since I lost a best friend 2 years ago to him committing suicide over a girl.

 

If you need serious help I'm more than willing to send you the suicide hotlines number.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Just so I'm clear, because my ex has texted me twice already. Should I tell her like listen we both have different feelings for each other and cause of that we shouldn't be talking or just completely ignore. Haven't responded to those two texts bc I wanted to see what you guys thought

[erklat]

Just so I'm clear, because my ex has texted me twice already. Should I tell her like listen we both have different feelings for each other and cause of that we shouldn't be talking or just completely ignore. Haven't responded to those two texts bc I wanted to see what you guys thought

 

Well what she said?

[newenglandkid]

Pretty much breadcrumbs, saying like hey looks like you had fun this weekend, wanna go for a run this week.

 

So like I said do I tell her that we feel differently about each other so we can't have out or be friends or just go NC.

[barky2]

Pretty much breadcrumbs, saying like hey looks like you had fun this weekend, wanna go for a run this week.

 

So like I said do I tell her that we feel differently about each other so we can't have out or be friends or just go NC.

 

Ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore.

 

We clear now?

 

Keep posting as she texts, just don't have any communication right now.

 

If she truly..100% wants to get back with you...you'll know.

 

She doesn't now.

 

She wants to friendZone you and keep you on the sideline.

 

Trust me.

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Sweet thanks Barky, just needed clarification and I think I got it! Lol

[newenglandkid]

Another message today: apparently her phone **** the bed and so she went and DM on twitter asking for my number

 

Didn't respond came on here first

[newenglandkid]

Done playing these games with her, just told her we can't be friends if she's seeing another guy bc it's not fair to anyone.

 

I'm just done playing with the what if games, I'm done. I'm glad I said that now she can either take it and move on or maybe this will make her think twice.

 

Either way I'm fine, I just want this to be over and done with, whether she wants to be with me or not.

[mummyjonno]

Well barky it's been a year today - doesn't seem like a year since I was reading and you were telling my emotional silly self to cheer up.

 

Chin chin barky because once again your advice worked

 

Cheers to that

[JDPT]

Hey Barks!

 

 

I'm at roughly a year and few months past BU and the pain has certainly subsided substantially. It's a work in progress man, I appreciate you and the site for picking me up when I was down. Hope all is well with you man.

[barky2]

Mummy and JDPT, so glad for the both of you.

 

I knew y'all just needed time to simmer your head and heart and y'all would be on the right path.

 

Just keep it up!

 

Forever forward!!!

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Done playing these games with her, just told her we can't be friends if she's seeing another guy bc it's not fair to anyone.

 

I'm just done playing with the what if games, I'm done. I'm glad I said that now she can either take it and move on or maybe this will make her think twice.

 

Either way I'm fine, I just want this to be over and done with, whether she wants to be with me or not.

 

If that's what you needed to do, do it.

 

Just stick to your guns now.

 

No more warnings or messages.

 

Jump into nc full force.

 

But don't expect the messages to stop.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

If that's what you needed to do, do it.

 

Just stick to your guns now.

 

No more warnings or messages.

 

Jump into nc full force.

 

But don't expect the messages to stop.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Literally not even an hour later I get another message:

 

"I was just saying what if I need to get a hold of you in case something happens" then another message "but we don't have to be friends"

 

Barky are you psychic or somethin dude? Lol

 

I told her already not being friends, no cell number

 

She lost that privilege when she broke up with me

[music_and_poetry]

Hey Barky,

 

There's an event this weekend that I was invited to over a month ago by a good friend of mine. It's my last weekend before I throw myself into work and I really want to go to this event and have a blast and enjoy myself.

 

The problem is, I'm fairly certain he will be there. He has the same friends group of friends as I do. For the most part they have been great about keeping us away from each other lately but him and I were both invited, and this isn't something he normally misses.

 

I really don't want to see him but I really don't want to avoid my friends and miss out on a fun time because of him.

 

So I'm torn. I do want to go - I just don't know how to deal with being around him. It's been over two months since we've even spoken.

 

Thoughts?

[newenglandkid]

Literally not even an hour later I get another message:

 

"I was just saying what if I need to get a hold of you in case something happens" then another message "but we don't have to be friends"

 

Barky are you psychic or somethin dude? Lol

 

I told her already not being friends, no cell number

 

She lost that privilege when she broke up with me

 

let me rephrase that, i initially told her we can't be friends and i didn't give out my number...when she sent that last message I just ignored

[barky2]

Literally not even an hour later I get another message:

 

"I was just saying what if I need to get a hold of you in case something happens" then another message "but we don't have to be friends"

 

Barky are you psychic or somethin dude? Lol

 

I told her already not being friends, no cell number

 

She lost that privilege when she broke up with me

 

Lol no, I've just been around the block a few times, and the push pull theory works everytime.

 

Glad you ignored it, you let her know where you stand.

 

Just keep at it.

 

Every message you ignore empowers you.

 

You have the power.

 

Don't give it to her.

 

The messages will intensify, either lovey..or anger.

 

That one I can't predict lol

 

But don't be fooled..the min you answer she'll be gone again.

 

If you really honestly want this girl back...you'll know when she's ready.

 

She'll make it obvious..trust me.

 

She'll move a mountain.

 

If you don't want her back...

 

Block her on everything....and move on.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Hey Barky,

 

There's an event this weekend that I was invited to over a month ago by a good friend of mine. It's my last weekend before I throw myself into work and I really want to go to this event and have a blast and enjoy myself.

 

The problem is, I'm fairly certain he will be there. He has the same friends group of friends as I do. For the most part they have been great about keeping us away from each other lately but him and I were both invited, and this isn't something he normally misses.

 

I really don't want to see him but I really don't want to avoid my friends and miss out on a fun time because of him.

 

So I'm torn. I do want to go - I just don't know how to deal with being around him. It's been over two months since we've even spoken.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

It is tough, absolutely.

 

But.

 

There has to be a point in time, where your healing comes first.

 

Now it can go two ways.

 

1) you can break down crying , wicked awkward, get into a fight, get jealous.

 

Or

 

2) be fine.

 

 

Now let me warm you, since you asked the question to me.. That tells me one part of #1 will happen.

 

Now would you rather go expecting a great time, then be miserably disappointed?

 

Or.

 

Find a girlfriend who understand the situation and y'all two go out and have fun by yourselves?

 

Why not ditch the party, say screw it, throw on a nice dress..hit a bar and have some guys give you the googley eyes and buy you drinks all night?

 

It's up to you.

 

But when I was dealing with my heart break, there was nothing better than a woman approaching me when I was dressed to kill, and she buy ME a drink.

 

Granted the next 3 would be on me lol

 

But you catch my drift..

 

You decide what you want to do.

 

If y'all been nc for 2 months, I'd hate to see it ruined and back to square one.

 

But if you can handle the absolute worst, him all over a girl Infront of you, then by all means go!

 

One thing I've learned with an ex, always expect the worst.

 

That way you're always prepared.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Lol no, I've just been around the block a few times, and the push pull theory works everytime.

 

Glad you ignored it, you let her know where you stand.

 

Just keep at it.

 

Every message you ignore empowers you.

 

You have the power.

 

Don't give it to her.

 

The messages will intensify, either lovey..or anger.

 

That one I can't predict lol

 

But don't be fooled..the min you answer she'll be gone again.

 

If you really honestly want this girl back...you'll know when she's ready.

 

She'll make it obvious..trust me.

 

She'll move a mountain.

 

If you don't want her back...

 

Block her on everything....and move on.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Hmmm..weird...I get a text message about an hour ago...from guess who...

 

"Found you number"

 

 

man I think you're right man, she's starting to finally see that I'm letting go and telling her that I'm not gonna play second fiddle to this other guy is making her think twice

[music_and_poetry]

It is tough, absolutely.

 

But.

 

There has to be a point in time, where your healing comes first.

 

Now it can go two ways.

 

1) you can break down crying , wicked awkward, get into a fight, get jealous.

 

Or

 

2) be fine.

 

 

Now let me warm you, since you asked the question to me.. That tells me one part of #1 will happen.

 

Now would you rather go expecting a great time, then be miserably disappointed?

 

Or.

 

Find a girlfriend who understand the situation and y'all two go out and have fun by yourselves?

 

Why not ditch the party, say screw it, throw on a nice dress..hit a bar and have some guys give you the googley eyes and buy you drinks all night?

 

It's up to you.

 

But when I was dealing with my heart break, there was nothing better than a woman approaching me when I was dressed to kill, and she buy ME a drink.

 

Granted the next 3 would be on me lol

 

But you catch my drift..

 

You decide what you want to do.

 

If y'all been nc for 2 months, I'd hate to see it ruined and back to square one.

 

But if you can handle the absolute worst, him all over a girl Infront of you, then by all means go!

 

One thing I've learned with an ex, always expect the worst.

 

That way you're always prepared.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Great points all around especially about preparing for the worst. That was not something I had even thought about.

 

My problem is that most of my friends are guys.

 

I have three close female friends.

 

One is pregnant and due early September so she can't do much right now anyway lol. I could always bail and visit her. We can't go out and have guys buy us drinks though! Hahaha

 

My other two female friends will be there. One is closer with him so I doubt she'll want to know we're making alternate plans to avoid him lol.

 

The other one understands the situation but I know she's looking forward to this event and I'd hate to tear her away for selfish reasons.

 

It's a tough call. The hardest part is I'm not even 100% sure he'll be there since he wrote "maybe" on the Facebook invite, but the event does have all the activities he's into so I have a strong feeling he'll go.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmmm..weird...I get a text message about an hour ago...from guess who...

 

"Found you number"

 

 

man I think you're right man, she's starting to finally see that I'm letting go and telling her that I'm not gonna play second fiddle to this other guy is making her think twice

 

I'm not sure she's thinking twice, but she's startled that you aren't clamoring for her breadcrumbs like a rabid dog. But yeah, I doubt she's rethinking the breakup and you need to get that crap out of your system -- it's thoughts like that that have made you cave over and over. You keep thinking she's contacting you because she's rethinking but she's doing anything but.

 

Keep strong. Heck, I'd block her at this point -- she's not going to text you anything significant any time soon.

[newenglandkid]

I'm not sure she's thinking twice, but she's startled that you aren't clamoring for her breadcrumbs like a rabid dog. But yeah, I doubt she's rethinking the breakup and you need to get that crap out of your system -- it's thoughts like that that have made you cave over and over. You keep thinking she's contacting you because she's rethinking but she's doing anything but.

 

Keep strong. Heck, I'd block her at this point -- she's not going to text you anything significant any time soon.

 

 

Ok, I guess the way that I'm seeing it is that I essentially have given her an ultamadem of him or me. Like I said earlier, at this point I'm done playing these games of trying to figure out what she means by this or that, and I'm done talking with her unless I hear something significant about getting back together. It's been 3 months since the BU and I've accepted that she may never come back, but I'm glad I drew the line in the sand.

[barky2]

Hmmm..weird...I get a text message about an hour ago...from guess who...

 

"Found you number"

 

 

man I think you're right man, she's starting to finally see that I'm letting go and telling her that I'm not gonna play second fiddle to this other guy is making her think twice

 

She's doing everything she can to " poke you with a stick"

 

" hey I'm still here, you can run but you can't hide, I seeeee you!"

 

Catch my drift...

 

I would have to agree with simon in the fact I don't think she's " thinking twice" I think it's more of, having you on the sideline for WHEN they break up.

 

Yes essentially putting you in second place.

 

Silence speaks volumes.

 

She knows what she's doing.

 

And I'm sure she's going crazy wondering why you're not jumping all over it and not talking to her.

 

Silence silence silence.

 

Just keep posting as they come in.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Great points all around especially about preparing for the worst. That was not something I had even thought about.

 

My problem is that most of my friends are guys.

 

I have three close female friends.

 

One is pregnant and due early September so she can't do much right now anyway lol. I could always bail and visit her. We can't go out and have guys buy us drinks though! Hahaha

 

My other two female friends will be there. One is closer with him so I doubt she'll want to know we're making alternate plans to avoid him lol.

 

The other one understands the situation but I know she's looking forward to this event and I'd hate to tear her away for selfish reasons.

 

It's a tough call. The hardest part is I'm not even 100% sure he'll be there since he wrote "maybe" on the Facebook invite, but the event does have all the activities he's into so I have a strong feeling he'll go.

 

 

I mean, it's in your hands.

 

Why not go out alone?

 

I loved going out alone, I had the most fun by myself.

 

I'm the outgoing type, talk to anyone, have a blast anywhere I go by myself.

 

I even said this before, I went to Vegas for my bday alone.

 

Sure I have plenty of friends who constantly ask me to go out, some were even pissed I didn't ask them to go with me to Vegas.

 

It's clearly up to you which direction you'd go, anyway you look at it, it can't end perfect going to the party.

 

One more scenario

 

You arrive at party, look around for him..omg he's not there. Now you're kind of down and out because you built yourself so far up to see him, and he doesn't show up. Now you get restless wondering why he didn't come " is he with anothe girl " ect. Then you turn your head to sneeze, as look who just walked in. He says hi to everyone, but you. Now your nerves have calmed down, but now sadness and anger set it because he ignored you...... Get where I'm going?

 

 

It truly can go one of many ways.

 

Let's be real, y'all could even knock boots that night..that's a whole other scenario..which leads to more heart break.

 

My honest and sincere advice would be to go do something with yourself if no friends are around.

 

Go have a "you night"

 

My question is this, and answer it truthfully.....perfect scenario ( besides the story book him seeing you and y'all fall back in love) what can you invision at this party happening?

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

She's doing everything she can to " poke you with a stick"

 

" hey I'm still here, you can run but you can't hide, I seeeee you!"

 

Catch my drift...

 

I would have to agree with simon in the fact I don't think she's " thinking twice" I think it's more of, having you on the sideline for WHEN they break up.

 

Yes essentially putting you in second place.

 

Silence speaks volumes.

 

She knows what she's doing.

 

And I'm sure she's going crazy wondering why you're not jumping all over it and not talking to her.

 

Silence silence silence.

 

Just keep posting as they come in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Right on man...I guess then I'm not sure why she's doing this..seems pointless and stupid for her trying to grab my attention if she has no interest for me. Ya know what I mean?

[barky2]

Right on man...I guess then I'm not sure why she's doing this..seems pointless and stupid for her trying to grab my attention if she has no interest for me. Ya know what I mean?

 

Re read what I've wrote, I've pointed out where her interest is..in herself.

 

I'll break it down again, what she's doing is this.

 

She's giving you as little as possible to keep you hanging around incase her life gets flipped upside down.

 

Get it?

 

That's why when you backed off, she pushd even harder.

 

It's a game to her.

 

She's not thinking about you or you're heart.

 

She's doing it for her own selfish reasons.

 

 

Stay strong.

 

 

 

Barky