if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[barky2]

hey Barky very inspiring man, im glad you worked it out with your girl. Im in a similar situation, been split almost 2 months, 1st months I begged and basically harassed her a bit

 

 

been together almost 13 years, 3 kids, a home, recently I changed it up and went NC, a few days later she texted basically breadcrumb, I went over to talk to her like the idiot I was and in the end she just said shes not sure yet of what she wants, she did let me get close to her and hug her which felt good, but soon as I left and drove home by myself I felt disgusted with myself for caving in, so im going back to NC.

 

 

It hurts cuz of our kids, I mean we still gotta keep in touch because of them, its just harder, when I go drop them off or pick them up and shes there, feels weird.

 

 

Anyways man, again thanks for your post its uplifting, right now im taking things the way they are coming.

 

 

Before I was wishing I could turn back time and do things better, but now i feel ill happily take them this way because this is how its meant to be.

 

 

Anwyays again I wish you the best in your relationship and to anyone else going thru a heartbreak remember your not alone...good luck all!!

 

That hit home.

 

I was with mine for 10 years, 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic.

 

So in reality, we could've had 3-4 kids.

 

Listen man all you can do is give her space, and be there for your children.

 

For the time being, as she's figuring herself out, talk to her like a business partner pertaining to the kids.

 

That's it.

 

That's all you can do.

 

In the meantime?

 

Hit the gym, being a new social life.

 

Reinvent yourself.

 

The harsh reality is, y'all may never be together again.

 

It's ****ty but sometimes it happens.

 

Either way, wether y'all work it out or not, reinventing yourself is crucial to re attracting her, or someone else.

 

Don't sit around the house and mope.

 

Get out and enjoy life.

 

 

Any question feel free.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Do you see what I mean?

 

You give her a inch and she drops you.

 

Push pull theory.

 

Good ball is in her court, now focus on moving on.

 

Now you know, it's over.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Thanks for everything Barky and everyone else who helped me. Sucks that she's sort of rejected me and our past but gotta move forward now. I'll make sure to come back when or if anything comes up!

 

Cheers for now!

[barky2]

I could've told you how it would go, but I wanted you to feel it, that way you move forward.

 

Hang in there.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

I could've told you how it would go, but I wanted you to feel it, that way you move forward.

 

Hang in there.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Yeah it sucks but it's the way it's gotta be. I'm glad I left her that final message and left the ball in her court and walked away, I agree I think that's the best thing I could have done.

[newenglandkid]

So the past few days I've hide/unsubscribed from my exs fb/twitter...but should I just block her from everything?

[FortunateSon]

So the past few days I've hide/unsubscribed from my exs fb/twitter...but should I just block her from everything?

BLOCK everything you can

[newenglandkid]

I might sleep on it, I saw something tonight I didn't like but if I block her would that just eliminate all chances of getting back together in the future?

[FortunateSon]

I might sleep on it, I saw something tonight I didn't like but if I block her would that just eliminate all chances of getting back together in the future?

If you are seeing things you don't like, you are not NC, you are not healing, and you should definitely block. If she really wants to reconcile she will find away to let you know, blocked or not.

[newenglandkid]

Hey guys feelin really down after last night, need a pick me up from someone.._anyone got some words of wisdom or something to get me through the day

[barky2]

I might sleep on it, I saw something tonight I didn't like but if I block her would that just eliminate all chances of getting back together in the future?

 

I've already answered this.

 

Doesn't matter what you do.. If she truly wants you back, she'll find a way.

 

Don't torture yourself, block her on everything.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Bella2]

Barky, I love you and I want to marry you

 

Ok, just kidding, but I have been reading this thread since a couple of days and it makes me feel better. "Your life is not over! But this chapter is!"

 

BU since almost 2 weeks, NC since 3 days. I immediatetly blocked him from Facebook, I also already have deleted his phone number (yes, scared for the drunken emotional messages). BUT there is still The Email. Can't really delete him from there, can I? So yes, I got tempted and mailed him a couple of times (nothing desperate, just, well, you know, to get closure, but I'm lying to myself, because all I wanted was an answer that would make me feel better, which I of course did not get). He's stays very friendly, says he respects me, that he admires me, that he loves me, but that he's no longer in love. He also admitted being attracted to another woman. Yes, that hurt. And it seems she's very interested by him. But he told me all that to be clear and honest and hey, ALL for honesty right?

 

Anyway, Barky, one of these days I'm gonna run into him. I live in a not so big town, we hang out in the same places, everybody knows everybody... And if SHE is standing by his side, OMG, I don't know how I will react.

 

Any suggestions/wise comments?

 

Thank you so much

[barky2]

Lol you're sweet, just made me blush!

 

Kidding aside, the minute he pulled the I love you but not Inlove with you , you should've known there's another woman involved.

 

The thing is , he is being nice and respectful to keep you on the back burner, second place.

 

Do you want to be second place?

 

Or do you want a man who would do anything for you?

 

That's what I thought.

 

Anytime you get tempted to write to him or contact him in anyway, remember that, he picked another woman over you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Now running into him...

 

God forbid if it does happen, you have two choices.

 

Either stay and ignore him , don't look, don't talk..

 

Or

 

Leave.

 

I'd suggest leaving.

 

Especially if he's with the other woman...nothin good can come of that.

 

Nothing can prepare you for that.

 

It'll hurt.

 

It'll suck.

 

Can you find new hang out spots the next town over for a little while?

 

Stay and strong, and stay away.. Would be my biggest advice.

 

That's the only way you'll be able to move on.

 

Thankfully I never ran into my ex when we first broke up.

 

Idk what I'd do...

 

I made sure to go ways away where she could possibly be.

 

Stay strong and keep your chin up, you'll find that perfect guy..I promise.

 

Thanks again for the smile this morning!!

 

 

 

Barky

[Bella2]

Lol you're sweet, just made me blush!

 

Kidding aside, the minute he pulled the I love you but not Inlove with you , you should've known there's another woman involved.

 

The thing is , he is being nice and respectful to keep you on the back burner, second place.

 

Do you want to be second place?

 

Or do you want a man who would do anything for you?

 

That's what I thought.

 

Anytime you get tempted to write to him or contact him in anyway, remember that, he picked another woman over you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Now running into him...

 

God forbid if it does happen, you have two choices.

 

Either stay and ignore him , don't look, don't talk..

 

Or

 

Leave.

 

I'd suggest leaving.

 

Especially if he's with the other woman...nothin good can come of that.

 

Nothing can prepare you for that.

 

It'll hurt.

 

It'll suck.

 

Can you find new hang out spots the next town over for a little while?

 

Stay and strong, and stay away.. Would be my biggest advice.

 

That's the only way you'll be able to move on.

 

Thankfully I never ran into my ex when we first broke up.

 

Idk what I'd do...

 

I made sure to go ways away where she could possibly be.

 

Stay strong and keep your chin up, you'll find that perfect guy..I promise.

 

Thanks again for the smile this morning!!

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks so much for your answer, you made me smile too (and if I can smile a couple of times during the day, that's already that).

 

I don't think he's keeping me as "second plan", he is finished with me. He really is a nice guy (impossible to hate him, damn), and I know he wants the best for me. It just SUCKS, you know....

 

And yes, I will have to try to avoid him. The problem is also that lot's of people who know me, know him, and will probably keep me "updated", even if I don't WANT to be updated

 

I luckily don't live in a village, but we do have a bit "the incrowd thing" going on here, and "the incrowd" always ends up at the same bars/festivals etc.

 

He told me nothing happened with this other woman, he does feel attracted to her (she's been showing her interest while we were still together and so, well, yes, I hate her) and yeah, I'm no fool, it's a matter of time before the 2 will hook up. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEM TOGETHER!!!! I seriously think I'll break down and cry, and that's the last thing I want to do.

 

Wish I could just sleep a year, wake up and be totally fine. Yeah, keep on dreamin'.

 

Once again: thank you Barky , if you have any other good stuff to say, feel free (and of course, congratulations on the wedding)

[Bella2]

And of course, I looked her up on FB (just to torture myself), and yes, she's pretty and stylish and feminin (the way he likes women) and a quite successfull jewelery designer. All the more to hate her for.

 

Then I checked out what music she likes and that almost made me laugh (she likes music a teenager of 13 would like). For him "good music" is holy, so he's gonna be in for a shock and that made me feel better.

 

God, how pathetic I am.

[barky2]

Stop looking.

 

Just stop.

 

Block her too.

 

And you have to understand something, look around to some of the other posts, how many of them say " he/she left me but now back again".

 

They're not subconsciously keeping you in second.

 

But they know you're there.

 

Is it a rebound? Maybe.

 

Is it gigs? Maybe.

 

The best thing you can do is distance yourself. Get away from it.

 

You don't have to be " with the in crowd" when you go out.

 

Ask your best gf to go somewhere new, try new things.

 

All my exs have come back and one point on another, but it could take years.

 

Don't wait for this dude, you deserve someone better.

 

One day this " perfect girl" may fart Infront of him, and he'll instantly be turned off and broken up in a few weeks.

 

I'm not trying to give you false hope, and please don't take it that way, but this " perfect girl" is being seen in the honeymoon phase, and through " rose colored glasses".

 

Even if he does come back crying tomorrow, he'll just do it again.

 

Get happy so you can find the guy you're ment to be with.

 

He's out there, just waiting for you to show your face.

 

You'll find it!!

 

But don't let this guy back! ??

 

And thank you for the congrats, truly appreciate it.

 

 

 

Barky

[Bella2]

What's "gig's"?

 

And thanks, I just blocked her.... I'm sure she's not as fun and spontaneous and intelligent as I am He WILL be sorry one day !!!!!!

 

And I just told a good friend to NOT to tell me if she sees him with someone else.

 

To be continued....

[Bella2]

I live in Europe, guess that's why I don't know "gig's", but I just looked it up on the urban dictionary: Gig covers the fields of friends with benefits, booty call, unofficial boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Yeah, who knows....

[dipa0076]

Hi there i really like your post

 

I recently faced a breakup and i am trying hard to come out of it.

 

Sometimes i feel strong and sometimes i feel like there is no life without him

 

 

He brokeup with me and now with another girl in his life. He wants me to be friend but i said no because i dont want to see him with another girl who replaced me in his life

 

The best thing which helps me to come out of this is MUSIC. In beginning i enjoy but as day passes i am feeling more weaker..

 

i feel to run away some where but this feelings this memory will be there in my mind..

 

your post is very motivating but i can't come ouf of this fear of being alone without him..

 

I pray all the time that god can do some magic and he come back in my life forever

[hurts2death]

barky things are getting weird. she called again and i answered though i could still hear her breath,.

 

i looked her fb and saw that she had made a gallery with name --/--@ and inside there were all the places we visited. everysingle one of them,

 

this triggered me thoughts once again,

 

i wonder what it could mean?

[LifeNomad]

That hit home.

 

I was with mine for 10 years, 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic.

 

So in reality, we could've had 3-4 kids.

 

Listen man all you can do is give her space, and be there for your children.

 

For the time being, as she's figuring herself out, talk to her like a business partner pertaining to the kids.

 

That's it.

 

That's all you can do.

 

In the meantime?

 

Hit the gym, being a new social life.

 

Reinvent yourself.

 

The harsh reality is, y'all may never be together again.

 

It's ****ty but sometimes it happens.

 

Either way, wether y'all work it out or not, reinventing yourself is crucial to re attracting her, or someone else.

 

Don't sit around the house and mope.

 

Get out and enjoy life.

 

 

Any question feel free.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Thanks man, lately we been talking a bit, but still NC is very hard, after a few days she calls or texts, this past weekend we went out, argued a bit, then ended up going to our home and slept together...I thought she might want to come back but still not ready I guess....took her flowers today, she was happy, but damn I still cant do NC...she says she wants space, but that she cant go by without seeing or talking to me...

 

 

im going to pm you with some details for your advice barky, I hope that's ok

 

 

sorry barky I cant figure out how to pm you

 

 

well the deal is the guy she could possibly be having feelings for works with her, her boss. They text because they have to due to work, shes almost a manager and theres a good 30-40 employees that have to go thru her first so contact between them is unavoidable pretty much, what is the best workaround, or is there even a workaround, other than having her quit?

 

 

Im not perfect, so my flaw, my weakness, is that for some years I was an alcoholic, although I didn't go out to drink, I drank at home, but every day, for years, I pretty much ignored her at times. I stopped drinking this year and don't plan on drinking again..but I don't know if its repairable damage or not. There is a HUGE regret, shame, guilt i still carry. I was blinded by it.

 

 

SHes told me the "I love you but not in love with you", she has told me she does love me, she has told me she says things when shes angry that doesn't mean them, she has gone out with a secret friend she wont say who, it could be the boss but cant be sure....she has told me if i really want her to come home she will, but she doesn't feel ready, and i tell her i don't want anything forced.

 

 

I feel im at a loss....

Edited September 3, 2014 by LifeNomad

[barky2]

I live in Europe, guess that's why I don't know "gig's", but I just looked it up on the urban dictionary: Gig covers the fields of friends with benefits, booty call, unofficial boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

Yeah, who knows....

 

No,

 

Gigs is Grass is greener syndrome. Look at one of the first posts , it's stickied.

 

Take a read.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Hi there i really like your post

 

I recently faced a breakup and i am trying hard to come out of it.

 

Sometimes i feel strong and sometimes i feel like there is no life without him

 

 

He brokeup with me and now with another girl in his life. He wants me to be friend but i said no because i dont want to see him with another girl who replaced me in his life

 

The best thing which helps me to come out of this is MUSIC. In beginning i enjoy but as day passes i am feeling more weaker..

 

i feel to run away some where but this feelings this memory will be there in my mind..

 

your post is very motivating but i can't come ouf of this fear of being alone without him..

 

I pray all the time that god can do some magic and he come back in my life forever

 

I'm sorry you're going threw this, but one thing I promise you, it's you'll be ok.

 

The strong days over time will increase, and the bad will decrease.

 

Put in the effort and time, and you'll come out a better person.

 

Trust me when I tell you, I've been through it.

 

After time I got over it, moved on, and never have been happier.

 

As you will to..I promise.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

barky things are getting weird. she called again and i answered though i could still hear her breath,.

 

i looked her fb and saw that she had made a gallery with name --/--@ and inside there were all the places we visited. everysingle one of them,

 

this triggered me thoughts once again,

 

i wonder what it could mean?

 

Oh waaaah her life didn't go to plan, now her head is running circles and thinking about the good times...

 

H2D You already know what I'm about to say....

 

You'll know dude.

 

You'll know full well if she wants you back.

 

These little things don't mean a thing.

 

Don't break nc for the life of you right now.

 

If you see her call don't answer.

 

It might drive you nuts...but just her breathing drives you nuts.

 

Believe me dude, they'll literally move a mountain.

 

I've seen it first hand, with my eyes.

 

Stand tough.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Thanks man, lately we been talking a bit, but still NC is very hard, after a few days she calls or texts, this past weekend we went out, argued a bit, then ended up going to our home and slept together...I thought she might want to come back but still not ready I guess....took her flowers today, she was happy, but damn I still cant do NC...she says she wants space, but that she cant go by without seeing or talking to me...

 

 

im going to pm you with some details for your advice barky, I hope that's ok

 

 

sorry barky I cant figure out how to pm you

 

 

well the deal is the guy she could possibly be having feelings for works with her, her boss. They text because they have to due to work, shes almost a manager and theres a good 30-40 employees that have to go thru her first so contact between them is unavoidable pretty much, what is the best workaround, or is there even a workaround, other than having her quit?

 

 

Im not perfect, so my flaw, my weakness, is that for some years I was an alcoholic, although I didn't go out to drink, I drank at home, but every day, for years, I pretty much ignored her at times. I stopped drinking this year and don't plan on drinking again..but I don't know if its repairable damage or not. There is a HUGE regret, shame, guilt i still carry. I was blinded by it.

 

 

SHes told me the "I love you but not in love with you", she has told me she does love me, she has told me she says things when shes angry that doesn't mean them, she has gone out with a secret friend she wont say who, it could be the boss but cant be sure....she has told me if i really want her to come home she will, but she doesn't feel ready, and i tell her i don't want anything forced.

 

 

I feel im at a loss....

 

First and foremost, congrats on getting sober..that's bigger than anything else going on in your life, that takes supreme over her.

 

Kudos my friend...wish i could give you a high five.

 

Now...once again .. The I love you, but not in love with you.

 

I'm going to be frank, so bare with me.

 

She's banging someone else.

 

She's either cheated on you, or had someone lines up for awhile.

 

I'm 99.9% sure.

 

Ask anyone who's been around here for awhile, and that horrible phrase, usually after comes the bombshell of I'm seeing someone else.

 

Honestly, I've heard the same thing, and guess what came next.

 

So just get that in your mind.

 

She's keeping you around.

 

She wants you there...leaving you just enough to hang on.

 

Oh wait yall beat skins???

 

So she's banging 2 people?

 

That the girl you want to be with??

 

She asked for space...give her more than she asked for.

 

That's huge right now.

 

I'm sorry if anything I said has hurt, I don't want to hurt you, I want your eyes open.

 

STICK TO NC!!

 

She wants space??

 

Good disappear...no more bumpin uglies.

 

 

 

After a certain number of posts you can pm me.

 

Start your own thread, if you already haven't done so, to get more perspective.

 

But I'm sure you'll hear the similar.

 

I'm sorry man.

 

 

Today after reading this, let it sink in....

 

Today starts the rest of your life..you're eyes are open.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[LifeNomad]

First and foremost, congrats on getting sober..that's bigger than anything else going on in your life, that takes supreme over her.

 

Kudos my friend...wish i could give you a high five.

 

Now...once again .. The I love you, but not in love with you.

 

I'm going to be frank, so bare with me.

 

She's banging someone else.

 

She's either cheated on you, or had someone lines up for awhile.

 

I'm 99.9% sure.

 

Ask anyone who's been around here for awhile, and that horrible phrase, usually after comes the bombshell of I'm seeing someone else.

 

Honestly, I've heard the same thing, and guess what came next.

 

So just get that in your mind.

 

She's keeping you around.

 

She wants you there...leaving you just enough to hang on.

 

Oh wait yall beat skins???

 

So she's banging 2 people?

 

That the girl you want to be with??

 

She asked for space...give her more than she asked for.

 

That's huge right now.

 

I'm sorry if anything I said has hurt, I don't want to hurt you, I want your eyes open.

 

STICK TO NC!!

 

She wants space??

 

Good disappear...no more bumpin uglies.

 

 

 

After a certain number of posts you can pm me.

 

Start your own thread, if you already haven't done so, to get more perspective.

 

But I'm sure you'll hear the similar.

 

I'm sorry man.

 

 

Today after reading this, let it sink in....

 

Today starts the rest of your life..you're eyes are open.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks for reply....i appreciate it...ill keep updating..but for now will start with nc basically today cuz we broke nc after a few days. Wish u luck barky and everyone else reading..if u have a broken heart be strong...be a fighter...embrace it...peace and love to all.