if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[cavalier99]

Just to kind of add to this...

 

I haven't posted in a while, but I had a rough breakup that consisted of a lot of breaking no contact on both ends and a lot of me not moving on. Anyway, at the end of August I found out that he had been sleeping with someone else and was wanting a relationship with her. Something clicked in me in that moment and I sort of stopped caring about him at all. I went to school the next week and got extremely busy with school, new friends, new activities, etc. To be honest, I sort of stopped thinking about him. And what do you know? He contacted me twice last month. I know that that doesn't sound too strange, but this guy actually stopped initiating contact with me in April, so to all of the sudden initiate contact with me was somewhat of a shock. It truly was as soon as I started moving on and stopped thinking about him.

 

Just wanted to throw that out there. Good luck everyone who is still struggling to move past an ex! You'll get there!

 

Wow good for you! I know how hard this BU was for you. Congrats! Cav

[Romaks]

I would appreciate Barky's input on this: my thread

I always am intrigued at what you have to say.

[JoelBarish]

Bump for the newly dumped

[J21]

nice post barky

[headinthecloud]

Bump ....because it's great advice.

[Anethen]

 

One size fits all, LET THEM GO. Once I did, and she came back, its never been better.

 

 

 

BarkyBarky

 

How long did it take her to come back? Why did you take her back? I'm not sure if I could take my ex back, he broke my heart. Not intentionally, he was just doing what he thought was best for himself.

[barky2]

It took a year. I gave up after 7 months and decided to live my life like she wants coming home,which eventually was the only reason she did come back.

 

I took her back bc I was the dumper,I screwed up and wanted another chance.

 

She wanted no part of it.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Anethen]

Did you date other girls in the process? My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. Basically he got GIGS- break up was sudden, everything was going fine- but all of a sudden he felt like something was missing, felt empty inside, wanted to enjoy senior yr of college, figure himself out, etc.

 

He's been hooking up with other girls and is now seeing someone. They aren't official- he said he doesn't want a committed relationship right now. I'm guessing he's just rebounding to fill a void that I left.

 

I know he didn't want to hurt me and that the break up was hard for him. We were each others first ltr, first loves. We were everything to each other. Always talked about the future.

 

I'm getting better with each week but it's hard. I just miss what we had. But right now, he doesn't want to be together, so I need to accept it. I just want to speed up the healing process so I can get back out on the casual dating scene before college is over- maybe there is something better out there?

 

But all I really want is him. What if he decides to come back some time down the road? Do you think it would be a good idea to take him back? He has turned my life upside down, hurt me more than anything, so I'm not sure if I could. But I know some people who have forgiven an ex and have been together for years after and even married. If I compare the good and the bad about him/our relationship, then there is definitely more good.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Barky,

 

I did not know you were the original dumper. Would love to hear why you wanted to break up with her. She must have been so skeptical about taking you back. Please share!

 

Thank you.

[JoelBarish]

Bump for the newly broken hearted

[barky2]

I'll explain in full detail tomorrow first thing in the morning,top to bottom inside and out the story behind me.

 

Hard to push the keys on my iphone right now long fun night.

 

?

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Ok so eyes wide open so I'll just answer now.

 

First off, did I date anyone after my breakup.

 

Yes. I left my (ex) for someone else

 

Whom I thought was better,and she was looks wise...she was in maxim magazine.

 

Didn't mean a damn thing...because she didn't make me laugh,no inside jokes ect

 

I broke it off with new girl before a month.

 

My ex was seeing someone also.

 

I chased her. She came back. Broke up with dude and came back. Lasted a few weeks then told me she couldn't. This happened 8!!!! Times over a course of 7 months. In this time she did come back and try and win me back but kept going back I rebound ( she can't be alone-red flag )

 

I finally put my hands up, I was walked on spit on beaten to nothing , then I said f this and went nc.

 

Moving on.

 

Why did I dump her?

 

I was sick of the fighting

 

Sick of her being miserable and bringing me down.

 

Had the new girl messaging me and I wanted to get away from my ex and be with the new girl.

 

So I told her to move out and I was done and I had someone else.

 

Boy I was so wrong.

 

I was miserable with her,but she was and still is the love of my life.

 

But I wanted out....it was hard very hard.

 

After I cut it off with the new girl I chased my ex and chased and apologiZed did everything I could to get her back.

 

 

 

It didn't work.

 

 

I messed up and I deserved the pain I was in and went thru

 

I finally gave up

 

I couldn't be hurt anymore.

 

I faced the reality of me making my decision and lying in the bed I made.

 

That's when I broke free of the pain.

 

Mind you,we dated from 15-25 I never got to party and be free

 

So I did

 

I dated I did the hookups drunk nights and everything that comes with it

 

I had to.

 

I needed to get it out of my system

 

I went on vacations

 

Idk what I'm even rambling. About anymore.

 

Did she trust me hell no

 

But after awhile and me letting go and moving on and letting go of all hope,I got the call after months of not talking.

 

I rebuilt the trust that I severed,and worked on all issues that needed to he addressed.

 

I probably went into a lot more detail but my finger just kept typing.

 

I was a douche.

 

I didn't deserve another shot.

 

I hurt her,she hurt me. But in the end it was love.

 

We got over the pain and hurt not talking and came back into this new and fresh .

 

 

Goodnight y'all

 

 

 

Barky

[flight E]

no contact can be hard. U might think you ok but overnight ex waves hit me. Anyways I won't break nc. It's all I have. I love it

[Onlyafterdark]

Barky could you take a look at my post on breaking up page 15 title can i get sum imput,you seem to have the best advice around and excellent post in here btw tried to pm you but not sure how that works

[EuTuBrute]

Listen to Barky Guys. He is right go NC. I made a fool out of myself. My ex and I dated for 3 years, perfect relationship (or so I thought); thought i was going to marry her. One day out of the blue she called it quits. I begged and pleaded and did all the things you should not do. I pushed her away. Now she hates me.

 

NC not only gives them a chance to miss you, but it saves your dignity.

 

P.S. time does heal all wounds. In the first months I blamed myself for the break up (i.e what things could i have done better). But as more months passed I realized that you cant control other people, you only can control yourself.

[barky2]

Listen to Barky Guys. He is right go NC. I made a fool out of myself. My ex and I dated for 3 years, perfect relationship (or so I thought); thought i was going to marry her. One day out of the blue she called it quits. I begged and pleaded and did all the things you should not do. I pushed her away. Now she hates me.

 

NC not only gives them a chance to miss you, but it saves your dignity.

 

P.S. time does heal all wounds. In the first months I blamed myself for the break up (i.e what things could i have done better). But as more months passed I realized that you cant control other people, you only can control yourself.

 

Bingo

 

 

 

Barky

[headinthecloud]

Bump...such a great thread. Should be pinned!

[xpaperxcutx]

Wish I found this thread earlier.

My ex dumped me back on the 13th of October and I have been in NC minus a a stupid moment of weakness where I texted him I was sorry. I didn't dump him, he dumped me, but i was apologizing for something horrific I did that made him dump me.

 

My birthday was this past weekend he hasn't contacted me. In fact it's been a month.

 

I would say I've been dealing with my pain as best as I could. In the beginning i was a wreck, crying practically everyday, and I lost a lot of weight. So far, I'm trying to build myself up, and it's been hard. I have my off days where the sadness just hits me out of nowhere and I get depressed.

 

I'm trying to move on from him, in fact at times, I kind of wish he never comes back. Today was one of my bad days.

 

I never had any exes come back into myself, minus someone I briefly dated who tried to win me back after we been in NC for 6 months. I was already with my current ex at the time.

 

I've done the whole begging thing in fact, my self-esteem with my ex was so low I didn't have any friends while I was in my relationship with him.

 

More than anything, I want to find my own identity again, which I lost while I was with him. I don't know whether my ex will come back or not, he blatantly told me over the phone he hated me and he wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Barky, do you think he will come back? If he does i want to be in a position where he won't be able to hurt me.

[h0000]

"they come back when we dont care"

i just dont get it..enough time passed i moved on..and shouldnt he have moved further on? why would he come back?

[barky2]

Wish I found this thread earlier.

My ex dumped me back on the 13th of October and I have been in NC minus a a stupid moment of weakness where I texted him I was sorry. I didn't dump him, he dumped me, but i was apologizing for something horrific I did that made him dump me.

 

My birthday was this past weekend he hasn't contacted me. In fact it's been a month.

 

I would say I've been dealing with my pain as best as I could. In the beginning i was a wreck, crying practically everyday, and I lost a lot of weight. So far, I'm trying to build myself up, and it's been hard. I have my off days where the sadness just hits me out of nowhere and I get depressed.

 

I'm trying to move on from him, in fact at times, I kind of wish he never comes back. Today was one of my bad days.

 

I never had any exes come back into myself, minus someone I briefly dated who tried to win me back after we been in NC for 6 months. I was already with my current ex at the time.

 

I've done the whole begging thing in fact, my self-esteem with my ex was so low I didn't have any friends while I was in my relationship with him.

 

More than anything, I want to find my own identity again, which I lost while I was with him. I don't know whether my ex will come back or not, he blatantly told me over the phone he hated me and he wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Barky, do you think he will come back? If he does i want to be in a position where he won't be able to hurt me.

 

Hey papercut,

 

Do I think he'll come back?

 

Unfortunately I do not have that answer for you, and believe me I wish I did.

 

But I can tell you one thing, you're on the right track to regain your identity.

 

I want you to live your life like he won't come back, like you'll never heard from him again.

 

Once you fully let go of all hope, once you've cried your eyes out and been threw every motion of healing, you'll put your hands up , and say screw it.

 

That's day 1 of healing.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

"they come back when we dont care"

i just dont get it..enough time passed i moved on..and shouldnt he have moved further on? why would he come back?

 

Sometime,they comeback.

 

They do when you don't care.

 

Even if they don't, you won't care.

 

Why would he come back?

 

Lol there's a laundry list of why exs come/stay away.

 

 

 

Barky

[yesitcould]

Hi Barky, you really are inspiring.

 

Here's my (short) story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/438108-how-react-don-t-understand

 

I have a question for you, is it better to reply to the first breadcrumbs (if they ever come) with something along the lines of 'We were never friends and we never will be, only message me if you want to try and work this out' OR is it better to not reply at all for a while?

 

Thanks

 

Mark

Edited November 7, 2013 by yesitcould

[xUnknown]

Hi Barky, you really are inspiring.

 

Here's my (short) story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/438108-how-react-don-t-understand

 

I have a question for you, is it better to reply to the first breadcrumbs (if they ever come) with something along the lines of 'We were never friends and we never will be, only message me if you want to try and work this out' OR is it better to not reply at all for a while?

 

Thanks

 

Mark

Worry about it when you get there. But, I wouldn't reply and base your decision to reply based upon where you are in the healing process. Personally, I wouldn't reply (as much as I know you want to - because you miss talking to them - believe me, I'm there), at least to the first ones. Maybe they'll get the hint that they aren't getting a response from you. If they keep sending them, then tell them something like "I asked for you not to contact me so I can heal. Please respect my wishes.". Short, sweet, doesn't need a response from her. You could also throw in a line about reconcile, like "please don't contact me unless you wish to reconcile, but that's up to you. Even if she responds to that, who cares...you're done talking about it.

[xpaperxcutx]

Hey papercut,

 

Do I think he'll come back?

 

Unfortunately I do not have that answer for you, and believe me I wish I did.

 

But I can tell you one thing, you're on the right track to regain your identity.

 

I want you to live your life like he won't come back, like you'll never heard from him again.

 

Once you fully let go of all hope, once you've cried your eyes out and been threw every motion of healing, you'll put your hands up , and say screw it.

 

That's day 1 of healing.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks Barky.

 

It's been a month and I find myself slipping back into those negative thinking where I think I wasn't good enough for him.

 

At the end of the relationship, there were a lot of hurtful words thrown, especially from his side and sometimes when I'm not too careful, I find myself thinking about those things he said.

 

I know I will be better than any girl he will ever date from here on out and I've been resorting to positive thinking all the time despite how hard it can get.

 

Can i ask you a question. During that year where you were separated from your ex, what did you do to regain that confidence and self-esteem? I'm not one for rebounds and I wouldn't want to go around sleeping with other people. I want to gain that self-confidence back where I didn't have to give up my freedom and friends for a guy.

[barky2]

Worry about it when you get there. But, I wouldn't reply and base your decision to reply based upon where you are in the healing process. Personally, I wouldn't reply (as much as I know you want to - because you miss talking to them - believe me, I'm there), at least to the first ones. Maybe they'll get the hint that they aren't getting a response from you. If they keep sending them, then tell them something like "I asked for you not to contact me so I can heal. Please respect my wishes.". Short, sweet, doesn't need a response from her. You could also throw in a line about reconcile, like "please don't contact me unless you wish to reconcile, but that's up to you. Even if she responds to that, who cares...you're done talking about it.

 

I was always buisness like.

 

Ignored a lot.

 

Like said above, don't think about it and deal with that headache if it ever comes.

 

One thing you don't show, is that your readily available.

 

If that text or call ever comes, post here first.

 

Whatever you do blow it off for a few hours/days.

 

Focus on it never coming,that's healthiest.

 

 

 

Barky