Autistic brother and family....

[Rlife]

My brother is autistic, and makes living more difficult.

 

As he gets older, he gets harder to handle. He will often break things in our home out of spite. He's broken our toilets in our bathroom, our staircase railing, several ornaments and other household objects. When he was younger he tried to drown our cat in the toilet.

 

Last year he would go through rages and attack my mother by pinching her arms and leaving bruises.

 

My parents believe that when he gets older he will be easier, I think it's quite the opposite. He is 13 years old and getting stronger and stronger. He was diagnosed with autism and ADHD when he was 2 years old.

 

I don't want to take away their faith, but knowing how he is, and the many things that he does now, I do not see a white light at the end of the tunnel.

 

It is very hard to discipline him, because we do not want violence in our home. His school does not help matters as he picks up habits from the other children.

 

When he is home in the summer, my family is distressed and it is putting a strain on our relationship as a family.

 

Yesterday he tried to put his face in a hot kettle, my reaction was to slap his arm so that he would get out of the kettle as it is dangerous. My family ended up being upset with me for smacking him. (Just a smack, not leaving any marks or any damage, was impulse due to what he was doing.)

 

I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home, I can't have people over like normal people do, I have to follow his schedule, I have to help with him, my house is torn apart.

 

I have no relationship with my parents any more because they lack the time to speak with me because they are always catering to him, we need to keep an eye on him 24/7 as if we don't, something gets broken.

 

I am planning to move out once I finish my schooling. My main fear is that one day when my parents pass over I will be left with him.

 

Does anyone else have a similar situation? Or anything to say? My living situation makes me very depressed, I eagerly want a normal life.

[gaius]

Seems like your family is utterly dysfunctional. I have to deal with an autistic child on a regular basis who has gotten violent on occasion, and when he's hit me I hit him back with equal force. After he tried that a few times and got hit back he stopped doing it all together. Luckily his mother isn't quite as ridiculous and co-dependent as your parents and understands it's the only thing that works. After trying all that therapeutic nonsense for years and seeing no results.

 

Just get out of there as quickly as possible and let the state deal with him if your parents ever pass away. They will give him the discipline his parents failed to instill. It's awful that your parents are so unhealthy they can't give you the attention and affection you deserve as their child. Just remember it's not your fault.

[Sunbathe]

Has your family considered seeking ABA therapy for your brother?

[Rlife]

We treat him well here, he has everything he wants and needs,

my parents are very loving. However, you can tell that having him around is

taking a toll on them, we have to work longer hours to support his needs, and

we are all emotionally drained by the end of the day.

 

We don't believe in hitting him, if we inflict violence on him, he will eventually do it back to us.

Last year when he went after my mom, I would grab is arm and push him off, that is as far as I am able to go.

The other children at his school will often be a bad influence to him and he will bring their behaviours home.

 

My family and I don't agree on much when it comes to my brother, had he been my child I would have completely different dynamics in the house. He is theirs and I am just living under their roof, therefore I stay out of their parenting. I will often go out or leave the house with friends just to avoid being home and fighting with my family.

 

We have not looked into ABA therapy. This year his school is providing us with a speech therapist though, which is one step closer to the right direction.

 

My family gets offended when I talk to them about autism, several times I have recommended that they join a local group with other parents with autistic children, they are not interested. I also try and get them to join forums to connect with similar families, but they have none of it. Sometimes I feel that they are in denial, assuming that he will

just change in a year.....

Edited August 23, 2013 by Rlife

[pink_sugar]

May I ask how old you are? If you are of legal age, I would move out asap. Unlike many other disorders, unfortunately autism cannot be predicted within utero. Even children with autism can learn to cope to their surroundings with proper instruction and dedicated parenting. Your brother should never have been allowed to get away with these actions. I know there are group homes for autistic adults that assist them with living situations. I hope your family can look into this when he is of legal age.

[ASG]

We treat him well here, he has everything he wants and needs,

my parents are very loving. However, you can tell that having him around is

taking a toll on them, we have to work longer hours to support his needs, and

we are all emotionally drained by the end of the day.

 

We don't believe in hitting him, if we inflict violence on him, he will eventually do it back to us.

Last year when he went after my mom, I would grab is arm and push him off, that is as far as I am able to go.

The other children at his school will often be a bad influence to him and he will bring their behaviours home.

 

My family and I don't agree on much when it comes to my brother, had he been my child I would have completely different dynamics in the house. He is theirs and I am just living under their roof, therefore I stay out of their parenting. I will often go out or leave the house with friends just to avoid being home and fighting with my family.

 

We have not looked into ABA therapy. This year his school is providing us with a speech therapist though, which is one step closer to the right direction.

 

My family gets offended when I talk to them about autism, several times I have recommended that they join a local group with other parents with autistic children, they are not interested. I also try and get them to join forums to connect with similar families, but they have none of it. Sometimes I feel that they are in denial, assuming that he will

just change in a year.....

 

My mom is a speech therapist that works mainly with autistic kids. She has kids as young as 4 years old in her care. Your brother should have been seeing one from the start.

 

As an anecdote, one of my mom's kids was violent. My mom found out his parents would let him watch kick boxing videos, as he seemed to calm down while watching them. Downside was, he would repeat what he saw in the videos, resulting in much kicking and punching.

 

Whenever he punched my mom, she's punch back. And obviously she told the parents to NEVER let the kid watch those videos again.

 

As far as I know, the boy has now stopped hitting people randomly.

 

Autism is very difficult to deal with. Maybe YOU should join some of the groups, even if your parents don't seem inclined to. Maybe that will help you deal with your brother better.