Do You Think People Should Study Psychology Before Dating?

[Skyraider829]

What are your own opinions on that? It doesn't mean to go out and obtain a Ph.D in Psychology, but at least have some understanding of it and a lot of the universals in people's behavior.

 

A lot of dating sessions and relationships have to be, to a fair degree "felt out" but also thought out as well. Wouldn't help to be aware of some of the psychological sand traps that many of us fall into like projecting your own emotions and opinions about yourself onto others, thinking they view you like you do yourself as well as other thinking fallacies?

 

It came to mind and I was just curious to any thoughts on this.

[Southern Cal Dude]

It should be a required class in high school. Some high schools do have it, but it's not mandatory.

[Philosoraptor]

I think the issue is overthinking. The more you analyze things the more you are going to overthink. Relationships and love, in itself, are matters of the heart.

 

I'd gamble that people trusting themselves a little more, to make the right decisions for themselves, would eliminate a lot of the issues that dating presents. So many worries about "should I call", "does he like me", "does she think I'm needy" could be eliminated with a bit of confidence and trust in oneself.

[soccerrprp]

It should neither be a required course nor a need before dating. I know a psychologist who is having dating issues right now. How did it help her?

[Knoxpwns]

What are your own opinions on that? It doesn't mean to go out and obtain a Ph.D in Psychology, but at least have some understanding of it and a lot of the universals in people's behavior.

 

A lot of dating sessions and relationships have to be, to a fair degree "felt out" but also thought out as well. Wouldn't help to be aware of some of the psychological sand traps that many of us fall into like projecting your own emotions and opinions about yourself onto others, thinking they view you like you do yourself as well as other thinking fallacies?

 

It came to mind and I was just curious to any thoughts on this.

 

my Ex was a graduated psychologist. She couldn't tackle a single problem with our relationship, and I was left trying to fix the pieces myself.

 

Just because someone is a psychologist doesn't really mean ****. She had a degree in it. I don't know how she's supposed to help others tackle their problems when she can't even face her own.

 

TL;DR - Doesn't matter if you are aware of psychology or not. doesn't make you a better person or better lover.

[KathyM]

I think a class in social behavior would be helpful to kids, to learn things like social skills, conflict resolution skills, etiquette, and that type of thing. I think that is sorely lacking in the education system, and is something that needs to be taught and would be so helpful to people. For some reason, courses in those skills is never considered important or necessary, which is why so many grow up lacking good social skills, good manners, good conflict resolution skills, etc. In my husband's home country, the schools did teach those things to some extent, and I noticed a difference right away in his manners, etc., compared to the American guys. I think it would be great if the childhood education system were to add this type of thing to the curriculum. A basic psychology class would also be helpful.

[StanMusial]

It would be a complete waste of time. Stop trying to apply science and reason to the inherently illogical.

[tbf]

This is a backwards solution. You don't need psychology to figure out dating. But if you're psychologically and/or emotionally challenged, studying psychology or better yet, professional assistance, might help you get beyond your formative years issues.

[Knoxpwns]

It would be a complete waste of time. Stop trying to apply science and reason to the inherently illogical.

 

I've found that its easier said than done when you naturally respond to logic and reason xD

[soccerrprp]

I think a class in social behavior would be helpful to kids, to learn things like social skills, conflict resolution skills, etiquette, and that type of thing. I think that is sorely lacking in the education system, and is something that needs to be taught and would be so helpful to people. For some reason, courses in those skills is never considered important or necessary, which is why so many grow up lacking good social skills, good manners, good conflict resolution skills, etc. In my husband's home country, the schools did teach those things to some extent, and I noticed a difference right away in his manners, etc., compared to the American guys. I think it would be great if the childhood education system were to add this type of thing to the curriculum. A basic psychology class would also be helpful.

 

Kathy,

 

What you are describing would not be something taught in a psychology class. This would be something different entirely, imho.

 

Etiquette school or a class in etiquette is what your thinking of, right? This is not psychology.

[KathyM]

Kathy,

 

What you are describing would not be something taught in a psychology class. This would be something different entirely, imho.

 

Etiquette school or a class in etiquette is what your thinking of, right? This is not psychology.

I was suggesting two different classes--one that involves social skills, and one that involves psychology. I think both would be helpful. One teaches actual skills that people can use on a daily basis. The other one would give people a better understanding of themselves, their thought processes and their behavior. Both types of courses would be beneficial IMO.

[soccerrprp]

I was suggesting two different classes--one that involves social skills, and one that involves psychology. I think both would be helpful. One teaches actual skills that people can use on a daily basis. The other one would give people a better understanding of themselves, their thought processes and their behavior. Both types of courses would be beneficial IMO.

 

Agreed, for the most part. Etiquette would be beneficial, certainly. Psychology? Not so certain. Psychology is not a "true" science in my opinion. It is not consistently predictable and so many unobservable factors come into play. My worry would be that schools would place an equivalence for it to the other pure sciences. At our school, where I teach, we dropped Psychology as a "science" and placed it in the "electives" realm. Rightfully so, imho.

 

Anyway, though it would be helpful and interesting, it can also get people self-psychoanalyzing, fretting, self-diagnosing, etc. Worse, analyzing, diagnosing others with disorders, issues that simply do not exist. 99.9% people do fine w/o psychology as a course of study to function as best they can. Helpful, maybe. Interesting, certainly. I am also cautious about the notion that b/c you have studied psychology that it would necessarily, to any level, help oneself. Like in my earlier post, I have a psychologist friend who has had a miserable time with dating, relationships...it sure isn't helping her. And they, behavioral professionals will be among the first to admit that their line of work has little of no bearing on their own personal success in relationships, etc.

 

I dated a woman who is a psychologist. Let me tell you, she was eager to suggest some diagnoses that were WAY off base. And goodness knows, many times, such diagnoses are simply not accurate.

[Skyraider829]

It should neither be a required course nor a need before dating. I know a psychologist who is having dating issues right now. How did it help her?

 

You see, its issues like that which I find intriguing. Then again, maybe she doesn't apply those psychological principles in her personal life. Psychology is after all, a "soft science" as one would expect it to be.

[Babolat]

What are your own opinions on that? It doesn't mean to go out and obtain a Ph.D in Psychology, but at least have some understanding of it and a lot of the universals in people's behavior.

 

A lot of dating sessions and relationships have to be, to a fair degree "felt out" but also thought out as well. Wouldn't help to be aware of some of the psychological sand traps that many of us fall into like projecting your own emotions and opinions about yourself onto others, thinking they view you like you do yourself as well as other thinking fallacies?

 

It came to mind and I was just curious to any thoughts on this.

 

No

 

I have minor in Psychology, and I love to study and read people. I don't think having this knowledge makes me a better dater, or a better person. I do think it gives me some of the tools to have a better relationship, once in one.

 

I think experience, counseling/therapy, and a forum like LS, is more helpful when it comes to figuring out dating, really figuring out yourself in my opinion.

 

I get your point though, and it's an interestiong one.

[Skyraider829]

It would be a complete waste of time. Stop trying to apply science and reason to the inherently illogical.

 

With all do respect, psychology is not a hard science so it sits in the same category as sociology.

 

I'm not talking about turning a date into some experimental situation that is described by concrete theories, I'm merely suggesting it as a sort of guideline - in a general way.

[soccerrprp]

You see, its issues like that which I find intriguing. Then again, maybe she doesn't apply those psychological principles in her personal life. Psychology is after all, a "soft science" as one would expect it to be.

 

It's b/c it's a "soft" science as you put it that makes it difficult for even the practitioners of that field to apply to themselves. There is SO much subjectivity that it becomes difficult to use the same measures you use on one's patients to oneself. She's in the stages of writing a book about her relationships and dating and says that she gets annoyed when people are surprised that she's having the same problems as anyone else. She feels that people believe that she should have ALL of her ducks in a row, w/o personal problems of her own b/c she's a psychologist.

 

It's unfair and unreasonable in this case.

[Skyraider829]

I have minor in Psychology, and I love to study and read people. I don't think having this knowledge makes me a better dater, or a better person. I do think it gives me some of the tools to have a better relationship, once in one.

 

That's what I'm talking about, exactly. It gives some sort of foundation and can be a worthy tool when it comes to interpersonal dynamics.

[Skyraider829]

It's b/c it's a "soft" science as you put it that makes it difficult for even the practitioners of that field to apply to themselves. There is SO much subjectivity that it becomes difficult to use the same measures you use on one's patients to oneself. She's in the stages of writing a book about her relationships and dating and says that she gets annoyed when people are surprised that she's having the same problems as anyone else. She feels that people believe that she should have ALL of her ducks in a row, w/o personal problems of her own b/c she's a psychologist.

 

You hit the nail right on the head. That is the problem with it, too much subjectivism.

Hence, you extract the rigors and objectivity from a hard science. Its pseudoscientific but its efficacy is a variable depending on what particular case its applied to.

 

But, you do have some intersubjective relations that are very common place amongst people and psychology can, in some cases treat that as a quasi-objective case.

This is generalizing to a small degree, because well, no one is perfectly readable but at least there may be some overall guidelines as I said before that most could agree upon in certain instances, personally or socially and therefore apply those "guidelines" in whatever situation they may be in and learn from it.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Skyraider829

[Philosopher]

The vast majority of men and women, both now and in the past managed to find their partner with studying psychology in too much detail and most of them seem to be happy in their relationship. Therefore while I can see how it could be useful it does not seem that essential.

[fortyninethousand322]

I took college level psychology in high school (I got college credit but failed the course for high school credit). Outside of the biological/chemical stuff (which was very hard to grasp as a 16 year old) I found the subject pretty useless.

 

A lot of the studies and experiments can't be replicated, and there's an over reporting of positive findings. I would treat the field of psychology with a lot of skepticism.

 

On top of that, a lot of people who struggle dating should not be out there trying to over think everything. They need to shut their brains off sometimes.

[KathyM]

Agreed, for the most part. Etiquette would be beneficial, certainly. Psychology? Not so certain. Psychology is not a "true" science in my opinion. It is not consistently predictable and so many unobservable factors come into play. My worry would be that schools would place an equivalence for it to the other pure sciences. At our school, where I teach, we dropped Psychology as a "science" and placed it in the "electives" realm. Rightfully so, imho.

 

Anyway, though it would be helpful and interesting, it can also get people self-psychoanalyzing, fretting, self-diagnosing, etc. Worse, analyzing, diagnosing others with disorders, issues that simply do not exist. 99.9% people do fine w/o psychology as a course of study to function as best they can. Helpful, maybe. Interesting, certainly. I am also cautious about the notion that b/c you have studied psychology that it would necessarily, to any level, help oneself. Like in my earlier post, I have a psychologist friend who has had a miserable time with dating, relationships...it sure isn't helping her. And they, behavioral professionals will be among the first to admit that their line of work has little of no bearing on their own personal success in relationships, etc.

 

I dated a woman who is a psychologist. Let me tell you, she was eager to suggest some diagnoses that were WAY off base. And goodness knows, many times, such diagnoses are simply not accurate.

Some psychologists are better than others. Some are trained and educated better than others. I know my professor who taught the Maladaptive Behaviors course that I took was extremely strict in her requirements of her students and gave us tests every week to make sure we knew and had memorized all of the different maladaptive diagnoses, all of their criteria/symptoms, so we were well educated and skilled at making diagnoses. I noticed a lot of other psychology schools were not emphasizing diagnosis to such an extent, since the trainees/interns from other colleges didn't seem to be able to diagnose as well, from my observation. But diagnosis of illness is definitely not something for an introductory psychology class, which should focus more on the basics of how our thinking and behavior develops, developmental stages, how our thoughts can affect our moods and emotions, and more basic stuff.

[BluEyeL]

I see others already suggested some of the things I was thinking on this topic. I personally found that in the absence of personal experience, studying a bit of psychology, and targeted to your project (dating in this case), not the entire field, is a good start. Keyword being start. It's not, however, a replacement for personal experience. If one studies psychology, we don't know if they understand what they study, just that they memorized some stuff and passed some exams. Can they actually apply what they learned in real life? It could be an entirely different story. So yes, there is no guarantee whatsoever that a psychologist will make sound decisions in their personal life.

 

Overall, I'm not sure about psychology as a field/discipline, but I think self help books are useful. I used a lot of self help books in the past, on different topics, and they really helped me. That's because when I'm having a problem, I'm sure I'm not unique and others had the same problem before me, so I might go through fewer mistakes if I have some information beforehand from others' experience. Still, in dating, I had to go through some experiences myself to have the ideas sink in. Unwanted side effect is indeed overanalyzing and obsessing over fitting a relationship within a certain pattern. I'm finding myself giving deadlines to my relationship "this should happen by this time, this by this", and I'm not sure if that's really helpful. When I first dated my ex husband, none of these crossed my mind and if I think about it, I displayed a sleuth of what I'd consider today as embarassing behaviors, and I'd never do those now. I also put up with a lot of things I wouldn't put up with now. But didn't think much of either 20 years ago. However, that didn't work out, so maybe, if I read those self help books, I would have dumped him 19 years ago )

 

So overall, studying psychology, no, not useful, reading a couple of good self-help books would be a good start and helpful.

[Skyraider829]

It shouldn't be essential, of course not, LOL. But some people might be able to extract some principles in psychology as tools to help in certain circumstances. It doesn't give answers, no - but it can at least to some, provide a guide to a resolution they will eventually reach on their own accord.

[BluEyeL]

Also, I'd like to add that it depends how you read the books and how you understand them. I was reading the other day on Mark Katz's blog, a comment of a lady who said that she applied the advice to let the guy chase, and the guy who she was dating for about one month left her citing that she never initiates anything and he's tired of doing all the work. That's an example of how wrong people understand things. The advice to let the man chase doesn't mean you just sit completely passive, but just let him initiate slightly more, while you initiate some of the time yourself, just don't suffocate the guy, as some girls tend to.

[KathyM]

With all do respect, psychology is not a hard science so it sits in the same category as sociology.

 

I'm not talking about turning a date into some experimental situation that is described by concrete theories, I'm merely suggesting it as a sort of guideline - in a general way.

True, psychology is not a hard science. It is a fluid science based moreso on theory, rather than fact, and it changes over time as more studies are done, and more findings published, and more approaches developed, tried and studied.