why are so many people mean to highly attractive/generally happy/successful others??

[creativelyobsessed]

i want to know this -- because i am nice to EVERYONE. i have a lot of respect for others, rarely cut people off on the road, always smile at people waiting on me even when i am having a really bad day...

 

but more and more it seems that the more i WORK on myself, on being happy and accepting myself, the more attrition it seems i face from strangers. of course, this is not 100% of the time -- smiling and being helpful to others feels wonderful and it goes a long way. but GEEZUS what is wrong with people in general?

 

it seems like 50% of the people i deal with on a daily basis (i'm in sales) whether they are potential or existing customers or just bystanders are simply rude, crude or bummed out.

 

when i go out to bars, there are those people -- i don't know where they come from -- who sneer or evil eye me. i NEVER do that! i want to know, how does a person who does that really feel inside? what does it feel like to be THAT jealous? i'm assuming this IS in fact jealousy.

 

why can't people just fix themselves instead of being jealous haters?! i have had my terrible, tough bouts in life just like anyone else. but the more in control and the happier i feel, the more bad energy i feel from other people.

 

is it just me? can anyone add to this? why are people so threatened by what they SEE instead of what they KNOW?

[Moose]

Boy do I know where you're coming from. A lot of people can't be happy, or comfortable unless there is suffering or tragedy around them. I've reached the point to where it doesn't bother me anymore. I figure, hey, it's not my fault they're all miserable and chose not to do anything about it. I'll be in a good mood no matter what kind of reaction I'm going to get.

 

I don't know if it's jealousy or not. I hang around of lot of low class, middle class people and I get stares from their families and friends. I don't know if they think since I have a nice car/clothes, all my teeth, white too!!! hehe, that I'm showing off or what. I know that some of them do. I try to play it off telling them up front that hey, it's not a real lambroghini, it's a kit car, or my brother gave me these clothes, or, this is a hand me down cell phone....but it doesn't do any good.

 

So I quit trying. Let them be, they can be jealous, think I'm showing off, or that I'm just a plain jerk.....I don't care anymore. I'm not letting people bring me down.

[savethedrama4allama]

People are pretty nice to me in general. Maybe I'm uglier than you guys, my stuff isn't as nice, my teeth aren't as white, my car isn't as fancy..

 

 

Do you guys get my point?

[Moose]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

People are pretty nice to me in general. Maybe I'm uglier than you guys, my stuff isn't as nice, my teeth aren't as white, my car isn't as fancy..

 

 

Do you guys get my point?

 

I get your point, but what's so wrong with having those things? Why do people have to be so rude and look at us like we're the plague?

[loveregardless]

I think people generally have a bad additude towards people they perceive as fake or materialistic. I think any woman that I see wearing a sh*t load of makep, a blouse that costs more than it would to feed a small village, with her hair obviously having been done within the last two weeks at what I'm sure was a very expensive salon, her nails perfectly manicured, with her matching prada purse and shoes, and an air of condesention about her, is pathetic. I think a man who drives around in a car that costs more than most peoples houses, wearing equally as expensive clothing and shoes, with his cell phone attached to his ear, who flaunts his Visa Platinum to attract women, and has an air of condesention about him, is pathetic.

 

I think that when you intentionally surround yourself with items that convey wealth and a facade of beauty you are asking to be disliked. I'm not saying that EITHER OF YOU DO THESE THINGS, but many do, and I as well as many others, just think its pathetic. I am certainly FAR from JEALOUS of people who surround themselves with materialistic "wealth"...it means nothing to me. And NOT because I couldn't have those things if I WANTED them...but I have no desire for "stuff".

 

I don't waste money on expensive clothing that small children made in sweat shops.

I don't waste my money on getting my nails and hair done every two weeks.

I don't wear makeup at all.

I don't drive an expensive car.

I don't even own a cell phone.

My teeth are naturally perfectly straight, but have never been artificially whitened.

 

So, I'm not sure if that answered either of your questions, but if you think people are jealous of you, then you must think your pretty hot sh*t, and that is a definite additude problem. So of course if people pick up on that, "I know your jealous of me" additude they are gonna shoot ya dirty looks....makes sense to me.

 

And I'm not trying to be mean to either of you, I am just trying to show you the perspective of the people you think are so miserable. Now are far as them just being miserable people and having their own additude problems, is that really a shocker to anyone? People are miserable! Our entire society is miserable, lack minded, needy, whiney, selfish and NEVER satisfied.

 

BTW, I don't know how to spell condesention and LS spell check SUX.

[savethedrama4allama]

I'm saying, maybe your looks or stuff aren't better at all, you just think they are. Maybe what people are turned off by is your attitude.

 

I don't know you, and I'm not trying to make you angry, but its an observation and worth some thought.

 

Someone who thinks that people are jealous and hate them because they're good looking, wealthy, smart, etc (calling people "jealous haters") sound pretty full of themselves, right? Perhaps that is what people pick up on and dislike?

[tiki]

They are mad because you have it and they don't. It's jealousy.

 

Continue to treat them the same way no matter what. Show them that you too are human underneath, no matter how hot you may be!

[loveregardless]

I completely AGREE!

[Sukotto]

Because these jealous people think that you've got to where you are easily and think they can never achieve it themselves, the usually dont have any self confidence and no one is willing to give them advice on how to change that. Go back to college, get a qualification, find a better job etc.

 

I have to deal with it a fair bit too, I did do alot of things that my ex wished that caused some jealousy with people as they thought it was me just flaunting my money.

 

She complained about my car, it was an old banger that I had been driving for a year. So i went and bought a nice new car that was relatively up market for someone of my age.

 

She complained about my teeth being slightly yellow (they've always been) so I paid to have them whitened

 

I paid for the two of us to go on holiday spur of the moment just because

 

 

I use to get looks from my friends and her friends too, the thing is I worked hard to get where I am. I may have fell into the job but I work long hard hours.

[Moose]

My point is that I try not to come off like I'm all that. I really do. I built my car from a kit with my own two hands, I have pics and tapes to prove it. I'm currently working another one too. They aren't expensive when you get the kits and buy a 1200.00 Fiero and get your hands dirty.

 

As far as my clothes, I have to dress nice for work. Most of my clothing are write offs anyway so I tend to spend more than a person usually would. I certainly don't walk into a room and flash my credit cards or constently have my cell phone glued to my ear.

 

So, I'm not sure if that answered either of your questions, but if you think people are jealous of you, then you must think your pretty hot sh*t, and that is a definite additude problem. So of course if people pick up on that, "I know your jealous of me" additude they are gonna shoot ya dirty looks....makes sense to me.

 

What are you saying here LR? That I think I'm hot s***? And that I have an attitude problem? Just because I notice some of the stares and talking under one's breath? That I think people are jealous of me? If I know what people were thinking, then why would I be curious about their reactions? Why would I want to know what others are thinking when they do look at me like that?

 

You're a long ways to knowing me.

[loveregardless]

I am SOO friggin tired of you taking MY words out of context, even when other people say the same damn sh*t as me, just because you want to argue with ME.

 

What about this part Moose

I'm not saying that EITHER OF YOU DO THESE THINGS

Which I made sure to put in just so that you wouldn't do this exact thing.

 

If you say, PEOPLE ARE JEALOUS OF ME, you are conveying to all of us that you think there is a REASON for people to be jealous of you. If you don't think people are jealous of you then I wasn't talking to you was I?

 

You really need to get over your combative additude with me in every friggin thread. It's tiring. Why don't you jump down dramas throat for saying the exact same thing as I did?

 

Seriously...could you not be so ridiculous and stop putting words into MY mouth. For goodness sakes already it is SO OLD!

 

Reading the beginning of your post I was going to tell you that you had nothing to worry about then. If you know you work hard for what you have, then don't worry about the looks. But I suppose I should just keep the nice comments to myself since you have no desire to see that side of me.

[testin]

well i have really noticed this in the past 15 years that people in general are hateful and wont give you the time of day in most cases as that is bothering them so they say or think.

i think its due to the fast paced world and women working as hard if not harder than some men.

actually i call it crap as its a shame that people have fell to this point all for the greed and hunger for riches and i have more than u have and my house is bigger than yours and my car cost as much as your house does and i am better than you syndrome

also i dont see where it makes any difference wheter u r all dressed up and looking fantastic or u r in just plain ole clothes as the reaction is the same either way.i goto the local mall here in charlotte nc and see some of the most stuckup type people there is and its not just here but in any place like this u goto

 

actually i caught myself in that illusional syndrome a few years back and have done my best to keep myself outta that train of thought and instead now when i goto the grocery store or wally world or the like and i see people sitting at the entrance on a bench or the like i will walk by them and say hello, its a gorgeous day isnt it and sometimes shake their hand(s) and honestly if we all tried this it might rub off but either way it will make u feel great inside.

 

people need to really understand that GOD is gettin pissed as he watches this go on and after the wtc bombing people grew much closer but only for a short time unfortunatly but trust me GOD will show his wrath again soon to show people u r NOT livin right

 

im doin my part

 

r u?

[Elmo]

Originally posted by creativelyobsessed

i want to know this -- because i am nice to EVERYONE. i have a lot of respect for others, rarely cut people off on the road, always smile at people waiting on me even when i am having a really bad day...

 

but more and more it seems that the more i WORK on myself, on being happy and accepting myself, the more attrition it seems i face from strangers. of course, this is not 100% of the time -- smiling and being helpful to others feels wonderful and it goes a long way. but GEEZUS what is wrong with people in general?

 

it seems like 50% of the people i deal with on a daily basis (i'm in sales) whether they are potential or existing customers or just bystanders are simply rude, crude or bummed out.

 

when i go out to bars, there are those people -- i don't know where they come from -- who sneer or evil eye me. i NEVER do that! i want to know, how does a person who does that really feel inside? what does it feel like to be THAT jealous? i'm assuming this IS in fact jealousy.

 

why can't people just fix themselves instead of being jealous haters?! i have had my terrible, tough bouts in life just like anyone else. but the more in control and the happier i feel, the more bad energy i feel from other people.

 

is it just me? can anyone add to this? why are people so threatened by what they SEE instead of what they KNOW?

 

If this happens ALOT I would wonder what I was doing to bring this on.

 

I'm not sure people are threatened by your incredible beauty. Perhaps it may be an attitude thing.

 

I live in LA, have worked in the film business...seen alot of gorgeous people. Some related to others wonderfully, some did not.

 

Just MHO.

[Barby]

I'm saying, maybe your looks or stuff aren't better at all, you just think they are. Maybe what people are turned off by is your attitude.

 

Exactly what i was thinking. BUT if indeed you are nice and respectful to others and don't act like you think you are better than them then just ignore it when they act rude. If you are genuine and nice then you know you're in the right. If they don't like you or give you the time of day then it's their wrongness and loss now isn't it?

 

I think people generally have a bad additude towards people they perceive as fake or materialistic. I think any woman that I see wearing a sh*t load of makep, a blouse that costs more than it would to feed a small village, with her hair obviously having been done within the last two weeks at what I'm sure was a very expensive salon, her nails perfectly manicured, with her matching prada purse and shoes, and an air of condesention about her, is pathetic. I think a man who drives around in a car that costs more than most peoples houses, wearing equally as expensive clothing and shoes, with his cell phone attached to his ear, who flaunts his Visa Platinum to attract women, and has an air of condesention about him, is pathetic.

 

Again agreed. If you must cover or surrond yourself in such lavish, expensive, attention seeking items (these expensive things are bought and worn/displayed obviously so others will know you have them)...you must be afraid that w/out them you aren't much. (not you but people in general).

[binkelstein]

i have noticed a couple things about myself. i am, when i choose to be, what i call "upper-cute." not beautiful but pretty. i'm very approachable (i'm a journalist, it's my job to be approachable) and i love talking to people. however, some women, usually the competitive types, don't take to me.

 

i thought it was the way i looked for a long, long time. perhaps even some of it is. however, it was called to my attention eventually that my approachability is interpreted as serious flirtiness, which sometimes offends people. in fact, i had dinner with a high school boyfriend the other night, who i hadn't seen in years, and later he said "god, i was just getting a serious vibe off you like you were about to take my clothes off and ride me ragged." which was about the farthest thing from my mind. go figure. so there is THAT aspect.

 

also, from men as well as women, most notably a couple of guys i dated, i noticed a tendency to tear me down, work wise. i.e. "oh, you're not THAT important, surely" or "wouldn't you have more recognition if you were that good at your job?" and so forth. i have since quit that job but at the time i was a network anchor, not to be catty but that's about as successful as i could have gotten in that field, so i can only conclude that they were intimidated.

 

however, i've never really gotten the evil eye or bad vibes in bars or places like that except maybe from one or two people who probably thought i was a boyfriend-stealer. that could be attitude or perception on your parts.

 

just my 2 cents.

[VivianLee]

God forbid...my first year at the highschool I graduated from...I won their first "beauty pageant".....all the chicks hated me anyway...after that, I actually had threats that they were going to beat me up!!

 

There are some people that are going to be jealous no matter what, it's just in their nature!

 

A person can be attractive and successful and still be loved by all they come in contact with. It's about personality and charisma.

 

You may be very attractive and have what others want BUT you can make them feel like they are wonderful by finding positive things about them.

 

I compliment alot but I ONLY do it about things a person really does that should be complimented. If someone tells me good news, shows me something they are excited about, I ALWAYS take the time be there to cheer them on or make over their situation.

 

If you are an attractive person, you get used to receiving compliments all the time, make sure you don't get so caught up in them that you don't see the other attractive or nice, wonderful people around you. Beauty and success can be fleeting BUT a kind heart and a good personality can last your whole life!

 

I have found some people that are going to be jealous and can't be persuaded to be any other way, that's their problem.

 

Jealousy is petty and makes a person's life small and pathetic.

 

My best friend is 10 yrs younger than I. It's easier for her to lose those pesky 10lbs, have more energy and remember things!! It would be easy when I see her walk in when we are going out and feel a twinge of jealousy for her youthfulnesss but instead I tell her how lovely she looks or how proud I am of something she accomplishes...when I was younger, I felt I was in competition all the time to be the most attractive and best in everything, I found out I actually did better in life by cheering others on and encouraging them for their accomplishments.....

 

I think that is the cool thing about aging...wisdom and peace...

 

Okay I've rambled all over this subject....

 

Just make sure you smile, compliment and don't get too in to yourself....if you walk in a room smiling....you can give off vibes that keep people from thinking "they are gorgeous, I bet they are a snob"

 

I will say that it can make a person feel a bit shy when people stare at you when you walk in a room or whisper, I still get a bit unnerved when I see people still looking after I sit down or am still eating (it could be in my case they are wondering what basketball team that tall chick played for! )....but just smile and try to be comfortable in your skin....then others will be comfortable around you!!

 

If God gave you a nice face and figure, there is nothing wrong with that, it shouldn't be what you are all about but it's still a good thing!

 

If you are blessed with success, that is nothing wrong with that either.....

 

(LR....you'd just love me...I put a good bit of money into the cosmetic companies every month, as I type this, I'm wearing a facial mask that will close my pores and cause my skin to glow!! )

[loveregardless]

haha, I love facial treatments and good cleansing products (like Aveda, natural of course), but how can you show off your glowing skin if it's hiding under your cosmetic investments?

 

There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup to get extra special fancy for some reason, or if it makes you FEEL better about yourself, I just don't need it and it doesn't do anything for how I feel about myself. So it's really not a necessity for me, unless I'm getting extra special fancy.

 

And I'm not saying people who like "stuff" are bad, (I think people who are materialistic-ally obsessive like I described are a bit... confused) I'm just not one of them, it's just not worth the money to me...I've got Jew in my blood anyway, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

[VivianLee]

Originally posted by loveregardless

haha, I love facial treatments and good cleansing products (like Aveda, natural of course), but how can you show off your glowing skin if it's hiding under your cosmetic investments?

 

There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup to get extra special fancy for some reason, or if it makes you FEEL better about yourself, I just don't need it and it doesn't do anything for how I feel about myself. So it's really not a necessity for me, unless I'm getting extra special fancy.

 

And I'm not saying people who like "stuff" are bad, (I think people who are materialistic-ally obsessive like I described are a bit... confused) I'm just not one of them, it's just not worth the money to me...I've got Jew in my blood anyway, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

 

 

Well.....see I bet you are one of those lucky chicks that are naturally pretty! There NOTHING natural about my beauty....hun, if I didn't wear makeup, I'd scare small children and would have NEVER gotten married!!

 

Now for the Jewish part....I don't know....my Great-Grandfather was a Russian-Jew and his daughter, her daughter AND myself love to spend money!!

[loveregardless]

[Moose]

I agree with you Viv. Be comfortable in your skin. Another thing that people do along this line is assume that I can't handle anything too physical. There was one time in particular where I bought an engine and went to go pick it up. It was pulled out of an old, old corvette. The salvage yard I got it from still had it on the cherry picker and wanted to lower it into the bed of the truck. So I back the truck up, jumped in the bed to help guide it in. One of the guys there said, "You sure you wanna help? This could get messy, and heavy too". The tone that he said it in was what's important. Had he of been cordial about it, and not sounding sarcastic, I would of assumed he was just trying to be nice. But this wasn't the case.

 

I think that people judge others by how they dress, carry themselves, and act. My 2nd Step-Dad owns a couple fireworks warehouses, has a LOT of dough. But if you met him out in the middle of nowhere with his holy jeans, ripped flannel shirt, and dirty greasy john deer hat, you'd think he was living social security check to social security check.

 

I'm trying to dress down more whenever I go out besides work. And I have noticed a difference. But now that this thread started, I'm going to study people a little harder and learn something.

[loveregardless]

it sounds like you are not doing anything wrong at all Moose and you should definetely not let other people's additude problems bother you. Some people are jealous and miserable and hateful and don't understand the concept of hard work at all. They will always covet and envy what the hard working man has. And you shouldn't have to dress down to avoid people's negativity, dress how you are comfortable...like Viv said, as long as your comfortable in your skin, thats what matters. My dad is a VERY hard working man who has worked his way from poor to well off, who wears Wranglers and Crew shirts he buys onsale at Wallmart, and then spends his money on "man toys". Everyone has a different definition of what makes them happy, as long as you are, don't worry about the fact that others aren't.

[tokyo]

The question: "Why are so many people mean to highly attractive/generally happy/successful others??" seems trivial to me and actually I thought the topic had some more concealed meaning.

 

People get jealous when they see someone who possess these attributes, this is part of human nature, you have something that they want. The other possibility is maybe they get intimidated, so they react with distance till they have figured out if they can or should like you or not.

 

I also may say that I believe that many people who claim to be nice to everybody, but get bad vibes back, probably get these reactions as they appear weak when they don´t have self-confidence and that makes them an easy victim for the bullies. They let themselves get pushed by other people and that´s the problem, not the fact that they are nice. I know many people who are always in a good mood and always very polite and they have many many friends. They are very sweet, but not insecure and that´s the difference. I also don´t think that these people really bother to complain about the meanness of this world. They are most often not oversensitive and do not assume malice in every corner, but are usually very understanding when a person is not in a good mood. That makes them very appealing to other people who react with friendliness. Most people would like to think they are great and nice people and they will react pleased when you approach them with a positive prejudice without being servile.

 

That much said, creativelyobsessed, I don´t think the main problem are the others, I think you are a bit insecure and trying to please to much other people and they sense it, it kind of brings the worst out of them, maybe, or maybe you are just misinterpreting their behavior. If it´s not of the above then you are just not very lucky with the people you met at the moment, but I´m sure that will change, no unhappiness last for ever.

 

Good luck

[tiki]

Hey, ya never know...they could be staring cuz you're ugly. And ugly cuts to the bone.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by tiki

Hey, ya never know...they could be staring cuz you're ugly. And ugly cuts to the bone.

 

Tiki! You´re here to support people! Bad girl

[tiki]

Okay, okay. But seriously. They could be staring at your big honker of a nose.

 

Ya know, when people are THAT vain, they can't see outside of this little box.

 

But I do think that people are naturally jealous....

 

Like me for instance, LR said she didn't have to wear make-up and I automatically can't stand her! I'm jealous.