Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Leigh 87]

When are you seeing him again?

 

 

 

We spent a whole day together with nothing sexual.

 

He wanted to see me today. The first time he was free.

 

I made plans with a friend instead and suggested tomorrow.

 

We are just hanging out.

[Weezy1973]

OP - if the guy loses interest in you it has nothing to do with you being "worthy" enough or "amazing" enough. It has to do with compatibility. I'm certain you're plenty amazing (as is everyone) and worthy of being loved (as is everyone). Doesn't mean you're compatible with this guy though. Only time will tell...

[Leigh 87]

I think you need to stop with this talk Leigh, about how you are "enough" or "great" (I get you didn't say that here) or "amazing" or whatever. Whether he keeps on being into you or not isn't all about how "enough" you might be or not, it is instead a lot about what is happening on his end.

 

I've made the mistake of coming on way too strong to women when I was younger a couple of times, and when I did it I really believed this was it. And then within a few months I wondered what I had gotten myself into. IN EACH CASE the woman was "enough".

 

Thanks for sharing. What ended up happening that made you change your mind about them? You just were suited? You never had the it factor to begin with?

 

I'm going to slow it down and stop getting too carried away. Hard when a guy tells me I'm amazing and he has never liked a girl this much this fast. Thing is, I believe him.

 

I don't assume we will stay together. I just think it COULD work out.

 

There's only one way to find out.

[Imajerk17]

Thanks for sharing. What ended up happening that made you change your mind about them? You just were suited? You never had the it factor to begin with?

 

I'm going to slow it down and stop getting too carried away. Hard when a guy tells me I'm amazing and he has never liked a girl this much this fast. Thing is, I believe him.

 

I don't assume we will stay together. I just think it COULD work out.

 

There's only one way to find out.

 

I really don't know. I guess I just had one chemical reaction that made me feel that she's amazing" and then I had another chemical reaction that made me want to run away.

 

It wasn't fair to the woman. It even wasn't anything she did.

 

At any rate, I've learned to be a little more measured in expressing my feelings early on, not because I am into "playing games" but because I know that strong early feelings are just a chemical rush most likely and I need to be careful lest I make promises to someone that I cannot keep.

[Leigh 87]

OP - if the guy loses interest in you it has nothing to do with you being "worthy" enough or "amazing" enough. It has to do with compatibility. I'm certain you're plenty amazing (as is everyone) and worthy of being loved (as is everyone). Doesn't mean you're compatible with this guy though. Only time will tell...

 

 

 

I agree. I already knew that a lot of partners split even though they think each other amazing.

 

There has to be something special about a guy for me to want to date them. An it factor. A spark. I turn down perfectly fine guys because I lack that initial drive that makes two people not want to stop talking. That makes them think about each other a lot m

[Leigh 87]

I really don't know. I guess I just had one chemical reaction that made me feel that she's amazing" and then I had another chemical reaction that made me want to run away.

 

It wasn't fair to the woman. It even wasn't anything she did.

 

At any rate, I've learned to be a little more measured in expressing my feelings early on, not because I am into "playing games" but because I know that strong early feelings are just a chemical rush most likely and I need to be careful lest I make promises to someone that I cannot keep.

 

 

 

Okay sure. So I'm thinking to acknowledge that yes we feel something special we felt was missing from others we have met. We shouldw enjoy this great feeling but not get too carried away insofar as commitment and plans are concerned?

 

I will enjoy him but won't think ahead of time.

 

Right now I'm just enjoying a serge of feelings. I honestly don't have any expectations. I mean, sure. It would be nice if things worked out and we have a long and happy relationship.

 

I'm not going to count it though.

[CarrieT]

I think he likes me for reasons other than sex.

Then withhold the sex for a while and see how long he sticks around.

[Leigh 87]

Then withhold the sex for a while and see how long he sticks around.

 

 

 

You know what? I will.

[Star Gazer]

You know what? I will.

 

For how long? 3 minutes?

[Leigh 87]

For how long? 3 minutes?

 

 

 

I'll agree to fool around every few dates but not every time we see each other.

 

I'm going to explain that we did it rather soon, which was great, however; I am interested to see how compatible we are without sex.

 

I think I'm a cool enough person for a guy to want to be with and I don't think sex was all he wanted.

 

I'll actually be surprised if he leaves over it.

 

He seems legitimately into me.

 

He has said he loves spending time with me.

 

I don't think sex was the only thing he was after.

[Leigh 87]

He seems more into pleasing me than getting off himself.

 

I think he'll love being with me enough to go without sex for a few weeks.

 

I believe sex will feel much better due to the wait. Once we are more sure about each other.

[Leigh 87]

There you go again with the "enough."

 

Please get this through your head. I'm quite sure you're "cool enough." That has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. If he dumps you, it has nothing to do with you not being "enough" of ANYTHING. If he loves you, it's not because you're "enough" of anything. If you guys just decide next week that it was fun while it lasted, but meh, THAT doesn't mean you're not "enough" of anything.

 

This whole line of thinking shows me that you are NOT emotionally healthy.

 

You are who you are. You are "enough." You look the way you look. That's "enough" too. People are going to like or not like you. Not everyone will react to you the same way. This doesn't mean that you weren't "enough" of something.

 

The most beautiful, cool, funny girl on the planet has just as much chance of getting hurt in a relationship as an average girl.

 

All YOU can do is handle yourself with dignity and honor yourself. Stop trying so desperately to prove something; it's not working.

 

And, if your experiment (which I don't believe you'll carry out but whatever) of "agreeing to fool around every couple of dates" results in this guy drifting off, that does NOT necessarily mean that he was "ONLY" after sex.

 

It probably would just mean that nothing was really happening. But NOTHING to do with whether you're "cool enough."

 

Please try to wrap your head around that.

 

 

 

 

First of all, you gave misunderstood what I really think.

 

I DO THINK every single thing you have posted.

 

I 100% believe that irrespective of how beautiful of "awesome" a person is, that NO ONE is immune to a guy not being into them.

 

Hello - my friends are either models or model look alikes - one of them, Kristina, has only ever been lied to or cheated on by pretty much EVERY guy she has been with.

 

She is FUNNY. She has a good personality! She is finishing a really good degree that will have her become very well off. She is also a model.

 

So yeah. I sort of already KNEW that being "enough" has nothing to do with the sort of person you are; you either have something compelling about you, a unique combination of chemical, physical, and other characteristics, that draw a person into you. Or you don't.

 

I ALWAYS remind people that it just does not always work out between people, and it has NOTHING to do with how "hot" they are.

 

Believe me, you have misunderstood me and explained a notion I am WELL versed on.

[Leigh 87]

What I meant by my inferences to enough, was this:

 

Some rude poster said that this guy is probably not that into me and is only into the sex.

 

I said that, with all my issues aside, I still think there is a good chance this guy IS actually into ME. The person. Not just my vagina.

 

I explained that I am confident enough about myself to think that a guy who has sex with me early on, can also feel strongly about ME. And being around me.

[Leigh 87]

By the way - I have a fringe now and it looks really nice.

 

I have decided to keep seeing this guy because he makes me STUPIDLY happy.

 

So lets discuss my views on dating. I may as well ensure I am not too rusty at dating, since I went about dating my last ex all wrong and overlooked red flags.

 

- if he does not call or text regularly, I am not on his mind. A once a day text or call is what I consider to be " one his mind". Unless he is extremely busy and he is introverted and likes to take things slow with EVERY girl he is seeing.

This guy, whilst doing his commerce degree, was the manage at a restaurant and deals with people a lot, so it is safe to say he is not an introvert.

 

- if he does not arrange to see me once a week at least, and he puts his friends always before seeing me, he is not that into me.

 

- he should not be weird about introducing me to his friends. How soon should he be comfortable with that, by the way?

 

So far I met one of his friends, his best friend, when we were out that night. This best friend of his was the one who told him that he was an idiot for leaving me to go and meet his other lost friend who needed his guidance ( he later came looking for me but it was extremely crowded so I am lucky he found me!)

 

- He should just make it known that he is thinking about me often. Through daily texts or phone calls.

 

- the texts and phone calls do not have to be incessant, but once a day at least.

 

......................................................................

 

- I know he could change his mind about me, in the manner in which the other male poster described. I am cool with taking that risk of getting hurt, through being with this guy and being OKAY with any consequences.

 

- I know we will not kiss 24/7 after the "Honeymood" period wares off. If we make it that far.

 

- I realise guys can lie and cheat. I am so happy right not with him I am fine with risking getting hurt.

 

- I think I should not invest much and look at him as something in life top be enjoyed.

 

..............................

 

 

 

How long and what are the signs that I should start investing more?

 

My best friend and her new guy fell in love within a month or two, and are very serious and 100% invested already.

 

He is for real. They are the real deal.

 

I have a belief that if a guy is truly falling hard for you and you are also compatible, you both know EARLY ON if you are falling in love.

 

I do not believe it takes MONTHS to figure out your in love.

 

....................................................................................

 

I also realise that he kissing and him telling me I am amazing each meeting will dissipate and real life will kick in.

[Leigh 87]

I have decided to let this guy go, and stop bothering with things.

 

If he wants to hang out cool.

 

He will make it clear if he badly wants to be with me.

 

He has not texted at all today.

 

I know most guys will text you each day if you're on their mind.

 

I realised that he was likely just infatuated with me and thought I was an amazing girl, but it is too early to know his true feelings or who he truly is.

 

As far as I am concerned, I am very single. And not looking.

 

This guy was fun, but I have no idea if it will amount to anything long lasting.

 

I will give this guy a chance if he contacts me tomorrow.

 

I am certain, from the vibe he gives me and the way he acts towards me, that he will not go tomorrow without contacting me, since he was very eager to see me again.

 

I need a guy who shows me I am on his mind my daily texts though, just a quick hello or goodnight text.

 

Am I wrong to think that if a guy is that into you, he won't go a whole day/night without a text?

 

Or are there guys out there who will wait until the next day, when they plan to meet you, to text?

[Bluebelle38]

Wow. Just Wow.

 

If the guy only knew this was all on the internet about him, he would no doubt run a mile and never look back.

 

Your whole life revolves around men and how amazing they think you are. I don't think you are amazing. I think you are very troubled.

 

I really hope for your own sake you sort out your issues because no man will accept this kind of overbearing obsession for long.

 

You can lash out at me all you like, but you really need help. Maybe it is all this hanging out with models that has made you feel not as attractive and is at the root of this insecure trait of voicing ad nauseum how great you are. Whatever it is, it is really off-putting.

 

You sound shallow and really messed up. It's sad.

[Leigh 87]

Wow. Just Wow.

 

If the guy only knew this was all on the internet about him, he would no doubt run a mile and never look back.

 

Your whole life revolves around men and how amazing they think you are. I don't think you are amazing. I think you are very troubled.

 

I really hope for your own sake you sort out your issues because no man will accept this kind of overbearing obsession for long.

 

You can lash out at me all you like, but you really need help. Maybe it is all this hanging out with models that has made you feel not as attractive and is at the root of this insecure trait of voicing ad nauseum how great you are. Whatever it is, it is really off-putting.

 

You sound shallow and really messed up. It's sad.

 

 

I tend to believe my friends in real life over people like you who don't actually know me:)

 

And yes turns out he is not into me. He has not messaged me all day or night. Despite saying he wanted to see me "so badly" tomorrow.

 

I don't really care. It happens all the time to women. Men who come on strong, only to realise they don't want the girl after all:lmao:

 

I don't think I will have a shortage of other men who like me so it is all good.

 

And I am not shallow I am realistic. I am not the hottest person out there at all, but there are always SOME men around me who do find me very attractive.

 

I don't have problems finding men who are very attracted to me and that is just he truth. It is not me being shallow. I never said I was that hot. I just do not have " issues" finding men who like me. I do not go looking for them or anything.

 

Anyways. I am happy to be friends with this guy. Although who knows if he is the type of guy who likes being "friends" with girls:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

I have learnt a very valuable lesson: just because a guy ACTS 100% like he is into you...

 

It does not mean he really is! haha.

 

Damn though. This guy was the BEST actor. I swear, NO ONE could have guessed he was not very fond of me.

 

I think he must have really liked me, only to have a change of heart during his " two" days apart from me since we have met.

 

People might think I am jumping the gun again with this guy - but I know that if a guy has you on his mind, he will text. Or call.

 

This guy has not all day, so......

 

I had an amazing long weekend with him though!

 

I look forward to being single and coming across a guy like him who is the real deal one of these days.

 

In the meanwhile my FWB will have to do for me. Since I do not want to wait a year or more to cross paths with the right guy, which is, realistically, how long it should take or more.

 

At least my FWB does not hurt me or lie to me or blow me off hahaha!

 

He actually messaged me daily and was very sweet.

 

I think no strings attached fun is the way to go for me from here.

 

I admit, it was a bit of a punch in the guts when this guy ignored me all day /night and therefore showed me that he changed his mind about me when he seemed so sure!

 

But it is not like I am crying or that upset since we only just met lol, I just hate how guys can either act or change their mind so fast!

[letmoc]

You were fine until you came on here and read all of the negative opinions. If you like him then who cares what people think. But if not hearing from a guy for two days, makes you lose your s**t like this, you are not ready for a relationship.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh- once again you're overreacting.

 

One day doesn't mean he's not into you just like five days doesn't mean he is into you.

 

Just a question- have you ever been tested for ADHD? My mother has this and your behavior is awfully similar.

 

Chill out. Smoke a fat bowl if you need. Just chill.

 

 

 

Oh.

 

I believe if you're on his mind, he will not go a day/night without talking to u.

 

If he contacts me again, I will tell him I am happy to be his friend.

[Babolat]

[quote=Leigh 87;5167002

About your ex..... did you break up with her? .

 

Yes, I did, 5+ months ago. We took about a 4 week break with NC, then she reached out to me to ask if we could keep our friendship as she sees me as her best friend.

 

We have seen each other 4-5 times over the past 4 months. We are not dating, I am just enjoying spending time with her for what it is right now.I am still doing "my own" thing with other friends, including female friends. She has made a lot of good changes for herself since we broke up.

[MidwestUSA]

LMAO @ kiwi: smoke a fat bowl. All purpose advice

 

Back on topic!

[Els]

Leigh, have you ever thought you're really not cut out for this FWB thing?

 

I've not seen anyone post this much about a new bf, let alone a 'FWB'...

 

Either have FWBs and learn to decrease the investment that you put in the guy by 10000%... or hold out for a proper relationship and stop screwing them so early.

[Leigh 87]

You were fine until you came on here and read all of the negative opinions. If you like him then who cares what people think. But if not hearing from a guy for two days, makes you lose your s**t like this, you are not ready for a relationship.

 

 

 

I am not losing my sh*t.

 

I have just come to the realisation that he changed his mind about me.

 

I am... not that upset.

 

I was stupidly happy for a few days and it was actually really great!

 

I already stated several times that I was totally fine with the consequences of falling hard and fast for a guy.

 

I talked it out with a friend and yeah. All is good now.

[Leigh 87]

Eh I'm pretty sure it's what it looks like. He met a blonde at the bar, hung out for a few days, got it in, she probably got all neurotic on him and he poofed.

 

Tale as old as time.

 

 

 

I did not blow up his phone.

 

He texted. I texted.

 

I really did not do anything to scare him off.