Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Janesays]

I understand that. I think you gave some great advice. Just keep in mind that the recipient may not want to or be ready to hear it. That's the chance we take when we post here.

 

Treasa is right. You can be the most well intentioned person in the world who is giving the best advice you are honestly capable of giving....but if the person is just not ready to hear it, they're not going to listen. I have learned that lesson myself the hard way around here plenty of times.

 

Please try not to take it personally. Remember, if if the person in question isn't listening, there may be someone reading going through something similar who is able to take something positive away from your posts.

 

Try to keep that in mind and it makes it easier to hold your temper.

[Bluebelle38]

You were nasty first Leah. Maybe go back and read it - you completely shot down the post where I told you the story of what I had been through and why it helped me to stop having relationships for a while.

 

I said you craved male attention for validation and I believe you do. Not from every man, but you definitely crave it and need it more than women that do not have self esteem issues.

 

I wish you all the best and do hope things work out for you. We all deserve to find love and happiness.

 

[Treasa]

Remember, if if the person in question isn't listening, there may be someone reading going through something similar who is able to take something positive away from your posts.

 

And that is exactly why I continue to post even on dead-horse threads like this one.

[Bluebelle38]

Treasa is right. You can be the most well intentioned person in the world who is giving the best advice you are honestly capable of giving....but if the person is just not ready to hear it, they're not going to listen. I have learned that lesson myself the hard way around here plenty of times.

 

Please try not to take it personally. Remember, if if the person in question isn't listening, there may be someone reading going through something similar who is able to take something positive away from your posts.

 

Try to keep that in mind and it makes it easier to hold your temper.

 

Thanks, I think it is time for me to leave this forum. Thanks to those that sent nice PMs, good luck all.

 

xx

[Leigh 87]

So.

 

No texts yesterday so, late at night, I texted " hey how was your day"

 

and then when no response said

 

" if you don't want to continue things as they were going, please let me know and I would still like to be friends:)"

 

He responded in the morning with

 

" Hey, sorry I have an early start today, so I went to bed early. Did you still want me to come ( to a place MANY MILES away from where he works) to meet u after work?"

 

To which I said

 

 

" Yeah that would be cool".

 

 

..........................................................................

 

I now KNOW I should not have texted him; he would have gotten back to me anyways and is probably unnerved that I texted him; guys like to initiate. Which he had been previously.

 

Our OTHER text convo went like this, minus a few texts but here is the general picture:

 

him: Hey:) ( in the morning when I was with him the night after meeting him) so I had his number in my phone. He did it I did not ask him. He already had my number in HIS phone.

 

me: hey I hope ya caught up on some sleep today!

 

him: hey did you still want me to come over later?

 

me: you may as well. I have nothing better to do I spose:) ( we joke most of the time:lmao:)

 

NEXT NIGHT after we spent the entire Sunday together

 

me: goodnight had to get teddy out when u left:(

 

him: haha hope he does not replace me

 

me: at least he lets me sleep

 

him: haha well I hope I can compete

 

me: I'm undecided and I need time to choose who I want sorry.

 

 

 

We chatted. I said I wanted to buy a new book since I hadn't in ages. He asked what I wanted. I said I like to get new things each time that surprise me. He asked if I had a boring day. I said no I am never bored there is always something in life to be enjoyed. He said " brilliant philosophy"

 

He said " you're cute:)" and " cutie" and " I thought about kissing you all day" and lastly " I can't wait to see you again"

 

He wanted to see my the next day but I said I was busy, but I am free the day after (today!).

 

He said he would call me when he gets off work.

 

That was before he then went on to ignore me the ENTIRE NEXT DAY.

 

..........................

 

I should not have sent any messages to him but you know, we moved so fast and I wanted to give him the offer to " just be friends and take things slower" option if he so chose to..

 

He just responded with " Sorry, early start and I went to bed early, do you still want me to drive to see you after work?"

 

HELP. How do you decode this series of texts?

[Treasa]

 

He just responded with " Sorry, early start and I went to bed early, do you still want me to drive to see you after work?"

 

 

I'm going to respond to this only. I personally wouldn't answer (not to punish him, but because I would be thinking over what about it bothers me), or I'd tell him, "No, it's ok."

 

I dislike it when someone says, "We can do xyz if YOU want to."

 

**** that. Either tell me, "I WANT to do xyz with you," or take that **** to someone else.

[Leigh 87]

I don't want to head in a serious direction but rather want to have fun getting to know each other.

 

I am sure he will be fine with that.

 

I will gauge his interest and see if he is worthy of sex again. Should have done it initially but ooops.

 

Not sure what he will respond to me, my text that said " ok sounds cool" about him driving to meet me later.

 

It is a very long drive from where he finishes work.

 

Maybe he'll text back either " look, I am pretty tired so maybe another day" or he may agree to come meet me? Who knows.

[Leigh 87]

I'm going to respond to this only. I personally wouldn't answer (not to punish him, but because I would be thinking over what about it bothers me), or I'd tell him, "No, it's ok."

 

I dislike it when someone says, "We can do xyz if YOU want to."

 

**** that. Either tell me, "I WANT to do xyz with you," or take that **** to someone else.

 

 

Agreed. I just texted "yawn. I am pretty tired come to think of it. I'll see how I feel later"

 

I am VERY tired ugh..

 

I DID send that " lets be friends" text to try to lighten up the Seriousness of it all.....

 

Perhaps that he did not text with much enthusiasm?

 

I know our last convo before that text he sent this morning, a day ago, he volunteered that " he couldn't wait to see me next"

 

So maybe my friend message threw him off.

 

Either way, prob best to wait. Or not see him again. Not sure what I shall do?

[Leigh 87]

He just texted back : That's okay, tell me later. Should get some sleep:)"

 

 

 

 

I do not plan to text him later.

 

I'm going to wait until he texts me later and keep busy in the meanwhile so I will be pleasantly surprised when he does. As is always the way:bunny:

[Treasa]

Your friend message, at best, is confusing, assuming he isn't jerking you around. At worst, you're just playing the same games as him. If you want to keep things light, don't bring it up at all.

[Treasa]

He just texted back : That's okay, tell me later. Should get some sleep:)"

 

 

 

 

I do not plan to text him later.

 

I'm going to wait until he texts me later and keep busy in the meanwhile so I will be pleasantly surprised when he does. As is always the way:bunny:

 

My gut reaction tells me that you should tell him that it's not going to work out for you after all. And leave it as PLAIN AS THAT. Don't explain, don't offer another time. Take some time to regain your equilibrium, and see what he does.

[Babolat]

So.

 

No texts yesterday so, late at night, I texted " hey how was your day"

 

and then when no response said

 

" if you don't want to continue things as they were going, please let me know and I would still like to be friends:)"

 

He responded in the morning with

 

" Hey, sorry I have an early start today, so I went to bed early. Did you still want me to come ( to a place MANY MILES away from where he works) to meet u after work?"

 

To which I said

 

 

" Yeah that would be cool".

 

 

..........................................................................

 

I now KNOW I should not have texted him; he would have gotten back to me anyways and is probably unnerved that I texted him; guys like to initiate. Which he had been previously.

 

Our OTHER text convo went like this, minus a few texts but here is the general picture:

 

him: Hey:) ( in the morning when I was with him the night after meeting him) so I had his number in my phone. He did it I did not ask him. He already had my number in HIS phone.

 

me: hey I hope ya caught up on some sleep today!

 

him: hey did you still want me to come over later?

 

me: you may as well. I have nothing better to do I spose:) ( we joke most of the time:lmao:)

 

NEXT NIGHT after we spent the entire Sunday together

 

me: goodnight had to get teddy out when u left:(

 

him: haha hope he does not replace me

 

me: at least he lets me sleep

 

him: haha well I hope I can compete

 

me: I'm undecided and I need time to choose who I want sorry.

 

 

 

We chatted. I said I wanted to buy a new book since I hadn't in ages. He asked what I wanted. I said I like to get new things each time that surprise me. He asked if I had a boring day. I said no I am never bored there is always something in life to be enjoyed. He said " brilliant philosophy"

 

He said " you're cute:)" and " cutie" and " I thought about kissing you all day" and lastly " I can't wait to see you again"

 

He wanted to see my the next day but I said I was busy, but I am free the day after (today!).

 

He said he would call me when he gets off work.

 

That was before he then went on to ignore me the ENTIRE NEXT DAY.

 

..........................

 

I should not have sent any messages to him but you know, we moved so fast and I wanted to give him the offer to " just be friends and take things slower" option if he so chose to..

 

He just responded with " Sorry, early start and I went to bed early, do you still want me to drive to see you after work?"

 

HELP. How do you decode this series of texts?

 

I am hearing low self-esteem from him..not sure of himself, maybe he sees you as too good a catch (physically) for him. You did the flirty cat and mouse with him, which I like, though his words like "compete", "replace me" and "boring" suggest a lack of confidence on his part.

 

At this point I would just play it day by day. Get firm plans for when you will see each other next before you end each date. Show interest, though try not to get wrapped up as I do see some self esteem and confidence issues with him, though certainly not a deal breaker.

[Leigh 87]

Your friend message, at best, is confusing, assuming he isn't jerking you around. At worst, you're just playing the same games as him. If you want to keep things light, don't bring it up at all.

 

 

I don't ever plan to bring up anything about "us". Or to ask him " how he feels" about things.

 

Asking him why he did not text an entire day is the very WORST thing a women could do:lmao:

 

I am possibly getting to know him so d/w. Light and easy is key.

 

Again, I regret sending the friend message.

 

He would be confused. However, if that is the only thing I do or say to throw him off, it is all good still.

[Leigh 87]

He has clearly lost interest. He may still be interested, but cetainly not a the level you are/were (or at the level you expressed in your initial wacky OP days ago proclaiming he may be the one or this may be it, or whateve nonsense you said).

 

This is all textbook -- you projected your feelings of amazing connection, love at first site, insane compatibility, etc - onto him.

 

I am certian he ACTED that way, and probably FELT THAT WAY at the moment. Then he got laid, the weekend ended, reality kicked in, and he's just not that into it.

 

Theres nothing to decode in his texts, other than ambivilance. If he was into you, he would not be asking if you want him to come over. He'd be saying "Cant wait to see you. What can I bring? Where do you want to go out?"

 

 

 

I think he was into me. He did say he could not wait to see me in our last text convo a day prior.

 

I am not sure about him but I am not entirely convinced he is just not that into me YET, I think it is too soon to tell.

[Babolat]

He has clearly lost interest. He may still be interested, but cetainly not a the level you are/were (or at the level you expressed in your initial wacky OP days ago proclaiming he may be the one or this may be it, or whateve nonsense you said).

 

This is all textbook -- you projected your feelings of amazing connection, love at first site, insane compatibility, etc - onto him.

 

I am certian he ACTED that way, and probably FELT THAT WAY at the moment. Then he got laid, the weekend ended, reality kicked in, and he's just not that into it.

 

Theres nothing to decode in his texts, other than ambivilance. If he was into you, he would not be asking if you want him to come over. He'd be saying "Cant wait to see you. What can I bring? Where do you want to go out?"

 

And I can read this too in his texts...though the only context we have is from her.

 

Leigh, did you share all this "great connection", "amazing" talk with him, too? If yes, I lean more toward this posters impression. If not, I lean more towards mine.

 

I remember a girl once told me on our 2nd date that I was everything to her, I was her life, her world, where had I been her whole life, I completed her, what a connection we had, she felt it the first time I passed by her....wow, she went from sexy and hot to, well, you know.

[Leigh 87]

So he texted last with " get some sleep and let me know"

 

I am not going to talk to him again until he texts me.

 

I will refuse to hang out today if he texts.

 

I am not sure he will even text me to see if I am still too tired, or if he will reach out to see if I am still keen to see him.

 

If he reaches out I will say " sorry I am too tired. I hope you had a nice day"

 

And I will not bother talking to him again or making plans unless he initiates seeing me the following day.

 

If he initiates another time to see me, I will accept.

[Treasa]

 

I remember a girl once told me on our 2nd date that I was everything to her, I was her life, her world, where had I been her whole life, I completed her, what a connection we had, she felt it the first time I passed by her....wow, she went from sexy and hot to, well, you know.

 

 

Wow, boner killer.

[Leigh 87]

And I can read this too in his texts...though the only context we have is from her.

 

Leigh, did you share all this "great connection", "amazing" talk with him, too? If yes, I lean more toward this posters impression. If not, I lean more towards mine.

 

I remember a girl once told me on our 2nd date that I was everything to her, I was her life, her world, where had I been her whole life, I completed her, what a connection we had, she felt it the first time I passed by her....wow, she went from sexy and hot to, well, you know.

 

 

 

Gross.

 

No way did I say any of that to him.

 

I said I liked him a lot. For such a short time of knowing him.

 

But he was saying how amazing I was and that he was into me, so.....

 

I haven't and will not say anything further as to what my interest level is.

 

I am not crazy like some women.

[Treasa]

If he reaches out I will say " sorry I am too tired. I hope you had a nice day"

 

 

No. Simply say, "I can't today, sorry."

[Leigh 87]

No. Simply say, "I can't today, sorry."

 

 

I will. Thanks.

 

I think he'll reach out again to make plans but we'll see, he may not think I am interested anymore if I go from being warm and to being plain and to the point.

[Treasa]

I will. Thanks.

 

I think he'll reach out again to make plans but we'll see, he may not think I am interested anymore if I go from being warm and to being plain and to the point.

 

If he gives up that easily, he wouldn't make it through actual troubles in a relationship anyway.

 

Just be warm, but...cool. Yeah, I realize that makes no sense. Pleasant but self-assured and calm?

[colombiana28]

every guy I date thinks i'm totally into them. it's my personality, I give people my undivided attention, laugh easily, keep an air of mystery, say clever things and tease. I feed off the enthusiasm level of any guy i'm with. i mirror people well...and lie easily. i'd probably say i can dupe with the best of them. i seem to figure out how to say exactly what the other person wants to hear. i also never expect anything from one night stands and 100% of the time ignore a guy who tries to contact me afterward.

 

I've never been dumped, or ignored by a guy I hooked up with. i'm not saying it to brag, because i don't ALLOW others to have a modicum of power in my relationships (which is why all my relationships have failed - i date people i'm not super attracted to cause refuse to be vulnerable, basically). i hooked up with a guy once (first night we met) who asked me the following day to become "facebook official." little did i realize in my inebriated state the night before, he was telling me post-coital "I've never felt this way about someone before" and i said "I've never felt this way about anyone either." it was a lie, but i was drunk, sexually satisfied, and in the moment just wanted to be agreeable. i even responded happily to his texts for the next 2-3 weeks because i'm such a chickensh7t, and eventually dumped him only by slowly ignoring more and more of his texts, before i finally dumped him and he was way more crushed than he would've been if i were just honest that morning after we'd met.

 

i'm seeing a therapist and talking through my issues, i was raised in a household where everyone lied to one another to spare their feelings, or to gain favor with others. lies, lies, had bulimia for years, buried my emotions and used men because of my abandonment issues (dad left when i was a baby). hiding my true feelings and lying is a defense mechanism. it's sick, and it's sad, but there are LOTS of people out there like me - impulsive, afraid of confrontation, fundamentally dishonest. they will lie to your face and tell you exactly what you want to hear (NOT because of any evil intention, per se, but they're just used to turning on the charm)and most of the time people don't know the damn difference. people who lie enough, in fact, tend to start actually believing their own lies! i lie sometimes and only realize it's a lie when i sit there and think about it for a few minutes. some people just really struggle with doing the right thing, and since i AM one of those people, i often feel that i can identify them.

 

i'm not saying this guy doesn't really, really like you. he very well could. regardless, he probably thinks you're cool. but that doesn't mean he didn't lie to you. not lying with his words, that's easy - but rather conveying an unspoken vibe of being insanely into you. if you're a good, honest person, it is possible to believe every word, every kiss, every brush-of-the-hair-out-of-the-eyes, to mean more than they actually do.

[clia]

I'm not getting signs of disinterest from him at all, and I can't figure out why you are playing these games. Because you are indeed playing games now, and he probably has no idea why.

 

He said he would call you after work today to discuss the plans you made to go out today. Instead of sitting back and waiting for him to do what he said he would do (call today), you got all upset that he didn't text you all day yesterday (which he never said he would do) and sent him a super serious text message that made you sound really insecure.

 

Then, after he apologized for being asleep when you texted him late at night and then asked if you still wanted to get together today, you first said yes, and now you've changed your mind on him and said no.

 

I mean, WTF? Why play these games? You've now cancelled plans on him, and I can't think of a single reason why.

 

How is this message uninterested?

 

" Hey, sorry I have an early start today, so I went to bed early. Did you still want me to come ( to a place MANY MILES away from where he works) to meet u after work?"

 

He was confirming your plans. He was feeling you out to see if you still wanted to get together. And now you've given him a whole bunch of mixed signals. I agree with someone above who said he sounds a little insecure. if he didn't want to see you, his message would've said this: "Hey, sorry I have an early start today, so I went to bed early." End of story, done. Or he wouldn't have replied at all.

 

IMO, you are sabotaging this relationship with all your internal, imaginary back and forth. You need to just relax and go with it. It shouldn't be this hard in the beginning. Make plans with him, go out with him, have fun. Don't freak out if you don't hear from him for a day. Easy.

[Leigh 87]

Enough. ENOUGH.

 

I have NO flipping IDEA if he is "the one". FFS!

 

I was having FUN with my words initially during this thread. I DID NOT LITERALLY mean he is the one. My god.

 

 

 

I have NO Idea who he is or how long we will last.

 

I do not think this is too much drama for him to be right for me. HE MADE it all easy and simple, he did NOTHING to show my he is not interested, besides NOT blowing up my phone!

 

Logically, and based on my judgment and understand of how men act when they are into a women, there is a chance he is genuinely into me. Not a slim chance, either. But still not a given, especially after my texts I sent.

 

I get what I did wrong. I texted first rather than waiting for the guy, who WAS GOING to text.

Worse still, I texted a confusing message about wanting to my friends if he was not interested.

 

 

I think I get it now, and I am no longer going to do little things like that, such as texting first after a day/night of no texts, and let HIM initiate.

 

I am busy after all so like one poster said, I will keep busy and his texts will be a really nice buzz to my day.

 

I will respond positively. He will get I am happy to hear from him.

 

AFTER we establish that there is more to our fling, after WEEKS, then yes, I will initiate texts.

 

THE END.

 

I think I am right now people.

 

Thanks for all the well meant advice.

 

There will be no game playing from me. Just enjoyable texts and times with this fella, and no texting first for a while yet still happily responding.

 

I will hold off from having sex EVERY TIME we hang out and instead, I will GET TO KNOW the guy decently outside of sex.

 

Obviously I want sex with him but I am going to wait a couple weeks to get to know him.

 

I FEEL that this dude liked me WAY beyond just sex.

 

I am not sure how long I will wait. For starters, I will dictated we hang outside of our homes!

 

It is pretty easy. But yeah, I will not play games. WE both want sex in the foreseeable future!

 

I think I will be just fine, and I am done talking about it.

 

There is a chance I met a guy who is really into me, but I will just get to know him a little first before jumping to any conclusions!

 

The end.

[Leigh 87]

When a guy is "the one", there isn't all of this drama surrounding the first week of meeting him.

 

It's easy and fun. You know - like the beginning of any budding relationship SHOULD be.

 

Sending that "let's be friends" text is again sending him mixed signals. You don't want to just be his friend. Just like you don't really want to stop having sex with him. These are all ploys on your part to get him to step up in a way that he isn't and to test his interest in you. You're trying to play hard to get when the horse is already way out the gate and halfway around the track.

 

For gods sake put your phone down! When I'm not sure of what to do, I don't do ANYTHING. Men will always do what they want. My bf isn't always the best at texting me throughout the day but that's when I put my phone down and get busy doing something else and guess what? He always gets in touch and I'm always glad I never sent that "Are you ignoring me" text because hey - maybe he just had a busy day and I need to stop being a neurotic female!

 

 

 

NO dramas yet man.

 

By the way. Without meeting me in person, you said I surely must have no substance. I think that was a little nasty and unfair to presume you know what I am like to be around. Like. Without fcking knowing what I am like to be around.

 

You obviously can't that someone has no "substance" through the internet. I am a very kind person and a LOT of decent and well educated people also think I am a joy to chat to so yeah. I can't be TOO bad given the calibre of my friends.

 

And it is not that much drama for him to be the one. It is, in fact, CRAZY to even talk about whether or not he IS the one:sick:

I was having a joke. Having a laugh. Getting carried away with my words. I NEVER said he was the one or remotely felt it. Some on now. I am not DELUSIONAL about reality.

 

The only mishap, the only thing that has not run totally smooth in his mind, would probably be the fact he did not talk to me for a day or night, only to wake up to some texts from me saying " hey how are you" and " so we can still be friends if that is what you want, right?"

 

As long as I respond simply and reasonably to his future texts, and just be myself around him, no further misgivings are necessary and this can be salvaged.

 

I read a lot of peoples stories on here and what they do wrong.

 

I am actually confident I will follow in your lead with your guy and not fck things up. I am busy and enjoy my life and it is time to ACT like it when I meet a new guy; NO pining away waiting for texts.

 

Sure, if he goes more than a day, say TWO days, without texting, and he only arranges to see me once a week and he clearly wants sex every time we hang out? BINGO. He is not that into me.

 

IF he acts like he is into me, says tell tale things and MAKES ME feel wonderful and he ALSO follows it up by texting me every two days at least and he seems very happy to be around me without sex every time? Maybe I am onto a guy who is serious about me.

 

I will be hard to get to know due to my troubled past, so getting to know me slowly is ideal for any guy.

 

I do think I had sex too early, and while I do not want to take it AWAY from him, because who am I kissing; we both want it..... I will, however, try to tone it down a notch without making it a known thing I am doing.

 

Just simply things. Arranging to meet outside the bedroom most of the time, only letting things lead to sex when, practically, we meet out at a bar, have fun times there, drink and then go back to his place. I do not go out every week so yeah.

 

Also - we have only met for a few days and sex did not happen every time we were together. We have spent whole days without it.

 

I do not think getting to know him more and diverting the focus away from sex will be a game move or something that will hinder a potential fledging relationship.