Nervous Nervous Nervous I Think This Is It

[Star Gazer]

Leigh, there are only three people I "know" who go around talking about how awesome they are: Barney Stinson, Donald Trump and you.

 

Just stop talking about it. If you're truly awesome, you don't have to tell people or remind them... They already know.

[Leigh 87]

How was I ATTACKING her?

 

I asked what this is it means?

 

Did she mean simply she was going to sleep with the guy again? What else could it mean other than she thought he was the real deal - a relataionship? And she had said that is not what she meant. I was asking her to clarify what she meant.

 

How is that attacking her?

 

 

 

Yeah you did.

 

You said " well. I don't think your awesome".

 

Like OKAY lady - you saw my online and you're not someone who actually knows me well:lmao::lmao:

 

I certainly do not go around telling people they are not as great as they feel they are! More power to them for thinking highly of themselves:lmao::lmao: Since I Have many people who agree with me I can't have too much of an inflated ego when I think I am awesome. Or I would not attract such kind and decent friends.

 

You put a negative spin on things by telling me that I am desperate, and that I go after any guy who pays me attention.

 

I think that is sort of attacking me:lmao: However non seriously I take it, it is what it is.

[Treasa]

Darling, no matter whether this guy calls or not, is using you or not, lied to you or not...I really think that you are ignoring the bigger issue, which is what's going on inside you.

 

I used to proclaim my awesomeness all the time, when I was really insecure. Yes, I WAS awesome. I absolutely was. But instead of believing that my actions alone proved it, I had to constantly tell people why I was awesome. I was scared they wouldn't know or believe it otherwise.

 

There is a definitely border between knowing that you have good qualities and are overall an amazing person, and letting those qualities speak for themselves. When you're awesome and you don't give a **** if other people know/believe it or not, THAT is when you'll have true self-esteem.

 

It took me a hell of a long time to get here. I don't try to impress or convince or show people anymore what I'm made of. I just rock my life, have fun, be myself totally in every way, and if people like it, cool, and if they don't, cool.

 

Not a single person has demonstrated not liking the "new" me. If anything, it's brought people a lot closer to me. Flaws and all. And damn, I have a lot of them, but I know how to work them.

 

This guy is just a symbol or an effect of what's really going on.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, there are only three people I "know" who go around talking about how awesome they are: Barney Stinson, Donald Trump and you.

 

Just stop talking about it. If you're truly awesome, you don't have to tell people or remind them... They already know.

 

 

 

Obviously my friends in real life know, but said it in a way that was meant to demonstrate that this guy would DEFINATELY not have only seen me as a vagina with a welcome sign on it. Because I don't believe I am that much of a dull and uninspiring personality to warrant those feelings.

 

Don't make comparisons to myself and Trump:sick:

[almond]

Leigh, I feel for you, truly.

 

You seem to have suffered from some serious issues in the past (eating disorders, social isolation and such), and I think you've done a fantastic job coming this far! I also feel that your positive self-talk is a good thing at this point, and that you should continue focusing on your positives and not letting anyone make you believe otherwise.

 

Again, you have done some amazing work on your recovery, and you have every right to be proud! However, I genuinely do see some significant issues here. Please do not take this as an attack - you have overcome so much this far, and you can continue to improve and overcome any remaining issues.

 

The problem is identifying them. Sometimes, they are hard to see. When so many people in a thread are saying the same things to you over and over, you must evaluate them and determine whether there is any truth to them.

 

In my honest opinion, you are deflecting any criticism and dismissing it without consideration. You acknowledge that you fell to hard for this guy too early on, but refuse to perhaps consider that there may be some significant issues within you that are causing this. And I understand this - it is hard to maintain the positive self-talk that your therapists so strongly encourage, whilst critically analysing yourself and identifying faults at the same time.

 

When you have self-esteem issues, it can be very hard to drop the positive self-talk and go back to focusing on your issues. It is so hard in fact that for many, it proves impossible.

 

You do seem like a fantastic girl with a lot to offer, but you genuinely seem troubled. This is not a criticism - this is just the hand you have been dealt. It in no way indicates any sort of failure or weakness on your behalf.

 

You obsess over guys. Whether it's a new one, an old one, talking to friends about one, or even convincing yourself that you don't need one - men appear to occupy a disproportionate amount of your mental energy.

 

The good qualities you have mentioned all appear to be true and correct, and I am sure others can see this in you quite easily! However, the issues that you still have are popping up, and negatively impacting your life and relationships. You may not blow up a guy's phone or do anything to scare him off, but - what would happen if they saw a thread like this? How do you think that will make them feel about you? They would be creeped out, and probably run for the hills. My point here is: you are constantly working to suppress these urges to obsess. You are hiding them from potential partners, but, this is not sustainable or healthy. You need to work towards resolving this need to obsess, and not only suppress it. I promise you - you will be so much happier!

 

It is good that you are seeing therapy - and a very ballsy move to make! You've already won half the battle! Many people are too weak to take that step. Now, you have another step to make. Please print this thread off, and show it to your therapist. Ask them for their honest opinion, and be open to what they say.

 

I also recommend seeing a qualified psychologist if you aren't already - I do not feel that a counselor is best for you.

 

You are strong, but please continue on the path towards growth and recovery - you're doing well, but you're not there yet. You have work to do, but you seem completely capable.

 

Good luck.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah you did.

 

You said " well. I don't think your awesome".

 

Like OKAY lady - you saw my online and you're not someone who actually knows me well:lmao::lmao:

 

I certainly do not go around telling people they are not as great as they feel they are! More power to them for thinking highly of themselves:lmao::lmao: Since I Have many people who agree with me I can't have too much of an inflated ego when I think I am awesome. Or I would not attract such kind and decent friends.

 

You put a negative spin on things by telling me that I am desperate, and that I go after any guy who pays me attention.

 

I think that is sort of attacking me:lmao: However non seriously I take it, it is what it is.

 

Engaging people like this doesn't help you or your cause, Leigh.

 

Listen to Treasa, sweetkiwi, Mme. Read that stuff again and again and again. Marinate in it. Don't respond. Sit, reflect, think, ponder, evaluate.

[xxoo]

Obviously my friends in real life know, but said it in a way that was meant to demonstrate that this guy would DEFINATELY not have only seen me as a vagina with a welcome sign on it. Because I don't believe I am that much of a dull and uninspiring personality to warrant those feelings.

 

Do you believe that, if a person is awesome enough, they can avoid being desired only for sex?

[Leigh 87]

Darling, no matter whether this guy calls or not, is using you or not, lied to you or not...I really think that you are ignoring the bigger issue, which is what's going on inside you.

 

I used to proclaim my awesomeness all the time, when I was really insecure. Yes, I WAS awesome. I absolutely was. But instead of believing that my actions alone proved it, I had to constantly tell people why I was awesome. I was scared they wouldn't know or believe it otherwise.

 

There is a definitely border between knowing that you have good qualities and are overall an amazing person, and letting those qualities speak for themselves. When you're awesome and you don't give a **** if other people know/believe it or not, THAT is when you'll have true self-esteem.

 

It took me a hell of a long time to get here. I don't try to impress or convince or show people anymore what I'm made of. I just rock my life, have fun, be myself totally in every way, and if people like it, cool, and if they don't, cool.

 

Not a single person has demonstrated not liking the "new" me. If anything, it's brought people a lot closer to me. Flaws and all. And damn, I have a lot of them, but I know how to work them.

 

This guy is just a symbol or an effect of what's really going on.

 

 

 

You don't get it.

 

I actually do think I am a pretty cool girl.

 

I really think that.

 

I proclaim my awesomeness because people assumed this guy considered me for sex only, when there is no way I believe that even a guy after sex would not at least find me a pretty cool chick who he more than likely loved being around outside the sex.

 

I find it a little strange how women allude to guys wanting women for purely sex. I personally think a women like me has too much of a colourful and loving personality for the dude NOT to think " aww, she's great"

 

I very simply do think those positive things about myself to be true.

 

There is no... hidden meaning behind it.

 

I only mention it online out of defence when people make blanket statements about a dude using me for sex.

 

They still do not get it through so whatever.

[Treasa]

Leigh, I feel for you, truly.

 

You seem to have suffered from some serious issues in the past (eating disorders, social isolation and such), and I think you've done a fantastic job coming this far! I also feel that your positive self-talk is a good thing at this point, and that you should continue focusing on your positives and not letting anyone make you believe otherwise.

 

Again, you have done some amazing work on your recovery, and you have every right to be proud! However, I genuinely do see some significant issues here. Please do not take this as an attack - you have overcome so much this far, and you can continue to improve and overcome any remaining issues.

 

The problem is identifying them. Sometimes, they are hard to see. When so many people in a thread are saying the same things to you over and over, you must evaluate them and determine whether there is any truth to them.

 

In my honest opinion, you are deflecting any criticism and dismissing it without consideration. You acknowledge that you fell to hard for this guy too early on, but refuse to perhaps consider that there may be some significant issues within you that are causing this. And I understand this - it is hard to maintain the positive self-talk that your therapists so strongly encourage, whilst critically analysing yourself and identifying faults at the same time.

 

When you have self-esteem issues, it can be very hard to drop the positive self-talk and go back to focusing on your issues. It is so hard in fact that for many, it proves impossible.

 

You do seem like a fantastic girl with a lot to offer, but you genuinely seem troubled. This is not a criticism - this is just the hand you have been dealt. It in no way indicates any sort of failure or weakness on your behalf.

 

You obsess over guys. Whether it's a new one, an old one, talking to friends about one, or even convincing yourself that you don't need one - men appear to occupy a disproportionate amount of your mental energy.

 

The good qualities you have mentioned all appear to be true and correct, and I am sure others can see this in you quite easily! However, the issues that you still have are popping up, and negatively impacting your life and relationships. You may not blow up a guy's phone or do anything to scare him off, but - what would happen if they saw a thread like this? How do you think that will make them feel about you? They would be creeped out, and probably run for the hills. My point here is: you are constantly working to suppress these urges to obsess. You are hiding them from potential partners, but, this is not sustainable or healthy. You need to work towards resolving this need to obsess, and not only suppress it. I promise you - you will be so much happier!

 

It is good that you are seeing therapy - and a very ballsy move to make! You've already won half the battle! Many people are too weak to take that step. Now, you have another step to make. Please print this thread off, and show it to your therapist. Ask them for their honest opinion, and be open to what they say.

 

I also recommend seeing a qualified psychologist if you aren't already - I do not feel that a counselor is best for you.

 

You are strong, but please continue on the path towards growth and recovery - you're doing well, but you're not there yet. You have work to do, but you seem completely capable.

 

Good luck.

 

How dare you post basically what I posted a couple of minutes ago, but manage to make more sense and explain it more thoroughly than I did.

[Leigh 87]

Do you believe that, if a person is awesome enough, they can avoid being desired only for sex?

 

 

I think it takes more than a guy to think highly of a women's character and personality AND also their looks, to desire them as a romantic partner in a committed relationship.

 

Yes, a women can be considered for only casual sex irrespective of how great she is.

 

I did not get he vibe that this guy used girls for sex and I think he is genuine.

 

I mean, the evening after we met, he did not text until way later to hang out because he was sleeping all day.

 

Meaning, he would very well not have texted all day yesterday but he may together.

 

I really don't know at this stage who he is who what he will do.

[almond]

Lol, I like to live on the edge

[Leigh 87]

Engaging people like this doesn't help you or your cause, Leigh.

 

Listen to Treasa, sweetkiwi, Mme. Read that stuff again and again and again. Marinate in it. Don't respond. Sit, reflect, think, ponder, evaluate.

 

 

 

I do not listen that much to Mme. as she tends to assume thinks I think that I really. DON'T. Think. I understand she formed an opinion based on things she intelligently read, however, she does tend to form from opinions as to what I am actually thinking often times.

 

Don't minds her visiting threads from time to time but don't always like it.

[Leigh 87]

Lol, I like to live on the edge

 

 

Yes thanks very much for your lovely post. Some people are immature and bitchy on here so of course I don't appreciate their toxic nonsense.

 

I see a professional.

 

I genuinely do enjoy talking about my love life to strangers, since it is all so NEW to me; dating is NEW to me even at age 27, for varying reasons.

 

TRUST me. I am NOT obsessed with this particular guy personally; I just enjoy talking about what I am going through relationship or dating wise. I really do.

 

I will take everything else you said into consideration though, but I am sure I am not actually obsessed and only come across that way.

[Ninjainpajamas]

REALLY!!!! 26 Pages of this! HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO SHAME!

 

All of you are on my naughty list for this!

[Treasa]

Yes thanks very much for your lovely post. Some people are immature and bitchy on here so of course I don't appreciate their toxic nonsense.

 

 

Excuse me, but I was not being bitchy here.

[Treasa]

REALLY!!!! 26 Pages of this! HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO SHAME!

 

All of you are on my naughty list for this!

 

Do you promise?

[Leigh 87]

REALLY!!!! 26 Pages of this! HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO SHAME!

 

All of you are on my naughty list for this!

 

 

 

I KNOW.

 

It astounds me especially that the people who claim how " un fabulous" I am, all come on here and continue posting:lmao:

 

All because I was awaiting a simple text.

 

Which I got.

 

And now awaiting another text.

 

Which I may or may not get yet.

 

I mean.. Thrilling isn't it?

[Leigh 87]

Excuse me, but I was not being bitchy here.

 

 

Not you honey. 2 or 3 other unpleasant people.

[Imajerk17]

REALLY!!!! 26 Pages of this! HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO SHAME!

 

All of you are on my naughty list for this!

 

You know a thread has played itself out when even Ninjainpajamas is writing short posts....

[Treasa]

Yeah, sorry Leigh, it was a joke that fell flat.

 

Anyway, I didn't see anyone here call you unfabulous. And if they did, don't let it bother you. I know it's easier said than done, but what other people think really doesn't mean anything. It only matters what YOU think.

[Treasa]

You know a thread has played itself out when even Ninjainpajamas is writing short posts....

 

OMG.

 

I was just thinking this. Your post made me choke on my cookie!!

[Bluebelle38]

I read it because I can't believe this is real :lmao:

[almond]

Yes thanks very much for your lovely post.

 

You're welcome - thanks for reading.

 

Some people are immature and bitchy on here so of course I don't appreciate their toxic nonsense.

 

I do agree that quite a number of the responses to your threads are somewhat bitchy and come across as immature. However, I can see the flip side as well. The thoughts that you convey in your posts do perhaps indicate some issues (don't worry - we've all got them!), and I can see that many posters have tried multiple times to get you to consider this to no avail. Regardless, I believe that all people should strive to treat others with kindness and respect, as hard as that may be at times. I see many people getting frustrated with your constant lack of acknowledgement of your issues, but, I feel that these posters also have to look at the manner that they are delivering advice - it is super easy to get defensive when advice comes across as an attack.

 

 

I see a professional.

 

That's good, and as I said in my last post - the fact that you have taken this step shows much strength. Is this the first doctor you have seen about this? There are plenty of professionals out there, but sometimes, they aren't the right one. Again, IMO, a counselor is not the best option for you here. Your previous issues sounded incredibly tough, and there will be residual effects from this. Recovery often requires ongoing and sometimes life-long work and maintenance. Please consider seeing a psychologist. They are much more qualified to deal with these particular issues. Counselors definitely have their place, and I am not attempting to invalidate their work in any way, but you really would benefit a lot more from seeing the right psychologist.

 

I genuinely do enjoy talking about my love life to strangers, since it is all so NEW to me; dating is NEW to me even at age 27, for varying reasons.

 

TRUST me. I am NOT obsessed with this particular guy personally; I just enjoy talking about what I am going through relationship or dating wise. I really do.

 

We all love talking dating and this and that - you're not alone there! And the fact that you like to talk about it often and to anonymous people is not what indicated an issue to me - it is how you are talking about it. I can see that you are not obsessed with this guy in particular...it's something else. I'll spare you the armchair psychology here, but suffice to say, your posts clearly indicate that your thought patterns deviate somewhat from what is generally considered healthy.

 

Eating disorders aren't just disorders of eating, they run a lot deeper than that. You may not be restricting food any longer, but that does not mean complete recovery. You have beaten anorexia (I hope!), and this is HUGE. You still need to sort out the rest. I am sorry that this has happened to you, and I am sorry that you have struggled.

 

We may all be wrong here. But, I think the best course of action for you would be to get a referral to a psychologist, and speak with them. Book yourself in for a full evaluation, and please take a print out of some of your loveshack threads. We can debate back and forth till the sun comes up, and it would be pointless. Show everything to a professional - no holds barred, and then let them give you their opinion on things. There are so many programs and services that could help you make your life SO much better than it is already. The progress you have made since your lowest point is great, and I bet it felt amazing - keep going with this, and you can feel even better than you imagined.

 

Be aware that with things like this, under reporting of symptoms and failure to see them is the biggest risk. It takes a very strong person to be able to look at themselves so objectively - our heads have their own defense mechanisms that work against us in this respect. I believe that the few people that can overcome this are the ones that get the most out of life - I really hope you're one of them.

 

It may mean nothing coming from a stranger online, but I fear for you. I really hope that you are able to find it in yourself to identify and work through these issues, so you can live the life you deserve to.

 

Woah. Must be a girl hormone day or some **** - I'm all bleeding heart, and I really want to give you a hug right now...lol.

 

You know a thread has played itself out when even Ninjainpajamas is writing short posts....

 

Gargantuan srs post #2 for ALMOND. I have no shame.

[Divasu]

You said it was a one nigh stand to him.

 

Me saying it was a "ONE NIGHT STAND" does not equate to me saying "all men are pigs".

 

Whatever the case may be, reality is, it was a one night stand. So what?

People engage in them all the time. I am sure many people who have posted in this very thread, have. I have once, but, I can separate completely when it's a stranger. If it's someone I have been dating for a while, I can't.

 

So, it's okay if you come to learn it's not for you, and, sometimes it takes something like this to show you that it's not something you enjoy doing. Of course, if it turned into love, you would naturally have a different view.

 

Don't worry about it, sh*t happens. Maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. Your life doesn't depend on it.

[Star Gazer]

All because I was awaiting a simple text.

 

Which I got.

 

What did he say?