How Often Do dumpers Come back?

[lalalovekay]

I know theres no hope for mine at all. Yes i might still want him but i am working on improving myself. On being happy with myself first.

 

But how often do The Dumpers come back? And how long do they take? Are there any dumpers that Dont miss their exes at all?

 

Can you share your stories.

 

Dumpers: Did you ever regret your choice? How long did it take for you to realize?

 

Dumpees: Have any of your exes gone back to you?

 

 

i myself have only been in two serious relationships. One of three years which i broke up with. I asked for a second chance a month later but it didnt work. And now this one Im the one being dumped.

[lalalovekay]

It's not something that's measurable. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

 

Mine have always contacted me again...

 

After how long?

[lalalovekay]

A month. 3 months. Sometimes longer. It varies. Everyone is different.

 

All I know is, I didn't chase them, they chased me.

 

And how long were those relationships?

[loversquarrel]

I guess it can also depend on the circumstances, i.e., the reason for the break. In other words was there infidelity involved or was it simply a matter of growing apart?

[lalalovekay]

I guess it can also depend on the circumstances, i.e., the reason for the break. In other words was there infidelity involved or was it simply a matter of growing apart?

 

Its very confusing to me. I wrote it all down three ddays ago titled "heart broken still love him" can you please read and give feedback?

[MontyCarlo]

I know theres no hope for mine at all. Yes i might still want him but i am working on improving myself. On being happy with myself first.

 

But how often do The Dumpers come back? And how long do they take? Are there any dumpers that Dont miss their exes at all?

 

Can you share your stories.

 

Dumpers: Did you ever regret your choice? How long did it take for you to realize?

 

Dumpees: Have any of your exes gone back to you?

 

 

i myself have only been in two serious relationships. One of three years which i broke up with. I asked for a second chance a month later but it didnt work. And now this one Im the one being dumped.

 

 

Recent dumper here, I regretted my decision straight away. Even as I was saying it, I regretted it.

 

Love her to bits still. But I knew I wasn't right for her...or me. So yeah, its in both of our interest to end it. Only reason I had to carry on was it was easier to continue than to face the heartache and problems that we now face.

[drpepper1886]

Mine just initiated contact with me via text for the first time in 10 or 11 months NC and said she was sorry. I ignored.

[iouaname]

I think it depends, and I don't think that there's really a formula or a way to tell. This was my first relationship and while he broke no contact several times out of guilt in the beginning, he never "came back" or really, reached out in any meaningful way. A lot of my friends or family members have had exes come back, though, and they have usually always turned them down.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

All threads like this just seem to give users false hopes that their ex will contact them. You noticed that when a user says "not usually ever" no one really responds...but when a user says "they have to me", users then ask 100 questions and thus fills them with hope.

 

Not saying hope is bad, but a LOT of people on the BU section of LS are holding on to that and not moving forward. I hope many readers take these things with a grain of salt because yes, the ex MIGHT contact you again, but doesnt mean they want you back. Remember that

[Sanctionne]

As the Dumpee: I've had 90% of my exes try to win me back. And I've taken some of them back. I believe ppl deserve a 2nd etc chance. Sometimes it takes losing a person to make you realize what you had. Too often we take out SO for granted.

 

As the Dumper: I usually feel awful even before I have to pull the plug and it really hurts having to hurt someone that you love. It's a tough choice because you never really know if you're making the right decision. There is the feeling of regret. You of course miss that person.... I myself am at a crossroads. I love my bf very much. I want it to work and have tried. But, he won't stop w/the verbal abuse so what am I to do? accept this behavior because I don't want to hurt him by leaving him? what about me and how I feel?

 

Being dumped/dumping hurts no matter what end you're on. It's one of the biggest and most painful losses you'll ever experience. In a way I think it's worse than death because if you're the dumpee, you know this person choose not to be w/u and are still rooming the earth and will eventually replace you. As the dumper, often times you feel that you tried and gave it your all but can't cont on in an unhealthy relationship. So you are forced to leave the person you love behind, still knowing that they'll find someone else.

[fucpcg]

almost four year relationship, she came back after ugly split right about a year. she started to treat me like **** again about three months later, this time i dumped her. fifteen years later she finds me on fb and apologizes. we've been good friends ever since. second dumper, together for a year, proposed, she said she needed time to be on her own. amicable but sad split eventually got estranged, then no contact for one and a half years, then she contacted me. she wanted to reunite, but i had moved far away. third time dumped, its now two and a half years ago and she will not communicate with me period. wish she would, and suspect she will as well eventually, but....

[Sanctionne]

I agree. My advice is to assume the worst, they ain't ever coming back. But my personal experience is, many an ex had returned in my life.

 

It makes answering these threads hard.

 

My ex came back too and I was so very happy until he started up w/his old ways again. Now I wish that I had just kept NC and moved on w/my life. Now I'm back to square one. I'm just cheesy and thought that it meant something that our paths kept crossing.

[lovesucks76]

My ex came back too and I was so very happy until he started up w/his old ways again. Now I wish that I had just kept NC and moved on w/my life. Now I'm back to square one. I'm just cheesy and thought that it meant something that our paths kept crossing.

My situation was weird. Officially I was the dumper but not quite. I broke up because I was falling hard for her and didn't think she felt the same way. After almost 3 weeks she's contacted me twice in the last 3 days via text. As much as I want her back and I love her I'm really torn about what to do. Do I want to try again? Absolutely! Does she? I think so. not sure. but I'm scared of being hurt again to be very honest. So here I sit...not sure about what to do.

[lalalovekay]

My situation was weird. Officially I was the dumper but not quite. I broke up because I was falling hard for her and didn't think she felt the same way. After almost 3 weeks she's contacted me twice in the last 3 days via text. As much as I want her back and I love her I'm really torn about what to do. Do I want to try again? Absolutely! Does she? I think so. not sure. but I'm scared of being hurt again to be very honest. So here I sit...not sure about what to do.

 

I say go for it! How will you ever achieve great things if youre not scared

[Sanctionne]

My situation was weird. Officially I was the dumper but not quite. I broke up because I was falling hard for her and didn't think she felt the same way. After almost 3 weeks she's contacted me twice in the last 3 days via text. As much as I want her back and I love her I'm really torn about what to do. Do I want to try again? Absolutely! Does she? I think so. not sure. but I'm scared of being hurt again to be very honest. So here I sit...not sure about what to do.

 

It's risky however you look at it. It could be really great, or it could end in a bad way.

'Risk nothing, you gain nothing'

Is she worth the risk? she's been contacting you has she not? seems like she cares to me. We all have a different way of expressing how we feel. Some ppl are a little more guarded than others. I myself am that way. I don't enjoy it, but it's my way of protecting myself. At least that's how I feel. But what ends up happening is that I push ppl away.

Point is, you can't hide behind your wall because your afraid of getting hurt. What kind of life is that? Take a chance or let it go and move on w/your life.

I'm def not one to talk. I feel like things are on hold for me right now. Not sure what to do myself? but by the end of this wknd I will make a decision. I have to move fwd either w/ or w/o him. Weigh the pros and cons.

[lovesucks76]

I say go for it! How will you ever achieve great things if youre not scared

I know BUT For once I feel more in control and it's tough to give it up. I do miss her like crazy!

[lovesucks76]

It's risky however you look at it. It could be really great, or it could end in a bad way.

'Risk nothing, you gain nothing'

Is she worth the risk? she's been contacting you has she not? seems like she cares to me. We all have a different way of expressing how we feel. Some ppl are a little more guarded than others. I myself am that way. I don't enjoy it, but it's my way of protecting myself. At least that's how I feel. But what ends up happening is that I push ppl away.

Point is, you can't hide behind your wall because your afraid of getting hurt. What kind of life is that? Take a chance or let it go and move on w/your life.

I'm def not one to talk. I feel like things are on hold for me right now. Not sure what to do myself? but by the end of this wknd I will make a decision. I have to move fwd either w/ or w/o him. Weigh the pros and cons.

Thanks. I like your approach. The thing is..... I was doing much better and healing and now this. She's a very guarded person and has been hurt before so I understand some aspects of her behavior but I need to make sure she's into it as much as I am. I do miss her and to be honest never thought she'd come back this soon. She had said she loved me 3 weeks before BU and said she was scared about it. I will wait until later today and see how I feel then. I'm a bit undecided on how to go about it. Thanks again!!

[lalalovekay]

Thanks. I like your approach. The thing is..... I was doing much better and healing and now this. She's a very guarded person and has been hurt before so I understand some aspects of her behavior but I need to make sure she's into it as much as I am. I do miss her and to be honest never thought she'd come back this soon. She had said she loved me 3 weeks before BU and said she was scared about it. I will wait until later today and see how I feel then. I'm a bit undecided on how to go about it. Thanks again!!

 

 

I wish you the best.

[barky2]

They always come back.

 

But its when you could care less anymore and have moved on and haven't thought twice about them.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[theonlyjuan]

I think most come back eventually or at least make a big effort to be friends.

 

It would be a nice shot of self esteem, nothing more

[travelonic]

I think most come back eventually or at least make a big effort to be friends.

 

It would be a nice shot of self esteem, nothing more

 

Not always - a lot of the time yes, but there are times - I think it depends on the circumstances around the breakup.

 

 

I personally take issue with blanket statements that some make that them actually coming back is rare. From everything I've read, from what I've heard talking to people IRL [as in, outside the forums and the internet], and from things I've heard from friens that happened in their families, the actual act of coming back seems to be fairly common given circumstances and time. The part that is hard to predict is whether or not it actually leads to reconciliation, whether or not it leads to getting back together, and if it does lead to that, the likelihood of it being successful.

 

Common, and this goes without saying - doesn't mean it will always happen, of course. Like whether they coming back will lead to reconciliation, getting back together even, and of those efforts are successful or not, them coming back also has a lot of variables attacked to it. The quality of the relationship, the situations regarding the breakup - who broke up with who, why, the time between that and removing one or the other from the picture, the time given to heal before one comes back, etc.

 

I mean, for example, it's much less likely that someone who dumped a deceptive and abusive git would go back. Continuing that example, it'd probably be much, much more likely that a dumper tries to go back to a dumpee in a situation where the dumper thinks they're sewing their wild oats, found greener grass, left the relationship they were in JUST to pursue that [even had an affair with that other person].

 

Likewise, if the dumper and dumpee to reconcile, and try to get back together, the success or lack thereof depends on growth during that time apart - and the willingness to recognize the issues that made things rough before and work together... in the case of affairs/cheating/infidelity, that includes the one who went on the affair recognizing not just what they did, but the patterns that lead them down that path - as well as being able to work at fighting the possibility to stray down that path again [and being able to ask for help if needed].

 

Obviously no situation is a guarantee to a specific outcome, but these intricacies do matter, IMO, if you really want to analyze these things and be able to paint an accurate set of pictures / get an accurate picture of how these things can play out.

Edited August 24, 2013 by travelonic

[LoveIs]

Mine poked me with the most retarded texts about once a month for a year and a half. Some were stupid, some were downright creepy.

 

"Happy Friday." That's it. No, hey how are you, I miss you, just a random ass "Happy Friday."

 

"I hope you are having a nice Christmas."

 

"You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. I wish you'd let me impregnate you." I told you they were creepy sometimes.

 

And then it progressed to him being in the same city and wanting to meet for a drink, but not like...I want to talk, just..I'm passing through. Yeah once with his mom, even. So...let me get this straight, you want me to just go casually have a drink with you and your mom after you dumped me a year ago? That won't be weird. At all.

 

Once he just texted me my name.

 

And that's when I got stupid in a moment of tremendous emotional vulnerability on the heels of another breakup, I responded and ended up letting him come visit me. And he promised and delivered the world. Until he started to devalue me and reclaim his former emotionally distant ways and spit me back out.

 

All of the old hurt from two years ago is back. All of those wounds I had recovered from ripped wide open. I thought I was careful and skeptical enough to be hurt in the beginning, but he really had be believing he was different.

 

Somehow even though I was prepared for something like this simply because of our past, it doesn't hurt less. I don't think I've been more depressed.

 

Sickeningly, I fantasize about him coming back again. I've yet to manage to go more than a full day without contact. Apologizing for things I shouldn't and begging for him to give me another chance.

 

Don't hope for them to come back. Just don't. You don't really want it.

[loversquarrel]

It all depends on circumstances. In the past I dumped my current fiance' because I truly wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I found my way back to her and its going strong. (We weren't engaged at the time of the break up)

Edited August 24, 2013 by loversquarrel
correction

[Kimmie80]

My ex came back every time we split up, but thats because of the children. The last time was when he had an affair in 2009 when I was pregnant with our daughter. I took him back. He realized the grass wasnt greener on the other side. But things never worked after that. I was permanently damaged. Unless the issues that created the break up are resolved, ya, they may come back, but it won't work. Im learning that time, repair, trust, change all play key factors. For me, I will never go back to my ex. We have 15 years and 4 children together. But somethings never change.

[lalalovekay]

It all depends on circumstances. In the past I dumped my current fiance' because I truly wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I found my way back to her and its going strong. (We weren't engaged at the time of the break up)

 

How long did it take to contact her?