In over my head...cheating and lying...what do i do?

[bubblygrl5]

I have gotten back with an ex that cheated on me. Its been hard work, but we're definitely moving forward in the right direction. I have finally gotten my act together...but for a long time after I agreed to work it out, I guess you could say I cheated on him...

 

There's no pretty way to say it, and no way to make myself look like a saint...but somewhere inside me I just thought to myself that he already did major damage, and that my actions weren't really doing that much harm. He never found out or anything. I would hang out with an ex, and it didnt always wind up in sex...but on occasion it did. And the worst part is that the next day I would see my bf and the incidents of the last night were so forgotten.

 

I guess I just feel bad about all of it now. I feel like the cheating transformed me into this person I really am not. Something about being with him made me feel entitled to be a lesser gf, b/c nothing would be as bad as when he did it to me. And I guess in the back of my head I knew he couldnt bash me for the same thing he'd done.

 

Anyhow, I dont do it at all now....I'm not even tempted to cheat...but I'm wondering if anyone else has ever had a similar experience. It's almost like there are so many scratches, that you know a couple more wont even make a difference..

 

It's been 2 yrs since he cheated, and almost a yr since I did anything like that. We're happier than ever, but I'm not proud of my mistakes, and I'm wondering if this is slightly normal? Not that anything about cheating is good or normal or anything like that.

 

Bubblygrl

[Pocky]

Yes it's normal. While you shouldn't ignore the mistakes you made or deny any wrong doing on your part, you need to make amends with yourself and come to terms with what you did. You can't erase the past so the only thing you can do in order to rectify what you're feeling inside is to isolate why you made the decisions you made, why those decisions were wrong and prepare yourself so that in the future you don't make the same mistakes. Making mistakes isn't the bad part - not learning from them is.

[Cecelius]

I'd just gently suggest that you consider this relationship done, either now or later.

 

He cheated on you, you cheated on him (but he did it first). Either way, you both are probably not old enough or mature enough to stay together and things have gotten damaged enough that it just won't be worth it.

 

Have a good time, go out for as long as you like, then when you can't really trust him (and he can't trust you, he just doesn't know it) anymore, break it off.

 

Also, if your other ex is still in the picture (he talks to you, you guys hang out, etc.) it WILL come out -- maybe a few years, maybe a few months, but it will.