Troubled Heart Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I'm really new to this sort of thing but desperately need some advice about my current situation with my boyfriend. I suppose I should provide some background of sorts: About 3 months ago I met this amazing guy through a mutual friend. It was one of those instances where you just click and feel so comfortable with another person. When we met, we lived in different cities about an hour and a half away from each other. I thought it was really awesome that a week after meeting him, he wanted to come out for our first date. He started coming out to visit practically each week, staying with the mutual friend who helped get us together. He's 24 and I'm 22, by the way. Anyway, I recently graduated from college and have been having a hard time finding work where I can use my degree. So I expanded my job search to include the city where he lives. I have been going on interviews there but have been having a hard time finding work. He got out of the military in September, about a month after we first met. It was around that time that we decided to officially be together and not date anyone else. At the time, he was considering moving to my city so that we could be closer together. Before he got out of the military, however, he had applied for all kinds of gov't jobs in all places. Early in our relationship, I told him that I didn't want to be the reason he turned down a really good job opportunity. As our relationship has grown, I've seen what an awesome bf he really is. He is my first love so it makes it even harder, his leaving that is. Last friday, he had a phone interview for a job in Kansas City, MO and this past monday, he was offered the position. He had applied for this job long before he met me. He accepted the position in MO and now he is moving in less than a week. I have been crying off and on for the past few days b/c I don't want him to leave. I'm not going to ask him to stay either, it would ruin us. I want this relationship to work b/c I think we have so much potential. I guess what I need advice on, is how to make this long-distance thing work? He hasn't asked me to move out there, so I'm not even sure where he stands on the matter. He tells me he's sad about leaving too, but part of me is angry that he's choosing to go. I just need help finding ways to cope with this situation and maybe some advice from people who have been in the situation. I've told my close friends and family, that I would seriously consider moving anywhere he is. He has to be in MO at least 1 year. Has anyone else in a new relationship been faced with this situation? Please let me know what I can do to make the distance less painful. I don't even know if it would be worse to break up and see where we are in a year or to just wait it out. He's definitely worth the wait. Link to post Share on other sites
lovangel Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 its odd that i read what you had to write . i hope i bring you some sort of comfort... im 23 and my boyfriend is the same age we met feb. 13th 2004 not that long ago as you can see. he had already grad college when we met he is from IL. had moved back home and i was going to school in Alabama. Feb. 11 while still in IL. he decided that he wanted to drive to Alabama and stay with one of his friends and look for a job in Atlanta Georgia about an hour and a half away ( he grad. with a major in finance) so he moved down later that week he just so happened to go to a party that i was at (which i wasnt even going to attend but got dragged to) any ways we saw eachother and it was love at first sight.... our first date was the next day V'day. needless to say after looking for a job and finding nothing suitable he decided to apply for law school i was hoping that it would be close ... he applied to schools close to me and then a couple of other place , but because it was so late his choices were limited he ended up getting in to a school in jacksonville, florida which is 7 hours away not an easy drive. i thought my life was over ... he is my first love i fell so fast and so hard and didnt at the time know were he stood. i mean he said that if we tried we could make it work but girl how many times have you had a friend that you told you would always be best friends with but you to just drift away not meaning to it just happens. i cried like a baby my stomach always hurt i was lost when he moved away it truely felt like i had lost my best friend... needless to say against the odds and a lot of drama we are still together it has not always been easy and we still have 10 more months till we can be together for good . Communication is key!! a long distance relationship can not fail with mutual respect, trust, and communication. the odds are against you but it can be done if you are a team. i truely wish you the best its hard but i hope that i gave you a little bit of encouragement !!! Link to post Share on other sites
gwennebe Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I am really sorry you are going through this. I have been in a kind of similar situation about twice. All I can say is DO NOT OFFER TO MOVE THERE OR EVEN BRING IT UP!! Not until he does that is. It has only been three months so he probably a little confused on where the relationship is going. I can tell you this though. If it is meant to work out and he really really cares for you.... then he will either move you out there or he will stay there. It sucks that it's only been this long but things will work out for the best you have to keep telling yourself that. I understand where your anger is coming from. An ex of mine moved about 4 months into our relationship and I was very resentful and we eventually did break up but that was like 10 years ago and we still keep in touch pretty reguarly and now he regrets it but I don't like him the same anymore so you see, just try to stay as positive as you can!! and concentrate on your needs and wants and finding yourself a good job. Good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Majik45 Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I wouldn't be so quick to move out there either, but I don't think you should just give up on the relationship at the drop of a dime either. Here's my situation that I've gone through recently, definitely not the exact same thing, but kind of similar. I had been talking to this girl on-line for quite a few months, and we had been on a date or two. It was at the point of starting to have potential, and then everything got turned upside down. She lost her job, and decided to move back home. She was still going to be about 3 hours from me, just in a different direction. Anyway, at this point in time, she decides that she wants to go to China and teach English as a 2nd language as this was something that she always wanted to do and never had the chance. She basically will be leaving next August. I could have easily dropped out of the relationship at this point, but I saw the potential and decided to stick it out. As I tell her, we just need to take it a day at a time. Anyway, it's been a great decision and things are going great between us. If you want to do the long distance thing for a while, it's manageable, but you both need to have commitment to it. It's good to lay some ground rules for the relationship (like how often you are going to see each other in person, how often you talk, etc). It's also good to probably figure out how long you want it to be long distance. If it's meant to be, I'm sure you'll work it out. GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Troubled Heart Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 Thanks for the great advice and information from everyone! Just wanted to give a brief update of what we decided and to say thanks! I went to visit him the weekend before he leaves for MO. At first I was acting distant and trying to be strong (thinking that it would be easier for him to leave knowing that I wouldn't be a complete basketcase). He called me out on my strange behavior and after some crying from both of us, things went back to as close to normal as possible. We decided that we would try to make this work b/c our feelings for each other are so strong and real. When I was leaving his house, we had a nice moment where we stated our commitment for each other and to making the relationship work. I have a good feeling about this and can only wait to see what happens in the future. But at least I can be sure that we are both going to try. In fact, I'm going to go visit him in 2 months, seeing as I'm the one w/ unstable employment and the freedom to come and go! Thanks again for all the advice and posting a reply! Link to post Share on other sites
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