I've ignored my girlfriend,and hate myself for it. How do I start 2 make it up to her

[JeffyP]

Alright, figure I'll start this story from the beginning, but I'll try not to make it too long, I do hope for some feedback after all

Well, me (22) and my girlfriend (20) starting going out about a year and a half ago. We fell in love so quickly, and the whole world became so magical to the both of us. After going for about 3 months, we both moved out of our parents houses, and in together. Mostly because of a strained relationship between my girlfriend and her parents. Things went really well until about last December. I started really ignoring her emotionally, and just really made myself emotionally unavailable. I was extraordinarily stressed at the time, I was being unfairly treated at work, school was really not going well, there was rarely any money left after bills, I even started taking Paxil. I know that I should never have taken out my stress by closing in on myself and not talking about anything, didn't even tell her I was on anti-depressants at the time, but I did. I regret it so much now, cause it lead down such a sad path. Things kept on getting worse from then on in. I wouldn't ever talk to her about my problems, or about the problems we would have in our relationship. I would want to have sex less and less, to the point where now, we rarely do it because I show little interest in her anymore. I feel like such an idiot cause how I think of her hasn't changed. I still want to be with her so much, want to tell her everything I think, everything that I ever have. I want to be with her so much, but how I act, I ignore her, I don't talk about my feelings, and I just generally keep everything in, even though I don't want to. How do I open up? I want to so badly. I want to apologize to her, pour everything I have out, tell her how sorry I am for all the stuff I've put her through, and start making everything between us perfect again. I've never felt anything for anyone the way I do for her. How do I stop acting so cowardly, holding back how and what I feel for her, and really show her how I feel. I miss her so much. She's perfect.

[Pocky]

Write her a letter and tell her how you feel, tell her where you feel you made mistakes, and tell her how you want to change.

[Dumbgirl]

Hi JeffyP -

I know how you feel. Are you and your girlfriend broken up already? If so, then I don't know how to help you cause I am in the same boat. I did that to my ex for many of the same reasons and I want nothing more than to turn back time and take back everything I did. Unfortunately, I can't. It has been 4 months since the break up...he is with someone else and he thinks its best if we don't talk.

 

If you have not broken up yet though, there is still hope. Tell her exactly how you feel about her. Put your heart on the line. Tell her that you realize what you have been doing to her and to the relationship and that you want to make a sincere effort to change things. Also reinforce that the way you have been acting has nothing to do with her or your feelings towards her, but that is your way of coping with stress and that you realize it is wrong to shut out those closest to you.

 

That's the best advice I can offer. I wish I could have realized all the damage I was causing before it got to this. I took my ex for granted in thinking that he could deal with my emotional coldness. I was so wrong....nobody would be able to deal with it. It is my mistake and I have realized it. I may have to live with the consequences forever. I hope not though...I sincerely hope we get another chance because I love him with all my heart.

 

Good luck

[Truetoself]

My ex did the exact same thing to me your doing to your girlfriend now. We were "In love". He said he never felt this way about anyone ever and saw himself marrying me. I knew he had a few depression and family issues, but I never thought it would lead to an actually break up that has lasted a year now because he hasn't been man enough to come to me and admit his mistakes and express his feelings. We lived together and were together for 3 1/2 years. He used to open up to me all the time, then one day he stopped! I was always there to listen and be of comfort to him, but I ended up being the person he took his problems out on. Everything you described above is exactly what he did to me including the sex life. He began distancing himself further and further away. He wouldn't call or even come by. He pretty much pushed me away. This all began around the holidays last year. I asked him if he wanted to break up then and he say No. "No, I don't want to break up with you, there are just some things going on that you don't understand." I thought if I gave him some space then maybe things would get better. It turned into N/C for 6mos. I was very hurt & confused. I then asked him to come get his things from my house. He didn't want to though. There still really hasn't been any closure, I guess cause the love is still there. Two weeks ago, I saw him out and he kept telling me how good I looked and that he still loved and was missing me, but I haven't herd from him since. I'm not sure if he's to scared to call and ask if we could work things out or not. I figure he knows he owes me a serious apologize and doesn't know how to say it. I will always love him, but I'm not sure if I would ever feel comfortable again with him shutting down and shutting me out the way he did.

 

If you really love this girl, it is so important for you to go to her and truly tell her how you feel. Really try to open up & express your feelings. Tell her what has been going on with you. She needs to know. You don't want her to start hating you. She will began to blame herself for alot of your actions and that is not healthy for the both of you. If she truly loves you, she will understand and maybe try to help make things a little better for you. A relationship is about giving and being there for each other. She can't be there for you if you don't let her in.

 

It has been said that young girls are raised to express there feelings and emotions(crying, hugs & kisses)and it's ok, because girls are soft and that's what they do...right, but young boys are raised to never show there feelings or emotions period(cry, hug, etc.) If they do they are considered punks, sis-sys, or softys which is not true.

 

So what happens is we have a bunch of emotional girls that grow up to be emotional women that always talk about there feelings and a bunch of unemotional boys that grow into unemotional men that hold back or bottle up everything inside and never learn how to really talk about or express there feelings. Which results into an unbalanced relationship that could lead to destruction.

 

Closing yourself off will never be good for you in the long run with or without your girlfriend.

As long as you have life, you will always have problems. Your problems won't be known or even attempt to be solved if you don't talk about them, especially with the one you say you love.

 

Take heed! Don't make the same mistake my ex did by not opening up. It's not worth your relationship with that one special girl. It's on you!!!!

 

If you have any thoughts on my story with my ex feel free to reply! I need it! Good Luck!

[Layzie1207]

in my relationship, i took my ex for granted and treated her badly for a long time. we are in no contact right now and right before no contact i said that i was going to try and find myself and fix my mistakes and figure out why i treated her badly and the next time i talked to her i would be a different person. i did figure it out and i am still working on it and i plan to talk to her in a month and tell her exactly what i did wrong in the relationship and how sorry i am for it and that i have changed and hopefully prove to her i have changed through my actions. its up to her to give me another chance

[Layzie1207]

i think you should send her an email saying that you will give her space and continue to love her, but say your going to try and figure yourself out. and then actually try, go to a counselor and just give it time, because i gave it 10 days and i had this amazing revelation about myself and now i feel like a really good person.