Jealousy over Co-Workers

[robson]

I'm having a jealousy issue and also a question of how to proceed with this situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

About three months ago, a new girl started working in our department at work. From the first moment I had a thing for her, and regardless of any thoughts about not having a thing for her because she works in my department, well...I had a thing for her. Big time.

 

At this time, I was in a relationship, which has recently concluded (it has concluded before, but this time I believe it's for real). Another fellow in my department, who actually sits right on the other side of my own cube, moved in on this girl right away. He made his intentions clear from the start, yet was patient and many of us had an opportunity to socialize with her at lunch and throughout the work day. I felt resentment right off the bat because he was able to pursue her, and I was not, being in a relationship that was no secret, not to mention that I don't cheat.

 

At any rate, the way it's worked out is that he forwarded the relationship a few weeks ago, and she quite reciprocated, and it's clear that they are dating, although they've wisely taken it out of the realm of the workplace. I think everyone knows, but aside from a few words during the day, they've made it less obvious at work.

 

Now, I believe I've also established something of a relationship with her, which was held in check the whole time when I was involved with someone else. We flirt a lot, particularly with our eyes, and we come over and talk to each other a lot. Also in terms of body language, we "match," and many times I've sat and spoke to her and watched her fuss with her hair and other signs like that. She's also very solicitous of my feelings, in subtle ways.

 

I handle it pretty well during the day, because now it's more out of sight out of mind since he's not with her all the day during the day, but it hurts, and particularly when they leave together (well, 30 seconds apart) at the end of the day. I find myself continuing the flirtation, hoping things don't work out with them, and wondering if it's progressed enough with them that it wouldn't be worth an effort to see if something could happen with us. I find myself wondering if it was all just bad timing, and since I think I've noticed her flirting and being around me more since I told her I had broken up with my girlfriend, it makes me wonder all the more. I also have the angel on my shoulder saying play fair, this other guy didn't do anything wrong and he's not a bad guy.

 

Any advice?

[tiki]

Play fair and let her grow to like you on her own. This guy will be old news by the time she realizes how awesome of a person you are. Play it cool.

[bluechocolate]

Personally I don't think it's ever a good idea to date someone that you work with, but people do it all the time.

 

If she's dating someone else then just be buddies for the time being, but you might want to re-think things a bit. If she's dating someone else so quickly after starting there & now flirting with you, well maybe she's not such a great catch after all.

[robson]

Thanks, Tiki, that's sweet. You know that thought has, of course, crossed my mind, lol.

 

Chocolate, the way it worked wasn't that she went after him and now with me, and it's the way it did work out, that I knew it would work out because of my situation then, that's adds to the upset. You see, we started off equal, but he was unattached and I was involved. So, I knew from the beginning that he had a clear shot and I didn't, and so it was like watching a slow motion train wreck. What I knew would happen happened, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. We did spend time together, but it was limited by circumstance, while he could make the move and ask her out for a weekend date while I couldn't. And I give him credit...I can't even say anything bad about him because he was probably more patient than I would have been. He took several weeks to get to know her before moving, so he may well be serious.

 

And bear in mind her flirtations are more of the subconscious kind, like the body language. Well, maybe the making eyes isn't, but that's also fairly "safe" if it doesn't progress beyond that.

 

I guess it's just a rough time for me, as I'm still dealing with the breakup, and not really knowing how that's going to pan out. But I do thank both of you for your good word and advice.