My girlfriend accuses me of cheating on her.

[idkk]

Hello everyone I just wanted to say thank you ahead of time for reading my post and also.. I would appreciate it if you gave me some advice on how to react with my situation.

 

I met a girl at my job about a year ago, and after a couple of weeks of working together i was able to get to know her and we started hanging out outside of work. Of course after some time, around 2 months actually.. we started dating officially. We had a real great time together, and by this time I had found out that she was living with one of her friends for some time but that she was having problems with her.

 

One day, they got into a huge argument and her friend asked her to move out of the house and I of course offered her to stay over at my place. During this time. I was attending a university as a senior majoring in computer engineering. And as some of you may know, it's not an easy degree. So I would sometimes stay on campus working on homework assignments until 1-2am in the morning and she didn't like it. She began to think that I was hanging out with another girl, so I stopped staying so late at school and did it at home instead. It wasn't a big deal to me and it was just an easy compromise worth doing in order to keep her from feeling insecure.

 

anyway, as time by it got worse. Real bad. I couldn't go to the store without her because I "was with another girl". It go so bad that it got to the point of me breaking up with her because I couldn't stand not being trusted. Anyway, I ended up getting back with her eventually. She begged me to get back with her and promised to change and since I loved her, I fell for it. Obviously, she didn't change and we would fight a lot because of her accusations of me cheating on her. Eventually, she moved out to stop the fighting. She has been living in her new place for 2 weeks and three days ago, my brother asked me why she was so insecure about our relationship and I said I wasn't sure.

 

I have never cheated on her, I stopped talking to every girl that I have in any way flirted with before. And when I say stopped talking, I literally deleted them from my contacts, to avoid future problems.. Anyway, after talking about my relationship with my brother, he jokingly mentioned that maybe she's the one cheating on me and thinks I'm cheating on her because of her guilty conscience. Well .. To kill my curiosity, I decided to snoop around her Facebook messages and found one particular message that caught my attention. Turns out she had been talking to a guy, where she had asked him to come over and drink that same night. Later on that day, I came over to her place and asked her what was up to and she said she was studying for a school exam.

 

So I stayed with her for a few minutes until she asked me to leave because she really needed to study and said she couldn't focus. So I said sure, but asked her when she would leave to school since she normally left to school an hour early and it was already 15 minutes past the hour. She said soon, and that one of her carpool buddies would pick her up a little later than usual because she was running late and asked me to leave again. So I did, and on my way home I called her carpool buddy and asked her if I could talk to my girlfriend because my gfs phone wasnt ringing. Her carpool buddy told me that my gf had told her that she had an emergency that day and not to pick her up. I immediately turned around and went back to her house to confront her.

 

She denied everything until I read her the messages word for word and she busted out crying and begging me to forgive her and to give her another chance. I was too mad, so I left her house. After 5 hours, I came back because I was calm and ready to talk.. But.. That guy was there with two of his friends and they were all drinking in her room, on the bed that we sleep in. So I immediately left and she ran out to talk to me and to beg me for another chance. I of course didn't listen and left. Later on that day, she called me to beg me again and to explain that they are just friends. And I told her I would talk to her the next day...

 

The next day, I was still mad and I couldn't talk to her yet until night time. When I showed up to her house. The guy was there AGAIN with his friends. I couldn't believe it, but again she went after me and she still begged me for another chance and said they were just friends. So I told her to ask them to leave and she said no because it would be mean. So I told her that's fine, but that I was leaving instead. And she wouldn't let me leave either, I don't understand why she wouldn't tell them to leave? Because of that guy, our relationship is in jeopardy, but she couldnt ask him to leave because it's mean?.

 

Was it wrong for me to want them all out of the house? I ended up leaving and they stayed, as of right now were broken up and she wants me back. But I don't know if she really does or not. What should i do? Also, I pay for her bills, I buy her food, give her gas money to school, lunch money and I even bought her her car, her bed, her furniture. Etc.. I guess I'm just real confused because I believe that she doesn't love me and only wants to stay with me so she could keep all her stuff.. But I don't know..

 

She cries and begs real hard that it's almost convincing. Does she love me? I'm so confused because I know she's playing me but I keep trying to convince myself that she isn't and I don't know how to be honest with myself.

Edited August 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Balzac]

. I guess I'm just real confused because I believe that she doesn't love me and only wants to stay with me so she could keep all her stuff.. But I don't know

 

Dude.... You're a CSc major....your training is about logical sequencing. It's not logical to question whether she loves you. It's that her behavior precludes your ability to trust her this maintaining a viable romantic relationship. Concerns about funding her are misplaced too. You've got the cash or are a student willing to sign on the line for debt.

 

She is insecure beyond your ability to cure. You describe modifying your normal behavior and yet her demands of you escalated. Her personal emotional problems, her bad decisions, her needing you to financially support her / those are outside of your control. Logical consequences would be that once disrespected you by lies and adding bad behavior, you'd have cut her off.

 

You don't explain your financial obligation such as did you sign her lease or just hand her cash? Thankfully for you she's outta your house.

This girl is not worthy of your commitment.

[NateC]

I've always told people ...if someone cheats once, they'll do it again. While we'll never know her true intentions or if she did cheat on you with that guy, her behavior suggests that she is guilty of something.

 

In reality, it's up to you if you want to deal with it, but if I was in your shoes I'd walk the other way. It takes two to make a good relationship, and she doesn't seem to care about that as much as you do.

[Balzac]

I know she's playing me but I keep trying to convince myself that she isn't and I don't know how to be honest with myself.

 

She's a troubled child in a woman's body. Are you contemplating a relationship where this repetitive destructive behavior persists? I will tell you now, that's self sabotage and foolish. You've studied hard, you'll need to associate professionally with women at some point, what then? You've bowed to her needs and demands to isolate yourself from normal peer associations and yet she chooses to lie and cheat.

 

Cut her off. Accept your financial losses or insist that she sign a promissory note for large debt and move on. She may not have the ability to repay you immediately but the promissory note at least restores some respect to you and you can write off the bad debt.

 

Absolutely you cannot get back with her.

[emva07]

Always worried that you're cheating because she's the one doing it.

 

She is crying and begging because no other guy will let her mooch off of him, THAT'S what she doesn't want to lose.

 

You've got too much going with your schooling to be worried about this problematic girl ( you were already cutting quiet, studying time because of her, of course she doesn't care whether you get an A on the test you were studying for or fail it). Focus on what really matters, your grades and your future.

 

If you stay with her you will regret it. She will only be a quick and bitter chapter in your life....meanwhile you will never be able to regain this time in school....once you fail that class because your life turned into constant fighting every night or all the unnecessary drama she carries around....you can't go back. Too much people get caught up in problematic relationships in school that cause their grades to plummet, graduate with a bad GPA, not get a great job, etc etc. and for what??? All because they invested their time on some crazy psycho that isn't part of your future? Invest in your future, not hers. Trust me, she is not part of their future. What you do in these years in college are. Don't be foolish.

 

You sound like a normal, stable guy who has high goals in his future, but in order to do so you have keep your eye on the prize (graduating school with top grades). She sounds like a crazy nut that will probably appear on Maury in a few years. Don't bring unnecessary drama into your life.

 

You are too young and school is too expensive to have this unstable person ruining your life and your studies. Get your priorities in order my friend. Girls will come and go.....a re-do of college won't. What you do in these 4 years will determine the rest of your life.

Edited August 25, 2013 by emva07

[Space Ritual]

Hello everyone I just wanted to say thank you ahead of time for reading my post and also.. I would appreciate it if you gave me some advice on how to react with my situation.

 

I met a girl at my job about a year ago, and after a couple of weeks of working together i was able to get to know her and we started hanging out outside of work. Of course after some time, around 2 months actually.. we started dating officially. We had a real great time together, and by this time I had found out that she was living with one of her friends for some time but that she was having problems with her.

 

One day, they got into a huge argument and her friend asked her to move out of the house and I of course offered her to stay over at my place. During this time. I was attending a university as a senior majoring in computer engineering. And as some of you may know, it's not an easy degree. So I would sometimes stay on campus working on homework assignments until 1-2am in the morning and she didn't like it. She began to think that I was hanging out with another girl, so I stopped staying so late at school and did it at home instead. It wasn't a big deal to me and it was just an easy compromise worth doing in order to keep her from feeling insecure.

 

anyway, as time by it got worse. Real bad. I couldn't go to the store without her because I "was with another girl". It go so bad that it got to the point of me breaking up with her because I couldn't stand not being trusted. Anyway, I ended up getting back with her eventually. She begged me to get back with her and promised to change and since I loved her, I fell for it. Obviously, she didn't change and we would fight a lot because of her accusations of me cheating on her. Eventually, she moved out to stop the fighting. She has been living in her new place for 2 weeks and three days ago, my brother asked me why she was so insecure about our relationship and I said I wasn't sure.

 

I have never cheated on her, I stopped talking to every girl that I have in any way flirted with before. And when I say stopped talking, I literally deleted them from my contacts, to avoid future problems.. Anyway, after talking about my relationship with my brother, he jokingly mentioned that maybe she's the one cheating on me and thinks I'm cheating on her because of her guilty conscience. Well .. To kill my curiosity, I decided to snoop around her Facebook messages and found one particular message that caught my attention. Turns out she had been talking to a guy, where she had asked him to come over and drink that same night. Later on that day, I came over to her place and asked her what was up to and she said she was studying for a school exam.

 

So I stayed with her for a few minutes until she asked me to leave because she really needed to study and said she couldn't focus. So I said sure, but asked her when she would leave to school since she normally left to school an hour early and it was already 15 minutes past the hour. She said soon, and that one of her carpool buddies would pick her up a little later than usual because she was running late and asked me to leave again. So I did, and on my way home I called her carpool buddy and asked her if I could talk to my girlfriend because my gfs phone wasnt ringing. Her carpool buddy told me that my gf had told her that she had an emergency that day and not to pick her up. I immediately turned around and went back to her house to confront her.

 

She denied everything until I read her the messages word for word and she busted out crying and begging me to forgive her and to give her another chance. I was too mad, so I left her house. After 5 hours, I came back because I was calm and ready to talk.. But.. That guy was there with two of his friends and they were all drinking in her room, on the bed that we sleep in. So I immediately left and she ran out to talk to me and to beg me for another chance. I of course didn't listen and left. Later on that day, she called me to beg me again and to explain that they are just friends. And I told her I would talk to her the next day...

 

The next day, I was still mad and I couldn't talk to her yet until night time. When I showed up to her house. The guy was there AGAIN with his friends. I couldn't believe it, but again she went after me and she still begged me for another chance and said they were just friends. So I told her to ask them to leave and she said no because it would be mean. So I told her that's fine, but that I was leaving instead. And she wouldn't let me leave either, I don't understand why she wouldn't tell them to leave? Because of that guy, our relationship is in jeopardy, but she couldnt ask him to leave because it's mean?.

 

Was it wrong for me to want them all out of the house? I ended up leaving and they stayed, as of right now were broken up and she wants me back. But I don't know if she really does or not. What should i do? Also, I pay for her bills, I buy her food, give her gas money to school, lunch money and I even bought her her car, her bed, her furniture. Etc.. I guess I'm just real confused because I believe that she doesn't love me and only wants to stay with me so she could keep all her stuff.. But I don't know..

 

She cries and begs real hard that it's almost convincing. Does she love me? I'm so confused because I know she's playing me but I keep trying to convince myself that she isn't and I don't know how to be honest with myself.

 

Young man, when someone shows you who they are...BELIEVE THEM!

 

 

Move on....this charade will continue if you don't and you will regret it.

[AverageCat]

LEAVE NOW, PLEASE THANKS.

 

If that was your house, you should have kicked both her and her friends out.

 

No idea why your questioning this.

 

I'll tell you one thing. If the girl REALLY loved you and had "made a mistake". she would have immediately cancelled any ties she had with those guys, just as you did with the girls you were flirting with. Keeping those ties even after she was caught was just straight humiliating.

 

Honestly you seem like her wealthy uncle, paying for her, more than her boyfriend. Stop paying for girls. Think about it as "disrespecting them" because they want equal rights.