loss of romance

[wondering]

I'm 25. I have a 13month old daughter. And a 30yr old boyfriend. Been together a few years. But the problem is we don't have any romance in our lives. I'm at home with my daughter while he works and we don't get out much. But it just seems like there's no romance anymore. When I'm "in the mood", he's busy doing something. Or when he is, it's cause the testosterone is calling for some. It's no love making or foreplay. Which doesn't put me in the mood for it. So what's some suggestions? We both love each other very much, but it's like we've been married for 20 years! Any help or ideas would be much appreciated. Thanks.

[Tony T]

A very common problem.

 

You have to take time to do things with each other. You need to get someone to watch your daughter and go out on dates together, have fun, do some of the things you did when you were first courting.

 

It's real easy to get busy and forget romance, especially for a guy who was raised in a family where there was little affection expressed.

 

Just talking to him and telling him what you require probably will have the opposite effect. You need to do things to create a romantic environment. Risk rejection. But if you keep trying, he will come around.

 

You do need to insist that he does not take you for granted. Things have to be done to reduce work, financial and other stress from his life. Personally, the best way to my heart and my libido is a great massage. Go to a massage therapist and get a massage yourself...see how it's done properly...and then do it on your guy. Improvise and work some sexual stimulation into it.

 

Now, what I read from you is that you consider sex to be romance. While sex is certainly an expression of love, it is by no means the main ingredient of romance. Romance is an ongoing event that should be interwoven into every hour of your life together. Some of it's components are attention, respect, consideration, having fun with mutual activities, etc.

 

If you get the romance going in the rest of your time together, the sex part should take care of itself.

 

Needless to say, there are things you can do as a woman, with personal appearance, dress, hair-do, cologne, etc., that may influence the success of your strategy.

 

Building romance in a relationship where it has gone stale is not easy but it can be done. That's why they call relationships work...and you do have to work at it.

[Deejette]

You are still young and should not look forward to the rest of your life without romance (but no one at any age should be without romance if they can help it). Therefore, it is up to you to put it back into the relationship, because it seems that your boyfriend is OK with things as they are.

 

Planning a special dinner, making at least one date a week when you are together just to be together, and other such efforts are a good idea. It will not happen all by itself and if you let it go, you will just get more of the same that you have now.

A very common problem. You have to take time to do things with each other. You need to get someone to watch your daughter and go out on dates together, have fun, do some of the things you did when you were first courting.

 

It's real easy to get busy and forget romance, especially for a guy who was raised in a family where there was little affection expressed. Just talking to him and telling him what you require probably will have the opposite effect. You need to do things to create a romantic environment. Risk rejection. But if you keep trying, he will come around. You do need to insist that he does not take you for granted. Things have to be done to reduce work, financial and other stress from his life. Personally, the best way to my heart and my libido is a great massage. Go to a massage therapist and get a massage yourself...see how it's done properly...and then do it on your guy. Improvise and work some sexual stimulation into it. Now, what I read from you is that you consider sex to be romance. While sex is certainly an expression of love, it is by no means the main ingredient of romance. Romance is an ongoing event that should be interwoven into every hour of your life together. Some of it's components are attention, respect, consideration, having fun with mutual activities, etc. If you get the romance going in the rest of your time together, the sex part should take care of itself. Needless to say, there are things you can do as a woman, with personal appearance, dress, hair-do, cologne, etc., that may influence the success of your strategy. Building romance in a relationship where it has gone stale is not easy but it can be done. That's why they call relationships work...and you do have to work at it.