troubadour Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 And if she had never cheated, her husband would not have hit her most likely. You clearly don't know what you are talking about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I'm sure we can all agree getting violent is bad, but I'm also sure we can see what is causing this man to be so emotionally distraught. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miracle90 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Her husband probably already had that violent streak tendency but the OP's cheating only acted out like an alcohol, the same way when you drink too much and do things you wouldn't do while sober but always wanted to. It doesn't erase the fact that, it was something himself that man's nature 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Kate, no man should ever be allowed to put his hands on you, take the appropriate action to protect yourself. All it can do is escalate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I'm sure we can all agree getting violent is bad, but I'm also sure we can see what is causing this man to be so emotionally distraught. Yeah, he should have just left Kate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate.23987 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Yesterday Jason contacted me through Facebook. I haven't been in there in a while but I saw a quote from someone that I liked and posted. It said "You can't keep hurting a person and expect them to keep loving you." I then received a message from Jason asking how things were and that if I needed anyone to talk to he would be there. He said it was a really horrible situation but h hypos that we can at least be friends. This has dumbfounded me, with everything that is going on. Should I reply? Honestly I would like to be ble to talk to him about everything but it is obviously a dangerous situation. Do y'all have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I would move on. Don't respond to him at all. Do you want to be a better person? Do you want to have a healthy life again? If you do then allowing people back into your life that helped you ruin it is not a good idea. Your call in the end but honestly I would walk away. Clay 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I agree with these people, I know it's hard but you have to tell him. If what you say is correct and he had been cold with you then maybe he will take some of the blame however you holding this in for the long term is going to wreck you. I am not sure how but if this ever does come out much later its going to suck for him. So I know it's hard and I probably would be hesitant to tell my wife (If I had one) but honestly, you ****ed up drunk or not you wanted to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Yesterday Jason contacted me through Facebook. I haven't been in there in a while but I saw a quote from someone that I liked and posted. It said "You can't keep hurting a person and expect them to keep loving you." I then received a message from Jason asking how things were and that if I needed anyone to talk to he would be there. He said it was a really horrible situation but h hypos that we can at least be friends. This has dumbfounded me, with everything that is going on. Should I reply? Honestly I would like to be ble to talk to him about everything but it is obviously a dangerous situation. Do y'all have any advice? Divorce him. It's good for both of you to do this and move on now. If he stayed with you, the memory of your affair will haunt him for life and he could do something much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
whiterabbit46 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Don't respond to this homewrecker. I read your story, and I felt bad for the situation you two found yourselves in, until you mentioned the fact that you and Jason had sex several times that night. Once is a mistake, several is not. That snake in the grass hoped to break you two up all along, and it seems that he has succeeded. Now I am sure he'd just love to move in and "comfort" you, just like he did on that memorable night. Regardless, I hate that your hubby hurt you physically!!! NO WAY!!!!! I can understand his anger, but I don't care how angry he is, there is absolutely NO justification for that kind of nonsense! You don't deserve to be treated like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
confusedandhurt2002 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 You didn't plan for it to happen but you were able to use protection? Somebody planned it. My husband said this about his one night with his ex(if that's true) and I said "if you used protection you planned it, ass.hole." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 This really is tragic to say the least. If she allows this guy back in her life. Even responds to him for a second she deserves all the horrible labels. She messed up. Now she should learn from it and move on. Clay 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 My husband said this about his one night with his ex(if that's true) and I said "if you used protection you planned it, ass.hole." I am sorry to hear that happened to you. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Kate, you screwed up and you owned it. But in your pain don't let this Jason in once again. Yes you are a big girl and are responsible for your descisions but Jason took advantage of you and he knew what he was doing. Is someone who is willing to do that to the people he claims to be friends with someone you want in your life? Even if you are alone and scared Jason is not a friend. So don't try to convince yourself he is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Kate.23987, don't you remember when he threatened suicide because you broke it off with him? This dude has way too much drama for any reasonable person to deal with. The fact that you are even open to the possibility of communicating with him makes me worried about your judgment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Jesus Kate you CAN'T be this naive. Jason is a POS and the only thing he wants from you is sex. My advice to you is to STAY AWAY from your husband and Jason. Move to another city and start out a new life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Her husband probably already had that violent streak tendency but the OP's cheating only acted out like an alcohol, the same way when you drink too much and do things you wouldn't do while sober but always wanted to. It doesn't erase the fact that, it was something himself that man's nature I think it's just about in everyone's nature depending on neural function and history. I am not a violent person. However, my husband's infidelity took me to very primal and awful places that I don't care to repeat. His blackberry also didn't survive the curb-stomping it got. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Being physically abusive with someone is never right, but I do hate the double standards I see. If a women slaps her husband in the face after finding out he cheated people would be saying "you go girl". If a man slaps a woman in the face after finding out she cheated then they really wouldn't be saying "you go boy" now would they? Not trying to make light of this situation or domestic violence in general, but it is weird to me how much of it woman are allowed to get away with. Anyways, as to the topic: OP you obviously are not in love with your husband, if you were then you wouldn't of cheated on him with his best friend. So having read the entire thread yes it is good you got divorced, this was the right thing to do. I also saw that your husband hit you and caused bruises, this is not ok and is just another reason why divorce was a good idea. I want to say I did see several red flags in your behavior though. Not with the cheating, but with how you acted afterwards. First, I don't see how this Jason guy ever got into your hotel room. You had to of LET him in, willingly. That is a red flag, how'd he even know where to find you? How'd he get in? You could of ignored him and just called security or something. You sure as hell don't engage him in conversation and then give him a hug, not if you expect anyone to believe you love your husband at all. The fact that this happened tells me a lot, I realize he was threatening suicide, but lady if he is going to kill himself over this then it really would not of been your fault. So the fact that at that point you apparently wanted to try to work on things with your husband, but still went and hugged, him etc. just plain flabbergasts me, why do that? The Jason guy being suicidally depressed is not a good enough excuse, FYI. But I know you've been told all this before by people in this thread. However, another red flag is that you had to even ASK us if you should talk to this Jason guy on facebook after he contacted you? That should be an automatic no if you had even a shred of respect left for your husband or yourself. This guy is poison, he is NOT a good person. The fact that you even need to ask if you should respond speaks volumes, why should you respond? What else is there to say? I also have to say I read this entire thread and a lot of people came with replies saying "he cheated too" etc. but nope: this dude did not cheat one single bit, they were broken up. Not to say what he did could not cause his wife pain, but it was not cheating..it was not anywhere near the betrayal what she did was. So I am sorry you got physically abused, nobody deserves that, but otherwise I lack any real sympathy for you, you did this to yourself. At least the OP seems to be perfectly aware of this fact, so that is good. I know others have already told you the same things I have, but since the topic began getting replies again I couldn't help but read it and give my thoughts. Just another example of how cheating can destroy people. I hope in the future you can find a man who you truly love and respect. Edited December 10, 2013 by Spectre 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 I have a feeling Kate will divorce her husband and go with Jason. I hope I am wrong about her going with Jason. Link to post Share on other sites
whiterabbit46 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Yeah. That sorry POS is just chomping at the bit to come in and "rescue" Kate and be her knight in shining armor, even though it was his sneaky lust that precipitated this whole mess. I'm just an old cynic (hence the "white" in WhiteRabbit) but somehow I think that this is the way he planned it all along. Now he figures she'll have to turn to him again for solace and support (and, I'm sure he hopes, possibly another roll in the hay or two or three or ...) Can't you just hear him laughing up his sleeve and panting with gleeful anticipation? Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 I for one have never cheered face slapping but even so the difference ften lies in the strength. If we are talking a strong woman who hits and slaps her husbad so hard he is covered in bruises? Yeah crazy. But the majority of the time a woman's slap stings and the guy hardly moves. A guy slaps the woman he knocks her down, leaves brusies or splits her lip. I think that is why their is geneally more adversion to a man getting physically violent. This is amped up even more if we are talking a five woman abeing knocked around by a six foot guy. The vice versa doesn't happen often. If a betrayed wife leaps at her husband and begins scratching his face, or kicks him in the you know where... I'd tell her she was wrong. So no double standard for me. Unless in self defense. I do not cheer on any violent action. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 This thread is a bit long...why hasn't Kate's husband divorced her? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauren.B Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Wow, even after all you guys have been through Jason thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to 'go in for the kill' as it were. Kate, why do you not see what is right in front of you? This guy is your husband's best friend for what seems like a very long time, he develops feelings for you (which isn't necessarily his fault but they way he handled them was), waits for a weak point in your relationship and takes advantage of your trusting nature. He got his best friends wife drunk and slept with her. To me there is no greater betrayal than what you both did. Now your husband has lost not only a friend but his wife and child also. Yes, none of this justifies the physical abuse but I think a lot has to be said about the mental well-being of your husband right now, it must be awful for him. I think you need some time alone, to not be in a relationship, find out who you are outside of other people. Many other posters have commented on this and I think it is a valid point for you to take on board. Don't pursue a relationship with Jason, the one who cheats with you will ALWAYS cheat on you and then who knows what he or you will do next. The fact that he threatened suicide like that should send alarm bells, neither of you are in an emotionally well enough state to be in a relationship. File divorce and move on, it's what's best for everyone. And if you are honest with yourself, you know that. Best wishes, Lauren x Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Well this is a sad situation. Hugs Kate. You need some time to yourself to heal, away from both Ben and Jason. Send Jason a quick note saying you are not ready to talk, but may be one day you will. Ask him to respect your space and leave you to heal. You will contact him when and if you are ready, but that may not be for a long time, if ever. As far as Ben, you need to file for divorce and get that ball rolling. That is just a straight up toxic relationship and as sad as a miscarriage is I think it was devine intervention. You can lay blame all over it is just a toxic mix, get out while you can. May be some individual counceling will help you? Time and distance will definately help you. Learn to like being on your own for a while. Once your divorce is final then you will have a clearer mind as to where you have been and where you would like to go. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kate.23987 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 I tried my hardest to ignore the messages Jason sent me but I just couldn't. As stupid as it sounds he has been really kind and understanding, again Infelt like I could be normal. We spent the night together and I felt whole. I can't stop thinking about him, I think I am falling for him, as awful as that is. Link to post Share on other sites
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