The Sum of All Fears (Asking girls out ;) )

[Gravity]

Hey guys now let me be the first to say that i have NEVER asked a girl out.........thats one of my biggest fears (yes i am a wimp ) but anyways when talking to my friends they seemed to agree with me on my main problem. I am not a totally shy guy, i have friends from both sexes and i like to think i get along with the people i meet. Now i have had many crushes in my 21 years of life but nothing has come of any of them, they are normally just uninterested or have boy friends already. But i have to know....in my view i dont see how guys these days can just keep on playing the 'numbers game' because to me if a girl was to say "No" then i would over analyse the decision by asking myself 'Why did she say no?' and then my self confidence would take a severe knock. To keep on doing this would destroy me, now i dont intend to sound full of myself but i dont think i am a bad looking guy, i am 6 foot 4, broad sholdered, Not Fat, and i try to keep myself in good shape i just cant seem to find a girl thats really into me like i see when most couples are first dating. I am at Uni at the moment.....which is supposed to be a great chance to meet the opposite of sex but i have met some great girls but AGAIN they seem to have boyfriends is there anything i can do to improve my chances or techniques to have a better chance of success with women AND do you guys have the same 'Over Analyse a situation' problem?

 

Thanks

[gwennebe]

Yes yes, I overanalyize everything!! The only advice I can give you is the same advice I give my male friends... just take a chance and ask a girl out. If she says no then be glad not sad because she's leaving the door open for someone even more special that will prolly say yes and dont' ever take it personally. People SUCK

[HokeyReligions]

Just ask!

[BlueLP]

Pro's of asking:

 

1. She might say yes

2. You'll see that asking isn't as bad as you think

3. You'll get better and better with practice

 

Con's of asking:

 

1. A girl that you'll never see again whose opinion of you means nothing might say no. Not the most fun experience, but it'll pass.

 

 

Con's of not asking:

 

1. She can't possibly say yes w/o an interaction

2. You'll be stuck analyzing why you didn't, and here on loveshack posting more about this

3. You'll miss out on chances to improve your game

 

Pro's of not asking:

 

1. Video games can be pretty damn fun

2. Mom likes having you around the house

[Fuzzymuzzy]

Dude you'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take whether asking girls out or in life. Flex nuts and ask them out.

[Flying Goose]

Originally posted by BlueLP

Pro's of asking:

 

1. She might say yes

2. You'll see that asking isn't as bad as you think

3. You'll get better and better with practice

 

Con's of asking:

 

1. A girl that you'll never see again whose opinion of you means nothing might say no. Not the most fun experience, but it'll pass.

 

 

Con's of not asking:

 

1. She can't possibly say yes w/o an interaction

2. You'll be stuck analyzing why you didn't, and here on loveshack posting more about this

3. You'll miss out on chances to improve your game

 

Pro's of not asking:

 

1. Video games can be pretty damn fun

2. Mom likes having you around the house

 

I like the analysis. However, what about the situation where you actually know the girl? Where the opinion would matter? If you included that, you'd probably have a conclusive choice and consequence analysis of the situation.

[BlueLP]

Yes, that is the great complicator, huh? No thanks on the analysis for that one...

[Flying Goose]

What do you think of this?

 

I don't like the idea of liking someone i don't actually know - it sort of feels selfish/conceited/unfulfilling. Thus, I don't really like to like people for how they look and indeed it seems I, in general don't. Therefore I'm left with a mostly psychological interest in people. As you can imagine, this means were I to ask someone out, they would have already been a friend. Also, I'd be doing so because I liked their company and wanted them to think of me as a special person and thought that would be the only way of doing so.

 

Tis weird, but it seems to work like that in my little mind. I'd just like some opinions about this train of thought.

[BlueLP]

I'm like you in that I like to get to know a person and have them get to know me before anything starts....I've mostly dated people who were friends I got to know through other capacities.

 

But you can view going up to and talking to someone as getting to know them in some senses. If you make a friend and then gradually get to know them, it works the same way whether you initiated contact in a purposeful way or more the way a regular friendship develops.

 

I know what you mean though..I think in the "pick-up scene" way of working we are forced to make dating judgments with people much faster, and therefore have to rely more on surfacy features and impressions. It often isn't as genuine or psychologically meaningful.

[packersgirl]

Wow, I have a friend who is EXACTLY like you... its strange really.

 

My advice to you is get over yourself and ask her out (if there is a specific 'her' you have in mind)!!! Honestly, you may be a shy guy when it comes to asking girls out, but you have to keep in mind that not all girls are going to approach you and lay their feelings out on the line. Read the signals she's sending, even if she's shy too, they should be pretty clear. If she says no, she's not worth your time. And just like gwennebe said, if she does say no, she's just leaving the door open for someone better. I'm an over-analyzer as well, but to help your self confidence, if a girl does turn you down remember what I've just said 1) she's not worth your time and 2) God has an even better woman in mind for you.

[Gravity]

Originally posted by packersgirl

Wow, I have a friend who is EXACTLY like you... its strange really.

 

My advice to you is get over yourself and ask her out (if there is a specific 'her' you have in mind)!!! Honestly, you may be a shy guy when it comes to asking girls out, but you have to keep in mind that not all girls are going to approach you and lay their feelings out on the line. Read the signals she's sending, even if she's shy too, they should be pretty clear. If she says no, she's not worth your time. And just like gwennebe said, if she does say no, she's just leaving the door open for someone better. I'm an over-analyzer as well, but to help your self confidence, if a girl does turn you down remember what I've just said 1) she's not worth your time and 2) God has an even better woman in mind for you.

 

There is this girl in some of my uni classes...i have liked her since last year. We occasionally catch outselves looking at each other, i dont know her name but i think she may be going to the xmas ball in a few weeks. The only thing i dont like in this situation is that i am useless at knowing what girls are thinking, they seem to give mixed signals. I almost asked a girl out before but luckily i found out she had a boyfriend moments before i was going to ask her. If she says no then i will have to see her every class and feel like a complete loser.....i hate thinking this because i really really want to start dating.

[Flying Goose]

Originally posted by Gravity

There is this girl in some of my uni classes...i have liked her since last year. We occasionally catch outselves looking at each other, i dont know her name but i think she may be going to the xmas ball in a few weeks. The only thing i dont like in this situation is that i am useless at knowing what girls are thinking, they seem to give mixed signals. I almost asked a girl out before but luckily i found out she had a boyfriend moments before i was going to ask her. If she says no then i will have to see her every class and feel like a complete loser.....i hate thinking this because i really really want to start dating.

 

LOL - it's because of that problem that many people avoid asking people in their immediate vicinity out - especially when they don't know them well. So it's usually looking at people who you don't have routine events with, or people you know very well and could (possibly) read better.