how can a heart hurt when it's only a muscle?!

[hurting]

i'm really wondering this and have pondered this question for years but never got an answer, maybe here i can get some opinions.

 

o.k. when say jealousy roars it's ugly head and it hurts in your heart, how is that so? if your heart is just a muscle how can it feel pain?

 

i am so tired of feeling pain that is why i'm asking this. like i get jealous at times about my boyfriends coworker who he seems to be really nice to.

 

when i hear him talk to her about business of course i get this horrible jealousy feeling and stabbing pain in my chest and it really really sucks!

 

i mostly get it with her cause i've heard she is pretty and cause i wonder why he is so nice to her too. i don't know if he is attracted to her, i did ask him once and he said "no" and he said he was not interesed in her, but still that nagging doubt comes back when i hear her name.

 

but all i want is the pain to go away, why does it hurt? if it didn't hurt i wouldn't be so bothered by it, what can i do besides rip out my heart? thanks

[Tony T]

The heart is nothing more than a symbol for the place in our mind (or more specifically brain) where we collect our feelings, love included. The heart organ is a very important biological component of our anatomy and pumps life-giving blood to every part of our body. It's relationship to romance is purely symbolic.

 

If the heart organ had a mind of its own, it would be stupified that people had pegged it for such a symbol because so many people carry on relationships more aptly symbolized by the rectum...(butt or ass).

 

It's just very romantic to relate the heart to things of romance. It just doesn't have the same kind of heavenly resonance when we think of our mind hurting...or brain...but that's where the hurt is really coming from.

 

Now that we have that out of the way, you do have control over your brain and your thoughts. Your jealousy comes from insecurity you feel about yourself and your relationship. You need to do as much as you can to feel better about yourself and more secure with your guy. Jealousy serves absolutely no useful purpose whatsoever. NONE.

 

Jealousy has NOTHING to do with romance. Love does not know jealousy. Love moves freely and we wish those we love to have unrestricted freedom of movement and freedom of choice. When we make the decision to love, we also make the decision to hurt if that becomes necessary. If you are always hurting because of your jealousy, then you are choosing to hurt in advance, for no reason.

 

Hurt rationally comes at the end of a relationship...or duing some sort of crisis during the relationship. If you are making the choice to hurt because of jealousy or any other reason, you might want to get some counselling. It just isn't being very nice to yourself to choose those kinds of negative feelings.

 

Jealousy DOES NOT roar its ugly head...YOU do. You control every feeling you have. Feelings are decisions. Yeppers...you know, there are billions of people who have died thinking it was other people who made them angry, jealous, anxious, guilty, depressed, etc. They never realized it was their choice. Can you imagine if every person's life was so controlled by other people...how insane that is...although so many people let others dictate how they feel. I don't give that kind of power to anybody and I hope you'll stop doing that too.

 

The only time feelings are not really a matter of choice is when there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, usually associated with depression. There is no chemical imbalance that causes jealousy...it is your conscious choice to feel that way. Maybe it's something you just trained your brain to do automatically. But it really doesn't make you happy.

 

Instead of getting jealous, when your boyfriend talks to this lady coworker or when you think you want to get jealous, think of apple pie, a new car, Christmas, a big orgasm, Disney World, Tom Cruise, etc. etc. If you think of something else, you won't get jealous. Take control of your mind and make it serve you, not the other way around.

 

If you decide to rip your heart out, please make me the beneficiary of any life insurance you may have, I need the money. But, should you do that, you might just get jealous of the people who went to heaven...ever think about that???

[hurting TO TONY, ONE MORE QUESTION, PLEASE!]

i was just wondering since you say jealousy is not a chemical imbalance, do you think that control is? you know like if i tried to control my b'f's action that have to do with this girl, etc, would that or could that be a chemical imbalance? just curious. also, sorry i don't have a life insurance policy, if i get one tho i'll think of you first for all your help you give others! thank you again

The heart is nothing more than a symbol for the place in our mind (or more specifically brain) where we collect our feelings, love included. The heart organ is a very important biological component of our anatomy and pumps life-giving blood to every part of our body. It's relationship to romance is purely symbolic. If the heart organ had a mind of its own, it would be stupified that people had pegged it for such a symbol because so many people carry on relationships more aptly symbolized by the rectum...(butt or ass). It's just very romantic to relate the heart to things of romance. It just doesn't have the same kind of heavenly resonance when we think of our mind hurting...or brain...but that's where the hurt is really coming from. Now that we have that out of the way, you do have control over your brain and your thoughts. Your jealousy comes from insecurity you feel about yourself and your relationship. You need to do as much as you can to feel better about yourself and more secure with your guy. Jealousy serves absolutely no useful purpose whatsoever. NONE.

 

Jealousy has NOTHING to do with romance. Love does not know jealousy. Love moves freely and we wish those we love to have unrestricted freedom of movement and freedom of choice. When we make the decision to love, we also make the decision to hurt if that becomes necessary. If you are always hurting because of your jealousy, then you are choosing to hurt in advance, for no reason. Hurt rationally comes at the end of a relationship...or duing some sort of crisis during the relationship. If you are making the choice to hurt because of jealousy or any other reason, you might want to get some counselling. It just isn't being very nice to yourself to choose those kinds of negative feelings. Jealousy DOES NOT roar its ugly head...YOU do. You control every feeling you have. Feelings are decisions. Yeppers...you know, there are billions of people who have died thinking it was other people who made them angry, jealous, anxious, guilty, depressed, etc. They never realized it was their choice. Can you imagine if every person's life was so controlled by other people...how insane that is...although so many people let others dictate how they feel. I don't give that kind of power to anybody and I hope you'll stop doing that too.

 

The only time feelings are not really a matter of choice is when there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, usually associated with depression. There is no chemical imbalance that causes jealousy...it is your conscious choice to feel that way. Maybe it's something you just trained your brain to do automatically. But it really doesn't make you happy. Instead of getting jealous, when your boyfriend talks to this lady coworker or when you think you want to get jealous, think of apple pie, a new car, Christmas, a big orgasm, Disney World, Tom Cruise, etc. etc. If you think of something else, you won't get jealous. Take control of your mind and make it serve you, not the other way around. If you decide to rip your heart out, please make me the beneficiary of any life insurance you may have, I need the money. But, should you do that, you might just get jealous of the people who went to heaven...ever think about that???

 

[Tony T]

First, I was just joking about the life insurance policy...please don't take that seriously. However, I would be delighted to share in your lottery winnings should you ever be so lucky.

 

Control has nothing to do with chemical imbalance in the brain. Control is much akin to jealousy. We seek to control others and situations because of our own personal insecurities. We seek to control our environment so it will be predictable for us.

 

Those who have control issues often come from families where there was great emotional and/or physical abuse. A young person in that family environment is basically without any say or control in the abusive situation. As an adult, he/she seeks to ensure trauma such as that experienced as a child never happens again...so there are great strides made to control everything.

 

The paradox of the matter is that the more we try to control others and situations, the more they get out of control and we are not able to achieve our goals. To the extent that we can let go and let matters happen the way they will and let people behave as they must, the world unfolds as it should and we are able to achieve the greatest levels of happiness.

 

Trying to achieve control over anything is usually fruitless and takes a lot of energy we could be more productively putting into coming up with winning lottery numbers.

[hurting TO TONY, just one last question]

i was in counseling for my jealousy and control problems along time ago and the shrink said that an ssri would help me with thinking and obsessibg about her and or others.

 

i never took him up on it tho, but am wondering your opinion, please. thank you again lol

First, I was just joking about the life insurance policy...please don't take that seriously. However, I would be delighted to share in your lottery winnings should you ever be so lucky. Control has nothing to do with chemical imbalance in the brain. Control is much akin to jealousy. We seek to control others and situations because of our own personal insecurities. We seek to control our environment so it will be predictable for us. Those who have control issues often come from families where there was great emotional and/or physical abuse. A young person in that family environment is basically without any say or control in the abusive situation. As an adult, he/she seeks to ensure trauma such as that experienced as a child never happens again...so there are great strides made to control everything. The paradox of the matter is that the more we try to control others and situations, the more they get out of control and we are not able to achieve our goals. To the extent that we can let go and let matters happen the way they will and let people behave as they must, the world unfolds as it should and we are able to achieve the greatest levels of happiness. Trying to achieve control over anything is usually fruitless and takes a lot of energy we could be more productively putting into coming up with winning lottery numbers.

[Tony T]

I don't want to second guess your psychiatrist. However, I am basically against putting drugs inside our bodies to enable us to do what we ourselves can do without them.

 

If you are having some obsessive-compulsive problems and have been diagnosed by a competent physician, and seratonin reuptake inhibitor could be of some help. But I really think it's ashamed that we have come to depend so much on medications.

 

If you need medicine to help you, by all means get some prescribed but you should not grow to depend on medicine to govern your behavior.