Why are some men successful with women and some men not?

[fortyninethousand322]

All theories welcome. I'm interested in ideas as to why some men seem to be able to get dates/relationships/sex, whatever it is they're looking for while some men don't.

 

The vast majority of both sexes have generally satisfying romantic lives, the major problem is finding the right person, rather than just any person. So what divides the successful from the unsuccessful?

 

I'll chime in with my own thoughts in a bit...

[Weezy1973]

First it would depend on your definition of success. I would never be successful at having a lot of casual sex, but I am successful at getting dates (mostly through online dating) and finding relationships (mostly through women I know in my day to day life).

[MrCastle]

Well roundedness.

 

Being at least average looking, having a moderate to large social circle/knowing how to be social, confidence, being well dressed, being interesting and going out and putting yourself out there. That's really it. As well as having a nonchalant attitude. Not taking dating serious. If a girl likes you, cool, if she doesn't, whatever.

 

If you make dating your life's focus, you will fail. You'll over think things, you'll get frustrated easier, etc.

 

Live your life with the idea that dating is just one part of life and not everything.

[ThaWholigan]

There's varying reasons to be honest:

 

For some, it is plain bad luck in the sense that they don't find themselves in the right scenarios often or meet the wrong women who wouldn't be attracted to them.

 

Then there are those who are maybe not "passive" per se - a man can use passivity to attract a few women - but the guys may be a little bit timid. Fearful of rejection or embarrassment.

 

Also those who are not really clued in to some social cues related to dating too.

 

I could go on - there's many reasons why some men aren't so good with women. My own feeling is that there is always a way to offset this and become somewhat successful (whether that is getting an LTR, or string of women). I feel there is a lack of acceptance regarding how one does with women. A lot of said guys claim that we cannot accept the truth about men needing to be good looking just to get attention from women and other such claims, but I accept that there are a lot better looking guys than me who do exceptionally well with women and men who aren't even as good looking as me who do excellently too. I have no problem accepting that, and I am still happy with my ability to date. It seems the guys who claim we cannot accept are the ones that have trouble accepting it because they not only use their theories as excuses but they continue to dwell on them and also use them as an excuse to either attack women or the men in question.

 

So lack of acceptance is one correlating problem in my honest opinion. The other is the fact that they also take it FAR too seriously, more seriously than most people.

[joystickd]

Right now its my family. I have no time for nothing because they consume my time. Im supposed to have a date this evening but will have to cancel because of them. I told them to get what they had to do done this morning they wait til mow to do it. I cant even spell im so pissed

[johan]

What does success mean in this case? Many women, shallow connections? Or one woman, deep committment?

 

I think the answer is different depending what kind of success you're thinking of.

[fortyninethousand322]

What does success mean in this case? Many women, shallow connections? Or one woman, deep committment?

 

I think the answer is different depending what kind of success you're thinking of.

 

Success generally meaning that you're having relatively little problem getting dates or attention from women. That could be sex, dates, relationships, etc.

 

Lack of success meaning that you would like to date or have sex, just can't find anyone interested.

[johan]

Success generally meaning that you're having relatively little problem getting dates or attention from women. That could be sex, dates, relationships, etc.

 

Lack of success meaning that you would like to date or have sex, just can't find anyone interested.

 

Ok, but I still wonder what is the goal. Is getting dates enough? You can go online and get dates. Are they supposed to lead to something, or is that not important? Sex, yoo. Would feel you had been successful if you were able to get first dates or sex, but nothing more?

[Revolver]

Opportunity. This can also be applied to any area of life when we talk about success

[ThaWholigan]

Opportunity. This can also be applied to any area of life when we talk about success

Sometimes you have to learn to make your own opportunities too.

[fanine]

Surely it depends too on the kind of woman you would like to be successful with? If it is a quickie there are some women who will do that, others won't. Some women will be more impressed by good looks, others won't. Some women will want someone rich, others don't care how much money a guy has. Some women want intelligence, others aren't as bothered...etc etc.

[mesmerized]

Opportunity. This can also be applied to any area of life when we talk about success

 

One might ask what provides these opportunities? But I agree with you.

 

I think same reasons some women are successful with men and some not. Most people don't really know how to deal with opposite sex the right way or they're afraid to take any risks.

[bson1257]

If a guy has a small penis then he is never successful with women.

[StanMusial]

There's a lot of obvious reasons. Good looks, money, out-going personality.

 

Sometimes it takes that "killer instinct". And no, I'm not talking about murder.

[johan]

I've known guys who could get dates really easily, and also had a frustrating string of hookups and failed relationships.

 

I've known other guys who were frustrated and terminally single for years but then met great women they stayed with for a long time. Those guys are mostly still with those women.

 

There are guys on here who are frustrated that they get dates all the time, but they don't get much more.

 

Which ones are successful? I think your definition of success depends which of those guys you admire the most.

[fanine]

If a guy has a small penis then he is never successful with women.

 

i once dated a guy with a very small dick who is very successful with women. He just learnt to do other things very well.....only problem is, he is a massive dick.

[fortyninethousand322]

Ok, but I still wonder what is the goal. Is getting dates enough? You can go online and get dates. Are they supposed to lead to something, or is that not important? Sex, yoo. Would feel you had been successful if you were able to get first dates or sex, but nothing more?

 

Well I suppose it is a bit of a tough thing to define precisely. But, I'll use myself as an example. I am unsuccessful. Despite wanting to date and have a relationship I have not been able to. At 25 I've been on only a handful of dates and I've never kissed a girl. I haven't had a date since early May and before that my last date was February 2011.

 

I have tried online dating sites to no avail.

 

That's my general description of lack of success.

[fortyninethousand322]

I've known guys who could get dates really easily, and also had a frustrating string of hookups and failed relationships.

 

I've known other guys who were frustrated and terminally single for years but then met great women they stayed with for a long time. Those guys are mostly still with those women.

 

There are guys on here who are frustrated that they get dates all the time, but they don't get much more.

 

Which ones are successful? I think your definition of success depends which of those guys you admire the most.

 

The bolded: before those guys met those women, those guys were unsuccessful. Probably completely unable to get women to go on dates with them. What changed? Why were they suddenly able to get a woman to go out with them?

 

Let's not get cute here....

[StanMusial]

The bolded: before those guys met those women, those guys were unsuccessful. Probably completely unable to get women to go on dates with them. What changed? Why were they suddenly able to get a woman to go out with them?

 

Let's not get cute here....

 

I know a guy who was a virgin until the age of 29. He finally tapped that @ss with his now wife. He was friendly and had a good career but he just didn't have that instinct with the ladies. If we were out and met up with some girls he would talk to her like she was a business associate or something. Its hard to explain. Add in enough alcohol though and he did get some makeouts.

[fortyninethousand322]

I know a guy who was a virgin until the age of 29. He finally tapped that @ss with his now wife. He was friendly and had a good career but he just didn't have that instinct with the ladies. If we were out and met up with some girls he would talk to her like she was a business associate or something. Its hard to explain. Add in enough alcohol though and he did get some makeouts.

 

Yeah, that sounds like me.

[tbf]

Knowing what to say and when to say it. Being observant with women. Actually listening and understanding what a woman has to say.

 

The guys who have the greatest difficulty appear to prescript interactions, then when the girl doesn't act within her dictated role, are stuck for words.

[white]

The bolded: before those guys met those women, those guys were unsuccessful. Probably completely unable to get women to go on dates with them. What changed? Why were they suddenly able to get a woman to go out with them?

 

Somewhere out there are games played where one player doesn't roll a six the entire time. Poker games where all they can do is fold. That player is entitled to raise a fist at the sky and say, '**** you'. Some people might have that happen more than once, and stop playing altogether, and you can't blame them. Some others keep playing. At some point they'll roll all sixes or bust out the table, and everyone will sit there and shake their heads in disbelief. The only difference was luck. Luck plays more part in all aspects of our lives than most people are at all comfortable or able to appreciate.

[ThaWholigan]

Somewhere out there are games played where one player doesn't roll a six the entire time. Poker games where all they can do is fold. That player is entitled to raise a fist at the sky and say, '**** you'. Some people might have that happen more than once, and stop playing altogether, and you can't blame them. Some others keep playing. At some point they'll roll all sixes or bust out the table, and everyone will sit there and shake their heads in disbelief. The only difference was luck. Luck plays more part in all aspects of our lives than most people are at all comfortable or able to appreciate.

The other part is perseverance.

[joystickd]

One reason is because they stopped believing what the hell their mom told them about women.

[joystickd]

Somewhere out there are games played where one player doesn't roll a six the entire time. Poker games where all they can do is fold. That player is entitled to raise a fist at the sky and say, '**** you'. Some people might have that happen more than once, and stop playing altogether, and you can't blame them. Some others keep playing. At some point they'll roll all sixes or bust out the table, and everyone will sit there and shake their heads in disbelief. The only difference was luck. Luck plays more part in all aspects of our lives than most people are at all comfortable or able to appreciate.

There is no such thing as luck.