butterflygrl Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 hey all my ss got a letter from the principal stating that he didn't do so hot on his english pretest and it said it counts as 25% of his grade.. the thing is he is practicng wresling and they want him to participate in this remediation after school on tuesdays and thursdays and he tried telling my h that it was the teachers fault he didn't passed she did the test wrong.. the thing is he always has an excuse for something he never is at fault.. why does he keep blaming people for his grades .. seems to me it is him not learning and paying attention..why can't he just own up to his own wrong doings .. my h thinks he is a perfect child because he is good at sports but the wayi look at it if he don't have the grades how can he get a scholarship in sports!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Your husband is not doing his son any favours. Only a tiny percentage of sports enthusiasts will ever become professional or make it to the Olympics. If the boy has nothing to fall back on, well....... Perhaps your husband wants to look after his son for the rest of his life? Do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 Your son will never learn to take responsibility for his actions as long as his dad continues to take his side and bail him out everytime he gets in trouble. I'm afraid both of them are in for a very rude awakening; because, eventually, all of this is going to come back to bite them. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 I think you should talk to your husband about it and open his eyes. As a step mom their is a limit to what you can do. There are some responsibilities that you have but others are not for you to handle. The best thing you can do is talk to your hubby and make him realize that he is jeopardizing his son instead of helping him. In the future when it's too late he will regret it. Better to fix it today that try tomorrow when it will be too late. If that does not work, show him this thread!!! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 hey all thanks for the replys.. i have talked with my h till i am blue in the face .. and he is still in denial.. so i am basically through with trying to tell him.. he thinks that i hate my ss when i say anything so it is all up to him now!! im not giving my 2 cents anymore cause when i do h says i don't like ss cause im always on him whatever!! i was just asking for opinions on the stituation thats all.. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 If you have talked with your H before about this and he still feels the way he does, sounds like you've done about all you can do. Guess its good to step back and let your H worry about it. Its a shame he can't see you're trying to help by wanting the ss to do well. Some lessons are hard learned, looks like it might be what happens for your ss and H. Good luck. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 thanks ananlyzer for your reply .. that is what i intend on doing now i will worry about my child and let him deal with his thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 I don't understand some people....really. I mean, you may be the Step Mom, but this person lives under YOUR roof. He eats, YOUR food, and takes showers in YOUR bathroom.....you do have a right to discipline and teach him responsibilities. I don't think you need to step back and let your husband deal with this on his own at all. When your husband isn't around, aren't you still responsible for feeding the child? Aren't you still responsible for his well being? If you saw that he was getting ready to get hurt, aren't you expected to help him avoid it? And if you didn't, wouldn't your husband blame you? Now, look ten years into the future....when he's trying to get that job. Or any other situation that'll require some respect/logical thinking. or social interaction. You'll be responsible for not instilling those values into him. To me, I always try to remember that I will answer to God for how I raised my children. I'm even worried about how I influence other kids outside of my immediate family. Stand up to this kid, and to your husband too, if neccessary, to get the job done. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 OMG I love your post Moose. He's right. You'd protect him from being hurt...it's the same concept. SS needs to learn what's called "accountability" and H needs to realize that NO KID IS PERFECT, not even his own! Tell him to get a grip. He's there to parent, not be best buds. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 you are so right moose but i am so tired of the fighting this situation it is less stressful for the h to deal with it .. he fails to see that i am not being mean .. and i can't change it.. we went to counseling and talked about this with and h agreed that i was right but when it comes down to it nothing is changing.. can't wait for the next session.. he feels that if he tries to make son have responsibilty he will resent him like he does with his dad .. so its all up to h .. he wants to be his friend instead of parent.. thanks again for all the replys!! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 you are so right moose but i am so tired of the fighting this situation it is less stressful for the h to deal with it Yes it is. But I'm willing to bet that you care a lot about his son. And that you worry about his future. I know it's hard and stressfull work. I'm sorry that your husband holds resentment towards his Father, but that's something he needs to get over....and fast. It's up to you to either help this child progress through life in the right fashion, or watch him deteriate right in front of your eyes. I don't know how you'd live with yourself if you let this go. I know it's a lot of extra work on your part, but there isn't anything worth doing that doesn't require hard work. This kid could grow up to know and love you so much.....when he holds his Super Bowl Ring in the air and yells, "Momma butterflygrl, this is for you!" then you'll know what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 thanks again moose .. i understand what you are saying but physically and mentally i just don't have the strength to worry anymore..i have a 5yr old to deal with right now and that is enough time and energy that i can handle may sound mean but im drained and tired .. sorry if i sound mean but i have tried just can't do it anymore .. it is up to the h now and thats all i can say... Link to post Share on other sites
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