MassiveAtom Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I've been known to turn on a dime, and lasting changes happen in me like a sudden storm. They build slowly, generate great tension and pressure, and then completely overcome the irrational thoughts I may have at the time that block my progress as a human being. I am suddenly at peace with my divorce . Some would say that divorce is the mark of failure, and they're right in some respects. However, I can only say that I finally understand that my marriage was a good thing in my life. But like all good things, it too must end. On the whole my marriage as I see it now, was a success! My wife has learned what she needed to learn by being in my presence. I have learned what I needed to learn by being in the presence of my wife. MY sadness had been focused on the negativity of the loss. But my peacefulness is due in large part to understanding of what we both have learned, and what we all will gaiin. I commend my wife on her ability to reach this point, if not her inability to give it voice. I AM certainly losing the family I had hoped would be right for me, The family that I thought was what I was supposed to do, and I am gaining the wisdom to help my children become whole, understanding, forgiving adults. I could not do that if I stayed married to my wife.She could not do that while married to me. She still has a lot to learn about compassion, in my opinion, but I guess I'm not to be her teacher for that lesson. There's a lot more to this story, and this is but one chapter. Our lives go on. I look forward to learning more from her as our relationship survives yet another hurdle. That of transformation. We won't be married, we won't be romantically in love, we probably won't have sex, and we will be stronger. It's ironic that we'll be together in strength, and seperate in life. I welcome the process now, and I am able to do that because of the time we've spent together. And if now is the time that we must go our separate ways, and lead our separate lives, I would much rather this time be for honoring the process of change, renewal and healing, and not dwelling in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 MA.....that's just AWESOME!! You're whole thought process and outlook is amazing!! You are a true inspiration!! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 it sounds like you've done some heavy-duty soul-searching about this ... and that you've made the conscious decision to do what you need to do without a whole lot of angry emotion about how things turned out. Very commendable, especially when I know you wish things would have turned out differently. a quick question here: do you feel you and she can work together to present a united front as parents, regardless of the change in your marital status? I ask because I've seen many people take the low road, trying to turn their kids against each other because they're so bitter about their divorce/separation, without realizing this is the cruelest thing you could do to your kids. I hope that for their sake, you and your ex are able to do right by them ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee MA.....that's just AWESOME!! You're whole thought process and outlook is amazing!! You are a true inspiration!! Viv, Thank you. But You know, when I nearly let this perfect storm consume me; sink the ship I was sailing, and lay waste to lives of those who love me, I had the love of a stranger's heart to lend me a helping hand. She helped right the sail, and steady the rudder, she reminded me that I can indeed navigate this gale. VivianLee, you have my undying gratitude for your kind words, and enormous heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by quankanne it sounds like you've done some heavy-duty soul-searching about this ... and that you've made the conscious decision to do what you need to do without a whole lot of angry emotion about how things turned out. Very commendable, especially when I know you wish things would have turned out differently. That wish you mentioned, has come true. I was sad for sure, and still am a litte. But really, I wiashed things would've turned out right. They have. a quick question here: do you feel you and she can work together to present a united front as parents, regardless of the change in your marital status? I ask because I've seen many people take the low road, trying to turn their kids against each other because they're so bitter about their divorce/separation, without realizing this is the cruelest thing you could do to your kids. I hope that for their sake, you and your ex are able to do right by them ... I have absolute faith in my parenting partner that we will create a nuturing environment in both our homes, and ample space in both our lives for the beautiful children who we both cherish completely. mA Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by MassiveAtom Viv, Thank you. But You know, when I nearly let this perfect storm consume me; sink the ship I was sailing, and lay waste to lives of those who love me, I had the love of a stranger's heart to lend me a helping hand. She helped right the sail, and steady the rudder, she reminded me that I can indeed navigate this gale. VivianLee, you have my undying gratitude for your kind words, and enormous heart. Awwww, MA....you made tears come to my eyes! I appreciate the thanks BUT I think your insight and intelligence was something you did all on your own!! (it was my muffin joke wasn't it?? hehehe ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee (it was my muffin joke wasn't it?? hehehe ) It was all about the muffins!! Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 You don't strike me as a country music fan, but your post is eerily reminiscent of Clint Black's great tune, "Leaving Here a Better Man." I hope your road brings you back to having all the dreams that seem lost, or even replaced. God bless you and your family! Link to post Share on other sites
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