Flatmate always brags to me about guys hitting on her?

[Sweeetie]

I've been living with my flatmate for 3 months, it is just the two of us living together. I'm 23 and she's 22, we are both single girls. She is generally good to live with but I find something annoying about her behaviour and that is the fact that she always brags about guys hitting on her, almost every day. She tries to do it in a discreet way that doesn't make her seem like a brag, eg 'this hot guy couldn't take his eyes off me....so creepy...." or "weird how often this guy tells me he wants to sleep with me..".

I don't have as much luck as she does with this sort of thing because I don't get that much attention from guys. Hence I am starting to find it a little upsetting, hearing this every day when I have no stories of my own to talk about. So it's not like she's got something to prove to me or show me she is better than me- so why does she feel the need to?

 

How do I make her stop?

[leftfordead2]

What do you usually say after she tells you that? If you start giving a nonchalant attitude about it, she will be bored of saying such stuff to you after a while..

[mammasita]

Annoying. She seems pretty insecure. If it were me, I'd take a passive aggressive blow at her in my sweetest best friend voice.....

 

"I hope he didn't notice the food stuck in your teeth.....did you happen to grab the mail on your way in?"

[NomiMalone]

Would looking for another share house to live be an option? You deserve to be comfortable in your own home

[PlumPrincess]

I had a friend who used to do little stuff like that to me. After a while I just met her stories with a smirk or a raised brow as if to say "Oh..really?" It's not worth getting into a row over because she sounds remarkably insecure and like she's trying to make you feel inferior but just find subtle ways to let it be known that you're unfazed.

I know people like that and I know the reason they do it, is insecurity and feelings of inferiority towards you, but somehow I too often take it personally and end up with an insecure reaction myself. It's really dumb.

[Sweeetie]

It makes me feel insecure when she talks about the abundance of attention that she gets from guys, but you're right I should put on just a nonchalant face and change the topic with something like "cool. By the way do you know how long the shops are open today? I gotta go buy something".

 

By nature I'm someone who listens to people attentively when they talk so as to not seem rude, so up till now, every time she's done it I've been fully involved in the conversation and have given her advice on guys when she's appeared confused over something, even though I've been feeling bad inside. Now it is time to change the way I react.

 

Nonchalance is key here because she will see no more point im doing it to me, knowing its not having the desired effect

[PlumPrincess]

I once read this advice from a dating coach. He advised not to pay attention to bad behavior, because men crave attention whether it's good or negative and by reacting to it, they start thinking, "bad behavior -> ATTENTION, yay!" It was intended for men, but I guess, you can extend the suggestion to people in general. I also once read, men are like dogs, you have to train them. Once again, I think you can also apply that to people in general. Train your roommate.

[darkmoon]

so, a ton of attention, but no dates? I see nonsense boastings, srs, and I agree with PlumPrincess too

Edited August 25, 2013 by darkmoon

[stillafool]

Everytime she tells you about some guy hitting on her say "Oh yeah, so when is he taking you out?" and when she says "No, I'm not going out with him." say, "Really? Then what was the point?" Laugh and walk away. She'll feel stupid and never bring it up to you again. If she does brag again, repeat the above. She'll be so annoyed.

[PegNosePete]

I know this may seem like a crazy, out-there solution. I'm sure there's much more sensible and rational ways of going about it. I doubt many people would dare to try what I am about to suggest because it's pretty much cutting-edge psychology and some might disagree with the morality of it.

 

Have you tried, maybe, telling her about how you feel?

[nescafe1982]

Yeah, she's insecure and the brag is about reexperiencing that ego boost she may have felt when the guy said X to her. If you respond in a way that does not fulfill that need for her, she'll stop bringing her brags to you.

 

I would advise against responding in a passive aggressive way or a mocking way, for no other reason than you might actually reinforce her ego that way (by piquing her to defend herself). When I have anyone who pesters me with these kinds of interactions, I just minimize my response to them or even ignore the comment that is designed to elicit a response. Eventually they find someone else to pester. Problem solved.

[Treasa]

If you don't want to be her friend anymore, just nonchalantly say, "Huh. Maybe it's because you look like you're easy."

 

Ok, don't say that, but THINK about saying it, and then just smile imagining it while she's telling you this ****.

[The Way I Am]

She probably brags because she's insecure. I wouldn't be surprised if men really aren't hitting on her all that often and she's just making more out of it in her head.

 

The problem isn't really that she brags. It's that you're insecure and her bragging makes you feel bad about yourself, because in your words, you "don't get that much attention from guy"s. So what's really bothering you isn't that she's bragging about the attention she gets. It's that you don't get the attention you want.

 

The first thing to ask yourself is: Do I really want that much attention from guys? And if you do, why? How is your life going to improve by having random guys give you creepy looks or tell you repeatedly that they want to have sex with you? (Personally, sounds unappealing to me.)

 

If after asking those questions of yourself, you conclude that you do what that kind of attention, then start working on creating a personality that will attract it. If it's not really what you want, then every time you start to feel bummed from her story because you "don't get that much attention from guys", remind yourself that that's not the type of attention you want anyway.

[CrystalCastles]

She's probably worried you're prettier than her.

[Leigh 87]

I have learnt that telling people how hot you are is NOT attractive.

 

I was once like her up until very recently. A few guys really do think I am very attractive, but it is NOT cool telling people that.

 

I have lost people over it.

 

She is just going to get all the decent people around her to not want to have much to do with her if she keeps bragging about how many guys like her.

 

I learnt the hard way but I am glad I did.

 

She wouldn't have that many guys hitting on her unless she has a killer figure AND a very pretty face.

[The Way I Am]

She wouldn't have that many guys hitting on her unless she has a killer figure AND a very pretty face.

 

This is not true at all. The number of guys who hit on a woman has more to do with the way the woman presents herself and interacts with men. A slightly chubby girl who is kind of cute can have plenty of men hitting on her if she seeks out that attention by flirting a lot. She will have more men hitting on her than a girl who looks like a swimsuit model but doesn't engage in flirting just for the heck of it.

 

For the type of attention the roommate describes (creepy leers, having men tell her they want to have sex with her) a girl doesn't even have to look very good. Dressing a bit trashy/slutty and presenting yourself as easy will get you plenty of that attention even if you're a bit overweight or aren't at all pretty.

[KristL]

It's more like an Things just happen and maybe I don't care about you at all but they won't tell that to your face.