Hard to Get? Shy? Leading Me On? Anxiety!

[Device]

I'll start here:

 

4 or so days ago I met someone at my job. I do security at public events at the beach so I constantly see attractive females. For some reason this wasn't the same.

 

Sitting in my car is see an attractive girl, about 18-19, walk by and give me a smile and a very distinctive "flirty" gaze. Unlike my normal self, I decided to follow her. I normally take flirting in the security business to be a plea for something free or the dating version of "tryouts" girls (and unfortunately some women) like to do. This time, something was different. When I walked up behind her she was having a conversation with my coworker. As he introduced us, I was unable to break my stare. We looked into each others eyes for quite some time without speaking and it seemed like sparks flew. This girl was beautiful. I can say for the first time I got lost in someones eyes. As she left, she grabbed my phone from my hand and put her number into my address book then gave me a huge hug. I was perplexed and my heart was fluttering.

 

I couldn't ignore it. The feeling I got when I looked into her eyes was insane. Cliche butterflies.

 

Now I'm Here:

 

I decided to text her. Compliments were thrown around and flirting continued, despite me being in a relationship (I realize its terrible, but its the truth). After talking to this girl I met and spending 4-5 days with I've finally remembered what it was like to be in a relationship where you get along with your other. We ended up kissing while I was in a relationship. It was a deep kiss. I refused to continue without breaking off the bad relationship. This may seem to "out with the old in with the new" but it simply came down to "was I happy?". My relationship had been failing for months beforehand.

 

I can't get over how beautiful this girl is throughout. Her personality is amazing, her smile is beautiful and I can get lost in her eyes for some time (we both seem to do that). So far things have been awesome with this new girl, however I can't tell if I should avoid possibly falling for her. She has LOTS of guy friends. This isn't an issue to me, I don't mind it until I find out she isn't faithful. The issue starts when we go from texting 3-4 messages every few minutes to one every 2 hours. We've been physical, just not sexually and we have slept together (again, no sex, I refuse to be a dog). I respect her and I am truly looking for a relationship with this girl. She understood I had a girlfriend and knew of the failing relationship. She cancelled our plans last night to stay with her friend (a female friend) and didn't contact me again since. A friend of mine just sent her a text and she replied but I was attempting to contact her last night and was unable to. I don't want to blow up her phone, but I really like this girl.

 

I'm simply worried she's going from hanging out at work with me to talk to other guys (which is normal, really ) then coming back for the attention. She's frequently asked me to get rid of guys who tend to follow behind her. This wouldn't be an issue if it didn't feel like she was leading me on. After telling me she could see herself falling for me, why would she act distant? Is she not interested? Is she the stereotypical "homie-hopper"?

[365daysgone]

You need to decide now who you will be with. You say you don't want to be a dog so you didn't have sex with her...you still being a dog by kissing her. Not cool man. In my eyes, you've already cheated.

[StanMusial]

Seems like a lot of variables in the situation. My advice is to cut the dead weight out of your life (the failed relationship) so you can get on with it, whether it be this new girl or something else.

[Skyraider829]

Lots of guy friends you say? Hmmm, like what kind of guy friends?

 

(A): The kind that take turns ogling and being beguiled by her, drooling over and fighting who gets to take her out?

 

Or...

 

(B): The kind that are actual, more genuine friends (in the strictest sense of the word) that she knows and hangs with casually?

 

Sitting in my car is see an attractive girl, about 18-19, walk by and give me a smile and a very distinctive "flirty" gaze. Unlike my normal self, I decided to follow her. I normally take flirting in the security business to be a plea for something free or the dating version of "tryouts" girls (and unfortunately some women) like to do. This time, something was different. When I walked up behind her she was having a conversation with my coworker. As he introduced us, I was unable to break my stare. We looked into each others eyes for quite some time without speaking and it seemed like sparks flew. This girl was beautiful. I can say for the first time I got lost in someones eyes. As she left, she grabbed my phone from my hand and put her number into my address book then gave me a huge hug. I was perplexed and my heart was fluttering.

 

I couldn't ignore it. The feeling I got when I looked into her eyes was insane. Cliche butterflies.

 

I think that's really nice that you and her sort of "silently sparked" but then again, maybe she's just temporarily taken by you because you are a lot different than her current male buddies. I'm not trying to be pessimistic about this, but I like to look at the more, well, the more "reasonable" side first before enticing the emotional possibilities of anything.

[Mascara]

If your relationship is failing, deal with that first. That should be your immediate concern, not this.

 

That's not a judgement, I've been in exactly the same situation. But I broke off my existing relationship before getting involved with the new guy.

[Device]

Wow, didn't expect all the replies. Thanks guys.

 

You need to decide now who you will be with. You say you don't want to be a dog so you didn't have sex with her...you still being a dog by kissing her. Not cool man. In my eyes, you've already cheated.

 

I'm gonna go ahead and say its because you're telling her that you'll dump your girlfriend but aren't doing anything about it.

 

Now I realize it was wrong to kiss her but the damage is done and guilt has already set in. I've already dealt with the failing relationship, we've split. I made it very clear that rather than leaving one for another, it was just enough to bring light to everything. Our first serious conversation was the answer after she asked me if I was with someone. In this conversation I specifically told her I was leaving my current girlfriend.

 

If your relationship is failing, deal with that first. That should be your immediate concern, not this.

 

That's not a judgement, I've been in exactly the same situation. But I broke off my existing relationship before getting involved with the new guy.

 

I really believe it turned into a guilt thing given she became distant when I told her I had taken care of it. There was no going back to the old. I tried specifically to get her to understand I didn't leave because of her not to feel guilty. She had already spoken to me about being better looking ect, which makes me wonder about this possibility.

 

Lots of guy friends you say? Hmmm, like what kind of guy friends?

 

Her guy friends are a mix between both. Most I've met recently are in relationships. I've personally had to tell a guy she didn't want them on their behalf (gently of course). Of course he was sloppy drunk and attempted a physical confrontation. Back on topic!

 

Today is the first day since we've met we haven't spoken or seen one another. I realize its waaaaaay too soon to start jumping into a relationship regardless of whether or not I just got out of one. I just need to figure out what to say to this girl to find out what's going on in her head or whether I should just forget it and keep moving. I'd rather not do that latter given I haven't quite sparked like that with anyone. Its just unfortunate its in this situation. I just don't have it in me to be lead on by someone acting childish.

[Space Ritual]

Uh....

 

You are less than a week into this so you really do not know this new person at all...I would suggest you take it real slow because if this whole incident caused you to break off your relationship and getting insecure already in the space of 4 days I would submit to you this new relationship will end fairly quick.

 

Go very slow or you are going to be very disappointed.

 

 

if she is asking you to already get rid of guys then of course you can be certain she has a multitude of potential suitors wanting to have a tap......so don't get too serious with her...she will break your heart and tell you that you are smothering her....and leave you in the lurch.

Edited August 25, 2013 by Space Ritual

[Device]

Meeting her did not cause me to leave my ex. It was caused by a number of reasons that built before I met "beach girl". I know most will doubt that but I know my reasoning and that's what counts.

 

I understand. It makes sense that she could feel smothered or intimidated. I'm an anxious person by nature so I've made my worries known to her (the idea of missing the chance, her feeling guilty, etc.). Being around someone that is beautiful both in personality and appearance as she is can intimidate me at times so I can only imagine how she must feel. She had explained to me how no one treated her the way I did and she was patient enough to wait for me to leave my girlfriend (I didn't ask her, she just said it) I just need to accept the fact that I'm blinded by what I've found in her and I need to look at the big picture.

 

I think giving it a day or two before I contact her and/or let her come to me. I'd hate to have myself open and either ruin it or let someone walk on me.

[todreaminblue]

She has LOTS of guy friends. This isn't an issue to me, I don't mind it until I find out she isn't faithful.

 

do you see this as irony and a possible oh what have i done moment......

 

 

 

some girls like the challenge of getting a guy in a relationship to leave his gf when they succeed they lose interest....and move on to the next....similar to what some guys do to women...it sucks....but it is a possibility...............have talked to a few girls in my past who used to get their rocks off doing this to men......

 

 

i have to say this ......

 

 

fact.....with your track record of cheating on a gf while in a relationship....it is quite possible you cheated with someone who enjoys cheating challenges.....a nice girl or woman...wouldnt have touched eyou with a ten foot pole until you were single and free...she doesnt beleive in fidelity or faithfulness...or she would have respected your old relationship..........what does that say about he woman you are with now..plain and simply put.......she didnt give a crap if you were in a relationship or not...so she wont give a crap being in one with you...that to me is logical....sucks big time...but logical.......cynical......factual truth...dont get caught up in loving her i dont see longevity at all..deb

Edited August 25, 2013 by todreaminblue

[Space Ritual]

some girls like the challenge of getting a guy in a relationship to leave his gf when they succeed they lose interest....and move on to the next....similar to what some guys do to women...it sucks....but it is a possibility...............have talked to a few girls in my past who used to get their rocks off doing this to men......

 

Agreed.....I had it happen to me in my teens and have known guys who have pulled the same thing for an ego boost.

 

especially if what OP says about "Beach Girl" already telling him how "different" he treats her than anyone else after less than a week is true. That has bad ending written all over it.

[Space Ritual]

Meeting her did not cause me to leave my ex. It was caused by a number of reasons that built before I met "beach girl". I know most will doubt that but I know my reasoning and that's what counts.

 

I understand. It makes sense that she could feel smothered or intimidated. I'm an anxious person by nature so I've made my worries known to her (the idea of missing the chance, her feeling guilty, etc.). Being around someone that is beautiful both in personality and appearance as she is can intimidate me at times so I can only imagine how she must feel. She had explained to me how no one treated her the way I did and she was patient enough to wait for me to leave my girlfriend (I didn't ask her, she just said it) I just need to accept the fact that I'm blinded by what I've found in her and I need to look at the big picture.

 

I think giving it a day or two before I contact her and/or let her come to me. I'd hate to have myself open and either ruin it or let someone walk on me.

 

Please do not expect too much from her at this point. Seriously I would be very wary if she is playing a 4 day waiting game for you to dump your GF like it was 4 years...and this is what it sounds like. You never know by Labor day weekend she may have you and 3 guys fighting over her....which for some reason I would think she might enjoy quite alot.

[Device]

There are quite a few theories that fit. I thought about the idea that she could be waiting to see if I remain interested and don't run back to my ex. Its a strange amount of interest to show if you're just going to roll out. Her friends didn't seem to have anything negative to say. I had a chance to meet her family. Her friend actually sent me a message when they were typing on her phone to embarrass her that read "I could see myself falling for him.". She kinda did the blush/hide lol.

 

I am not in love with her. I just see her as an amazing girl that I wouldn't want to miss out on. I'll have to tread lightly.

 

I always go by hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Device

[DresdenKing]

What you call 'sparks' in mirthful ignorance, I call an initial and very rudimentary attraction based on mutual interests. You like what you saw: a young physically attractive woman in summer clothes, and she liked what she saw: an older guy in a position of authority.

 

Would she have given you that flirtatious gaze if you weren't wearing your uniform?

 

As for her being distant now, perhaps she's feeling guilty about you having a girlfriend as stated above, or maybe you're no longer a challenge to her and she's bored already. Leave your girlfriend for her? Maybe that's truly what she's hoping for. The ultimate romantic move, right? Well, here's the irony -- that comes off as super needy and desperate, and she then may very well no longer see you as the mysterious and slightly unattainable guy in that car. She'll just move on to authority figure #2358, and you'll be all alone.

 

If she was bold enough to snatch your phone and key in her number after nothing more than an introductory stare, you better believe she does that all the time. "LOTS of guy friends", you say? Congratulations, you may have just joined that club. Play your cards right and keep it cool.

 

Now, if YOU are unhappy in your current relationship, deal with those issues first and then go find yourself physically attractive young flirtatious hottie #2358 and stop sweating over this one girl you hardly know. In the meantime, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst as you stated is a great move. Good luck.

[Skyraider829]

 

Today is the first day since we've met we haven't spoken or seen one another. I realize its waaaaaay too soon to start jumping into a relationship regardless of whether or not I just got out of one. I just need to figure out what to say to this girl to find out what's going on in her head or whether I should just forget it and keep moving. I'd rather not do that latter given I haven't quite sparked like that with anyone. Its just unfortunate its in this situation. I just don't have it in me to be lead on by someone acting childish.

 

A wise move on your behalf not to go rushing into anything. Anything that's rushed into seems (for the most part) to typically turn out to be something that wasn't expected or wanted.

Talk, talk, and talk some more. Make sure she isn't just going to have some little fling and then let you dangle for the fun of it. Keep a clear head about this.

 

I'm trying to avoid making a stereotypical comment, but that "kind" of girl strikes me as the type to float around between all sorts of guys with nothing but some "light-hearted fun" as her goal.

 

Either way, you should still try it out. Good luck on your situation.