One h*ll of a week, pure h*ll of a summer: now?

[Stilnaught]

Hey everyone,

 

i met a girl last summer (august '12). Not very special, just like you meet people all the time: you talk to them at a party because one vaguely knows the other through mutual friends, you get to know her name, random banter follows, etc etc.

I kept encountering her (she's in the same student union) and we spoke on a regular base (not daily, but we saw one another at least weekly). I considered her a friend, without any feelings attached and because i judged to be "unready for a relationship" since she just came to university and was partying hard (including a random kiss with a random guy every now and then).

 

We started chatting as well, not daily but when we did chat, it would go on for hours. And i don't know why, i think because i considered her just a friend, but i spoke with her freely and without the usual "what-would-she-think-of-me-if-i-say-this" brakes on speaking your mind. It worked out fine, i really enjoyed talking to her.

 

Once, she sent me a random emotional sentence, how she hated me being always right. I wasn't allowed to question her, and i related this to a flirt gone bad which i didn't know about. I did not think much about it at the time, but in retrospect i think our talking increased a bit since then, driven by her.

 

Just after the exams, there were 3 parties left. On the first, i did my fair share of partying, but she got totally smacked, probably peer pressure from some random people + a lack of sleep. Anyway, i took her home, but she stays at a dorm which was FAR away, with my place 'round the corner. So i took her home with me, dropped her in my bed and slept in my sofa.

 

Next day, she awoke and started questioning me "what the hell happened", but she also was extremely intimate. She gave a few huge booty call sentences, and would have went showering with me if it wasn't for me being uncomfortable with the situation (i both didn't want to become "the guy that jumps on drunk women by taking them home", and i was puzzled by my own feelings for her). We ate together and had a fun time before we parted ways, but my mind was utterly shattered. Was she just 'in the moment'? Did she feel something for me? What the hell do i feel? I really just considered her a friend, even when i took her home, but i couldn't stop thinking about it for 2 days.

 

Next party came on monday (so i had the weekend to "think about it"). I knew she was coming, but didn't see her. I had a blast for hours, without finding her among the people, and then she passes by and nearly jumps on me, cuddling me to death in front of her 2 sisters. We talked for a while when she held me, but apparently they were going home. Since it was already late, i went with them.

However, her brothers were by car and just came for the party from another city, 2 hours off (i don't know why they didn't stay, work or something like that). So i went home with her and her dorm roommate, and she constantly grabbed me and even squeezed my b*tt. Once arrived, we started kissing, and kissed for a long while, but i had an appointment in the morning + her roommate was very awake, so i didn't spend the night with her.

 

Next day: no party. Nothing to do. I was out for a beer when we started texting. It was very slow (every 30-60 minutes a text), but in the end (evening), she asks for my plans. I say i was going out for a bite and didn't know where i'd end up after that. She invited me for a movie over at her place. We set an hour. I showed up. We watched the movie sitting next to each other, she put her head on my shoulder, and so on ... Not much happened, except for holding hands and a single kiss.

After that, we kind of cuddled our way into bed, and we talked all night. Playfights, random chat, asking questions, ... We kissed, not very much, but every now and then, mostly on my initiative. Not much more happened (the roommate was gone though), it just felt perfect the way it was and i didn't want to go on too fast. I left after noon the next day, straight out of bed. We kissed at the doorstep, and i went home like the king of the world.

 

That night, 10 hours later, the last party started. She was there, but so were all her closest friends (some of them were around before, but now they were all there and in a group. Some must have seen her hanging like a schoolbag 'round my body). She utterly ignored me in front of them, and left without saying goodbye, even passing me by on the way out. Not a glance, nothing. She even walked away on me once when i came to talk.

When i went home, i passed her by on the other side of the street. She yelled my name, but i was very pissed off and sleepy. I went home and slept.

 

Next day: 14 unread messages. All coming down to: "say something", "i did nothing wrong", "sorry for the ignoring", ... I was blunt in my replies, but i kept the convo going for a while. In the evening, i sent her a message that i understood her "not wanting to go public yet", but the extremeness of her measures were hurtfull. No reply for 2 days.

Then i sent her a message asking to meet at a time chose, by her (she was back at home by then, i had no idea when she was back in town), i got a reply she wasn't coming back that week.

 

And then the great silence came. 7 weeks it has been, and i haven't heard her. I even saw her at a kind of summer reunion, but she utterly ignored her and kept close to her brother who came along (i wonder if intended to scare me off). No word said, no word coming after. I was so sick of it, that i sent her a message saying that i was sorry for my bluntness back then, but that i didn't know how it came to this, that i hate the silence and rather would face her and her "problems". Ending with a "i hope you'll read this through" message.

 

She replied: "i read your message, this is just the calm before the storm, i'll shout at you when i have time for it".

 

 

 

I miss her. I was falling for her, but above all: i miss talking to her. We'll see each other a lot for the next 2 years, so ignoring is never an option. But above all: what was this? How does she feel and what's going on now? What should i do? I really feel like sending a "i miss talking to you" image or something, even though i fully understand that would be a bad move.

 

All insights welcome. Sorry for the long text