Friends With Ex

[Leigh 87]

Is anyone good friends with their ex?

 

Can I please hear some stories? Both successes and, well. Also not so happy stories about trying to be mates with your ex:lmao:

 

I am very close with my ex and I have no doubt that we are always going to remain very close friends.

 

I have NO romantic interest in him, as I know there was something missing from him that I need in a future husband. However.... we just add a LOT of joy to each others lives. Due to our past, we have been through a lot together and we care about each other and love each other to the same degree as we love our own parents and family.

 

We have just ended up as such good friends, albeit he has said that it is too early to go hanging out in person, and talking about each others new love and sex lives; it hurt him deeply when I did allude to new guys in my life. We both agree it is healthier to not see each other in person for a while. It has been two months since I last saw him.

So yeah. We have found a terrific, life long friend in each other, we just know we cannot see each other in person for a few more months. We call once or twice a week and catch up though.

 

We make each other very happy. Our lives are both so much better because of each other being in them.

 

I would not care if Andrew met the love of his life tomorrow. I would feel such joy at knowing he is happy!

I know most people tend to take 5 months or more to get over a big love like I thought Andrew was to me, and I WAS totally heartbroken. However, I soon realised that I would be happier with someone more suitable. I cared for about a month or less, about him getting with other girls. Now I could not care less.

 

I have started dating a new guy and we seem to be nuts for each other. It is one of those meetings where two people seem very much into each other.

 

I have NO desire to be with my ex. However, he is still a very important part of my life. He makes me life so much better, because he is basically a person I talk to who makes me laugh a lot and who I know is there for me no matter what. It is great to have a person you can laugh with so much and so easily, and who is looking out for you.

 

I have decided that, although I consider my ex a person I love very much, as in I love him as much as I love my family, that it is better if I only talk to him, say, once every two weeks or thereabouts.

 

It is early days with the new guy, but if the roles were reversed, I would not want the new guy talking to his ex if she still called him pet names, as my ex does to me...

My ex still says things like " Hello darling" and " goodbye my sweetie" and he even calls me babe. I know for a fact he has never been like that with other girls before or after me. We honestly have a very close and great relationship, my ex and I, and we do not want to get back together; he just really loves me and refers to me in those ways out of affection and love. Not because he wants to be with me, although he does still have feelings.

 

The new guy and I will probably not last, as it is logical that I will not so readily meet men who I end up being with for years and marrying. Most dates tend to not work, right?

Even still, me and this guy are exclusive and he has made that clear that he does not want any other guy to snap me up.

 

Am I right in still talking to my ex over the phone once every week or two?

 

My ex does still call me his darling and he threw in once that " maybe we will get back together one day". Any thoughts?

[Leigh 87]

So he just rang me. The Ex did.

 

He wants to be gym buddies, as he still has a membership he has to pay of at he gym near my flat.

 

He is very carefree about it. He hates drama and just wants to enjoy seeing me at the gym. He is like that, he is fuss free and hates drama.

 

I asked him if he is honestly okay with the fact I do not want to ever get back together with him and I truly just want to be close friends. He did not even want to talk about it.

 

He did not want to talk about any "complications" that could be evident if we hang out. He seemed very confident that he just wanted a drama free, very close friendship with me. Without hanging out with me outside of the gym in the manner in which we once did as partners.

 

We were never suited as romantic partners even though the relationship was actually very loving and fun, where we loved being around each other after over two years together.

 

It is as CLEAR as day to me that I NEVER want to be his romantic partner again.

 

He seems to be cool with it and does not even feel the need to discuss the matter; he obviously feels the same way I feel about him.

 

I honestly, 100% would not care if Andrew met the love of his life tomorrow. I would feel nothing but genuine joy for the fact he is happy!

 

I guess the fact I am comfortable being so close with Andrew, signals that we truly had something missing from our romantic partnership, hence why I am very indifferent after SUCH a short amount of time.

 

We were obviously never truly into each other romantically, irrespective of how close we became.

[Leigh 87]

It's possible as long as there was closure and there's no lingering "feelings". But difficult and nearly impossible right off the bat.

 

I'm friends with my ex fiance because that's essentially all we ever were. And it's been 4 years since the breakup. It wasn't possible at first though.

 

It's good to take a breather afterwards.

 

 

I have closure. We just were not right for each other. However, we truly make each other SO happy through just having each other to talk to.

 

I am pretty confident that I will enjoy being around him a couple days a week at the gym. It will be great to see the dogs again (he will have them in the car so I can see them)

 

I cannot see why it would get complicated; I am 100% into the new guy and have ZERO desire to be with Andrew. Ever again. Even if I was single.

 

I will stop seeing Andrew only if I get serious with the new guy.

 

I have not even known the new guy longer than 3 days, even though we seemed to fall hard and fast for one another.

 

Once I have established a legitimate relationship with the new fella that has been built on trust and I know he will likely stick around based on reliable behaviour from him, THEN I will think about altering my life for him.

 

For now, I am not going to change who I hang out with for a dude I hardly know.

[Leigh 87]

Well you're two adults. Just don't let your relationship with the ex come before any potential romantic relationships. I let mine with my first ex ruin (in part) the relationship with my ex fiance. It was already going down hill but me being so adamant to keep Wayne around hurt my ex fiance.

 

And guess what. I denied denied denied feelings for Wayne too. But two months later and I was dating him. So be aware it can and does happen.

 

 

I don't play games. I am genuinely into the new guy and want to see how things go with him.

 

My ex saw hookers and sexted with girls behind my back.

 

I have seen great relationships play out in front of me and I know the sot of relationship I want now. I want a guy who is genuinely head over heals for me, to the extent where he does not consider other women.

 

I am not sure if a guy who is truly IN love with you, in the deepest possible sense, could talk to heaps of girls online behind your back and bang escorts.

 

In addition to not knowing if Andrew could have possibly been truly IN love with me in the deepest sense of the word, he also did not make out with me, which I need and love from a guy I date; Andrew loved kissing me, but not making out. He would kiss me a lot without making out.

 

He also did not like going down on me ENOUGH. He did really get into it at times and enjoy it, but not often enough for my liking.

 

As you can see, I am better off finding a guy who I am convinced is in love with me in the deepest possible way and who is monogamous with me.

 

I realise I had something with Andrew that could appeal to me if I spent a LOT of time around him, but I would MUCH rather benefit from being around him on a platonic level with a kick to it (since we were having sex for years, it will always be more than platonic).

 

I am very happy to stop hanging out with my ex if I get serious with the new guy. But only once we have an established relationship. Otherwise, it is foolish to go making life changes for a guy who has not proved he wants a serious relationship with you!

[Leigh 87]

Are you telling the new guy all this stuff? It would give me a head ache.

 

 

 

hahaha! No way!

 

What I do in my life is none of his business, frankly. I really like him, but man, we only just met! There is NO reason to mention my ex to him and the fact we plan to hang out.

 

We have established that we definitely want to be exclusive but we are not officially bf and gf yet.

 

Once the new guy proves he is serious about me, I will briefly mention that I still hang out with my ex at the gym but never outside the gym.

 

If new dude objects to me hanging with Andrew, I will stop. Once Jack and I are actually serious. Which we may never be.

[Leigh 87]

He'd at least have the decency to never get caught if he truly loved you.

 

 

 

I went through his phone behind his back to catch him.

 

And I agreed to the hooker thing because I thought it would be healthier for some guys, such as Andrew, to have one last play around before he settled down. We thought we would get married and we wanted to spend many years together, but since he was so young when we met, I urged him to get it out of his system. He could not fathom kissing other girls and wanting to make them feel good, so we came up with the hooker idea.

 

He only did it once behind my back but he told me when I asked him about it.

 

I think Andrew loves me like family, but I am not sure how he felt romantically. He claimed to be IN love with me but I guess I will never know. I do not need closure though. I already have it. The fact he loves and cares for me is all I care about. I have no need to find out about the past and how he ... once felt.

[Leigh 87]

 

This guy .....

 

Leigh I didn't mean you were/are playing games. I wasn't. I convinced myself that I couldn't go back to Wayne. Defended our friendship constantly. Hung out alone with him with my ex fiance's consent. He even attended certain family functions because he is my cousin's best friend.

 

And it made me miss him. Romantically. It didn't matter we both knew it didn't work. We still tried.

 

Isn't all this too soon to be friends ???

 

 

Thanks for warning me.

 

Maybe it's too soon. It is too soon for most people. He seems so sure he'll be fine with j7st friends.

 

I'm going to think about it.

[Leigh 87]

I think we shouldn't see each other yet.

 

I definitely don't want to get back together with him.

 

I still don't want to risk catching old feelings.

 

Though I definitely don't view him as someone I want romantically.

[tbf]

I think we shouldn't see each other yet.

 

I definitely don't want to get back together with him.

 

I still don't want to risk catching old feelings.

 

Though I definitely don't view him as someone I want romantically.

Based on your opening post, you definitively still have feelings for him and those feelings aren't purely platonic. Stay away. If anything, I'm not certain either one of you is ready for friendship since there's still a dependency vibe.

 

This is coming from someone who has a number of exes as purely platonic friends. I can spot non-platonic pretty quickly.

[Leigh 87]

Based on your opening post, you definitively still have feelings for him and those feelings aren't purely platonic. Stay away. If anything, I'm not certain either one of you is ready for friendship since there's still a dependency vibe.

 

This is coming from someone who has a number of exes as purely platonic friends. I can spot non-platonic pretty quickly.

 

 

I honestly would not care if he found the love of his life tomorrow. I would react, but not in a sad way.

 

I have no desire to be with this guy.....

 

I am not sure what sort of level of romantic feelings I would have? They certainly are not strong.

 

He is certainly not the man I think about... And he hasn't been for a long time.

 

I just really love what he adds to my life, as a person in it.

[Leigh 87]

With a guy I met overseas, my heart fluttered and I got butterflies when I saw a message from him in my inbox.

 

This is how I feel about the current guy.

 

I do not feel that with my ex; though I once did.

 

I even thought about my FWB more than I did my ex.

 

For now, I have decided to not see my ex.

 

I respect Jack too much, and things seem to be heading in a serious direction with us. Early on we are interested enough to warrant not seeing exes or FWB.

 

My FWB said he needs time to cool off before hanging out with me again; we were genuinely friends, but I think there were some feelings there though I kept mine in check).

 

So my FWB said if I am dating this guy, then it is best we do not hang out for a while, but remain in contact still! In the future we can then hang out again.

 

My best friend also said I need boundaries, and if I respect Jack I will not hang out with a really hot guy I was recently Fcking, who I sort of had faint romantic feelings for.

 

It is cool. Jack is the only guy on my mind. I won't be seeing my recent FWB or my ex....

 

No big deal.

[Leigh 87]

So my FWB and I talked.

 

He said that he was shocked I found someone, as he was messaging me daily and we were getting quiet close. He admitted that while he never wanted commitment from the outset, I did grow on him and it was hard for him to hear me talk about a new guy, when we quiet liked each other.

 

We both think we should give it a few weeks before we hang out again; but definitely not to cut things off altogether, as we both very much like hanging out!

 

We only saw each other twice, on two separate occasions, but he would initiate messages daily and I was there for him in a time of need, in his personal life.

 

He said I helped him grow as a person through knowing me and talking with me.

 

I am also friends with my ex EX FWB. LOL, apparently I changed his life; he is good looking but did not have sex for over two years before meeting me due to heartbreak with his ex. He had no idea about a FWB, and I think he appreciated what I allowed him to explore. In a respectful way with a girl he was genuinely friends with.

 

I really like the guys of my past.

 

I have told my ex that I do not wish to see him again for some time, and I have quit the gym we both went to.

 

I do want to catch up with him via a phone conversation every so often.

 

Is that okay? I want to talk to him OCCASIONALLY? He lights up my life. Just not in a romantic way.

[Lansing]

I am getting confused. So, you have an "ex" (the guy you were going to marry that went to a hooker on your suggestion), an FWB, an EX-FWB and a guy that you have currently gone on a few dates with and like so much??

 

I am friends with one of my EXs. She just started dating someone and I am fine with it but part of me hopes that she doesn't ditch me as a friend now that she has a new guy. I am not interested in getting back together with her even though I really do care about her as a person. We stopped talking for like 4 months after we broke up and that time/space apart helped to allow us to go back to being friends (we were friends for a few years before we dated).

[ASG]

I am FB friends with almost all of my exes. Which means we keep in some sort of touch.

 

With two of them I keep more personal contact. One I see about once a year. It's all good. We catch up and go on with our lives

 

The other I tend to see more often, though less now, as he's moved away. But we get together sometimes, catch up on FB, call, etc. He proved a *VERY* good friend to me after we broke up. But if when we did I felt the need to talk to him every day (even though I had no interest in getting back together), now I'm absolutely fine only talking to him every few months.

[Leigh 87]

I am getting confused. So, you have an "ex" (the guy you were going to marry that went to a hooker on your suggestion), an FWB, an EX-FWB and a guy that you have currently gone on a few dates with and like so much??

 

I am friends with one of my EXs. She just started dating someone and I am fine with it but part of me hopes that she doesn't ditch me as a friend now that she has a new guy. I am not interested in getting back together with her even though I really do care about her as a person. We stopped talking for like 4 months after we broke up and that time/space apart helped to allow us to go back to being friends (we were friends for a few years before we dated).

 

 

I was not friends with my ex before we dated; we literally met and from day one, we were pretty much exclusive.

 

We had a slower building type of "love" than the guy I have recently met. As corny as it sounds, the fact I know myself a lot better has allowed me to KNOW what I want and how to be open to the right types of men......

 

Since my ex left early May, I went overseas, had some casual hook ups, and formed two FWB after the casual hook ups, as the casual hook up thing is not for me.

 

I caught feelings for new guys after my ex.

 

I have no inclination to get back with my ex; I was in love with him, but he was wrong for me.

 

Now, my ex and I never stopped talking, albeit for 2 weeks at the most, when I was travelling and I failed to talk to him as often.

 

We just fell out of contact yet stayed in contact to a minimal extent, lol!

 

....................................................

 

I have moved on from my romantic feelings for him; that I am sure of. It does not perturb me to think about him and new girls. I definitely would not be upset. I would be happy for him.

 

Indifference? Not necessarily. I would feel emotions upon hearing he had met the love of his life. I just would not feel sad emotions. I DO NOT want to be with him. So yeah...... Because of our history of being very close for years, I would react different to hearing he had a girlfriend, than I would a purely platonic mate who I had never lived with and had sex with repeatedly!

 

So of course I am not indifferent in the sense I view him in the exact same way as a platonic guy friend. I really do not care if he got a girlfriend and in fact, I hope he does! I truly do hope he finds love and happiness!

 

I honestly see my ex as a solid, wonderful source of joy in my life. I DO NOT think about him romantically.

 

Sadly, I feel it is for the best that I cut him off for a while. I have moved on more than I think he has. Since nothing better has come along for him, he is taking it badly that I have found someone.

 

Ironic since he is the dumper, but boy; I am SO GLAD he was the one to make the call in the end! It was not working out but you know, we DID have a big love for each other in spite of the hooker thing he did....

God I am so happy he left. Like..... unbelievably happy. For reasons, I am SO MUCH happier without him as a boyfriend! I feel like I am now open to being SOOOOO much happier with a better suited guy...

 

When I realised that I was actually really HAPPY he left me, that is when I realised I was starting to truly move on.

 

Anyways. I can't really stress enough how much I do not want my ex back, lol! Yet I know it is for the best that we go NC while I am in the early stages of getting to know my new bf.

[tuxedo cat]

Your emotions are all over the place. How did you go from being devastated to "not caring less" in the space of a month?

Edited August 28, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[darkmoon]

you certainly give the ex good write-up, it's the ex you love deep down, you're kidding yourself, this is what I see, love isn't always logical or "better suited" elsewhere

[tuxedo cat]

Your ex sounds weak and non-committal. He is now pining for you because you are being distant.

 

I think it's possible to be friends with exes but not when there's a codependent dynamic like you seem to have with your ex. Right now you're both using each other for validation; it's not a real friendship.