I confessed, she's on the fence & now she's coming back to the US. How should I act?

[KathyM]

Right. There is a possibility she is just going through a funk, and my confession made her less inclined to see me ... but it is what it is.

 

Looking at her actions, I'm moving on. I got a speed dating event end of the month. Looking to meet some cool new people and make maybe one or two solid connections.

It's good that you are putting yourself out there with the speed dating thing, but maybe step it up with other things in the meantime. Singles events, meetup groups, whatever you can find that gives you the opportunity to meet new people. The more you put yourself out there, the greater your chances will be to find someone compatible. And maybe ask a female relative for advice on how you can maximize your look and your approach.

[Polak]

Might be a random reply here, but this is probably one of the most interesting LS threads I've seen. Tek, I appreciate how well you write and how clear you make all your intentions. It really makes it easy to follow and give equally clear advice/suggestions.

 

As for your situation, it's good to hear that you are overcoming the weird feelings. Totally understandable at your loss of respect for her too; I would have felt the same. Good luck in your speed dating event! Should be fun.

[Teknoe]

Might be a random reply here, but this is probably one of the most interesting LS threads I've seen. Tek, I appreciate how well you write and how clear you make all your intentions. It really makes it easy to follow and give equally clear advice/suggestions.

 

As for your situation, it's good to hear that you are overcoming the weird feelings. Totally understandable at your loss of respect for her too; I would have felt the same. Good luck in your speed dating event! Should be fun.

 

Aw thanks man. I appreciate it. I'm less than 4 hours away from my speed dating event!

 

On a side note, my friend and I have come to a blows... respectfully. She was supposed to hang out with me a week ago, but cancelled 2 days in a row. Then she stiffed me again today when we were supposed to meet up to exchange some stuff. She dropped it off and I didn't even get to see her. So since she's been back from vacay a month ago, I have not seen her one ONCE.

 

The confession freaking changed everything, lol. Had I not confessed, we would have hung out within the first 10 days she was back, I'm quite sure of it. And she wouldn't have cancelled on me like she's been doing, or dodging me.

 

This all goes to let me know... confessions simply suck. And I am never going to do them again. Ever. EVVVVVEEER. I'm also a little peeved at my other female friend who urged me to be honest with this girl, T. T and I are no longer the same, and that other female friend and I haven't talked much since. It's time I stop listening to other people's advice and just learn from my own life experiences.

 

Never again am I confessing. It's better just to show action, and if she doesn't like it then you back off. But somehow, saying "I like you" changes everything.

 

Even the coolest girl who you think will be friends with you still even if she doesn't feel the same way... NOPE. Kiss it good bye.

[Teknoe]

BTW, you guys were right who said she let me down gently. It was only later that I realized it, when she flaked on me 2 nights in a row and basically made me a non-priority. Honestly, it's messed up. I was honest with her, I wish she could have been more honest with me.

 

She gave me the round-about. Would much have appreciated "Sorry, I only see you as a friend" rather than the crap line "I still love your company, and want to hang out... only let's not call it a date or put a label on it."

 

We haven't hung out in the month since she's been back.

 

I guess it only further proves to me why I shouldn't put stock in a woman's words, but rather her actions.

[Teknoe]

Wow, she really has backed off. She only messages me when she's bored, so I'm an option not a priority. I always knew this deep down I guess, but it's very evident now that my confession did change her comfort level, even though she knows I like another girl now.

 

I guess as long as I'm single, she'll always have her doubts, and I suppose, understandably so. I went for it and in the process "flamed out" and "ruined a fun friendship."

 

I decided this is the last time I'll ever confess.

[Polak]

It's all good. Time to move on. And that's no big deal! Hopefully sooner rather than later you can see this as a great situation, primarily because you can always learn something (your decision: don't confess again)

 

At least for me, I now tend to view different situations like this in my personal life as situations I can learn from. So that way I view them in a positive light, because I learned something I can use for next time.

 

If she doesn't want to be friends anymore, giving you the cold shoulder, view it as her loss! Focus on that new girl now.

[Teknoe]

It's all good. Time to move on. And that's no big deal! Hopefully sooner rather than later you can see this as a great situation, primarily because you can always learn something (your decision: don't confess again)

 

At least for me, I now tend to view different situations like this in my personal life as situations I can learn from. So that way I view them in a positive light, because I learned something I can use for next time.

 

If she doesn't want to be friends anymore, giving you the cold shoulder, view it as her loss! Focus on that new girl now.

 

Thanks Polak. You are an encouraging guy

 

With this new girl, especially being a coworker, I'm taking it slowly, and getting to know her better bit by bit. No rush, as I'd hate to make it awkward if things don't work out between us. Plus, nothing wrong with a cool colleague that you're buddy buddy with!

 

Definitely learned not to confess ever again. Gotta truly learn from that this time around.

[Teknoe]

T and I had a one-off email exchange updating each other on our lives... this was 2-3 weeks ago. I have not heard from her since. Not a text, email or IM or anything. Pretty clear she has moved on and actually, so have I. I don't really lament anything, but looking back on it I definitely learned never to confess again.

 

At first her silence was hard, but now I'm so used to her not being in my life that I feel IF she were to contact me again, it would be quite jarring. While I miss her friendship on some levels, I guess it wasn't gonna last forever anyway. At least I have peace knowing I gave it a shot, even if I got shot down and the friendship dissipated, at least I'll never wonder what if.