Total Roommate Scenario

[Moper]

I first apologize for my episode and misrepresenting my circumstances. I am embarrassed but hey, it is an anonymous board and I am just seeking answers.

 

Anyway in my sad circumstances I am still wrestling with this. Of course my therapist will not give me any answers and I do not expect my answer to come from here.

 

Assume the worst in a long term marriage, with no real animosity towards each other and no external issues. I know the grass is never greener on the other side. I also know that I really do not know what my own problem really is. I am totally confused. I think my wife thinks there is no problem, which makes me even more confused.

 

So any perspective will help. Despite my own self-destructive behavior I do think I have benefited from discussion here. Again, I'm sorry. Depression sucks.

[imfine]

I recommend you start practicing yoga and attempt to tame the monkey mind.

[Moper]

I recommend you start practicing yoga and attempt to tame the monkey mind.

 

Just researched that.

 

Yes, the monkey mind. Can I just shoot the damn monkey?

[Mr. Lucky]

Assume the worst in a long term marriage, with no real animosity towards each other and no external issues. I know the grass is never greener on the other side. I also know that I really do not know what my own problem really is. I am totally confused. I think my wife thinks there is no problem, which makes me even more confused.

 

So any perspective will help. Despite my own self-destructive behavior I do think I have benefited from discussion here. Again, I'm sorry. Depression sucks.

I know it's not the Hollywood ending we're all conditioned to look for but you could do worse. I've seen several marriages blow up in our circle of friends, mostly because one partner was bored, not feeling it and felt they'd grown apart. And yet, estranged from friends, family and the life they once new, few seem happier. Many seem distinctly more unhappy.

 

I'd say be careful what you wish for but, within the confines of your marriage, I'm not sure what you want. Or expect. Or feel you deserve. So let us know ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Moper]

I know it's not the Hollywood ending we're all conditioned to look for but you could do worse. I've seen several marriages blow up in our circle of friends, mostly because one partner was bored, not feeling it and felt they'd grown apart. And yet, estranged from friends, family and the life they once new, few seem happier. Many seem distinctly more unhappy.

 

I'd say be careful what you wish for but, within the confines of your marriage, I'm not sure what you want. Or expect. Or feel you deserve. So let us know ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

If only I could figure out what I wished for, wanted, expected, or felt I deserve...

 

I have so many blessings Mr. Lucky. I really do. That is what is so damn confusing.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have so many blessings Mr. Lucky. I really do. That is what is so damn confusing.

Not sure where you are in life Moper, but I'd hope at some point you'd find the presence of many blessings clarifying rather than confusing. As I'm approaching 60, I'm making a conscious effort to appreciate what I've got, hoping my aspirational stage is behind me. It's not perfect by any means but it's damn good. Don't you ever feel that way?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Moper]

Not sure where you are in life Moper, but I'd hope at some point you'd find the presence of many blessings clarifying rather than confusing. As I'm approaching 60, I'm making a conscious effort to appreciate what I've got, hoping my aspirational stage is behind me. It's not perfect by any means but it's damn good. Don't you ever feel that way?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not far behind you.

 

Before I fell into this depression I felt that way.

[Moper]

Not sure where you are in life Moper, but I'd hope at some point you'd find the presence of many blessings clarifying rather than confusing. As I'm approaching 60, I'm making a conscious effort to appreciate what I've got, hoping my aspirational stage is behind me. It's not perfect by any means but it's damn good. Don't you ever feel that way?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Had a bit of a eureka moment Mr. Lucky. I get the aspirational stage part of it but I'm not so sure having it behind you is such a good thing. Perhaps certain parts of it being behind you is good? I don't know but it seems to me that a hope or ambition of achieving something is a necessary part of being human and 60 just isn't that old.

 

As for FEEL, this is where my eureka moment came to me. There are only 6 emotions so really one's problems can easily be narrowed once one is open to really looking at them. I put the word feel in caps here because it turns out that I did feel this all along and knew that I did. I just didn't fully appreciate the significance of it.

 

See I do have a hope and ambition of fixing myself.

 

Your advice is clearly heartfelt and constructive, and I appreciate it. However I am finding here that people seem to be very quick to generalize and judge. That is not directed at you, by the way. It is just something else that I am realizing. Everyone is different and I appreciate the way you phrased your comments here and even ended with a question.

 

It's not perfect. It is damned good. I do feel that way but that isn't enough. Actually it is the problem because my appreciation of what I have has led me to stuff my emotions and that, Mr. Lucky, is what is screwing me up.

 

What to do about that, I don't know yet but I do know that if I didn't deal with this the problem would continue.

[Mr. Lucky]

Had a bit of a eureka moment Mr. Lucky. I get the aspirational stage part of it but I'm not so sure having it behind you is such a good thing. Perhaps certain parts of it being behind you is good? I don't know but it seems to me that a hope or ambition of achieving something is a necessary part of being human and 60 just isn't that old.

Perhaps I should have said "acquisitional". Like so many men, I've spent the bulk of my adult life providing bigger and better things for my family (and myself ). In dialing back that chase, I'm enjoying spending more time looking around me rather than ahead.

 

It's not perfect. It is damned good. I do feel that way but that isn't enough. Actually it is the problem because my appreciation of what I have has led me to stuff my emotions and that, Mr. Lucky, is what is screwing me up.

 

What to do about that, I don't know yet but I do know that if I didn't deal with this the problem would continue.

How is enjoying what you've worked to achieve a problem? And how does appreciation put a cap on your emotions? Not sure I understand...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Moper]

Perhaps I should have said "acquisitional". Like so many men, I've spent the bulk of my adult life providing bigger and better things for my family (and myself ). In dialing back that chase, I'm enjoying spending more time looking around me rather than ahead.

 

Now that's aspirational.

 

 

How is enjoying what you've worked to achieve a problem? And how does appreciation put a cap on your emotions? Not sure I understand...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

If I understood, I would probably be over my problem.

 

Actually I am understanding more and I am getting over my problem. Like I said I had a bit of a eureka moment. This is something I am just going through and for some reason I have to go through it. It doesn't necessarily make sense.

 

And, hey, we probably all ought be forced to spend some time in Syria or Somalia or some place like that. I am so used to winning and so used to having my way that somewhere along the way it seems I took a strange detour. A very strange detour.