I cheated..the whole story...

[EC]

So I want to talk about it now because I don't know what to do.

 

So lately my bf was acting weird with me (or so I thought) and before he would pick up every time I called no matter what. But this particular weekend I would call and he wouldn't pick up. He would call 15 mins later saying he was in the shower, bathroom, cooking, or had the music too loud. Saturday he didn't call all day and I didn't talk to him until 10:30 when I called him and he was drunk out of his mind. There was huge football game and he woke up that morning and with nothing in his stomach he took 10 shots and was wasted all day and thats why he couldn't call me.

 

I was so upset I hung up on him. I was just frustrated because I missed him, he wasn't picking up my calls and then he calls drunk and it's just ahhh..

 

So anyways I was talking to this guy I met online and well we always joke about meeting up and stuff and well he called Sunday and I said what the hell my bf's drunk somewhere ignoring my calls might as well just go out and get my mind off of things.

 

Well I met up with the guy and he was gorgeous and we went to the movies and he treated me so well and I did flirt a little. So to make a long story short at the end of the night he kissed me and I did pull away but not 'right away'.

 

That night I cried because I got home and had the most beautiful message from my bf..in his drunken stupor he told me how much he loved me and the only reason he drank so much was because he was dying without me. The pain was so much he can't take it and doesn't know what to do with himself. He told me that he's under a lot of pressure to good in college and stay faithful to me and he doesn't know what else to do to prove to me he loves me and that i need to understand he has to go to school but sometimes he wishes he can just say f*ck school and come to me.

 

He says all he does is study and go to class and think of me and wait for 9 to come to talk to me and he did put the music up he said to make the time pass faster so that he could talk to me and then he called me back and I had an attitude. He said he wrote me a poem and sent it to my e-mail and that he loved me and to please not be mad at him that i would visit him in a week and everything would be ok again.

 

So I broke down crying and now I'm dying inside. Don't get me wrong the other guy is great but being with him that night just made me realize that i already have found what I'm looking for and I have to be strong.

 

I want to tell my bf but I don't want to lose him. I know if I tell him he will never look at me the same and things will be ruined. I don't know what to do I just want to tell him and get rid of this burden I am carrying with me. But he's so excited about seeing me this upcoming week and hes picking me up at the airport and I want to tell him there but I don't want to ruin the week but don't want to have a perfect week with him and then tell him when I'm about to leave because it's not fair.

 

I love him, I swear I do, judge if you want, many people say you don't cheat if you love the person but I do and I really saw it that night and I want nothing more than to just be in his arms right now with his fingers caressing my face and body feeling his warmth on my skin. I miss him so much and now I know there's no way he can find out if I don't tell him but I feel so guilty. I have never cheated before and I don't know how to deal with this...

[250r]

If all ya did was kiss him, I wouldn't even bother tellin your boyfriend. If it was more than that then I think you need to...

[tiki]

I feel so bad for you.

 

I don't even know what to say. Atleast something good came of it?

 

I'm speechless for the first time ever....and you know that's not a norm for big mouth over here. You sound so damn sincere. And I know you are EC.

 

A part of me says you've GOT to tell him. It would have been a "perfect" week without this having had happen, but it did EC. If you tell him, this will give you an opportunity to work on this void during the week.

 

How pissed will he be? Would he want you to not visit if he found out about the date/kiss?

 

I'd be more upset about the meeting of the guy (the date) than the peck kiss, I think.

[moimeme]

I think you should tell him and then I hope he dumps you.

 

Because next time he does something that freaks you out, you'll do this again but maybe next time you'll sleep with the guy. You're too insecure in your relationship and too willing to quit at the slightest sign of trouble.

 

IMHO you're not ready to be in a relationship. Relationships that are good require trust on both sides and you don't appear to be any closer to trusting this guy than you ever were. So it's never going to work out anyway.

 

Let him dump you and find someone who will trust him and start working on your own issues. Develop some sense of loyalty that would never allow you to go off with some other guy and kiss him because there's a little dint in your own relationship.

[EC]

Its ok i knew some would flame and others wouldn't.

 

I am insecure and it is hard to trust him but thats life. It's reality. He is far away and young and in college and so am I.

 

Im still growing up and I have a lot of learning to do and thats what Im doing.

 

I want the relationship but it's hard and just trying to deal. So I did go off and do that well I'm sorry I am human.

 

I know if I call him and tell him before hand he will not want me to visit but If I tell him while I am up there things can probably just get ugly.

 

I think he will also think that the next time we have a dent in the relationship that I will run off and do something dumb but that is not the case. Like I said I messed up, I learned my lesson and I can say that I will not do it again.

 

Ahhh life is hard. I have to tell him I'm just soo scared he will not understand.

[tiki]

I don't think you can live with yourself if you don't tell him. You have so much guilt EC, I can tell it by just reading your words. You've got to tell him, now it's just a matter of when.

 

EC, he could take the opportunity to drop a bombshell on you, too. "Yeah when the electricity was out....the girls in their bikinis"....blah blah blah. It happens. [color=red] How do you know he hasn't done the same? You've got to keep in honest.[/color]

 

You are young. And you're still experiencing, you've got your 'feelers' out. Don't beat yourself up over this. But I feel your pain EC, and I'm thinking of you and am here to support you.

 

Um, .

[EnigmaXOXO]

EC…I kinda saw this one coming after your "pizza boy" rant. This LDR is turning you into an insecure emotional wreck. Now you're doing things that you say goes against your nature and everything you believed in.

 

Stop the madness!

 

It's obvious that it's difficult for you to remain committed to a guy you rarely spend time with. It's also obvious that you would enjoy the opportunity to date and spend time with other guys who may or may not be interested in you. But rather then tiptoeing behind your boyfriend's back and worrying yourself sick that he might be doing the same - why not just call the whole thing off, or at least reach some agreement that BOTH of you are free to see other people until he returns. That's what you're doing anyway, right?

 

I think if you have any problem with this, then the only reason is because you can't stand the idea of him being with anyone but you. But that would be selfish, EC. It's not fair that you get to do whatever you want while having unfair expectations of him.

 

No double standards, EC, unless you're willing to live with them too. If you can't play honest and fair, then you're NOT ready to handle a committed relationship.

[tiki]

^^^ Yeah, uh, she's got some good points there EC.

[EC]

Thank you guys for being honest and straight foward with me...

 

The thing is I don't want to date other guys..I want him and he just can't be here.

So having an open relationship is not what I want. Seeing that other guy yeah it was ok but what I have with him is soo much more. I don't want to tiptoe I have found what I want.

 

Tiki I thought about that too the whole when the lights went out....I really thought about what if he dropped a bomb on me you know? I don't know how I would be able to handle that.

 

I think if you have any problem with this, then the only reason is because you can't stand the idea of him being with anyone but you. But that would be selfish, EC. It's not fair that you get to do whatever you want while having unfair expectations of him.

 

oh no it's not like I'm doing it all the time it was once and I messed up and thats it.

 

 

I know if I cannot live with myself if I don't tell him I know I have to and if that means losing him then what can I say at least I was honest with him. I don't know what i would do If I were to lose him though. I hardly have him as it is and I can't breathe without him. I wake up each morning hoping time flies so that the day we can see eachother can come closer. It's so hard and then I'm confused because everyone says how I'm young and I can't take things so serious that who knows what he is doing up there....

And I trust him but sometimes I do wonder.....

 

I leave next wednesday to see him and I am staying in his apartment with his 3 guy roomates and we are going to be together 24-7 because I know nobody else there. So If i tell him while I am there OMG I don't even know what will happen if he gets mad and itsn't talking to me (which will most probably be the outcome) what will I do with my self in a new town in his apartment knowing nobody...it ill be tough. But then again it could be the perfect time bcause it will force us to see eachother and work it out.

 

Or maybe who knows what will happen? I do know I will tell him and hopefully he can forgive me maybe not right away but maybe in time?

[tiki]

...and he may be completely forgiving instantaneously. Ya never know. This may be that opportunity for him to open up to you too.

 

And I agree, the week will force you two to deal with it, unless he straight up refuses to see you...and if that happens, call the bunny klan, we'll get you where you need to be. And you better know I am so not EVEN kidding. I'm here for you hooch.

[hugznkisses21]

Let me give you a bit of hope.

The same this happened to me....except i was drunk and my bf was in a terrible mood to me on that night and a friend of ours kissed me on the cheek. I was the one that asked for the kiss (being friendly while im drunk)

 

Now....I told my boyfriend...i was soooscared cause like your bf he meant the entire world to me and if anything i wished that was him that kissed me....really what i wanted was someone to pay attention to me and he did....

Not an excuse i know but the point im making is my bf even said...you didnt mean it, your honest and I still love you. I kept saying over and over again that i never want to hurt him and that all i wanted was him nobody else.

 

He understood, quite frankly i was the one beating myself up for weeks after and HE was the one conforting me and saying its ok.

 

So he may understand...let him know how u feel why it happened and he may understand a biy better.

We are human we make mistakes, and we ask for forgiveness and thats all we can do.

 

Even my bf was the one to say dont worry we all make mistakes, and it wasnt something i intentionally did to hurt him

 

to this day i still feel terrible. I know he gets a bit worried when im drunk but it will take a bit of time to repaire that

[EC]

LOL my friend had the same thing happen to her and her ex and she went up to visit him in college and was going to tell him she cheated.

 

Well she thought for sure he wouldn't like leave her out in the cold. Well she told him and they got into a huge fight and he packed her stuff and put it outside and when she asked

"Well where am I supposed to sleep?"

 

he answered

 

"Wal-mart has beds and tents figure it out."

 

OMG

 

 

Thank you Tiki. I will try my hardest to tell him this week. I don't know how things will turn out but Im a big girl and I have been through worse in my life. I'll be ok. ( I hope)

[hugznkisses21]

no thanks for me...i tried

[EC]

Hgz...I posted the thanks and then read your post lol...gimme a chance lol

 

Your bf sound so nice and caring but mine has this hidden evil monster and he has this huge ego and I just know that if I were to tell him the beast will come out.

 

But I have a beast myself..so i can probably calm him down. BUt i will just tell him exactly what happened and use your words.."we are just human we make mistakes and all we can do is ask for forgiveness"

 

Oh man this will be so hard. Next Thursday everyone better be on LS because I get there wednesday night and he leaves to class thursday morning and I will be on his computer flipping..lol I will need you guys.

[tiki]

EC, keep your emotions real. If you are sorry, act like it. I think as sincere as you are, you'll be A-OK.

[mr wonderful]

Ok this is just my opinion, but I think that you have to tell him. What happens if you don't and he finds out? That would be even worse. I say tell him get it over with. If he loves you he will stay with you. If he doesn't then you are better off. I also think the part of the reason you want the relationship so bad is because a ldr isn't really a relationship, it's a partial relationship. You can't have a full relationship so you want what you can't have.

[mr wonderful]

Good luck btw. I hope the best for you

[EC]

Mr. Wonderful in some way your so right.

 

I know I have to tell him because if by some miraculous way of life he finds out then what?

 

Then he really will never trust me again.

 

I hope he does love me and can forgive me and understand. I mean I didnt sleep with anyone and it was one kiss and I pulled away and haven't called the guy since...but still its still cheating.

 

I will tell him I just don't know when the right time will be.

 

But it needs to be as soon as possible and not over the phone.

 

Im thinking car ride after he picks me up at the airport...hope fully he wont turn the car around and tell me to fly back. ahhh..

[tiki]

No matter the outcome, I'm imagining that he'll be more thankful that you confessed and were remorseful rather than finding out otherwise.

[savethedrama4allama]

I think that you should really consider why you did what you did, EC. Are you sure you want to be with this man (who you just called an evil monster and a huge ego?) He is very far away, you are young, and you aren't acting like a loyal partner. Like someone else said, you can't stay with him just because you don't want him to be with anyone else.

 

bunny clan unite

[Naive]

Maybe this is going to go against everything everyone is saying, but I say don't tell him, period.

[EC]

Damn on a lighter note..... my avatar is f*cking hot..lol

 

Naive I know I thought that right away..I thought don't say anything and if I get caught deny deny deny...

 

But I couldn't live with myself and its sucks holding in a secret like that.

 

And looking in their eyes and hearing all the I love you's knowing you did them wrong. I have to tell him.

 

That came out wrong drama....He has a huge monster inside but he never ever lets it out on me but he does have a temper on him. He's gemini so i guess it goes with his double personality thing. He does have a huge ego but thats what I love about him sometimes. His confidence and hello..attention whore I have a huge ego too lol I think might even be bigger than his.....thats why I know how he will react because we are so much alike its scary.

 

I do want to be with him I just don't understand why we have to be separated right now. It's so stressful. But when we are together everything is pure bliss.

 

I wish I knew how to post something on a link and then put it here so you guys could read the poem he sent. It was really good.

 

Oh well I'm telling him end of story hopefully everything will go well.

[EnigmaXOXO]

On a lighter note:

 

Damn on a lighter note..... my avatar is f*cking hot..lol

 

Angelina Jolie is extremely attractive…but nuttier than squirrel turds.

 

Selma Hayek is a better choice if you like class, brains AND beauty!

[EC]

Yeah my bf loooooooooooves Selma...but I just like Anglinas look. She just looks so bad a$$ but she seriously has emotional issues....

 

Nuttier than squirrel turds????

 

LMAO OMG lol

[quankanne]

I've got to throw my vote with naive's ... not because I'm encouraging secrecy, but take it from an old married chick: discretion is something you need to develop in a relationship.

 

one -- you were upset with your BF, so you went to a movie with a guy you'd met online; two -- you exchanged a single kiss; three -- you realized what you did wasn't right, in light of the fact that you have a boyfriend. You may want to kick yourself up and down for "cheating" on your honey, but in the larger scheme of things, it was a stupid mistake that you're not about to repeat, from what I'm reading in your posts. You're going to feel guilty, yes, but you need to understand that this isn't a launching point for a whole shxt-potload of drama, nor is it something you need to inflict on your boyfriend. Especially if you have no intentions to put yourself in that position again.

 

telling him that you kissed another guy -- even if it didn't "mean" anything -- is a pretty selfish thing to do because you want to asuage your guilt more than you want to try to keep things on an even keel in a relationship that's got some pretty big stuff working against it (the long-distance thing, meaning a LDR is hard enough in and of itself). My advice is to seriously think over the incident: is it something you feel you're going to do everytime you get upset about your boyfriend, or was it a random dumbass incident that you have no intention of repeating? is that singular kiss that otherwise had no meaning behind it worth jeopardizing the fragile trust you've got with your LD boyfriend -- or is it just a hard-learned lesson?

 

"cheating," defined by my quank-o-meter, is repetitious, harmful behavior intended to sabotage a relationship, and the cheater does nothing to stop that behavior. A single kiss with someone other than your guy is regretful, yes, but it's not worth killing your relationship for. Discretion doesn't mean lying or keeping something underwraps, it's knowing when and what to share with someone because you respect them enough to do just that.