Vinsanity1307 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 So tomorrow is my exes Birthday and I am debating to send her a happy bday text or card.....If you do not know the story please read. I attached the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years I am basically 6 weeks since she dumped me and going on 5 weeks NC . Anyways my birthday was a few weeks ago and I did not receive any contact from her no text card or nothing for it. I know she doesnt care but I clearly still do care and just because she doesnt I feel Im not her and should still give her a happy birthday wish. I am looking at it from both sides of the fence. The first begin she may have well moved on and possibly with someone else and here I am still thinking of her which shows the loser ex still caring for her after what she put me through. On the other hand again I am a caring person its who I am just cause she didnt do something why should I be like her Regardless. Please what do I do I am so torn.. I keep telling myself ok last time I saw her (after the first week when I was begging and pleading) she was talking to her ex friends with benefits to try and talk myself out of it.... Please help.... Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 ......dude.....no. If it were 6months and u didn't still have feelings for her....maybe. Too soon. You won't get what your looking for. What happens if she doesn't respond at all? Oh wait she didn't write you one? Good give her the same thing she did. If you do I'll slap you. Barky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I am so caring and that is why I want to wish her. Translation: I'm a doormat and want her to know she's mising out on a nice guy and eventhough she completely ignored me on my birthday, I want her to know I'm still thinking of her and that maybe my birthday wish will open the lines of communication and give me a breadcrumb because it's so difficult to deal with the rejection and silence. It's a break-up. Accept it and move on. She doesn't really care whether you are caring or not. She doesn't need it. She'll probably be too involved with her former FWB. Save your caring nature for someone that cares. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 Ouch zahara....That hurt but I know your trying to help...Hence why I came on here looking for advice... Barky Thanks for your advice I have to admit I have your post/thread saved in my phone about break ups. I re read it alot when I am having trouble. You seem to be noble and know what your talking about in these categories. Not sure if you have or haven't already but I would appreciate your input on my story if you could read the original forum yes I know NC and whatnot but would like your opinion on it. It would be greatly appreciated..... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Ouch zahara....That hurt but I know your trying to help...Hence why I came on here looking for advice.... Yes, I'm trying to hit you over the head and wake you up. The woman didn't care to even acknowledge your existence and here you are defining your need to do so as a caring gesture when you clearly know there are motives behind why you want to contact. And when someone ignores you, they are sending you a message. Think about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 The above poster said what I said, only in direct terms. I've advised you before. How do I know so much? I've been thru it. I've lived it. I want others to get their mind right instead of doing what I did. I'm going to once again advise you, to leave it be. You will not get what u want by texting her. She is not the same girl you dated. Leave it be. Focus on yourself. Pretend her bday is yours, go grab a drink somewhere and meet people. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
Mrfr Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 My ex's birthday is next month. I'm not sending her a damn thing. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 I know you guys are right thats what I am thinking....Hoping to open the door to something.....I do want to wish her one but it prob will set me back and hurt me more.......still hard to do though...thanks for your replies.... Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I said it before you did. Your NOT going to get out of it what you want. You will A) get ignored...feel like crap. B) get a " thanks......" Or you can grab your beanbag and say naaaaahh she didn't text me? I won't give her the satisfaction. If she texts you..." you didn't wish me happy bday"( which I doubt she will) reply with oh damn when was it? 2 can play that game. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I didn't say or do anything for my ex on her birthday two weeks ago. She did not notice. Neither will your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 I didn't say or do anything for my ex on her birthday two weeks ago. She did not notice. Neither will your ex. Its a little empowering isn't it? Power helps you move on. NC= POWER. eat it.love it.bathe in it. Barky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jesse93 Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 There is no need to say happy bday man, sometimes its better to just move forward she didn't even bother saying happy bday to you so why would you break NC to say it to her? You've been NC for a good amount of time, keep up the work man. My ex's bday is coming up in September and I've been thinking about saying happy bday also, but I honestly don't think you should man she didn't care to say it to you, so you shouldn't bother breaking NC just to say a simple happy bday. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 NO need to send her anything. My ex's birthday was last month and I didn't not send her a thing, later found out that she went on a "trip" for her birthday so she clearly did not need a thing from me. Remember is not about being polite or kind, it's about you and your recovery journey, you are all that matters at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you for your replies everyone.... and As hard as it is and as much as I want too I will listen to you all....Damn this sucks.. thanks again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Antares Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 Dude. Don't. My ex broke up with me and her bday was shortly after. I wanted to say something but knew I couldn't contact her. And you what? She contacted me 3 months later. And it didn't matter that I never said a word to her on her bday. In fact, the fact that I had disappeared made her more curious. Now...she didn't want to get back together, and really just missed me and wanted to catch up...but my point is...is that me ignoring her bday wasn't even mentioned when she called. It didn't matter at all. She dumped you, right? That means she didn't want you in her life...and as hard as that is to take...it means she doesn't get the benefit of you wishing her a happy bday. Give her the birthday gift she asked from you...your absolute disappearance from her life. And you can always wish her a happy birthday - to yourself. If you really want her to have a happy birthday, if you honesty mean it and it's not just some tactic to try and get her to contact you...well then, she doesn't need to hear the actual words from you to make it come true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 Again thank you for the replies......Yes she dumped me out of no where....No noticeable decline in the relationship prior to being dumped.... completely blindsided...And I had almost what 7 weeks to analyze and try to figure things out... So I dont know.. trying to heal but still reminiscing on the fond memories. Regardless I will take you guys advice..thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTheWild Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 My ex won't hear a peep outta me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Again thank you for the replies......Yes she dumped me out of no where....No noticeable decline in the relationship prior to being dumped.... completely blindsided...And I had almost what 7 weeks to analyze and try to figure things out... So I dont know.. trying to heal but still reminiscing on the fond memories. Regardless I will take you guys advice..thanks again My deepest sympathies. I can't imagine how painful. I can't imagine being with someone that long and just ending it. Why would people date so long if not happy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
supaflyz Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 No, just let it go. I know you want to wish her a happy birthday, but at the same time I think you want a reply from her or wishing for one. Just let it go man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 Well its close to my exes Bday about 20 min and why do I feel so sad not spending it with her. Its not my Bday which doesnt make sense.... I am replying to my post cause I am getting more and more of the urge to text her.... Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 No sweat we are here. As mentioned my ex's birthday was just last month and oddly I did not care much for her birthday possibly because she ruined mine which came a few months before hers. The thought of me contacting her in any way shape or form did not cross my mind. Don't view her birthday as a historical event or anything of substance it's simply just another day, another day that you are making progress and healing. It's your day to remain strong and continue to push forward never looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Well its close to my exes Bday about 20 min and why do I feel so sad not spending it with her. Its not my Bday which doesnt make sense.... I am replying to my post cause I am getting more and more of the urge to text her.... It's a normal feeling, but don't text her. Would be a tragically awful idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 my birthday is coming up, if she wishes me happy birthday, then i will do the same to her. but if she didn't, i wouldn't either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks guys......I am trying to stay strong seeing im on day 33 of NC...Had a breakdown not to long ago...but still held back from texting...Dreading this day to come......Its pathetic I know....Just 5 years of doing something every year and being with that person it becomes a ritual/holiday to me ya know..... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks guys......I am trying to stay strong seeing im on day 33 of NC...Had a breakdown not to long ago...but still held back from texting...Dreading this day to come......Its pathetic I know....Just 5 years of doing something every year and being with that person it becomes a ritual/holiday to me ya know..... It makes sense to feel like that. After so long, things become a routine. Breaking that routine is the worst parts of relationships. You've become intertwined with that person, so everything you guys did became you. Breaking all of those dependencies is why breakups are so hard. We also associate our ex's with a "happy" time, which may or may not be true. Hell, happy times are any times that we arent feeling like this currently lol. The only thing you will get from texting is either nothing (which will upset you) or thanks (which will mildly upset you, then you become too paranoid about it so you start texting her more as this is an opening, then she tells you to stop talking to her). Its not going to go well if you do, I promise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts