Girlfriend of 5 years went straight to someone else. I want her back.

[Universe]

My girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. I went to try to get back together 5 days ago and found out that she started sleeping with someone two weeks after we broke up. She says she doesn't love him and still loves me. I was crushed and she was very broken up about crushing me. But nothing changed.

 

I emailed her the next day and told her that despite everything, I still wanted to be in her life as long as she would have me in it. Obviously I don't want to be walked on. But I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I shoulder the blame for our relationship deteriorating. But breaking up woke me up to so much understanding.

 

I almost don't blame her for sleeping with someone else. I've never gone through such enormous shock and disgust as I am now. But it makes sense all things considered. I know the only solution is to try to reconstruct from the ground up a new relationship with her. The only other option is to cut and run.

 

She still hasn't responded to my email. Am I going about this the right way? Am I being walked on? Is there anything else I can be doing to fix this? Should I force myself to try and sleep with someone else?

[Cecelius]

Why torture yourself? She let your cohabitation bed with her cool for 14 days before she was banging someone else. If she loves you so much, why is she with the other guy.

 

Sounds messed up. Let her be and maybe you can be friends later.

[bluechocolate]

But breaking up woke me up to so much understanding.

 

Is that irony or satire? , but sadly that is very common.

 

Why did you wait more than 5 weeks before attempting a reconciliation?

 

She still hasn't responded to my email.

 

Which you sent over 5 days ago now? If she won't communicate with you there isn't much you can do, is there?

 

Am I going about this the right way?

 

Have you tried contacting her other than that one email? Will she talk to you? You've broached the topic of getting back together in person & via an email. I suppose you could bring it up again but I suspect you'll be in the same place as you are now. Waiting. Which is all you can really do for the time being.

 

Is there anything else I can be doing to fix this?

 

There is a book a few people have mentioned on this site recently - "How to Get Your Lover Back" - or something like that - maybe there's something there? Myself, I've not read it so I can't comment.

 

Should I force myself to try and sleep with someone else?

 

That is an odd question. You should never "force" yourself to sleep with someone, but I think I know what you meant. And no, you shouldn't get involved with someone else for an emotional crutch. It's selfish & unfair to the other person (who the hell wants to be the rebound in a relationship?) & really won't be of much help to you anyway.

[Sympathy]

I had been with someone for almost 5 years and recently he has given me the old heave ho for a minor argument but for a month prior i knew by his growing distance both emotionally and sexually that something was up. Although we always swore to each other that no matter what we would always tell the other party of our plans to sleep with another person before we actually did.

Well i think he had slept with someone already before he dumped me and even tho i am pining away for him (if you read my original thread you'd say good riddance) i don't think i could ever trust him again if he did come back.

 

 

Could you ever trust your girlfriend again if she came back? bluechocolate is right in that you shouldn't toy with someone else's feelings and sleep with them just to get back at your girlfriend....we shouldn't bring unresolved emotional baggage into a new relationship...give yourself time to heal first.

 

I know what you are going thru now......rejection sucks

 

Sympathy

[honey2005]

The only other option is to cut and run.

 

That's what I would recommend. I've been in a similar situation, as have many other people. I tried everything I could to get him back and when I finally realized nothing would work, I cried and moped around for months. Then one day I woke up and decided that life was too short to spend it trying to make someone love me, because the fact is no matter how much you care about someone you can't force them to feel the same way. It's been about 7 months and even though I miss him and I just dreamed about him last night, I know that I'm better off without him and now I have a chance to be with someone who really does care about me.

 

I know you're hurting right now but I promise it'll get better.