MojoHD Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been officially together for 3 months. Prior to that, we've new beyond best friends for more than ten years. We met in college and never lost contact since. We've always been there for each other and have had our fall outs in between along the 10 year but always came back. In the recent 2 years we've seriously and jokingly talked about relationship/hooking up. 3-4 months ago we decided to start something serious. All and everything we saw along the way was what we wanted in each other. I've always looked up to this woman as the one I wanted my gf to be. Always compared my girlfriends to this woman. Independent, educated, knows what she wants and does not BS. Fast forward to today, I've become insecured. Knowing she knows what she wants we've both agreed in that she is wanting marriage at some point In Life and so do I. Not now but in the future. So as she stated was either you're in board or don't waste my time. Plain and simple. So I've given her space and let her handle her things. She complained I wasn't there enough and she wants me very involved in her life, wants my opinion etc. so I started to become more involved, spending more time with her and giving her my option on things she asked. Problem is now she thinks I'm taking over her life. Numerous times she brings up the fact that what's hers is not mine and that I'm asking for marriage benefits without being married. I never saw it that way and I got be very confused and insecured. So I backed off entirely from having to give my option and now she complains stating she wants someone to take the lead but not take over her life. So I'm lost. Maybe I'm doing something wrong hence why I'm asking here for opinions. I'm personally burying myself under the ground because of this. I don't want to give up on this woman yet I don't known what to do! Ive always been independent and up front with friends and anyone yet with her I'm different. I don't know how to change into who I was! Any input is greatly appreciated. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 awkward...difficult position to be in for both of you....... Your gf doesnt seem to be sure what she really wants...back off.... lead...... back off..... no lead ......its mine i tell ya.......she does seem confused on what she wants she obviously doesnt want to be controlled, she seems to be a little uncertain and insecure if you have the same life goal of marriage, and i think this is stemming into a confusion on what she wants from you......she is actually pulling back and re engaging you often...... communication is key......not breaks and space and all that stuff about what is mine is mine hands off...... and yes i want you to lead contradictions.... i think she is insecure about you as her bf.....have an honest and open discussion with your gf and find out what is behind her outbursts....... taking the lead is natural for a man.......controlling is where it becomes unnatural..when someone leads there is communication and mutual agreement about where that other person is being led.........you dont sound controlling to me at all...you are just wanting to be the man she wants you to be....and you are struggling to know who that man is....rightly so........that isnt control...not on your behalf ..if anything....the control is purely hers......so the issues are deeper than what she is saying the unsaid issue is the heart of your problem....open...honest.....discussion..... get it all out in the open.......best wishes with that discussion...deb Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 You're only a matter of weeks in, and your relationship is already extremely rocky and unstable. You seem confused, and rightly so! You are not being given clear feedback, and it appears that you are both unsatisfied at the moment. Continuing on like this will be damaging for you. It is unhealthy to constantly be chasing your tail, and trying to please someone, only to have it thrown back in your face every time. You two really need to sort out a way to communicate effectively, otherwise, it's not looking good. Couple's therapy may be an option if you're both willing. Please, if it doesn't get better soon - get out, don't do this to yourself. It will mess with your head and self-esteem to be constantly trying to change yourself, only to be told time and time again that you're doing it wrong. Ideally, the relationship should flow naturally, and you should be able to be yourself. Work now towards correcting it, and if she doesn't play ball - leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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