GF got pregnant on purpose, I think

[CptSaveAho]

I could certainly see a scenario in which I'd buy an ovulation kit to AVOID getting pregnant. Why isn't that even a consideration in anyone's math here? \

 

LOL buy an ovulation kit to avoid being pregnant instead of getting a shot buying condoms, taking pills, RIGHT!!!

 

women are so full of it

[Keenly]

I'm sorry - was there something else you wanted to say there?

 

It's as I suspected - you dated a "bottom of the barrel" sort and paid for it dearly, and now it's colored your opinion of not only this sitch but women in general. Makes sense.

 

Its called learning from life experience. Ever heard of "all men are jerks?" its the same. We are all reflections of our life experiences, and mine isn't going to change just because it offends you.

 

For the record - sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it. The father of my baby acted in the most reprehensible way you can imagine upon learning that I was prego, even though he did nothing himself to prevent it. And - I still made the decision that was best for me and my baby.

 

To be perfectly honest, I don't care about what decisions you made. I have no opinion on your situation what so ever, I'm just pissed that you had to gall to try and throw a "I have more experience than you" right down your nose at me.

 

So I'd thank you not to paint women with such a wide, negative brush. Men can be just as awful when it comes to dealing with things such as this, but you don't see me going on about "warning" women about how awful men can be.

 

I'm not going to change my opinions for you. Sorry. I'm brutally honest. It's how I always have been. If you do not like it, you are the one with the problem, not I. Something bad happened to me, and I learned something from it.

 

El responso in boldo

[serial muse]

LOL buy an ovulation kit to avoid being pregnant instead of getting a shot buying condoms, taking pills, RIGHT!!!

 

women are so full of it

 

Ugh, stop with this bullshxt. Do you ever have a post where you don't insult women at large? I can't recall reading one. Anything else in your repertoire, or is that it?

 

It's like you haven't read a word of the OP, you're just determined to find an enemy in the woman.

 

1. He could have done any of those things too.

2. She herself thought that perhaps the rhythm method might work since her doctor told her it was unlikely she'd get pregnant.

3. Knowing when you're ovulating = knowing when NOT to have sex = rhythm method.

4. Rhythm method is stupid and thus they're BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH culpable of stupidity.

 

5. IT DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS A WITCH SO STOP TRYING TO BURN HER.

 

GOD. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: So stupid. And full of it.

[Keenly]

Keenly and Drseussgrrl, how are your opinions any better because you have had 'experience'.

 

Don't make me pull out the 'my daddy is stronger than your daddy' **** how.

 

 

Once again. I never wanted this to turn into an argument. I was trying to give the OP advice.

 

You and drsuess girl started attacking me. I defended myself. Now you are trying to twist the situation like I came in here talking about how women are awful and always out to trick men. I never said that. I said that a man should take reproduction into his own hands, under all circumstances. This way, there are NO unintended pregnancies. If you want to get pregnant, you two talk about it. If you both decide to have a kid, then you have a kid. Problem solved. No one party can trap the other.

 

 

Once a woman gets pregnant, the man has 0 say in what happens next. The ONLY time a man has a say, is before it happens. So that's when the man needs to express the responsibility.

 

 

Everything I have said makes absolute perfect sense when you think about it with logos instead of pathos. This is where I am the odd man out in society in general. I don't think with emotion, I think with logic. Therefore, to ME, and in my mind, emotional arguments are by their very nature, irrational. This is how my brain has operated my entire life. This might offend you (I cant possibly understand why my line of thinking would offend you, but I can clearly see it does) but its who I am. I don't care if you don't like me for it. I think critically, rationally, logically, and if it doesn't add up to me, I don't roll with it.

[serial muse]

OP. Please, for the love of all that's holy come back and tell us why you suspect her of something more than being dumb. NOTHING in your OP gives ANYONE good reason to suspect her, people are just paranoid and eager to hate on each other and such vagueness clearly offers a feast for the foolish.

 

You could settle this for us. Save us from ourselves. Tx.

[soccerrprp]

I've been with my GF for 22 months and contrary to how most of these situations are our relationship is pretty much perfect. We hardly ever fight, if we do it's resolved within the hour. We get along great, live together and we're both really happy. I'm 26, she's 21.

 

When my GF and I started talking about BC she said she had a very low chance of conceiving naturally because she had 1 ovary and fallopian tube removed and part of the other fallopian tube removed, from some disease. She always got really upset about this and embarrassed so I assumed it true (plus it took 8 months to get pregnant). GF said her doctor said pregnancy was unlikely but not impossible if the egg and sperm met up at exactly the right time/place. We didn't have sex until we were together for 14 months and by then (and long before) I knew that I loved her and couldn't see my future without her. We've talked about marriage a lot and planned for in in the next 18-24 months or so. We decided not to use any form of BC because she would have a hard time getting pregnant and IF it did happen I wasn't worried about it because I knew we'd be fine (she's the only girl I've ever felt that way with).

 

I found out a few days ago that she's pregnant. She's 8-9 weeks. She said she didn't know she was pregnant at first because she didn't expect to get pregnant. She was throwing up for days and I said to take a pregnancy test. She said "no, there's no chance I'm pregnant". Honest or good acting? Not only that but she pretty much tried to get pregnant. Now I know that I didn't use a condom and came in her every time, without her being on BC, so her getting pregnant I'm not mad about. BUT she used an ovulation kit thing to tell her the best time to try to get pregnant. But she still says "I didn't try to get pregnant but we didn't prevent it either".

 

Now I don't know what to do. Everything was going so great. I don't understand why she would want to try for a baby without telling me. I'm confused as to whether I want to stay with her or not.

 

OP,

 

I must admit I have not read the many posts after your initial one. But, I simply don't see what the confusion is about.

 

Forgive me for saying this, but, really!?!?!?!? You're upset that she's pregnant b/c she planned it. But you made NO attempt to prevent it and you confused that it would not bother you if she did.

 

She was using a kit you say. Well, kit or no kit, the few times you did have sex during the most optimal time, you lucked out. You should know that there are optimal times to have intercourse, but you made, again, NO attempt to prevent it.

 

I'm a little lost as to why it really matters that much that she planned it or not....

[Ninjainpajamas]

Please repeat where this vixen of a girlfriend lied and said she had no chance of getting pregnant.

 

I'll wait.

 

She didn't need to say it...there's more evidence to support the fact that she implied it through her actions and words to him that she could not, rather than repeatedly make a case of her saying she could in fact get pregnant.

 

I don't see any action or rhetoric making a strong case in the actual possibility of getting pregnant up to the point of supposed conception...she created a false sense of security by advocating the unlikelyhood up to rejecting the pregnancy test. And you call this situation transparent and support her behavior because why?

 

Why wasn't she being realistic about the fact she could get pregnant? Why wasn't she honest and open as soon as she started experiencing these symptoms w her future husband whom she supposedly trusts and would want him involved or aware of her health...let alone a potential pregnancy.

 

He's not the one experiencing the symptoms...went through the illness or claimed to be very likely to be near infertile to the point where unprotected sex would not result in pregnancy...where are those questions and that responsibilities?

[serial muse]

She didn't need to say it...there's more evidence to support the fact that she implied it through her actions and words to him that she could not, rather than repeatedly make a case of her saying she could in fact get pregnant.

 

I don't see any action or rhetoric making a strong case in the actual possibility of getting pregnant up to the point of supposed conception...she created a false sense of security by advocating the unlikelyhood up to rejecting the pregnancy test. And you call this situation transparent and support her behavior because why?

 

Why wasn't she being realistic about the fact she could get pregnant? Why wasn't she honest and open as soon as she started experiencing these symptoms w her future husband whom she supposedly trusts and would want him involved or aware of her health...let alone a potential pregnancy.

 

He's not the one experiencing the symptoms...went through the illness or claimed to be very likely to be near infertile to the point where unprotected sex would not result in pregnancy...where are those questions and that responsibilities?

 

There is a different way to interpret all of this. You walked into this assuming that she done him wrong, and so all data seem to fit your hypothesis if you look at them the right way. That's confirmation bias at its worst.

 

Let's take instead, as a starting position, the possibility that she DIDN'T plan to get pregnant, and in fact thought it was very unlikely.

 

1. She visits doctor and s/he tells her this.

2. She decides, WITH HIM, that rhythm method is probably sufficient birth control.

3. They also agree that if she does get pregnant, it's cool.

4. She begins having symptoms. Vomiting. Symptoms which, if you don't think there's much chance of getting pregnant, you might attribute to other causes. You wouldn't ASSUME that that's what's going on because you've already ASSUMED you WON'T get pregnant.

5. She buys an ovulation kit to check things out. Is it possible? What's my cycle doing?

6. Whoops, it's possible. She takes a pregnancy test. Crap.

 

Fin.

 

This isn't any more unlikely than the nefarious scenario I've been reading here, and it also falls into line with everything in the OP. The only difference is the initial ASSUMPTION.

 

I don't honestly know if she did this or not. But I'm not going to crucify someone in absentia on nonexistent evidence, just because a bunch of dudes on LS have an axe to grind. I don't consider that helpful to the OP and I don't consider it helpful to the world.

 

More information is the ONLY thing that will be helpful.

[Keenly]

Keenly, it's your life, friend. You don't have to change your opinions about women for anyone, least of all me, you're right.

 

But all of this bitterness and victimhood is only hurting yourself.

 

My apologies for not knowing about your experience. Peace.

 

Were cool grrl, It was a really bad experience, and that coupled with various other really bad life experiences I have learned as a defense mechanism that I can't trust ANYONE, not just women. Don't take it "personally" as the opposite gender, because I assure you, I distrust all people with the exact same amount of prejudice.

 

You are absolutely right that it will do more harm than good, and will prevent me from moving forward in life in many different circumstances, but its where I am in life. There is not really anything, short of some really hard core therapy (which to be honest, I'm not sure if I am ready for) that could get me to trust people more. But we all have our flaws.

 

 

 

By the way, I was adopted too, so I know how that goes. You did the right thing.

[soccerrprp]

I don't see any action or rhetoric making a strong case in the actual possibility of getting pregnant up to the point of supposed conception...she created a false sense of security by advocating the unlikelyhood up to rejecting the pregnancy test. And you call this situation transparent and support her behavior because why?

 

Well, the gf didn't lie. Don't know what is worse, the OP being so naïve to think that there was a sense of security in the first place, or his lack of understanding of biology.

 

Why wasn't she being realistic about the fact she could get pregnant? Why wasn't she honest and open as soon as she started experiencing these symptoms w her future husband whom she supposedly trusts and would want him involved or aware of her health...let alone a potential pregnancy.

 

She should have been, granted.

 

I still can't get over the OP's feelings on this now after having admitted that he didn't mind having a baby with his gf AND was/is aware that she could get pregnant and made NO attempt to avoid that....

[CptSaveAho]

 

He's not the one experiencing the symptoms...went through the illness or claimed to be very likely to be near infertile to the point where unprotected sex would not result in pregnancy...where are those questions and that responsibilities?

 

They wont appear... woman double standard.. they cant look at the consequences of their own actions (look in a mirror)... one I don't or will never tolerate... you called it and i called it

 

Deflection and avoidance...

 

Yet they can't figure out why they cant date quality men or find a "sucker" dumb enough to take them and all their life's baggage

[Treasa]

Drseussgrrl and Keenly, I already liked you both before, but reading your personal stories brought tears to my eyes. I want to hug both of you. A lot.

[xxoo]

They wont appear... woman double standard.. they cant look at the consequences of their own actions (look in a mirror)... one I don't or will never tolerate... you called it and i called it

 

Deflection and avoidance...

 

Yet they can't figure out why they cant date quality men or find a "sucker" dumb enough to take them and all their life's baggage

 

Like knowingly having unprotected sex with your gf for 8 months, after telling her that you'd be ok with pregnancy happening, and then blaming her when she gets pregnant?

[Ninjainpajamas]

This is a situation I want young guys to learn from because they really can't and won't know the agenda of a woman in terms of her desire to get pregnant. And they really can't afford to make a mistake here because it will affect their lives and the life of another at the least.

 

That's the greater goal here, there's not a lot of information here with this situation but I want men to know how this works so they can avoid this potential situation from occurring to themselves by inadvertently trusting a woman who claims not to be able to get pregnant and if wasn't something men don't experience often in the dating world I wouldn't address it so adamantly. I know a lot of guys play with fire that are truly not ready to have children. And I also know the agenda of many women in wanting them or a particular man and the lengths they're willing to go to catch a man.

 

So I'm being a bit of the devils advocate here especially because I want to make sure both partners carry the responsibility because I knew this guy was going to get hammered as soon as I read his post...very common situation where a guy is in shock and has doubts and feels in a way betrayed by his partner for not being kept in the loop or having any control and being fairly young it can be difficult to digest this news even if he's just having a temporary nervous breakdown...it's a big deal and th we 're can be a lot of fear and uncertainty.

 

Ultimately they obviously both made their mistakes in this process and some of it is attributed to their youth, but I don't feel confident these two are ready for a child and she may suffer some deep psychological issues that did consciously or sub-consciously lead her down this road of pregnancy...her motive or agenda is unclear but I wanted to express the agenda that women very well could have in this scenario.

 

I didn't want this to be just about a guy not manning up because he decided to have unprotected sex...the guy isn't even opposed to having children w her and wants to marry her...or he did at least.

 

And I very much meant my last long winded post about accountability.

[NJtoDC]

OP, you do not have a slam dunk case for intentional pregnancy on the part of your girlfriend. Having an ovulation kit is certainly questionable, but you have chose to dismiss her reasoning and declare her a liar. If I was told by the doctor that my fertility was challenged, and was missing an ovary, I would also want to find out how often I ovulate in hopes of being able to start a family some day (though I would be assuming it would take effort...because of what the doctor said.

 

She is 21 years old and took 8 months to conceive without protection. This certainly goes along with her claims of fertility issues. Do you now disbelieve her ferility issues too? Her explanation of the ovulation test goes along with her assertion of reproductive issues.

 

If your relationship is great, you lover her, and you have no other red flags- why chose to disbelieve her? She could be telling the truth. Instead of ruining your relationship how about you handle this surprise like you agreed to in the first place. Be happy. Move forward as you planned.

 

If you are wrong in your accusation, and your GF was made to think you are ok with a possible pregnancy, your girlfriend got a ****ty deal. You got to bust a load raw and point an accusatory finger later.

 

Please think long and hard before you make an accusation, I hope you haven't done it yet. You have no proof of wrong doing. You can move forward toward the life and family you wanted and believe the best of your GF of 2 years or...you can call her a liar without proof, end the relationship despite your assurance of being there for her if she got prego, turn your love into a single mother, and have a broken home for this child.

[FitChick]

The risk of miscarriage is very high during the first three months so maybe you will have nothing to worry about.

[Radu]

I used to read posts by the ppl identified as the bitter brigade, and think that they are out of their minds.

 

After reading this thread, i'm not so sure anymore.

 

Keenly is only guilty of using language that some [female] posters immediately took to the extremes.

Ninja is one of the posters who constantly has had a very informed and neutral opinion, often bashing mysoginists with reality.

 

Finally.

OP, the deed is done.

Most likely she planned it to some level, be it consciously or unconsciously.

The reason i believe she planned it, is that she got pregnant so fast, after only 8 months ... considering the damage to her body and the reduced chance of ovulation for a 20yr old woman compared to one say 30yrs old [not always when ovulation happens an eggs is released ... with her problems, the chances of an egg to reach her womb get smaller, so overall a smaller window of opportunity ... it required pretty good planning].

Your choice at this point.

[MidwestUSA]

The risk of miscarriage is very high during the first three months so maybe you will have nothing to worry about.

 

Very, very true. Especially with her gynecological history. I do hope that the health of mother and baby are not placed second to this question of whether she intentionally got pregnant or not. The deed is done; prenatal care should be first on OP and GF's minds.

[xxoo]

This is a situation I want young guys to learn from because they really can't and won't know the agenda of a woman in terms of her desire to get pregnant. And they really can't afford to make a mistake here because it will affect their lives and the life of another at the least.

 

I, too, hope that the young guys here learn from this, and not because I believe she deceived him. I believe she thought she would have a difficult time getting pregnant, as her dr told her.

 

What guys need to learn is that it is their responsibility to wear a condom if they don't want to conceive a baby. Period. I don't understand the objection to condoms, and the quickness with which men will ditch this ONE tool they have to prevent pregnancy. Use them, and take responsibility for your own life course.

 

To me, it would be like a woman, wanting to avoid pregnancy, counting on her boyfriend to pull out in time. Lunacy!

 

If you fail to take any control of your OWN fertility, you must accept responsibility when a baby results.

[Maleficent]

LOL buy an ovulation kit to avoid being pregnant instead of getting a shot buying condoms, taking pills, RIGHT!!!

 

women are so full of it

 

1- latex allergies

2-intolerance to any type of hormonal based birth control

 

look it up. Not the calendar method is my first choice...but it seems to be the last option for some.

[Maleficent]

Once again. I never wanted this to turn into an argument. I was trying to give the OP advice.

 

You and drsuess girl started attacking me. I defended myself. Now you are trying to twist the situation like I came in here talking about how women are awful and always out to trick men. I never said that. I said that a man should take reproduction into his own hands, under all circumstances. This way, there are NO unintended pregnancies. If you want to get pregnant, you two talk about it. If you both decide to have a kid, then you have a kid. Problem solved. No one party can trap the other.

 

 

Once a woman gets pregnant, the man has 0 say in what happens next. The ONLY time a man has a say, is before it happens. So that's when the man needs to express the responsibility.

 

 

Everything I have said makes absolute perfect sense when you think about it with logos instead of pathos. This is where I am the odd man out in society in general. I don't think with emotion, I think with logic. Therefore, to ME, and in my mind, emotional arguments are by their very nature, irrational. This is how my brain has operated my entire life. This might offend you (I cant possibly understand why my line of thinking would offend you, but I can clearly see it does) but its who I am. I don't care if you don't like me for it. I think critically, rationally, logically, and if it doesn't add up to me, I don't roll with it.

 

Well I'm sorry you felt 'attacked' in some way. But when the misogynist comments start to fly, people react (and yes, You may not be misogynist your comments were.)

 

But I agree it's not fair a man has 0 say in what happens once a woman gets pregnant.

[CptSaveAho]

\

 

1- latex allergies

2-intolerance to any type of hormonal based birth control

 

look it up. Not the calendar method is my first choice...but it seems to be the last option for some.

 

Yawn........ she wanted to get pregnant

 

End of story

 

Op knows it, every person on the planet can put 2+2 together, most people here see themselves in this situation and try to rationalize their way out of it so they can/look not like the victim

 

Grow up

[harp]

The way I see it... (and I'll try to give as much info from both sides)

 

If she wasn't trying to get pregnant why would she hide the ovulation kit from me? Why not just tell me she was using it? She has always been shy/embarrassed/private about her medical issues. When she would go in for gyn appointments regarding her medical issues she wouldn't let me go into the room with her. I can see this going two ways.

 

1) She was actually shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, whatever and didn't want me in there.

2) She lied about her issues and didn't want me going in and finding out.

 

So it's possible that she just felt embarrassed or whatever with having to use the ovulation kit. She always calls herself a gimp because of her issues, asks if I'd be happy without kids and thinks I could get someone better because she "can't" have kids. I told her I was happy with or without them.

 

We've talked about the pregnancy and of course there are doctor appointments. She said she wants me to come to the ultrasound appointments but doesn't want me to come inside the checkup appointments. Why? What does she have to hide? She says it's "really awkward and embarrassing" and she "doesn't want me to realize the issues she has (even though I already know them) because it might make it more realistic and I'll want someone normal".

 

Liar or actually embarrassed about her medical problems?

 

She said she would have an abortion if I wanted her to, but was very upset about it and crying.

 

She said she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't expect it, at all. She recently went onto new medication for asthma that has nausea as a side effect. She says she blamed it on that.

 

In regards to child support that everyone keeps mentioning. It would be about $240/month + half of daycare. She would get her daycare subsidized and it would end up $10/month. $245/month isn't going to break the bank. I'm not saying I'm going to leave her, but if it happened...

 

She's been crying all the time because she thinks I'm not okay with the pregnancy. She's been asking if I'm having doubts about being with her (because she thinks she's not normal because of her medical issues). She thinks I wasn't serious about being okay with a baby and just said that because the chance was (supposed to be) really low. She doesn't think I want to be committed to her because of her medical issues. If you haven't noticed, she is very self-conscious about it.

 

But I still can't tell if she got pregnant on purpose or not. It could go either way.

[Maleficent]

\

 

 

 

Yawn........ she wanted to get pregnant

 

End of story

 

Op knows it, every person on the planet can put 2+2 together, most people here see themselves in this situation and try to rationalize their way out of it so they can/look not like the victim

 

Grow up

 

 

Oh, so I see you share a brain with OP's girlfriend now since you seem to be so informed on what her secret intentions were.

 

you're right. Yawn.

[CptSaveAho]

Read the post above yours.... shes full of crap