Day 10 of no conatct

[smuggy95]

Eddie that is exactly how I feel. I had a few friends tell me to run! go fight for her or sweep her off her feet what are you waiting for?

 

But in my heart the idea of it just made me feel ill, because I knew it'd end in disaster. The bad issues between us are still there, and may always be there, or they may resolve but by then we've moved on.

 

I just want to be happy on my own. Because in the end, that's who I know I'll always have. That kind of independence and strength feels really good...and is also attractive but that's a secondary point

[AHaze]

she . She her she

her

 

she she

 

 

 

Alright so it's been just around 6 weeks for you bro...

 

I guess, from my experience... you've got about another... 46 weeks before you stop obsessing over HER and start to think about YOURSELF, and YOUR future.. so hang in there.

Edited October 31, 2013 by AHaze

[Eddie007]

Alright so it's been just around 6 weeks for you bro...

 

I guess, from my experience... you've got about another... 46 weeks before you stop obsessing over HER and start to think about YOURSELF, and YOUR future.. so hang in there.

 

Why are you cherry picking a post I made over 30 days ago?

 

Let’s look at all the posts I’ve made on this thread between the one you singled out and the one you posted

 

I. I I she me. I’m.my.I’m. I I

I. I I

She I’m I I myself

her.

She she she

I her her

I. I

I I’m. I’m

my. I’m I’m

I. I her my her

Me.

I my. I my me

I

I I

I’m. I’m. My

I I. I

I.

I. I I

me.

I’ve she

She me

I

I I. I

I I’m I

 

Sure I still think about her, but my main focus is on myself.

Edited November 6, 2013 by Eddie007
fixed formatting

[30andsad]

Eddie, sounds like you are doing really well and have been very mature in handling this difficult situation.

 

I have been through a LTR break-up before too and know I will come out of this. It's been 3 weeks for me, and I'm still going back and forth between good and bad days. We've had to stay in some form of contact because her stuff won't be out of the house until this weekend.

 

I think after that, however, there won't be much contact there. We are going to try to share our dog who we've had 3 years together on a monthly basis (mine a month, hers a month), but that will be minimal if any communication or contact needed for that.

[Eddie007]

Its day # ??

 

I saw my therapist last Friday and she was really happy with the progress I've made. Usually at the end of our sessions she gives me some "homework" of things to work on. However this time she said she really has nothing to add as it seems Im coping really well and moving ahead with my life. I've cut back my sessions to once a month going forward but can increase if needed.

 

I had ran into one of my ex's co-wokers at the gym about a month or so ago. We have chatted a few times but never brought up the relationship. This past week I approached her and was talking about our gym routine and such and she was asking about my routine and how much weight Ive lost and my diet etc.. Out of nowhere she says " I cant believe you and

------ haven't spoken in all this time. My only reply was "the breakup was not my decision and life was too short to be sitting around waiting" she agreed and that was all that was said on the subject.

 

Overall things are going good but its been a tough road and the journey has only started. Hardcore NC has really helped me.

[Eddie007]

I was driving home from the gym this afternoon and the song I used as my exes ringtone came on the radio. For some reason the feeling came over me that she was thinking about me and missed me.

 

Just thought it was interesting as I've never had that feeling before and really havent thought of her too much lately.

 

Things are going pretty well for me. I love living alone and even went out on a date last week and had a good time. It was nice to get out.

 

I can't stress NC enough. It has helped me tremendously.

[bobby326]

I have a very similar situation Eddie, reading this thread and seeing your progress gives me hope. My ex left me at the end of August, we were living together, had been for over a year and had been dating for 4 1/2 years. Your separation seemed much cleaner. She got drunk and made out with some guy, kept it from me for a week and talked to her mom and made the decision to leave me. I think she used her **** up to make a drastic decision and focused on everything negative about me and our relationship to justify what she did and has since moved out and back to her home town.

 

Hardcore NC is what I have been following for almost 2 months. It has helped tremendously as well, I finally realized that me knowing anything about her only hurts me. Even the smallest details about her life will hurt me, I want to avoid that and have been. The first month after the BU was rough, I pined, begged to get back together several times, got drunk and contacted her, tried every possible way to find out what she was doing and who she was with. Luckily she moved away so I have no chance of running into her.

 

Hardcore NC is the way to go, I still think of her everyday but she is becoming more and more of a stranger to me. I have been on dates as well and they are a confidence booster but I think I still have a way to go before I would be willing to commit to someone. I've decided to stop trying online dating and just let things happen naturally, I am not going to TRY and find someone, I'll just let it happen. Thanks again, great thread.

[Eddie007]

I'm glad my thread has helped you. It has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

I still think of her everyday, but it seems to be less and less.

 

I've not totally moved on as of yet but the urge to reach out to her left months ago. As I've said previous in this thread our relationship was very good and we hardly ever fought. The split was pretty smooth.

 

People say if you really love someone you want them to be happy no matter what. This is where I'm at. I still love her, and the only way I can show her is to let her live her life without me like she chose to do.

[taramg5]

The 60 day breakup Challenge!!

Im doing the nc thing too and it is soooo hard! If you want to see my story or read my progress it would be great. Any feedback is very very welcome. Just start over and stay strong!!!

[Eddie007]

Almost 4 months along and I've been doing really well. I still hit the gym 6 days a week and am enjoying being single and hanging out with my kids. I've been on dates and had fun but nothing has come of it mostly of my choosing. I've lost a good deal of weight and even got my finances in a lot better shape.

 

We are in the middle of first big snow and ice storm of the season. I'm sitting here enjoying the early Christmas present I bought myself (51 inch plasma 3D SmartTv)

 

I don't think about her near as much and the sad moments are few and far between, but looking out the window at all the snow and ice and hearing all the sirens ( I live close to the interstate) all I can think about is if she will get home ok. She would most likely be traveling home from work shorty.

 

I know how much she hates driving in this mess and how scared she is of it.

[loveiswar101]

Wow, Eddie. Just read your post front to back. Seems you have come a really long way, but like most long way to go (took me 2 years to finally get over my 10 yr marriage). 5 Yrs after my marriage I meet a woman and only last night my GF told me it was over, yep just last night. I knew deep down it was coming. 15 mths together and several issues in past. Thinking today I always put her on a pedestal and that I was no match for her looks and manly no match financially, I don't have much, she comes from a wealthy family. She always told me it wasn't an issue but deep down I know it is. Anyhow 3 weeks ago she got distant, looking for space I think. I crowded her got pissed up other night said a few things and basically that was enough for her to throw back and say it's all over.

 

I Say "oh well", but trust me I loved her with all my heart and do as I type this. I never had any stuff at her place even though I was sleeping there 4-5 days a week. So there's a sign. I have a few things of hers, xmas tree we put up the other day, table chairs borrowed and her key. I didn't fight it when she told, pointless arguing. Asked what she said she wanted me to do with stuff and said not to panic and drop them back after xmas. Now I'm not sure should if I should drop them now or wait till after xmas. Thinking NC till January then drop them off then and never know might make her think of me. Sound needy I know.

 

Enough about me. Starting day 1 of NC today and glad I came across your post to give me some help. Thanks.

[Eddie007]

I've been talking to this girl I met through online dating for about a week. We are both extremely busy with our jobs at the moment. I asked her out for dinner sometime this week. She said Sunday was her first available day, so I responded Sunday should work for me.

 

I hadn't talked other in a few days other than a few texts. She called last night and apologized for not talking more but she was really busy at work. Then she said we would have to play Sunday by ear because she might have to work. She also said not to wait on her and if I got a chance for other plans on Su day she understood.

 

Now I'm wondering if she is blowing me off or not. This is what I hate about dating.

[Chi townD]

I've been talking to this girl I met through online dating for about a week. We are both extremely busy with our jobs at the moment. I asked her out for dinner sometime this week. She said Sunday was her first available day, so I responded Sunday should work for me.

 

I hadn't talked other in a few days other than a few texts. She called last night and apologized for not talking more but she was really busy at work. Then she said we would have to play Sunday by ear because she might have to work. She also said not to wait on her and if I got a chance for other plans on Su day she understood.

 

Now I'm wondering if she is blowing me off or not. This is what I hate about dating.

 

What the hell is that supposed to mean? When are you supposed to get a definitive answer from her! That limbo crap sucks and 9 times out of 10, it messes up your day. Screw it, I would just make plans on taking your kids to the movies or ice skating.

[Eddie007]

I don't know. I'm not going to sit around and wait though.

 

She seems like a really nice and honest person. We seem to really hit it off from the phone conversations. She works in IT and her company is in the process of developing new software for 1/1/14. Working in IT myself i know this is very time consuming when your under the gun to get things up and running by a det deadline.

[Eddie007]

The girl I'd been talking to have still been texting back and forth. We texted for a few hours last night. She never mentioned about going out this evening. I didn't want to look too eager so i didn't mention it either.

 

Her last text to me last night was she would call me this afternoon. I figured she would let me know at that time if she was able to go out tonight like we originally planned.

 

She never called. I deleted her number. Won't be reaching out to her.

 

Oh well.

[JDPT]

Gotta luv it when they play the "not interested but still chase me" game, eh move along wasn't much there to see.

[Eddie007]

The girl I'd been talking to have still been texting back and forth. We texted for a few hours last night. She never mentioned about going out this evening. I didn't want to look too eager so i didn't mention it either.

 

Her last text to me last night was she would call me this afternoon. I figured she would let me know at that time if she was able to go out tonight like we originally planned.

 

She never called. I deleted her number. Won't be reaching out to her.

 

Oh well.

 

That girl finally texted me....2 days later

 

"Hey. See now I feel bad for not calling. This week is really insane and I just don't have free time at all for anything. Not even showering! Ok I have fit that in but barely! So I might be MIA for a bit but don't take it personally. If its ok I will touch base when I can and maybe after the holidays we can meet up if you are still game"

 

I didn't respond. Why join a dating site if you have no time?

 

On another note. Today is exactly 4 months since I was dumped and went straight to NC after 4+ years with my ex fiance. I still have my moments but they are fewer and far between.

[Eddie007]

Haven't been on here for a while. I still read every now and again. I've reconnected with my exes brother as we were good friends while I was engaged to his sister. We have hung out several times over the past month. He sometimes brings her up but I never ask about her. He mentioned she was seeing a guy over Christmas but later found out he was seeing another girl at the same time so she ended it with him. It didn't really faze me to know she was seeing other men as I knew she probably was, but it felt good to know for sure and not feel bad.

 

It doesn't sound like she has worked on herself these past 6 months. She still reads all the time and really does nothing else. He said he would like it if we ever got back together because in his eyes I was the best thing to ever happen to her but in the long run I'm better off without her and could do much better than someone who is so depressed, unmotivated and negative. His words not mine. He said she is trying so hard to just find someone and doesn't want to be alone even though that is what she needs. All this conversation with him was on the first time I saw him after 5 months and since then we pretty much don't bring her up other than him talking about his family in general. I always ask how his mom and dad and brothers are doing.

 

A few days after I heard about the Christmas guy I sent her a text. I was legitimately sad to hear she was being played as I harbor no hard feelings toward her. I felt ready to talk to her.

 

I did not mention I'd been hanging out with her brother because I'm pretty sure he doesn't want her to know. I just asked how she was and said I'd been thinking of her and her daughter and I missed spending time with them. To my surprise she responded. It was a very friendly conversation. She never once asked how I was or anything. I did ask if she and her daughter would like to meet with me and catch up. Her response was "soon we can".... I took that as a sort of blow off and non committal. This was 3 weeks ago and we've not talked since. I'm ok with this. Maybe I've turned a corner.

 

Anyway just wanted to check in. Things are going good in my life. I've lost 75lbs, 4 pants sizes and 3 shirt sizes. I still go to the gym 6 days a week and am now working with a personal trainer. I've been on some dates and even had a 1 night stand which not something I've never done.

 

NC served me well. I broke it after 5 months and I'm glad I did. Not saying everyone should do it, but I felt I was ready and so far I was right.

[Eddie007]

It's been almost a year since I joined this site. I used to be on here reading everyday. I still read from time to time but not too much anymore.

 

I've grown a lot over these many months. I'm in so much better shape as I've really focused on getting healthier. I'm currently in a new relationship with a really nice girl. We are taking things slow at the moment.

 

As for the ex; I've never gotten a single breadcrumb. I still think about her from time to time but not near as often. I guess when she gets curious about me she checks my blog, it's mainly just pictures of trips I've taken with my kids. I have no idea of her status. It's none of my concern now.

 

Just thought I'd give an update.

[Chi townD]

Awesome dude!! Doesn't it feel nice to have a handle on your life? How do you feel about NC? Probably thought it was stupid at first, huh?