I am having second thoughts. Is that normal or even fair?

[smile]

Are any of you ever gripped with this feeling of "maybe he isnt what I want anymore?" Can you be certain that you are in love with someone but not quite sure that you want to be with them?

 

I mean today I just feel like everything is different. Its that ebb and flow.. Or is it fear of me wanting it too badly because when it doesnt happen I will be crushed? I feel this intense sadness today.

 

I know that I love him but how much am I willing to take? I am starting to believe that I deserve so much more than what he is giving me. That the closer he gets how am I supposed to trust he isnt going to hurt me more?

 

Am I just afraid? Or is this what being over him is? Is this permanent or momentary?

 

I miss him so much , but I dont feel like I need him. I think I spent so much time wishing he wanted me again I never really took the time to ask if I really want him.

 

He is my best friend. To this day we can talk about anything. But maybe it was the bf/gf stuff that was gumming up the works. I cant help wanting to hug or kiss him when he is around. I cant help wanting to lay his head in my lap or vice versa. But I can keep from doing it.

 

I have restraint.. I dont feel the NEED to say I love you .. or to kiss and cuddle like before. It just seems so comfortable to do so.

 

Is this me transitioning into our new relationship. Out of the codependent relationship and into me wanting something more healthy? Acck I love him.. but is that worth this?

 

Someone please tell me if you understand or talk me through it or something. I feel so selfish and guilty and stupid. Now I am confused about it all. He was right, it was more complicated than I knew.

[PhotoGuy]

It is pretty normal to feel that way. It's like a self preservationist attitude. Your feelings are so overwhelming for this person, yet part of you wants to protect yourself from any hurt that may or may not come.

 

Think of it like this, if a stick comes close to your eye you blink and move your head out of the way. That stick might not have ever hit your eye, but it was reflex to protect yourself.

 

Love is a messed up little game. We all have been through some rough times and I don't think any sane person has lived a life unless they know what it is to love and to lose. We all become stronger as people because of it.

 

I say this is your time to let your guard down and let nature run it's course. It's kind of like taking your hands off the wheel of your car when you are driving, it is scary as hell, but there is still soemthing exciting about it.

 

You are just ina process right now where you are putting things in perspective, you are questioning your own feelings and his feelings for yourself. These are pretty normal things to go through. Don't be sad though, follow your heart and dismiss the doubts in your head :-)

[tokyo]

I´m confused, too, sometimes I want him so badly and sometimes I wonder if I really want him to come back and I start to name a thousand things that he had done wrong and how he hurt me and what am I going to do with him anyway, maybe he will bore me to death after I wanted him so badly, etc. A thousand thoughts are running through my head. I´m not sure if it´s just my brain trying to be rational in order to prevent me from feeling hurt or if it´s part of letting go. I tend to believe if he contacted me tomorrow I might not know if I would take him back or not. But maybe I just say it, because he doesn´t want to come back and I have to cope with it somehow....

 

I´m sincerely confused

[smile]

wow photoguy thanks so much for that. Really it put so much into perspective for me. I was feeling so bad for being afraid or unsure. I know I should let nature take its course.. just sometimes I want to know where its headed or I get so impatient that I want to help it along.

 

It is so scary. I am more afraid now than I have ever been before. I mean part of me just wants to keep this uncertainty because he is here and we are ok. I am afraid of what might happen down the road. I am afraid of losing him completely I am afraid of ruining everything if he does come back. I am afraid that he can get as close as wanting me back but not close enough to take me back.

 

I am so in love with him.. I feel love back from him, but maybe its because I want to. He calls and talks to me on his breaks and lunches. When saying goodbye (it was 15 minutes lingering around my balcony before he left) from being here all night (5 hrs) asks if I am going to be on the computer later, so we can talk. He called me the other day just because he knew I had the day off. It seems like he is getting to that point where he can see the good stuff and he wants some of it back. Am I wrong to think that?

 

I guess I cant be honest with myself or anyone if I let doubt run my life right? I did that before and it got me single. Now he seems to be the one doubting.. I mean do you sense that too? Wanting to be close but afraid of getting too close.. what will happen what are his motives...does wanting me make him a bad guy.. or even an a**hole after he is the one who broke up with me.. I can only speculate that is how he may feel.

 

I am trying to be supportive and understanding. I am taking his lead on this... never pushing more or prodding more. I am letting him be in charge here. Is that nature taking its course? BAH I ask too many questions.