wife had a pa and I informed husband

[tru]

A girl from work was having an affair with her colleague it started as friends eating together at lunch then they started going to the bars after work. Meanwhile telling her husband that she was working overtime. One day she invited all of us (ppl from the office) to her house. The house was new and huge she gave us a tour of the house which included a tour of their bedroom, what I saw was shocking directly in the center of the vanity mirror were two pictures of her lover that were placed eight inches apart it was obvious that it they were placed from ear to ear, so while doing her hair and makeup she could get a constant view even when her head is turned. I felt such guilt if someone new that my gf was cheating on me I'd want to know. So I told her husband but he quickly left after telling him. What I do know is that his wife said that those pictures were of an mma fighter and that she hung them up because someday those pics will worth money. I don't know the husband response was. Now her lover wants to beat me up. My question is did I do right by informing her husband about the affair, and if he believes her or does nothing I want to why. Looking for your feedback please.

[TigerCub]

How do you things like:

- she tells her husband she's working overtime (when she's out with her lover)

 

- She told her husband the pics were of an MMA fighter?

 

How do you know these things?

 

As for telling the husband - well it's done now.

I don't know if I would tell a stranger something that personal. A sister or close friend, definitely but not a stranger.

 

But at least he knows now.

[Chi townD]

A girl from work was having an affair with her colleague it started as friends eating together at lunch then they started going to the bars after work. Meanwhile telling her husband that she was working overtime. One day she invited all of us (ppl from the office) to her house. The house was new and huge she gave us a tour of the house which included a tour of their bedroom, what I saw was shocking directly in the center of the vanity mirror were two pictures of her lover that were placed eight inches apart it was obvious that it they were placed from ear to ear, so while doing her hair and makeup she could get a constant view even when her head is turned. I felt such guilt if someone new that my gf was cheating on me I'd want to know. So I told her husband but he quickly left after telling him. What I do know is that his wife said that those pictures were of an mma fighter and that she hung them up because someday those pics will worth money. I don't know the husband response was. Now her lover wants to beat me up. My question is did I do right by informing her husband about the affair, and if he believes her or does nothing I want to why. Looking for your feedback please.

 

Yep! you did the right thing in telling him. Does he believe the story that she told him? Maybe. A lot of us don't want to believe that the person that we love would ever betray us. BUT!! You did fill him with some questions. With some doubts. He may want to look into things on his own. However, if this other guys wants to kick your ass, my money is on that you've made an impact.

 

To be honest, her excuse for the pics were WEAK!! I could have given her a better excuse. Saving them because they might be worth a lot money in the future? Come on....

 

Make yourself available to the husband if he has anymore question or concerns. If he tells you about the story of her saying that those pics might be worth some money in the future, just tell him that's BS. If she thought that they were going to be worth money as a collector's item. You don't TAPE them to a mirror. You store them in an air tight environment with a ridged backing or you frame them in glass.

 

I'm pretty sure that the Mona Lisa isn't TAPED to the wall at the Louvre.

[Spark1111]

you absolutely did the right thing for the right reasons.

 

that took courage and I for one applaud you.

 

Does the H also know they lunch and bar together everyday?

 

And if the idiot threatens you in anyway, I would go to human resources and the police too.

 

NO ONE should be threatened for telling the truth. There are laws to protect you.

[tru]

How do you things like:

- she tells her husband she's working overtime (when she's out with her lover)

 

- She told her husband the pics were of an MMA fighter?

 

How do you know these things

 

 

As for telling the husband - well it's done now.

I don't know if I would tell a stranger something that personal. A sister or close friend, definitely but not a stranger.

 

But at least he knows now.

thanks for taking the time to respond.

first question: I sat with them in the lunch room. She sat on his lap briefly but more importantly I seen the two them together in her cubicle and hands were all over I don't think they even noticed that I was there and they did, probably thought nothing of it since my cubicle is beside hers. Also she's a blabber mouth doesn't hold anything back. One night I walked in on them at Chiles in the lounge they were sitting side by side. Later they left together in the same vehicle. Meanwhile back in office a week later I heard her phone her husband that she going to be working overtime and will be late, our job is 9-5 even security goes home at that time. As for the pics I was in her bedroom with the coworkers while she was giving the tour there was no shame or remorse when I asked her about the wanna be 38 year old mma fighter. Heard in the lunchroom telling another coworker that she told her husband that the pics were being kept because someday there gonna be worth money.

Edited August 27, 2013 by tru

[tru]

you absolutely did the right thing for the right reasons.

 

that took courage and I for one applaud you.

 

Does the H also know they lunch and bar together everyday?

 

And if the idiot threatens you in anyway, I would go to human resources and the police too.

 

NO ONE should be threatened for telling the truth. There are laws to protect you.

I told him everything about the lunchroom, Chiles, the cubicle, about them driving away together. However the only response from him was yeah she's a blabber mouth as of two days ago she has been telling ppl that because of this her marriage is strengthened. Again the guilt was eating me up because had the circumstances been reversed and it was me being cheated on I'd want to know. Does anyone believe that her marriage is strengthened by me telling her husband?

[Artie Lang]

her husband is either in denial or he's a doormat BS.

 

i suggest you leave it alone now. you did what you could.

 

 

is this OM married or in a relationship?

[pteromom]

Does anyone believe that her marriage is strengthened by me telling her husband?

 

Maybe. Sometimes when a cheater is found out, they re-commit to their marriage.

 

I have no issue with you telling her husband, but now he knows, and it is up to them how they move forward in their marriage.

 

Why do you care if he leaves her or not? You have no stake in their marriage. You don't have a crush on her or something, do you?

[ChooseTruth]

I agree with you telling, but unfortunately without proof it may fall on deaf ears. My mother had ppl warn her about my Dad, but she didn't come to believe it until they were already divorced and she saw my stepmother living with him when she came to pick me up from a visit...

[Realist3]

You didn't really have much of anything in terms of proof it was a PA to tell him. She can probably gaslight her way out of what you described.

[tru]

Maybe. Sometimes when a cheater is found out, they re-commit to their marriage.

 

I have no issue with you telling her husband, but now he knows, and it is up to them how they move forward in their marriage.

 

Why do you care if he leaves her or not? You have no stake in their marriage. You don't have a crush on her or something, do you?

I've left the problem alone after telling H about his wife. I did wonder initially if I did the right thing which is why I came here. Yes the on is married with kids, his wife does not know what is happening and I won't tell her. The cheater is nothing to look at, I think her appeal is that she is easy. What bothered me was sometimes her husband picks her up from work once bragged to an employee that he chased her for 2 years before he got her. This reminded me of my ex wife who everyone knew was cheating on me but said nothing.

Edited August 27, 2013 by tru

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You did the right thing, unfortunately no good deed goes unpunished.

[HopingAgain]

If there is no other good news in this there is that 1). Some people out there still have a conscience to do the right thing and try to warn others of danger and 2). Even IF the husband does believe his wifes lies...the seed of doubt has been planted in his mind now and he will probably go looking for proof sooner and not later to confirm his suspicions. I have a feeling that you may not be seeing these scandalous coworkers of yours in the near future because one or both of them will probably quit or get fired once it all comes out.

[HopingAgain]

I've left the problem alone after telling H about his wife. I did wonder initially if I did the right thing which is why I came here. Yes the on is married with kids, his wife does not know what is happening and I won't tell her. The cheater is nothing to look at, I think her appeal is that she is easy. What bothered me was sometimes her husband picks her up from work once bragged to an employee that he chased her for 2 years before he got her. This reminded me of my ex wife who everyone knew was cheating on me but said nothing.

 

Tell the wife too. Do it anonymously if it makes you feel better or safer, but she deserves to know what her husband is up to as well.

[tru]

ok! How without getting caught?

[Chi townD]

Better yet. They think that they got away with it, so they going to continue to do their thing. I would get a cheap burner phone, and when you can safety snap a pic, do so. Then, send it to the wife. If the dude tries to trace the number, it gonna come back as a burner. Anyone could have sent it.

 

 

that is IF you want to inform the wife...

[SammySammy]

Wow. That is one bold woman to have her lover's picture in her bedroom and lie to her husband about it. And one naive husband.

 

I don't know if telling the husband was the right thing to do or not. It's not something I would have done, but that doesn't make your decision right or wrong.

[whichwayisup]

I've left the problem alone after telling H about his wife. I did wonder initially if I did the right thing which is why I came here. Yes the on is married with kids, his wife does not know what is happening and I won't tell her. The cheater is nothing to look at, I think her appeal is that she is easy. What bothered me was sometimes her husband picks her up from work once bragged to an employee that he chased her for 2 years before he got her. This reminded me of my ex wife who everyone knew was cheating on me but said nothing.

 

Why did you tell him and run? At least you could have stuck around and talked to him fo a bit, allowed him to hear your situation. Just saying there's telling someone because you feel they deserve to know and then there's telling someone to cause problems on purpose. Yes, the end result is the same but it's gonna be how you sleep at night, telling for the right reasons.

 

I wonder if this situation triggered you?

[Artie Lang]

telling for the right reasons.

 

telling the TRUTH is reason enough.

 

 

if you know about their affair, i'm sure your other co-workers have caught on and know what's really going on.

[Coolit]

How come her husband deserved to know but his wife doesn't??? That is a double standard. Like boys can play but a woman needs to keep her legs closed. So chauvinistic it actually makes me mad. And you can't be scared of OM because you took his toy and exposed him to possible physical violence from te BH. Unfortunatly now he has probably taken steps to cover his butt with his wife.

 

But that is no excuse not to tell her. And no nee to be secretive because Om will know it was you.

 

IF you had got evidence and told BOTH betrayed spouses I would have thought you followed your conscience and said good for you. But you didn't. An I really can't see a good reason why you only told the man.

[Spark1111]

How come her husband deserved to know but his wife doesn't??? That is a double standard. Like boys can play but a woman needs to keep her legs closed. So chauvinistic it actually makes me mad. And you can't be scared of OM because you took his toy and exposed him to possible physical violence from te BH. Unfortunatly now he has probably taken steps to cover his butt with his wife.

 

But that is no excuse not to tell her. And no nee to be secretive because Om will know it was you.

 

IF you had got evidence and told BOTH betrayed spouses I would have thought you followed your conscience and said good for you. But you didn't. An I really can't see a good reason why you only told the man.

 

because there he is.....the coworker AP....on either side of her bedroom vanity mirror...as she convinces her H it is a pro wrestler and these pics will be worth money some day.

 

GASLIGHTING IN THE EXTREME provoked an emotional reaction! She can see her lover's photo when in bed with her H! uh, YUCK people!

 

iF there is anyway to anonymously let the OM's wife know, do it. I would applaud that too!

 

TOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

[Coolit]

because there he is.....the coworker AP....on either side of her bedroom vanity mirror...as she convinces her H it is a pro wrestler and these pics will be worth money some day.

 

GASLIGHTING IN THE EXTREME provoked an emotional reaction! She can see her lover's photo when in bed with her H! uh, YUCK people!

 

iF there is anyway to anonymously let the OM's wife know, do it. I would applaud that too!

 

TOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

He said himself he won't tell the wife. I just don't get that. And saying because he might get caught? He obviously didn't think about getting caught tellin for the husband. If anyone tells the wife now, he will get the blame so he my as well not do it anon.

Edited August 28, 2013 by Coolit

[Chi townD]

How come her husband deserved to know but his wife doesn't??? That is a double standard. Like boys can play but a woman needs to keep her legs closed. So chauvinistic it actually makes me mad. And you can't be scared of OM because you took his toy and exposed him to possible physical violence from te BH. Unfortunatly now he has probably taken steps to cover his butt with his wife.

 

But that is no excuse not to tell her. And no nee to be secretive because Om will know it was you.

 

IF you had got evidence and told BOTH betrayed spouses I would have thought you followed your conscience and said good for you. But you didn't. An I really can't see a good reason why you only told the man.

 

Because the OM has already threaten to kick his ass for telling the husband. Probably doesn't want to put himself in the line of fire when the wife is informed.

 

It isn't a male chauvinistic response or reason. It's about self preservation.

[tru]

I do plan on telling the ow however what happens if the ow denies it and blames me for starting trouble how do I tell her? Again I am not a person that can easily dismiss things it took a year to build up my courage it was not on a whim. Btw the girl from work never wanted her H until he bought a home I heard her blabbing to a coworker from her cubicle apparently her H is ugly.

[Coolit]

I do plan on telling the ow however what happens if the ow denies it and blames me for starting trouble how do I tell her? Again I am not a person that can easily dismiss things it took a year to build up my courage it was not on a whim. Btw the girl from work never wanted her H until he bought a home I heard her blabbing to a coworker from her cubicle apparently her H is ugly.

 

So for a year you thought about this? A better plan would have been evidence but what is done is done.

 

Who cares if the BW doesnt believe you? Or think bad of YOU. The fact is you hand her the truth. Right now she may not even have that oppurtunity.