wife had a pa and I informed husband

[ComingInHot]

get it right wrote, " Riiiight. OP has NO culpability in getting two people fired. Psht. Astounding..." (and a bunch of other stuff*)

 

Get it right, I think you got it wrong (if this is for real).

 

I guess if it were Me, as I can only go by that*), Having spent a full Year having the A of two coworkers Constantly thrown in my face and making me Uncomfortable while knowing it was indeed against company policy to use the corporate copy room for a quickie and company phone for lying about company putting heavy overtime workload on cheating employee, I think I would have FIRST gone to HR stating that this behavior was making for an intolerable workplace for myself then simply have HR check into it themselves.

 

I know it would make my place of employment extremely Uncomfortable for me as well, and if explaining this to HR got the two cheaters fired then that would be because of their Indiscretionary behavior, NOT Mine.

 

I can understand how some would whine, "you're not the morality police. Wahhh!" And that's the way most cheaters would see it, not how abhorrently Uncomfortable and Against comp. Policy the actions are...

[ChristopherRobin]

Come on Tru.....I think you may need some continued counseling to resolve the issues of your own experience. You inserted yourself into peoples lives and personal business and now justify your actions with excuses of workplace disruption. If that were true, a single complaint to HR would have sufficed. Instead you stalked, connived, interfered, and ruined lives.......for YOUR purposes. No one elses. For all you know the husband was in on it. He could be a cuckold......again, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

 

Your pompous effusions of morality, imposing your ideas of what is right and wrong on others who may not share your ideals, is your way of punishing your wife for what she did to you. It is that latent anger that you need to deal with.

 

All the justification in the world for what you did does not make it right.....How cheaters aren't good for the workplace (guess what....there are other cheaters in the workplace-you just don't know who they are), how the lack of morality sickens you (so you're perfect?). Quit judging. Keep your own side of the street clean and leave others alone.

 

This statement "guess what....there are other cheaters in the workplace-you just don't know who they are" is exactly it. If they wanted to keep it private, they should have kept it private. Furthermore, the wife had people from work over to her house, which changed coworker relationship boundaries. Now the OP has shaken the husband's hand and been invited in as a guest.

 

If you don't want others intruding into your personal life, you need to keep your personal life separate from your work life. You can't ever control the thoughts or actions of others, you can only control yourself.

 

I can't speak for the OP's reasoning behind revealing what he knew, but it was up to the wife and other man to keep their affairs private, not the OP.

[HopingAgain]

Yep. Its Trus fault that they were fired. Not the fault of the 2 employees thumbing their noses at company policy by screwing in the copy room.

 

Man. How far can reality possibly be stretched in order to justify wrongdoing?

[ChristopherRobin]

Well, I come to this forum to discuss my love life anonymously because I was/am in a unique situation. I certainly don't need people in my family, friends, work network judging my love life. Would you like someone judging yours? Or tell you how to raise your children? Or how to cook properly? How to have adult friendships? Your relationship with your mother? Jesus. Go home and judge yourself and stop judging others.

 

Firstly, it's an awful big judgment to call me judgmental. This site is for the opinions of others, and I share my opinions freely. I specifically said in my second response to you that people have different opinions, and I am okay with that. Clearly you are not.

 

Secondly, it is your job to keep your romantic life private, not others. If you want your affair to be a secret thing that is no one else's business, meet the other person in a motel in the town an hour away or something.

 

Informing someone that their spouse is cheating is not telling them how to live. They can get a divorce, be in on it and not care (cuckold), already know about it, or a billion other options. It's just doing the right thing and making sure that this poor guy isn't getting the raw end of the deal, because his wife blatantly displayed her relationship with the other man at work rather than kept it quiet.

[ComingInHot]

Hoping Again , You're Awesome!!

[HopingAgain]

Hoping Again , You're Awesome!!

 

Thanks CIH! Coming from you, that's quite the compliment!

[Tayla]

I think if the boss saw them on camera and fired them that is one thing. YOU took your upset over your own ex wife's affair and stuck it to these people when you have no business doing so. I guess you are the affair police now?

 

I can't believe you asked me if I was in a gang. Jesus. Grow up.

 

You are just bitter. Enjoy.

 

Couldn't have said it better.

I sincerely doubt this story is even semi 'tru'. I'll chaulk it up as a Creative Writing 101 in which I give it a D-. Punctuation, creativity and keeping the facts somewhat straight were lacking.

[ComingInHot]

get it right wrote, " I guess you are the affair police now?"

 

AHHAHAHahaha, I just about had water come out of my nose! Affair police!! :laugh:

I just get this image of some guy or girl "undercover" inside a company, sneaking around the copy macine with tweezers picking up stray hairs then evily(sp?) Snickering and running stealthy out of the room to have HR order forensics testing*

 

...affair police... good one

[Tayla]

CominginHot!- Love your humor! Never thought to go that far with it. Very clever..now I'm laughing too!

[ComingInHot]

oh my gosh, you were serious. I am so sorry!! I'd just never heard "affair police" before and got the image I shared.

 

Hey Get it, from your posts tonight (now that I know you're serious*), I can see it's not been an easy one. No hard feelings?

 

And as far as name calling??! I like "the affair police" .

 

..."look out everyone, the affair police are coming! Put your p*nis's back in your pants and button your blouse, otherwise he'll tell our bosses and HR I was under your desk again!"...

[ChristopherRobin]

I'm sorry, would you prefer 'The Informer'? "The Tattler"? "The jealous, angry, bitter whiner"? Take your pick.

 

No offense, but I believe you may be biased, having been an OW and all. Of course you wouldn't want anyone "tattling" on you and ruining your fun.

 

Though I am not Christian, I love the saying "Do unto others.." I would want to be told, so I would always tell if I had to make the choice. I have never had to hide an affair, so perhaps that's why I would do it.

 

Edit: I would also like to point out that if you look up the definition of marriage, it is a commitment made in good faith with the community. Therefore, by dishonoring your marriage, you dishonor your community. You are promising not just your spouse that you will be faithful always, but also the whole world. So, best step lightly if you are a cheater and don't want to get caught.

Edited August 31, 2013 by ChristopherRobin

[BetrayedH]

None. Of. Your. Business.

 

Common decency to the betrayed spouses.

 

They are wasting years of their lives while these two make fools of them in front of everyone. It's just plain common decency to release them from that prison of a life. If it was just what two people are doing in the bedroom, I would agree that it's no ones business. But it's not just what two people are doing. There are real-life victims here. And for some reason, you're more interested in protecting the betrayers. You're on the wrong side of the argument.

[Tayla]

No offense, but I believe you may be biased, having been an OW and all. Of course you wouldn't want anyone "tattling" on you and ruining your fun.

 

Though I am not Christian, I love the saying "Do unto others.." I would want to be told, so I would always tell if I had to make the choice. I have never had to hide an affair, so perhaps that's why I would do it.

.

*****

 

**** edited for response:'Do unto others..yada yada', The true essence of this mantra is to RISE above the norm of the "other person", Example: A masochist enjoys pain and walks up to someone and smacks them,,,,Why?? Because doing unto others is what they want done to them...So to arise above this , a Civil person says..No I will NOT do unto you as you want done or what I want done...I will Turn the other cheek and not stoop to such selfishness, instead a level of respect is bestowed. So "tattling" or "calling" an adult out for their personal affair is NOT your business and not in their best interest or yours. All get hurt.

 

Get it Right said it best and spoke well on this fictitious story anyways...and I for one got the sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor of affair police. There is truth in it...We owe our fellow man the right to conduct themselves and fall flat on their own without a kick in the pants .

[HopingAgain]

*****

 

**** edited for response:'Do unto others..yada yada', The true essence of this mantra is to RISE above the norm of the "other person", Example: A masochist enjoys pain and walks up to someone and smacks them,,,,Why?? Because doing unto others is what they want done to them...So to arise above this , a Civil person says..No I will NOT do unto you as you want done or what I want done...I will Turn the other cheek and not stoop to such selfishness, instead a level of respect is bestowed. So "tattling" or "calling" an adult out for their personal affair is NOT your business and not in their best interest or yours. All get hurt.

 

Get it Right said it best and spoke well on this fictitious story anyways...and I for one got the sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor of affair police. There is truth in it...We owe our fellow man the right to conduct themselves and fall flat on their own without a kick in the pants .

 

Right, noone should ever intervene in the business of others, even if it is to prevent innocent people from getting hurt or to assist others who are being hurt.

 

I am truly thankful that there are many people in this world who do not ascribe to such a selfish and uncaring POV.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I think if the boss saw them on camera and fired them that is one thing. YOU took your upset over your own ex wife's affair and stuck it to these people when you have no business doing so. I guess you are the affair police now?

 

I can't believe you asked me if I was in a gang. Jesus. Grow up.

 

You are just bitter. Enjoy.

 

Are you saying he implicated innocent people?

[sweet_pea]

 

You are just bitter. Enjoy.

 

Ok, this bitter thing is silly. So what if someone is bitter. Does that make their point any less?

[It-is-what-it-is.]

If you want to keep something private...then keep it private. The minute you take it into the workplace, indulge in a public restaurant, invite people to your home, talk openly in front of others, it is no longer private, and you no longer have the right to assume it will remain private.

 

Any kind of Relationships in the workplace, if they cause strife to coworkers are destructive to morale to the greater organization. I did not see anywhere that OP notified HR, which would have been the right thing to do, but someone did. And the company took the predictible actions...investigated, interviewed and terminated the guilty parties. Action=consequence.

 

As for the minding your own business...that just sticks in my craw, because so much harm in the world comes from that philosophy. Children abused but nobody wants to call family services or police; spousal abuse where nobody calls police; murders and violent crimes where people are witnesses but don't want to get involved because this does not impact them personnally. And it grows from there into gangs, organized crime, the Holocaust, slippery slope...you could say that it was because people have different morals there too....

 

But as for workplace affairs...if you shix where you work then people will talk. Talk becomes jokes, rumors, gossip, and somebody will tell somebody something...eventually. It's human nature.

 

Are you entitiled to be a cheater in your own relationship? Yep. Are you entitled to have it be private? Only if YOU keep it private.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

 

As for the abused children thing, bad analogy also. We're not talking about children, who can't protect themselves. We're talking about consenting adults. And it's nobody's business.

 

So is that "adult" thing 21, 18, 16, 14? Do you need to ensue you only intervene if someone looks like an adult? My comment was that the whole "mind your own business" mentality is a slippery slope.

 

 

The workplace thing... as I said, if he had a problem, the RIGHT thing would have gone to HR. It is entirely possible people began talking because OP started complaining to everyone and anyone who would listen. I'm having a really difficult time believing that, in an office full of people, these two were playing grabass in a cubicle without a door, where everyone can hear.

 

I certainly don't have any issue believing it. Have seen it myself.

 

The copyroom tape, where they were kissing, fine. I get it, and they probably thought it was private.

In a corporate atmosphere you have no assumption of privacy, emails and phone calls are monitored, you are being paid to work, not to diddle around on the company dime.

 

So now, they're fired, their kids will suffer, they will maybe not be able to pay the bills,

maybe so. Maybe they have learned a hard lesson.

 

all because OP couldn't stand to listen to them.

This is where your logic is wrong. All wrong. They got fired because they broke company rules. They did not get fired because OP couldn't stand listening to it. If it was just OPs feelings, but not against rules, they would have been told to KEEP IT PRIVATE, but once they broke rules it had nothing to do with OP. I also thin it was AP who told HR not OP?

[darkmoon]

you want feedback? okay, you're an interfering gossip.

PS haven't you got your own life to supervise?

Edited August 31, 2013 by darkmoon

[IfWishesWereHorses]

What does innocent mean? Innocent of what? Perhaps they feel having an affair is not wrong, therefore there would not be guilt, would there?

 

I'm certainly not telling everyone to run out and have affairs. I'm simply stating that morals and values are different and unique to every individual.

 

And for this I was grouped in with gang members. Wow... that is some ph*cked up thinking right there. And I'm the one being called out for having a warped view?

 

Sweet pea... as for the bitter thing... people become bitter sometimes. The thing is, they become self destructive. Then, they begin lashing out and become destructive to those around them. So it is a problem. OP needs to work on himself and his issues or his life will be full of misery forever. He needs to seek therapy, and work out his anger. Throw crockery, shoot a gun at cans in a field, take Karate... I don't really care, whatever makes him feel better, but hurting others, whether he feels they deserve it or not is not going to help.

 

I could see him having these feelings if he had an iron in the fire, but he doesn't. This has nothing to do with him except that his butt hurts at the betrayal he has endured. And I'm sorry that he had to endure it. But for HIS OWN well being, he needs to move on from it.

Good grief. If having the affair isn't wrong then mentioning the affair can't be wrong! They broke the rules. They got fired. It doesn't matter whether THEY thing having an affair is right or wrong.

[ComingInHot]

Tayla wrote, " edited for response:'Do unto others..yada yada', The true essence of this mantra is to RISE above the norm of the "other person", Example: A masochist enjoys pain and walks up to someone and smacks them,,,,Why?? Because doing unto others is what they want done to them...So to arise above this , a Civil person says..No I will NOT do unto you as you want done or what I want done...I will Turn the other cheek and not stoop to such selfishness, instead a level of respect is bestowed. So "tattling" or "calling" an adult out for their personal affair is NOT your business and not in their best interest or yours. All get hurt.

 

Get it Right said it best and spoke well on this fictitious story anyways...and I for one got the sarcasm and tongue in cheek humor of affair police. There is truth in it...We owe our fellow man the right to conduct themselves and fall flat on their own without a kick in the pants."

 

 

Hey Tayla, thanks for getting me*!

When I first read your post above, I waivered a bit because I CAN see what you are saying. But then I thought... (scary. I know ) Do unto others, to me is describing what the Christian (and possibly other faiths*) faith teaches about treating others with kindness and respect. "If I'm hungry , and w/out food & drink, I'd like to be fed and I DO the same for others. EVEN sometimes when people don't ask, I Do kindly into them. For example, the graciousness I showed the exOW, she may Not have "deserved" it, but I know I would have appreciated the same.

Now, the disclaimer here is that I DID show her grace until it became Unhealthy and a danger to me and my family. At that point, I Had to protect myself and children from what my H did w/exOW AND what she Continued to due. It was Inhibiting my health and productiveness. I took action w/my H and under his protection as well.

I'd do the same w/let's say a person who liked to "jack off" ( sorry, I don know a diff term ) in front of the super market where I shop. I'd respect full tell him what he's doing should be done In Private as it makes me Uncomfortable as well as protecting myself and children from having that Action thrown in my face. I definitely would have difficulty buying groceries and not be productive at it as the distraction would make me 'ill. If he didn't stop, I'd tell the owners of said grocery store. If he/she/it were Arrested at that point, I believe it would be a consequence of his own action and I discretionary behavior.*

 

As far as if this story is "for real" ? I'm leaning towards you on this one.

Edited August 31, 2013 by ComingInHot

[tru]

Clearly he is too busy supervising everyone else's. My vote is find him and follow his every move with a microscope and pick apart every little misstep. Because, you know, we're not human beings, all of us, clearly we are infallible. Jesus.

so is it the cameras fault that they got caught?

[tru]

thought you said that I didn't have any proof. So how could I be blamed for something that I had no evidence for. Does not make make sense to me

[tru]

Look, you've NO RIGHT to intervene if someone doesn't want the intervention. I understand that some think they can tell others how to live their lives, but that is not what this world is about.

 

I bet you that if it were two single people in this office romance nobody would have said anything and OP would not have been offended. It is the fact that these people were married that offended him so it then becomes not about him being in a poor work environment, but more of a personal vendetta that he is taking out on others. If I had a sibling that was a drug addict I would not start calling the police every time I saw someone smoke a blunt simply because I'd been hurt by my brothers poor decisions. It is not my business.

 

How would you feel if you decided not to feed your children meat because you thought it was bad for their health and someone came along and MADE you do it? Made you live life a certain way?

 

The question is not whether the affair is right or wrong, because that is not for you to judge. It is THEIR business. What happened was OP took something that had nothing to do with him personally and blew up people's lives. And let me tell you something else, as a business owner? I'd look more poorly on the person who tattled as untrustworthy and a wrench in the cogs that keep my company running. He's put himself at risk.

 

Morals are different for everyone. I live in a place that has a very large religious community. I do not ascribe to their ideals, and I'll not have them tell me I'm 'going to hell' because I disagree. I certainly don't go around telling them that they are wrong.

 

So instead of "Do unto others" how about "live and let live"?

your wrong anything that affects company policy I'll will report! Why? Because I have a sense of ownership and you would too in your own company. Sorri about the gang thing just trying to understand where your coming from so we can be at the same understanding. Just one more question are you employed?

[Betrayed&Stayed]

You are not hearing what I am saying. If they got caught by a supervisor or by a camera that is one thing. What I have a problem with is your role in the situation. Get it? Can I be more clear? YOU are the problem here.

 

No, the problem is that they were having a workplace affair and got busted.

 

You just don't like that fellow adulterers got outed.