wife had a pa and I informed husband

[tru]

I am beginning to suspect that get it right has something to confess!

[HopingAgain]

No, the problem is that they were having a workplace affair and got busted.

 

You just don't like that fellow adulterers got outed.

 

Exactly! And all of these long, lengthy, and wordy responses can be condensed down to that one main point. Cut through the BS and get down to brass tacks!

[HopingAgain]

Look, you've NO RIGHT to intervene if someone doesn't want the intervention. I understand that some think they can tell others how to live their lives, but that is not what this world is about.

 

I bet you that if it were two single people in this office romance nobody would have said anything and OP would not have been offended. It is the fact that these people were married that offended him so it then becomes not about him being in a poor work environment, but more of a personal vendetta that he is taking out on others. If I had a sibling that was a drug addict I would not start calling the police every time I saw someone smoke a blunt simply because I'd been hurt by my brothers poor decisions. It is not my business.

 

How would you feel if you decided not to feed your children meat because you thought it was bad for their health and someone came along and MADE you do it? Made you live life a certain way?

 

The question is not whether the affair is right or wrong, because that is not for you to judge. It is THEIR business. What happened was OP took something that had nothing to do with him personally and blew up people's lives. And let me tell you something else, as a business owner? I'd look more poorly on the person who tattled as untrustworthy and a wrench in the cogs that keep my company running. He's put himself at risk.

 

Morals are different for everyone. I live in a place that has a very large religious community. I do not ascribe to their ideals, and I'll not have them tell me I'm 'going to hell' because I disagree. I certainly don't go around telling them that they are wrong.

 

So instead of "Do unto others" how about "live and let live"?

 

On the contrary, if others are being hurt without their CONSENT any good samaritan has every right to intervene. Have you ever heard of the famous Kitty Genovese murder case? It became famous because the case involved as many 50 bystanders who heard her cries for help as she was being murdered and didn't assist her because they didn't want to get involved and it wasn't their business. I would rather stick my nose in and help an innocent person out than ignore wrongdoing for fear of offending someone.

[tru]

get it right

you've admitted that you wouldn't report some one stealing from the company, also you found it knee slapping funny to see cheating in the work place. Including starting false rumors to get a fellow employee fired. No invention for lawbreakers who do drugs, as you put it no meat for their kids because blunts come first.

sounds like the person I want to hire.

[tru]

you say that you own your own business does that mean you support ppl in your company who know that someone is stealing from you. But keep their mouth shut is that an ideal employee?

[tru]

point is that an ideal employee in your company is someone who knows that a fellow coworker is stealing from you, yet gloriously keeps his/her mouth shut.

[tru]

answer the question is what we're waiting for since you've articulated how the ideal employee mustn't act. Then please state how to act! Obviously in "the company" shall we say supports philandering, it's clear that all workers mustn't report it. Maybe I need a blunt to understand this. Her majesty didn't conquer the world with ninnies and wimps at the helm of her ships cheating was not utilitarian. Yet you Cleary support mutiny.

[HopingAgain]

You know, this would be a great analogy if we were talking about, oh I don't know... murder. But we're not. We're talking about infidelity which is very intimate and includes people who may or may not want people to know. In this I also include BS's because for some, a reconciliation would be smoother if everyone didn't know about it and their partner hadn't lost their job. Trust me on this... when people get in your business, even to help, eventually you hate them because it was not their business.

 

The analogy fits because we are talking about helping others who are being victimized. We all know countless stories where people are cheated on for years and the BS who very much should know is the LAST to know. People who are involved in infidelity want others to butt out and not tell BS because it would ruin their fun and cause them to face consequences. Yes some BS may not want anyone to tell them but that's not the majority by far.

 

The fact remains that despite Trus interference, these people were done in as a direct cause of their own actions. Noone LIED on them.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

You know, this would be a great analogy if we were talking about, oh I don't know... murder. But we're not. We're talking about infidelity which is very intimate and includes people who may or may not want people to know. In this I also include BS's because for some, a reconciliation would be smoother if everyone didn't know about it and their partner hadn't lost their job. Trust me on this... when people get in your business, even to help, eventually you hate them because it was not their business.

 

I also agree with Hoping.

 

Perhaps one of the issues is that you are a supporter of infidelity behavior and see it as a normal, acceptable, or at most a slightly distasteful one like picking your nose.

 

Well it's not. It's more akin to abusing drugs, or alcohol, or other distructive actions that do impact others. It is not a harmless, victimless action. And for many of us...when we sit in a church and agree to "let no man put asunder" or whatever version we take that seriously and being forced by a work environment to participate in hiding infidelity is unacceptable.

 

You are right..that families and the AP may wish it were kept more quiet....but again -- actions=consequences.

 

As far as being a business owner...I wish you all the best in hiring people who feel no obligation to notify theft, dishonesty, or wrong doing. So tell you that they dont know who stole the money (even though they saw) because gosh it's just not their business.

 

You can find a way to fire the whistleblower. You can call him a "troublemaker" you can see his interference as the issue, if you want. But do not try to tell me at I have to turn a blind eye to illegal or distructive stuff...if I wanna tell, I am going to tell...it's not my secret and the minute they took it out n public they roll the dice.

[tru]

I am going to sign off on this comedy by saying that since 2001 I have been at middle management. Most of the people below are females 90% we are a team both in the office as well as outside the office. What makes me good at my job is that I support the women an example is when one of moms left work to attend to her 2 year old daughter who had an accident at the daycare. The mother was gone for the entire day. Yet her stress level is well kept because she knows that at work her family comes first. Doubt that you get it right could manage a team of women who felt the stress of a troubled family my job is not to give orders but rather to promote a family safe environment.

[tru]

GIT if you're telling us that your significant other betrayed you, I'm genuinely sorry. That behavior is never justified.

[ComingInHot]

get it right wrote, "...If he felt that he was being impacted in the workplace he should have gone to HR. "

 

This is the part I Do agree with*

[tru]

needed proof! It's not that easy to run to hr.

[tru]

I couldn't go to hr and tell them about the two pics on the vanity mirror. Especially after the cheater said they're collectors items. As tough as our policies are hr does protect the workers. Yes their affair was affecting some of the other employees. Believe it or not most ppl hate cheaters. One of the employees asked if was strong enough to deal with the inappropriateness in the work place. But you need strong proof, the lunchroom incident and other incidents might have sent them underground and I didn't want that either sweeping it under the carpet.

[ComingInHot]

BUT TRU, all you needed to be was upfront & honest w/HR department about the Work Environment and AK them to Not say anything But keep an eye open.

You take great pride in your Company and value your career, now trust them to trust in You as a valued employee whom they want to keep and maintain a Comfortable work environment for.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, if the A was "Thrown" in your face for a whole year, then handle it or at least future unprofessional situations w/a bit more Professionalism. This is/was a Corporate situation not an individual one.

 

But I do admire your integrity some*

[Coolit]

I don't think telling on A people is wrong. But I don't think staying out of it is wrong either.

 

But, if this story is fully true (i have doubts still), I do think Tru is in need of some serious help. Telling is one thing but getting as invested as he is and the whole way it played out (or he says it did) does tell of someone who needs to work on himself.

[tru]

one day in grammar school during lunch some mates and myself went to the local to buy some crisps and chocolates whilst inside I mentioned a smut magazine on the wall to one of the lads not knowing that a girl was present. Upon arrival at the school I was ushered into the head masters (that girl reported me) office. He asked for my side of the story than informed me that my behavior was unacceptable and that at the end of the day I would be caned 6 of the best. I didn't fight with him don't do that! Stop it! I assumed responsibility and took it like a man. the first stroke of cane was so severe that I can't even remember any of it after the first stroke. Now in the work place I am expected to let this all pass bye like it was normal? Am afraid not.

[Ebelskiver]

Tru, just reading your continued justifications makes me cringe. A hallmark of adulthood is being able to accept criticism and admit when you are wrong. Others bring up murder, rape, theft, etc as reasons to get involved. Yes! Those are reasons to get involved, but to meddle in the affairs of strangers to whom you have no personal relationship with is not.

 

Since you were invited over and had met the husband, albeit only once......maybe I could see you telling him. But tell him and then leave it alone. The stalking, the obsessing (did you get your rocks off continually playing over and over in your head all the naughty things they must have been doing?), the meddling at work....Jesus! I'm surprised you weren't justifiably slapped with a restraining order.

 

And then to read your immature responses to Get It Right gives further evidence to how irrational you are regarding this subject. Making generalizations that GIT must want thieves and liars in his work place is ridiculous and completely illogical.....as in it makes no logical sense. You seem to think that every betrayed spouse would want you riding in to tell us what is going on. Newsflash! I am a betrayed spouse and I would have politely told you that it was none of your business and to please leave me and my spouse out of your obsession.

[Tayla]

Ebelskiver- Objectively stated and welcome to the board. A fresh pair of eyes said it best. Thank you.

[So happy together]

Tru, just reading your continued justifications makes me cringe. A hallmark of adulthood is being able to accept criticism and admit when you are wrong. Others bring up murder, rape, theft, etc as reasons to get involved. Yes! Those are reasons to get involved, but to meddle in the affairs of strangers to whom you have no personal relationship with is not.

 

Since you were invited over and had met the husband, albeit only once......maybe I could see you telling him. But tell him and then leave it alone. The stalking, the obsessing (did you get your rocks off continually playing over and over in your head all the naughty things they must have been doing?), the meddling at work....Jesus! I'm surprised you weren't justifiably slapped with a restraining order.

 

And then to read your immature responses to Get It Right gives further evidence to how irrational you are regarding this subject. Making generalizations that GIT must want thieves and liars in his work place is ridiculous and completely illogical.....as in it makes no logical sense. You seem to think that every betrayed spouse would want you riding in to tell us what is going on. Newsflash! I am a betrayed spouse and I would have politely told you that it was none of your business and to please leave me and my spouse out of your obsession.

 

You've nailed it, and I'm Danish! Ebelskivers are yum!

[HopingAgain]

Tru, just reading your continued justifications makes me cringe. A hallmark of adulthood is being able to accept criticism and admit when you are wrong. Others bring up murder, rape, theft, etc as reasons to get involved. Yes! Those are reasons to get involved, but to meddle in the affairs of strangers to whom you have no personal relationship with is not.

 

Since you were invited over and had met the husband, albeit only once......maybe I could see you telling him. But tell him and then leave it alone. The stalking, the obsessing (did you get your rocks off continually playing over and over in your head all the naughty things they must have been doing?), the meddling at work....Jesus! I'm surprised you weren't justifiably slapped with a restraining order.

 

And then to read your immature responses to Get It Right gives further evidence to how irrational you are regarding this subject. Making generalizations that GIT must want thieves and liars in his work place is ridiculous and completely illogical.....as in it makes no logical sense. You seem to think that every betrayed spouse would want you riding in to tell us what is going on. Newsflash! I am a betrayed spouse and I would have politely told you that it was none of your business and to please leave me and my spouse out of your obsession.

 

You are most assuredly a rare case then. Take a poll on this board and you'd see 99.9% of BS would want to be told their spouse is having an affair regardless of who is doing the telling.

[ComingInHot]

I'm trying to be objective on the Entire topic (whether true or not... ) and I read a couple things;

A.) Two strong apposing views w/individual reasons for yea for Tru telling & nay for Tru telling

B.) Tru feeling "attacked" by those opposing his action/s & Tru defending in action/s in the same manner he felt attacked

 

So, leaving out the emotions from either side on whether exposing A was right or wrong, it appears (and I admit I AM a tad confused on this* regarding to whom the A was exposed First) that Two employees were in Violation of breaking Company Policy while Not practicing discretion for Twelve months, making Tru & other employees Uncomfortable using company time, dime and grounds to openly "flaunt" their A & breaking said policy.

Seems to me that when hired into a company & signing your name to abide by the policies of said Company, it should come as no surprise that termination is a possible consequence of violating those policies.

 

HOWEVER... Tru, why didn't You follow Company Policy and report to HR (proof or not) your observation of the A that violated Company Policy?

 

I have quite a bit of trouble with this As Well As you Knowing of A and its affects on your well being, you Still chose to accept invitation to said cheaters home... This. This doesn't sit right somehow.

Please explain. . It may help us to further understand your line of thinking .

[ComingInHot]

get it right, you have a-lot of GRRrrrrowl and bite in your posts! No sarcasm or snark here at all, I likeatheFeisty.

 

I didn't see anywhere here that you posted Your own story* Just from what I've read yesterday & today, you are passionate and volitale in Your line of thinking. And, it reads (I could be wrong ) that you got your Affairytail ending.

 

I would like to hear your story very much I'd think it would give insight for All here to better understand where you're coming from. On this particular topic included. When/if you are ever ready*

CIH

[Artie Lang]

Get It Right..... you're a real piece of work.

 

You go to work to be productive, not to f*ck your co-workers..... and certainly not to grope each other whenever there's an opportunity. Whether or not this exposure was made by the OP is irrelevant. They should've kept this under wraps, rather than throw it in their co-workers faces.

 

Just as there are people who will report theft on a business there are those who will report "inappropriatenes," as well.

 

 

GET OVER IT!

[HopingAgain]

I'm sure we can ALL agree this forum is not a fair assessment of all people in affairs, BS, AP, WS... Come on. 80% of the people here are in pain. There are a glut of people out there that are healing on their own and don't want to be told. This forum is such a small slice of the pie. Jesus, you can't seriously think this is the norm?

 

You'd do better to take a poll at the grocery. At a library. Anywhere but here.

 

Why anywhere but here? If you think that the vast majority of BSs from ANY walk of life on or offline wouldn't want to be informed that their spouse is having an affair, you're dreaming. Take a poll of betrayed spouses anywhere and report back honestly with your findings.