am i to blame?

[annadream]

hello people,

my fiance and i have been together over 5 years.. in the begining it started out as just an internet sort of thin but slowly progressed into a deep love.. he asked me to marry him and i accepted..

here is the problem.. this manis the type of person who is a erfectionist in everything.. and even when you do something for him, ( i have designed logos and made grafix many times for him for his wedpage)

he will look at them say something like hmmmmmm... then make sugestions about what i could dp t make them better.. i have to admit this has made me angry at him many times.. because he sometimes acts like i am an employee rather than realize i am ding him a favor...

for a very long time we used to clash a lot.. and i am the first person to admit i have a bed temper when pushed hard.. and so does he.. here is what happened..

in may we broke up.. he convinced me that i needed help with my mood swings.. so i went to see my dr and he gave me a medication called celexa and i have to admit that it helped me a lot.. i found myself a lot more patient.. but still there were times that he it seems like he is trying to push me to see if i will break into my temper again..

i started having irregular periods and went to see our dr and she gave me some birth control pills. i also mentioned how i had trouble with mood swings and was on celexa and she told me that these pills may regulate everything and i may find myself not having to take the celexa.. what happened was they made me feel like a zombie.. nausea.. headaches every day and blurred vision.. i stayed on them for 2 months.. so i go back to my dr and she tells me to go off the BC pills..

 

i told my fiance this and he started saying things like.. well i sure hope you dont start acting like you did before.

and i asked him why he would say something mean like that..he then started oing on about all the things from the past.. i asked him when was the last time i had acted that way was.. and his answer was well not in a long time.. but if i thought he was going to go back to the way things were i could forget it.. this really hurt me.. so i tod him if he wanted to leave then for him not to wait for an excuse.. just to go now.. i wouldnt live ith the fear that i could never get mad at him for fear he would think i was going back to my old ways...he clicked off yahoo messenger and then sent me a big long email saying things like i have only been off my MEDS and i have already reverted back to the way i was..which wasnt true at all.. i promise if i had said anything or done anything iwould be the first to say it... but his emails were just plumb nasty..

he ended with saying that i should know better than to ever try calling his bluff with telling him to leave because i should know from his past marriage that he will call my bluff every time..i sent him an email explaining about the medicine that i had only stopped one and that i had dont nothing wrong.i told him that dispite all my work he could not even give me the credit i deserved and i needed to distance myself from him before he totally destroyed me..in answer to his coment about calling my bluff every time my answer was well, then i guess that proves that you are the one who hasnt changed and instead of trying to, you seem proud of being a stubbern hard headed man hellbent on being right no matter what the cost.. and that i would send him back his ring..

 

his reply was: i read the first line and skipped down to the bottom.. i will watch for the ring..

thanks, ******

 

please be honest people.. is this man a jerk or do you think there is something wrong with me?

[bluechocolate]

.. he convinced me that i needed help with my mood swings.. so i went to see my dr and he gave me a medication called celexa and i have to admit that it helped me a lot..

 

I have to assume that if your doctor prescribed celexa to you it wasn't just because your fiance said you needed help with your mood swings?

 

...well i sure hope you dont start acting like you did before.

and i asked him why he would say something mean like that..

 

Was it mean or a genuine hope on his part that your moods remain stable? Could this have been a misunderstanding? If you were going off the pill but remaining on the celexa did he fully understand that?

 

is this man a jerk or do you think there is something wrong with me?

 

It's difficult to say. It sounds like you have a tumultuous history with this guy, maybe you two just aren't good together or you've had one argument too many & he's giving up? I'm also wondering why you're having these arguments via the internet? You really should be talking in person about this kind of thing.

[annadream]

I can honestly say that i dont have an easy life here at home.. and yet i cope very well with my family.. i take care of two elderly parents who are both in there eighties.. and i get overwhelmed at times. but he will complain when i dont email him enough.. or like i said if i do something nice like designe a logo for his webpage for him he will critisize it or have me make it over because of he doesent like the font or he doesent think this looks plain enough.. etc.. i will hold a lot in and then eventually get mad at him.. i have never had a problem at home with my moods.. only with him.. he is a very difficult man..

 

what really started things with us was about a week ago.. i was feeling a little blue and he insisted that i come online to talk to him.. he said i should call him when i feel that way.. i came online and instead of helping me he started adding more .. telling me how much he wished i was there how he loves me and how when he things of the time and obstacles in our relationship he gets really depressed.. i asked him to pleas not do this.. we have been thru this all before.. then he stared complaining about his dog and how he was goong to strangle him if he didnt stop scratching himself.. i felt he was in a bad mood and said that maybe i should go and let him take care of what he needed to do.. i wanted to avoid getting depressed or having him start an argument in the mood he was in...

 

i did write him an email asking him why he would do that.. why he would tell me to call him when i needed him or felt down when just talking to him earlier had put me into the depths of despair... he replied very nasty.. yeah thats why when i told you i was depressed you told me you have to go .. do give me any oh whoa is me story.. etc etc...it was a very nasty letter...

 

 

no he doesent understand that i only stopped taking the birth control pills and stayed on the celexa.. i write him an email to explain it.. and his reply was i read the first line of your email and the last.. then deleted it.. thats how he is....he wont listen.. its his way or the highway....

 

when he started telling me that he wasnt going back to me having bad moods and attacking him like in the past.. i asked him simply... when was the last time i have done that? and he answered.... well. not in a long time.. but if you think im going to go back to the way it was.. think again... its like he is needling me....

 

can you understand what i mean??

when i told him that i felt he needled me to get a reaction so he can prove himself right he once again jumped into the tirade of me falsley accusing him of things...

 

i promise to god that i am not a bad person... but i can say that he is extremely difficult to please... one minute he will tel me that he has never loved someone as much as he does me.. and the next thing he can write and email telling me we arent ment to be together and that he cant take my falsley accusing him... falsley accusing him of what? sometimes i thing he is insane...

 

this is the same man who just a month ago created a webpage dedicated to us and the last thing he said was :

 

October 17, 2004

A more wonderful person I could never wish for. Annabelle has everything a man could ever pray for. I thank God for her. One day it will be our day in His time.

I love you Peanut

 

usually when he have a blow up and he breaks up.. he usually deletes this webpage first thing.. but for some reason he hasnt.. maybe he hasnt thought about doing it yet.. but im not going to torment myself and go back to see..

 

thanks for listening..

[bluechocolate]

Maybe it's time to take the highway.

 

I think taking care of two elderly parents must indeed be overwhelming sometimes. You need someone who is supportive & strenthens you - not all this drama from a guy whom it sounds like you don't actually get to see in person very often.