Getting hit on by elderly men

[Eternal Sunshine]

I haven't read the whole thread but I have to say my preference is young studs

[mario_C]

I thought I'd step away for a while and calm down, and wow, the thread is overflowing with vitriol.

 

First of all, I'm not a young skirt chaser. The woman who broke my heart is in her 50s. My favorite time out socially this year is with my crew most of whom are also in their 50s, and you would never ever guess this from looking at us. Not just because we take care of ourselves physically and health wise, but because they love life. I love life when I am with them.

 

That's what I want, and it does tend to be prevalent in people in their 30s or late 20s. Who's starting businesses that are changing our lives for the better? Young women. Young people. Not the middle aged suburban divorcees who's got nothing to talk about except their kids and their bills and their lawn they never see because they commute 2 hours each way and come home to sleep. My crew is evolved beyond that.

And it frustrates me that I can't work and live in that world more. People like Red Robin are why I can't get a job doing what I love because I'm "old" at 45. My skills and enthusiasm don't count to people like you, Red, because you use a number to hold me back, and that's wrong.

But I'm better than that, and I'm not going to settle in life.

 

So my point, and I do have one, is when I meet more 50 or 60 year old women with that attitude, that's who I'm going to be with. Or if I have to settle for a 28 year old PhD or CEO, that would work too.

 

That's all. This site has been fun but I need to split from these attitudes.

[Babolat]

Exactly. I'm sick of women being blamed for men's shytty behavior.

 

oh, then when you do tell them to properly go f*ck themselves, they call you names for that too.

 

Whatever. I think alot of men must either be genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up... or both.

 

I am blaming her for not defining her boundaries, that's it. She meets this man multiple times, we have no idea what the context of those meetings are, then comes here and complains about it.

 

This man can act any whay he wants to; it's her response to that to me that matters in this case. We have no idea what she has told this man. In fact, I think she said in a later post she does need to tell him to back off, so, do the math yourself. Conscious or not, she delivered some sort of "I am ok with your behavior" message to him by continuing to meet him. Now she is not, and wants to bash elderly men for flirting and trying.

 

And so do you....

[Babolat]

You have a choice. You could have said, oh, pardon me... I thought you were closer to my age.

Even then, you still come here and do the little whoop whoop dance that some 29 yr old is giving you the time of day... as if that shows anything positive about you.

 

Agreed, 100%. I am not looking to date this woman. In case you have not read some of my other posts, right now I am working on friendships with women, like you have with all these men in your life. I am suppose to say "No, sorry, too young for me to hang out with you?". Really? yet, for you, as a woman, it's acceptable? And no, this woman does not have a BF.

 

And I am not here bragging. I made a joke about the word "elderly" and you blew that out of proportion. I was simply suggting it could be ok to hang out, if both parites are ok with it.

 

Question.... if she were 39 or *gasp* 49, would you give a woman who has a BF the time of day? Answer. No. The only reason you are overlooking her behavior is because she is 29 and that makes you feel like a stud. Maybe you even like being 'that guy' who messes up other people's relationships.... eh??

 

No, ehh. Yes, I would give her the time of day, if I met her bf and established it's friends only. And, by your book/rule, at 47 I can't even talk to a woman 39, too young, right?

 

... and I'm telling you, it makes you look like a man with seriously poor judgement, who can't manage his aging process, and well, rather desperate.

Really, poor judgement, desperate, because I chose to accept an invitation from a younger woman to dinner? Wow!

 

And you will love this. I went out with a buddy last night to watch the Eagles fball game. The place we met at was packed/crowded so we walked down to my college campus. We found an empty bar and watched the game. The place filled up with 20 somethings, we even joked about how old we felt. Guesss what? This attractive girl sits next to me, asked me if I am a "divorcee" and proceeds to start asking me a lot of questions. My friend asked her how old she was, 26. She volunteers she like older men. We talked for a bout 20 minutes, I did not flirt, she eventually got bored i think and left. I guess I am a perv, bad guy, whatever bucket you want to toss me in for that too, ehh?

[Babolat]

I haven't read the whole thread but I have to say my preference is young studs

 

Per RR, you are evil, immature, desperate....

[Babolat]

Exactly. I'm sick of women being blamed for men's shytty behavior.

 

oh, then when you do tell them to properly go f*ck themselves, they call you names for that too.

 

Whatever. I think alot of men must either be genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up... or both.

 

There is not even a slight chance, slight, that the OP gave off singlas, a message, other than "friends"? Why can't you even consider that. We have no idea, we were not there. All we know is an elderly man hit on her, and she met with him, MULTIPLE times. Really" Talk about judgement issues? Where was her judgement?

 

To turn this into A LOT of men are genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up? Wow, this old man hits on her, she agrees to meet up with im a few times, who knows "what he heard" and you turn it into yet another assault on men.

[RedRobin]

I thought I'd step away for a while and calm down, and wow, the thread is overflowing with vitriol.

 

First of all, I'm not a young skirt chaser. The woman who broke my heart is in her 50s. My favorite time out socially this year is with my crew most of whom are also in their 50s, and you would never ever guess this from looking at us. Not just because we take care of ourselves physically and health wise, but because they love life. I love life when I am with them.

 

That's what I want, and it does tend to be prevalent in people in their 30s or late 20s. Who's starting businesses that are changing our lives for the better? Young women. Young people. Not the middle aged suburban divorcees who's got nothing to talk about except their kids and their bills and their lawn they never see because they commute 2 hours each way and come home to sleep. My crew is evolved beyond that.

And it frustrates me that I can't work and live in that world more. People like Red Robin are why I can't get a job doing what I love because I'm "old" at 45. My skills and enthusiasm don't count to people like you, Red, because you use a number to hold me back, and that's wrong.

But I'm better than that, and I'm not going to settle in life.

 

So my point, and I do have one, is when I meet more 50 or 60 year old women with that attitude, that's who I'm going to be with. Or if I have to settle for a 28 year old PhD or CEO, that would work too.

 

That's all. This site has been fun but I need to split from these attitudes.

 

Great. Then talk about the values you admire... not the age. I'm not a fan of people who have given up on life either.

 

Still doesn't mean one gets to saddle up on a youngster. Unless you are paying their 'tuition'. Which is what alot of them ARE looking for. Advice and mentorship. It can be symbiotic and healthy if not twisted into something (n)e(u)rotic.

 

There is not even a slight chance, slight, that the OP gave off singlas, a message, other than "friends"? Why can't you even consider that. We have no idea, we were not there. All we know is an elderly man hit on her, and she met with him, MULTIPLE times. Really" Talk about judgement issues? Where was her judgement?

 

To turn this into A LOT of men are genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up? Wow, this old man hits on her, she agrees to meet up with im a few times, who knows "what he heard" and you turn it into yet another assault on men.

 

No. There are no 'other than friends' message that person with this age gap ought to be perceiving. It's in his own head, is what we are telling you.

 

Yes, I do wonder WTF some 'men' are thinking when they engage in this shyte. Clueless, no empathy, social conditioning or all of the above.

 

Really boggles the mind that you think men should have no checks on their behavior whatsoever... that they can't be counted on to ponder...

 

"hey, if I had a daughter (or grandaughter), she'd be her age. Ugh."

 

... and either leave her alone or just be happy with her friendship without trying to push limits.

 

... oh, and I'm not buying it about the 29 yr old (Ms. BF). That's ok if you don't want to admit it here. Just know that things aren't as vague to some as you'd prefer.

[JamesM]

This morning as I got my donut and coffee, a young sweet blonde kinda flirted with me and asked if I was going to get her a donut too. I think I am about 15 years older than her (guess). How do I take this? A young girl hitting on an (almost) elderly guy?

 

It was too early in the morning and before my coffee to even think. Crazy think was that she won over 200 from lottery tickets! I asked, "Care to share some of yours with me?" She laughed and we parted never to probably see each other again.

 

Anyhow, I think that many young girls (30 and below) who talk nice like to elderly (50 and above since I am still below 50 ) guys don't think that these guys are looking at them for sex. When I chat with a lady who is ten or more years older, I am certainly not thinking of anything more than being friendly.

 

Why do we guys think that the young girls want anything more than just a friendly and non-sexual response back?

 

IMO the general rule should be that if you look old enough to be the younger person's mother or father, then assume that the younger person assumes the same thing. Treat him or her as such and move on to someone your own age.

[hotpotato]

There is not even a slight chance, slight, that the OP gave off singlas, a message, other than "friends"? Why can't you even consider that. We have no idea, we were not there. All we know is an elderly man hit on her, and she met with him, MULTIPLE times. Really" Talk about judgement issues? Where was her judgement?

 

To turn this into A LOT of men are genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up? Wow, this old man hits on her, she agrees to meet up with im a few times, who knows "what he heard" and you turn it into yet another assault on men.

 

No...

 

We never actually planned to meet. We just happened to walk at the same bridge. He realized what time I usually go for my walks. I listened to his problems and chatted with him a few times, then his imagination ran away. It was never like, "Lets meet at 8pm, walk together, and chat."

 

Like I said earlier, guy would literally run after me. Thats not agreeing to meet.

[Babolat]

Great. Then talk about the values you admire... not the age. I'm not a fan of people who have given up on life either.

 

Still doesn't mean one gets to saddle up on a youngster. Unless you are paying their 'tuition'. Which is what alot of them ARE looking for. Advice and mentorship. It can be symbiotic and healthy if not twisted into something (n)e(u)rotic.

 

 

 

No. There are no 'other than friends' message that person with this age gap ought to be perceiving. It's in his own head, is what we are telling you.

 

Yes, I do wonder WTF some 'men' are thinking when they engage in this shyte. Clueless, no empathy, social conditioning or all of the above.

 

Really boggles the mind that you think men should have no checks on their behavior whatsoever... that they can't be counted on to ponder...

 

"hey, if I had a daughter (or grandaughter), she'd be her age. Ugh."

 

... and either leave her alone or just be happy with her friendship without trying to push limits.

 

... oh, and I'm not buying it about the 29 yr old (Ms. BF). That's ok if you don't want to admit it here. Just know that things aren't as vague to some as you'd prefer.

 

I never said men should not have checks on their behavior. Why do you push everything to an extreme when it comes to stuff like this, and assume what a man is thinking, all men as you like to say?

 

Do I find it disgusting that a 70 year old man would hit on a 25 year old woman? Absolutely. Do I judge him for it, no. He can do whatever he wants to do. I am not going to toss him in a bucket and use his actions and behavior to make a general statement about ALL men.

 

If the woman does not CLEARLY state her boundaries BEFORE agreeing to meet with him, then I DO think she has no place to say "why is he flirting/hitting on me still?" Or, if after one meeting she sees where HE is going, and she still does not state her boundaries, same thing.

 

Come on, the OP met with this man MULTIPLE times..really, she did not know from the first encounter what his intentions were.....she pretty much, no check that, she did tell us what his intentions were and she continued to meet with him. She has some responsibility here...don't put all of this on the man. And forget about age, this applies to any case like this.

 

You have very well defined, clear boundaries. You state them on here repeatedly. I think that is admirable. But to shove those boundaries on me, ALL men, and judge me, ALL men, because I chose to have dinner with a woman 18 years younger than me, shows me a lot about YOUR character and your judgement of people. I did not flirt with this woman, I did not try to have sex with her and I certainly do not need her youth to make me feel good.

 

And I don't need you to buy anything from me, I am not selling anything here, but thanks for the offer. I am not trying to be vague at all, you asked, I replied. I am not hiding anything as you suggest.

[Babolat]

No...

 

We never actually planned to meet. We just happened to walk at the same bridge. He realized what time I usually go for my walks. I listened to his problems and chatted with him a few times, then his imagination ran away. It was never like, "Lets meet at 8pm, walk together, and chat."

 

Like I said earlier, guy would literally run after me. Thats not agreeing to meet.

 

Then do something about it..he is not going to change his behavior, so change yours. Stop going to the park, go somewhere else for a while, or change the time you go. Call the police, mace him, do something.

 

And, from reading some of your other posts, given where you are in your life right now, I think you do, or did, enjoy the attention. And there is nothing wrong with that. If the attention became uncomfortable, then you need to do something about it. Tell him he makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him to not "meet" you anymore. If he does not listen, take the next course of action, whatever that might be,

[hotpotato]

Then do something about it..he is not going to change his behavior, so change yours. Stop going to the park, go somewhere else for a while, or change the time you go. Call the police, mace him, do something.

 

And, from reading some of your other posts, given where you are in your life right now, I think you do, or did, enjoy the attention. And there is nothing wrong with that. If the attention became uncomfortable, then you need to do something about it. Tell him he makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him to not "meet" you anymore. If he does not listen, take the next course of action, whatever that might be,

 

I told him not to talk to me anymore, if that doesnt work I will get a restraining order. He said he was never chasing me. I think dude is nutty. This will be fun.

 

He seemed nice at first, and I didnt mind chatting. Then he started escalating. :/

 

I think from now on I just wont talk to guys unless I am attracted to them.

[GorillaTheater]

I think from now on I just wont talk to guys unless I am attracted to them.

 

I'm not sure that's a good solution, either. I'm friendly with everyone and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until they give me reason not to. I went through this just yesterday in the virtual realm. I received a FB friend request from some 24 year old girl. Didn't know her, but saw we had a mutual frined, so thought "what the hell". Within minutes she messaged me with her phone number asking me to call or text. So what the hell was all that about? Crazy? Scammer? Don't know and don't care; I chunked her.

 

Same approach I take in real life: I'm friendly to everyone until they give me reason not to. I understand it may be different for women, and that's where strong boundaries come in. But I'd hate to see anyone be less friendly in general because of fear or concern.

[Babolat]

RR, here is an example of what I am trying to say. Last night I sent me first message to a woman on OLD. I liked her profile a lot, I was attracted to her photos. She replied immediately:

 

"I'm here looking for something fairly specific and unconventional from a relationship. I'm not sure we're looking for quote the same things. Good luck looking though."

 

I was curious what this meant, so I looked at the answers to our common questions. It's obvious why she is here, sex, it's written all over her answers to the questions . However, her profile says the oppositie. "Looking for a relationship" content, what I like in a man, etc.

 

Mixed message in my opinion, but, she did at least tell me via her reply, thanks, but I am not interested.

[Woggle]

I have never been one to go for much younger women but as long as both people are of legal age people should mind their business. If a person is above 21 they have the right to do pretty much anything except be president because society in general has come to the view that they are old enough to run their own lives. If they should choose of their own free will to date somebody older that is their business. I also support women who date younger men but I do notice a big hypocrisy in threads like this when it comes to this issue. At least be consistent about it.

 

I also have to address somebody who said that men don't mature and back in the day men had families at 21. That made sense when people died around 50 but now that we have much longer lives it makes sense to settle down around 30. People who settle down at 21 are notorious for catching GIGS later on in life and that goes for both men and women.

[RedRobin]

I have never been one to go for much younger women but as long as both people are of legal age people should mind their business. If a person is above 21 they have the right to do pretty much anything except be president because society in general has come to the view that they are old enough to run their own lives. If they should choose of their own free will to date somebody older that is their business. I also support women who date younger men but I do notice a big hypocrisy in threads like this when it comes to this issue. At least be consistent about it.

 

I also have to address somebody who said that men don't mature and back in the day men had families at 21. That made sense when people died around 50 but now that we have much longer lives it makes sense to settle down around 30. People who settle down at 21 are notorious for catching GIGS later on in life and that goes for both men and women.

 

people didn't die around 50.

 

The AVERAGE age of mortality has increased mostly because babies survive longer, women don't die in childbirth, and we have things like penecillin and antibiotics.

 

My parents married at 20 and 21 and neither of them got 'GIGS'... neither has anyone else in my family.

 

It's all about how you are raised. If they are raised to believe in GIGS, then it doesn't matter when they 'settle down'... if they ever do.

 

FYI... all the people I've quoted as cheating?? all of them were married in their late 20's/early 30's. Heck, one of them was married for the first time at 55! He's cheating on his younger wife now...

 

So, there you go. Nothing to do with age. Everything to do with personal values.

[Woggle]

people didn't die around 50.

 

The AVERAGE age of mortality has increased mostly because babies survive longer, women don't die in childbirth, and we have things like penecillin and antibiotics.

 

My parents married at 20 and 21 and neither of them got 'GIGS'... neither has anyone else in my family.

 

It's all about how you are raised. If they are raised to believe in GIGS, then it doesn't matter when they 'settle down'... if they ever do.

 

FYI... all the people I've quoted as cheating?? all of them were married in their late 20's/early 30's. Heck, one of them was married for the first time at 55! He's cheating on his younger wife now...

 

So, there you go. Nothing to do with age. Everything to do with personal values.

 

Your parents were from a way different era. Things are different today and it's not going back anytime soon. I say this as a happily married man but neither men or women need to get married anymore. Women can make a great living for themselves by earning their own money and don't need a man's money and men can easily get laid without marriage plus most men these days are perfectly of cooking and and cleaning up after themselves.

 

I still get all warm inside when I see a genuinely happy married couple who truly love each other but that is very rare these days. Statistics also prove that marriages after 30 have a much lower divorce rate than the average. I am really glad for your parents marriage but their era is over. Time to start figuring out how to make the best in the current and future eras.

 

I don't think a man is immature if he wants to have some fun and be wild in his 20s and I would say the same about women.

[Keenly]

Two points .

 

Are we really arguing against biology here...

 

 

And

 

The women will complain about getting hit on by old men, but when the attention is gone completely, how their tune will change.

[Emilia]

And

 

The women will complain about getting hit on by old men, but when the attention is gone completely, how their tune will change.

:laugh:

[Babolat]

What the heck is/are GIGS? I Googled it and did not find an answer.

 

RR, I have no issues with personal values, we all have our own, we mostly learned them early on in childhood, and, in my opinion, we continue to review them as we age and mature and move thru life experiences.

 

Having spent a lot of time on LS reading the cheating stories (which I think are disgusting) and having met a lot of women who were cheated on, I am scared to death to get into another LTR because of cheating. I am having serious trust issues right now, and perhaps that is why I am working on friendships with woman versus a LTR.

 

The issue I have with your comments in this post is making judgements about ALL men, and, in a way, forcing your values onto men. A 70 year old man has as much a right to act and behave the way he choses, as does a 70 year old woman. I have been "hit on", flirted with if you will, by many a grandmom, and I took it as a complment, laughed it off, and moved on. I did not judge her for her comments. Heck, it happened in church one day with my dad and his wife. One of their elderly friends sat next to me, obviously flirted with me, and I later discovered her husband was one of the priests!

 

I had no issues with it. She got her "kicks" from it, I was flattered, no foul, no harm done. Who knows, it could have led to her introducing me to her daughter, another female family member....I did not throw her into a bucket with ALL women.

[hotpotato]

I have never been one to go for much younger women but as long as both people are of legal age people should mind their business. If a person is above 21 they have the right to do pretty much anything except be president because society in general has come to the view that they are old enough to run their own lives. If they should choose of their own free will to date somebody older that is their business. I also support women who date younger men but I do notice a big hypocrisy in threads like this when it comes to this issue. At least be consistent about it.

 

I also have to address somebody who said that men don't mature and back in the day men had families at 21. That made sense when people died around 50 but now that we have much longer lives it makes sense to settle down around 30. People who settle down at 21 are notorious for catching GIGS later on in life and that goes for both men and women.

 

When did people die at 50? My great grandparents were married for 50 years. They stayed together, too, even though great granny had plenty of reasons to leave.

[RedRobin]

I never said men should not have checks on their behavior. Why do you push everything to an extreme when it comes to stuff like this, and assume what a man is thinking, all men as you like to say?

 

Do I find it disgusting that a 70 year old man would hit on a 25 year old woman? Absolutely. Do I judge him for it, no. He can do whatever he wants to do. I am not going to toss him in a bucket and use his actions and behavior to make a general statement about ALL men.

 

If the woman does not CLEARLY state her boundaries BEFORE agreeing to meet with him, then I DO think she has no place to say "why is he flirting/hitting on me still?" Or, if after one meeting she sees where HE is going, and she still does not state her boundaries, same thing.

 

Come on, the OP met with this man MULTIPLE times..really, she did not know from the first encounter what his intentions were.....she pretty much, no check that, she did tell us what his intentions were and she continued to meet with him. She has some responsibility here...don't put all of this on the man. And forget about age, this applies to any case like this.

 

You have very well defined, clear boundaries. You state them on here repeatedly. I think that is admirable. But to shove those boundaries on me, ALL men, and judge me, ALL men, because I chose to have dinner with a woman 18 years younger than me, shows me a lot about YOUR character and your judgement of people. I did not flirt with this woman, I did not try to have sex with her and I certainly do not need her youth to make me feel good.

 

And I don't need you to buy anything from me, I am not selling anything here, but thanks for the offer. I am not trying to be vague at all, you asked, I replied. I am not hiding anything as you suggest.

 

She hasn't met with him. Expecting her to do double back handsprings to avoid a person who shouldn't be hitting on her in the first place is unreasonable.

 

... and yes, I do judge the character of men who chase/date/marry much younger women. You will be too, if you make a habit out of it, should you choose to date women closer to your own age. Although, I don't get the sense you will. I get the sense you will keep women your own age around for fun and emotional support while you continue to ply your wares with women like that 29 year old. That's fine. As long as the women your own age don't invest too much in you.

 

and the end clause... well, not sure what you are selling but you are definately selling something. Your original post was trying to sell the idea that a 29 year old found you attractive (or so you believe). Now you are claiming it's not a date. You are just enjoying her company. uh huh.

 

And you won't deny this 29 year old is the very same 29 year old you've been hovering/orbiting/buzzarding for months.

 

Sorry. Seen it my friend. And I'll say it again. You think you are unique in this behavior.

 

Just like this 70 year old guy has it in his head that HE is unique and should be considered an exception to the OP... as long as he can weasel her into some kind of attachment... however skeevy.

[Anela]

Two points .

 

Are we really arguing against biology here...

 

 

And

 

The women will complain about getting hit on by old men, but when the attention is gone completely, how their tune will change.

 

It's depressing, having a man close to 60 tell me that I sound perfect, and having men my own age ignore me, because I'm the same age as they are. My sister's husband hit on me, too - it felt like her was trying to take advantage, and assumed that my being single meant I was desperate.

 

There are a couple of men that I might not say "no" to here, because of their attitude: they aren't prizing women based on the amount of collagen they produce. Ideally, though, I would want someone my age. Shame that some men aren't strong enough to deal with the fact they *they* are getting older, too.

 

Yesterday, I said elsewhere, that the main thing making me feel old - at the grand age of 38 - is men my own age. That, on top of men twenty years older, who keep hitting on me.

[carhill]

The CDC can help with life expectancy data:

 

FASTSTATS - Life Expectancy

 

Life expectancy by age, race, and sex, 1900-2008 U.S. Life Tables, 2008, table 21 [PDF - 1.4 MB]

 

A Berkley student put together a more simplified version:

 

Life expectancy in the USA, 1900-98

[Woggle]

When did people die at 50? My great grandparents were married for 50 years. They stayed together, too, even though great granny had plenty of reasons to leave.

 

In the early 20th century average life expectancy was 49. Read up on it.

 

You also can't use your parents and grandparents marriages and try to apply them to modern day standards. Those days are over.

 

Also GIGS is grass is greener syndrome where many people who are in seemingly happy situations all of a sudden want to experience the other side. If they are married they want to be single and free and experience dating other people. Extremely common in people who settle down young.