Getting hit on by elderly men

[Anela]

My cousin married a man twenty years older than her.

 

You are the one who is delusional if you think this unusual. Many women like older men. Deal with it.

 

My sister married a man twenty-three years older than her. Do you know who doesn't like that? My dad. They met when she was young, and dad thinks that he took advantage of her.

[hotpotato]

Then go after the guys you're interested in who are your age

 

I really dont want anybody right now.

 

I thought it was find to befriend an older man. I thought I would be safe from his advances because he was so old and also taken. Although really, I should have known better. I dont bother trying to be friends with guys my age anymore, I guess older men are off limits,too.

 

Instead he assumed I wanted to sex and/or date.

 

He also wanted to leave his gf, presumably an older woman, and go to me. Maybe this is what bothered me the most. What does he think he is teaching me about relationships with men?

[hotpotato]

*update*

 

I told him to leave me alone. I haven't been to the bridge lately.

 

He said he wasn't chasing me. I just got the wrong impression.

 

[hotpotato]

 

 

 

Older men hitting on much younger women... is a betrayal. Younger women need mentors... and yea, if they had no father figure, maybe someone they could trust like a father.

 

...not yet another guy chasing after her with a stiff d*ck.

 

Think about it.

 

 

That's a very good point. I guess it is safe to assume that nowadays most older men are not interested in being mentors especially not to young women.

[RedRobin]

That's a very good point. I guess it is safe to assume that nowadays most older men are not interested in being mentors especially not to young women.

 

There are... you can find good men happy to be responsible mentors in the workplace, places of worship, universities, and some volunteer organizations.

 

That is where I found mine I attribute a lot of my success to those men...

 

... and yes, I know for sure a couple of them were attracted to me but still acted professional and fatherly. One or two had to be talked down... as in "I'm not interested in that"... and later shaped up.

 

For LS purposes though, I scold those who believe it is the woman's responsibility to bat off advances rather than the man's responsibility to accept his stage in life and healthy relationship boundaries in large age gap situations.

 

In truth, it is both... but with the internet and other means for 'men' to have access to much younger women without social filters or screening... sorry... I'm placing the emphasis squarely on the 'men's' shoulders in this particular argument because they should know better... unless the guy is mentally impaired or has dementia or whatever. That's a whole different argument that is outside the gender/age discussion.

 

Someone brought that up in the thread. Perhaps if he hits on you again, you might calmly suggest he seek mental health counseling.

[RedRobin]

*update*

 

I told him to leave me alone. I haven't been to the bridge lately.

 

He said he wasn't chasing me. I just got the wrong impression.

 

 

Oh, a perv AND a liar AND a cheater.

 

He sounds like a real stellar human being. Not.

 

I agree with you on your other note... exactly that. What IS he teaching you about men?? Nothing good, that's for sure.

 

This is why I won't date a guy who dates much younger women. To me, he's crossed a line. The fact that his other guy buddies might be slapping him on the back (like guys here on LS), well, makes me ill.

 

Talk about pack mentality. There's a young girl. GET HER!

 

Gross.

 

Anyway, I'm very sorry that this person ruined what you thought was a budding friendship or even just a nice day at the park. Not all older men act this way.

 

You shouldn't have to avoid the park either. He's the one that needs censuring. Not you.

[joystickd]

I'm currently with a woman that is older than me. Does that make her a perv too? Is she supposed to be mentoring me instead of getting in my pants? Have any of you women ever entertained the possibility that maybe just maybe there are older men that just meet and get to know women and like them and they just happen to be younger.

[hotpotato]

Mme,

Whats wrong with wanting to be friends with a man?

I would have loved to be friends with the guy, but he ruined by throwing sex in the mix. I was nice to him, and he started harassing me.

 

Im 26, and he is in his 50s and should not have let his imaginatn run away. On top of everything, he has a gf. Really, its not about gender. Most 20something men are not looking for the attention of women in their 50s. They are often flat out disgusted. Why are women expected to be fine with it?

[joystickd]

Mme,

Whats wrong with wanting to be friends with a man?

I would have loved to be friends with the guy, but he ruined by throwing sex in the mix. I was nice to him, and he started harassing me.

 

Im 26, and he is in his 50s and should not have let his imaginatn run away. On top of everything, he has a gf. Really, its not about gender. Most 20something men are not looking for the attention of women in their 50s. They are often flat out disgusted. Why are women expected to be fine with it?

Actually not true there are men that seek out older women. My woman is in her 50s and she can definitely give a 20 or 30 something a good run for their money. There are people out here that date that don't see age, race, etc. They just see a person they are interested in having something with. When it comes to them it's more about the person than age or anything else.

 

There is nothing wrong with being friends with a man but one must realize once a person has feelings for a person it's never really a true friendship. They settle for friendship. The best option then is to seek out a man that genuine friendship and cut ties with that one. Would you want to settle for friendship and be reminded of unrequited feelings?

Edited September 22, 2013 by joystickd

[carhill]

OP, in your specific instance, the man with the GF did what he did, likely a pattern he's honed throughout his life. Most men like this, the ones who push boundaries, do it because they know it works, especially men in my age group, a demographic I know very well.

 

I would not expect you to be 'fine' with it if you're not fine with it. You viewed it as inappropriate and harassment and that's valid. You're one of thousands of women this man has approached in a similar fashion in his life. He has a GF, evidently, so, for all his harassment, he's successful enough with women to enjoy a LTR. That speaks for itself.

 

TBH, most of my male friends, both married (mostly) and single (a few) leer at or make comments about young ladies. I see it every day when out with them. Do I get a reward for refraining from such behaviors? Absolutely not. There is no reward for 'doing the right thing'. They'll do what they do until they die and then are dead, just like me. Your negative opinion of them won't matter one whit and, frankly, they don't care. That's likely the lesson here. Good luck.

[StanMusial]

What IS with all this talk about men "mentoring" women and how it's "perverted" for old men to go for young women?

 

Holy moly.

 

People mentoring other people is a personal choice and not gender specific. I'M not mentoring any young men these days … are y'all? Why are men supposed to be mentoring US?

 

LOL. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the "mentoring" tangent was somewhat bizarre. I'm not saying it's a bad idea or a good idea, I just don't think old men everywhere are suddenly going to say "Hey I think I need to go find some young girl to mentor." Heck if anything, why aren't more old women finding young women to mentor? BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T LISTEN, that's why.

[joystickd]

LOL. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the "mentoring" tangent was somewhat bizarre. I'm not saying it's a bad idea or a good idea, I just don't think old men everywhere are suddenly going to say "Hey I think I need to go find some young girl to mentor." Heck if anything, why aren't more old women finding young women to mentor? BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T LISTEN, that's why.

Mentoring lol. It sounds crazy. Imagine "Hell yeah! She looks so good I'm going to mentor her and teach her things".

[joystickd]

Threads like this prove one thing. No matter what progress is made towards gender equality male sexuality is still seen as predatory. It's a damn shame.

[Anela]

 

TBH, most of my male friends, both married (mostly) and single (a few) leer at or make comments about young ladies. I see it every day when out with them. Do I get a reward for refraining from such behaviors? Absolutely not. There is no reward for 'doing the right thing'. They'll do what they do until they die and then are dead, just like me. Your negative opinion of them won't matter one whit and, frankly, they don't care. That's likely the lesson here. Good luck.

 

That's what bothers me with men of ANY age. I don't hate men, I hate specific behaviour.

 

- - - - - -

 

I am feeling very bitter at the moment, though. Not about dating, funnily enough. Here, I was just talking about my experiences in recent years, and they are valid. I've said enough about my own life and how I might be to blame, too, elsewhere. My own sister creeps me out more than these guys right now, all in support of this guy who I can't be around - so I get punished and run into the ground. This guy started it, and she chose to keep it going.

[hotpotato]

Actually not true there are men that seek out older women. My woman is in her 50s and she can definitely give a 20 or 30 something a good run for their money. There are people out here that date that don't see age, race, etc. They just see a person they are interested in having something with. When it comes to them it's more about the person than age or anything else.

 

There is nothing wrong with being friends with a man but one must realize once a person has feelings for a person it's never really a true friendship. They settle for friendship. The best option then is to seek out a man that genuine friendship and cut ties with that one. Would you want to settle for friendship and be reminded of unrequited feelings?

 

I know one guy who actively seeks older women.

 

I'm sure there are a few men who seek out older ladies who are HOT or especially attractive for their age.

 

Like Rena Lesnar aka Rena Mero aka Rena Greek aka Sable.

 

Rena Lesnar is hot, former Playboy bunny, and she is not too old to have kids. Most young men would have her. In fact, she is married to her man about 10 years her juniors, and they have several kids.

 

Rena Lesnar is very different from the average 40 something woman, and she is still young enough to have kids.

 

Unless she is Rena Mero, most younger guys will find it absolutely disgusting. I can tell you. For example, I know quite a few military dudes who complain of being hit on by older female superiors. It is not pleasurable for them, unless maybe she looked like Sable.

 

I already cut ties with him, we are not talking. In fairness I have this issue with men in general, not just older ones. I would like to be able to be nice to a man without him getting the wrong impression.

 

I think it would be nice to have an older man as a friend in mentor. I had a friend who was 70. We both liked to hang out at the bookstore. He'd tell stories of how his parents were FOB and all his life experiences. I had to cut him loose because he started trying to invite me to his house for wine.

[Anela]

Threads like this prove one thing. No matter what progress is made towards gender equality male sexuality is still seen as predatory. It's a damn shame.

 

I only care when they - men of any age - keep screwing with me when they know it isn't welcome. I didn't care that my sister was marrying a much older man, she was happy and that was it. I don't want her life, though - and my Dad hates him. He messed with me - her husband - he did it more than once, and I was trying to get over it, but now? It's never going to happen. I would start a different thread, about women being ****ty to other women over a man, but I won't bother. I'm so damned tired of it, but I see it regularly - and experience it.

[joystickd]

I know one guy who actively seeks older women.

 

I'm sure there are a few men who seek out older ladies who are HOT or especially attractive for their age.

 

Like Rena Lesnar aka Rena Mero aka Rena Greek aka Sable.

 

Rena Lesnar is hot, former Playboy bunny, and she is not too old to have kids. Most young men would have her. In fact, she is married to her man about 10 years her juniors, and they have several kids.

 

Rena Lesnar is very different from the average 40 something woman, and she is still young enough to have kids.

 

Unless she is Rena Mero, most younger guys will find it absolutely disgusting. I can tell you. For example, I know quite a few military dudes who complain of being hit on by older female superiors. It is not pleasurable for them, unless maybe she looked like Sable.

 

I already cut ties with him, we are not talking. In fairness I have this issue with men in general, not just older ones. I would like to be able to be nice to a man without him getting the wrong impression.

 

I think it would be nice to have an older man as a friend in mentor. I had a friend who was 70. We both liked to hang out at the bookstore. He'd tell stories of how his parents were FOB and all his life experiences. I had to cut him loose because he started trying to invite me to his house for wine.

The thing you have to consider is what are you communicating. It says a lot that every man you meet is trying to have something with you. That mean obviously you have trouble being congruent in you words and actions about wanting friendship. It's very easy to blame the men in these situation but when they occur consistently then the problem is YOU

[hotpotato]

I'm currently with a woman that is older than me. Does that make her a perv too? Is she supposed to be mentoring me instead of getting in my pants? Have any of you women ever entertained the possibility that maybe just maybe there are older men that just meet and get to know women and like them and they just happen to be younger.

 

I dated an older man. He was about 17 years older than me, but not 30 or more. I am actually more liberal than most when it comes to age limits, but at some point it it is just too much. And he never assumed I was going to have sex with him because we had a few conversations. We dated and developed some kind of rapport first. Bridge Dude assumed we were at a certain level of intimacy, when in fact, we were no where near it.

 

Bridge Dude already had a gf, was too old, and knew I wasn't looking to date anyone. Dude was ready to dump older woman to date a young one he barely knew. I can't help but to be...disgusted...

[joystickd]

I dated an older man. He was about 17 years older than me, but not 30 or more. I am actually more liberal than most when it comes to age limits, but at some point it it is just too much. And he never assumed I was going to have sex with him because we had a few conversations. We dated and developed some kind of rapport first. Bridge Dude assumed we were at a certain level of intimacy, when in fact, we were no where near it.

 

Bridge Dude already had a gf, was too old, and knew I wasn't looking to date anyone. Dude was ready to dump older woman to date a young one he barely knew. I can't help but to be...disgusted...

Wasn't directed towards you.

[hotpotato]

The thing you have to consider is what are you communicating. It says a lot that every man you meet is trying to have something with you. That mean obviously you have trouble being congruent in you words and actions about wanting friendship. It's very easy to blame the men in these situation but when they occur consistently then the problem is YOU

 

I'm not communicating anything.

 

I'm sitting somewhere drinking coffee.

 

Or I am walking on a bridge lost in my music.

 

I'm not giving a man sex signals when I'm listening to his problems.

 

I did have a guy at the walking track say I was dressing sexy for them because I was wearing shorts. I live in an area that is very hot and also has a lot of humidity. Shorts are standard fare for most people. In their heads I was wearing it to arouse them, in reality I wear short shorts-like the other girls- because it's hot and we are exercising.

 

The best I can gather is maybe they think I'm desperate for male attention.

[joystickd]

I'm not communicating anything.

 

I'm sitting somewhere drinking coffee.

 

Or I am walking on a bridge lost in my music.

 

I'm not giving a man sex signals when I'm listening to his problems.

 

I did have a guy at the walking track say I was dressing sexy for them because I was wearing shorts. I live in an area that is very hot and also has a lot of humidity. Shorts are standard fare for most people. In their heads I was wearing it to arouse them, in reality I wear short shorts-like the other girls- because it's hot and we are exercising.

 

The best I can gather is maybe they think I'm desperate for male attention.

You may convey signals that give off that vibe.

[hotpotato]

NOTHING is wrong with wanting to be friends with a man, and NOTHING is wrong with a man wanting to have a sexual relationship with a woman. It's just at cross purposes here.

 

YES, harassing is messed up and ILLEGAL, usually. But I don't think that's a function of the guy being old. I mean, would you have perceived his behavior as harassment if he'd been younger and good looking … even if you did not want to go out with him?

Yes, it would annoy me if he were young and more attractive. I just posted to that effect.

 

 

I'm not fine with anybody being disgusted with other people because of their age. All of us who live long enough will be experiencing the full range of ages from the bloom of youth to decrepitude. Some people just don't acknowledge it.

Maybe it is wrong, but it doesn't change the fact that people do get disgusted.

 

Yes, society has been very accepting of older men / younger women relationships and not the reverse. I think that's bogus. But, if you're an older woman who wants to go for younger guys, that's what you need to do. And vice versa.

Up to a point, but one needs to be realistic. Like average young stud isnt going for the average 50+ woman. Young women aren't going after elderly men unless they are super rich.

[joystickd]

 

WE need to love OURSELVES and stop being concerned about what everybody else likes.

Made me think about something I put on Facebook:

When you worry about being perfect you fail to notice that there are people that love your imperfections

 

 

 

I put it on there after talking with my special person.

[hotpotato]

You may convey signals that give off that vibe.

 

I'm enticing guys while I seductively sip my starbucks. No, I dont think that's what's happening.

 

Maybe some guys just have runaway imaginations?

 

I totally get now why some women are beeyatches to men they aren't interested in.

[joystickd]

I'm enticing guys while I seductively sip my starbucks. No, I dont think that's what's happening.

 

Maybe some guys just have runaway imaginations?

 

I totally get now why some women are beeyatches to men they aren't interested in.

We all unconsciously sometimes convey signals that are opposite of what we are saying. It's either that or you just pick out the wrong guys to be friends with.