Getting hit on by elderly men

[RedRobin]

Here come the apologists...

 

couple of things...

 

Yes, I think more men need to be responsible mentors. I think it would be healthier for them in many aspects of their lives. Viewing women young enough to be their daughters as sexual objects isn't healthy for them or him.

 

You don't have to agree with me on that.

 

Believing that people push limits because they sometimes get away with it is an attractive premise. Believing that the person they are pushing somehow deserves it or is asking for it is also a popular theme. I'm also betting that these same men push limits because they are on a power trip and like being a*ssholes, whether they succeed or not.

 

So, I call those men *ssholes. You don't have to agree with me on that.

 

... and while I don't think younger women are 'children' (even if they are relatively so compared to the age of guys we are talking about), I also don't believe women should be thrown to the wolves either so they can learn the hard way.

 

Which is basically what some of you encourage with the idiotic "you go guy" backslapping mentality.

 

At the very least, I'd expect responsible people to at least inform her what she is giving up so she can make an informed decision. Not just trundle her off, la-te-da to some old guy so HE can feel special and you can feel ever so cool and trendy with the 'whatever floats your boat' type advice.

Edited September 22, 2013 by RedRobin

[EasyHeart]

Reality check: In general, young people are more beautiful and sexy than old people. If beautiful and sexy is what you're after in a mate, then young would be a good place to look.

That's really the nub of it, isn't it? People are attracted to attractive people. Most young people are more attractive than most old people, but I know gorgeous 50 year olds and homely 20 year olds.

 

You could have this same thread about any other attribute that some people find unattractive: "Why do short men hit on me?" "Why do fat guys hit on me?" "Why do [insert race or ethnicity] think they can hit on me?"

 

The real problem is the belief that they can or should be able to control other people. If an unattractive woman expresses interest in me (and it happens WAY more than attractive women doing it!) I don't get offended and say, "How dare she think that she is good enough for me! The nerve of that fat beast!!!" I politely rebuff her interest and then get on with my life and never think about it again.

[hotpotato]

We all unconsciously sometimes convey signals that are opposite of what we are saying. It's either that or you just pick out the wrong guys to be friends with.

 

I dont pick them, they come up to me.

 

I dont mind befriending a man, even an older one.

 

I am aggravated that if Im a bit nice, they assume I want sex, when really all we did was talk a few times.

 

These men come up to me at places like bookstores and walking tracks. I'm not picking them. I am being nice to them which gives them the wrong impression I suppose.

 

I think older men have bigger b***s when it comes to approaching, but I'm not giving vibes other than friendship.

[joystickd]

Here come the apologists...

 

couple of things...

 

Yes, I think more men need to be responsible mentors. I think it would be healthier for them in many aspects of their lives. Viewing women young enough to be their daughters as sexual objects isn't healthy for them or him.

 

You don't have to agree with me on that.

 

Believing that people push limits because they sometimes get away with it is an attractive premise. Believing that the person they are pushing somehow deserves it or is asking for it is also a popular theme. I'm also betting that these same men push limits because they are on a power trip and like being a*ssholes, whether they succeed or not.

 

So, I call those men *ssholes. You don't have to agree with me on that.

 

... and while I don't think younger women are 'children' (even if they are relatively so compared to the age of guys we are talking about), I also don't believe women should be thrown to the wolves either so they can learn the hard way.

 

Which is basically what some of you encourage with the idiotic "you go guy" backslapping mentality.

 

At the very least, I'd expect responsible people to at least inform her what she is giving up so she can make an informed decision. Not just trundle her off, la-te-da to some old guy so HE can feel special and you can feel ever so cool and trendy with the 'whatever floats your boat' type advice.

Have you ever thought maybe it wasn't age that made these men attracted to these women? Seems women like you have a big problem with the age thing.

[StanMusial]

 

You could have this same thread about any other attribute that some people find unattractive: "Why do short men hit on me?" "Why do fat guys hit on me?" "Why do [insert race or ethnicity] think they can hit on me?"

 

 

They've all been covered, ad nauseam.

[hotpotato]

Have you ever thought maybe it wasn't age that made these men attracted to these women? Seems women like you have a big problem with the age thing.

 

But this guy was ready to drop his older girlfriend for a new one. I'm sure age has some part.

[hotpotato]

That's really the nub of it, isn't it? People are attracted to attractive people. Most young people are more attractive than most old people, but I know gorgeous 50 year olds and homely 20 year olds.

 

You could have this same thread about any other attribute that some people find unattractive: "Why do short men hit on me?" "Why do fat guys hit on me?" "Why do [insert race or ethnicity] think they can hit on me?"

 

The real problem is the belief that they can or should be able to control other people. If an unattractive woman expresses interest in me (and it happens WAY more than attractive women doing it!) I don't get offended and say, "How dare she think that she is good enough for me! The nerve of that fat beast!!!" I politely rebuff her interest and then get on with my life and never think about it again.

 

How about this.

 

Why can't i talk to a man without him assuming i want to have sex with him? Why do men assume you want to get physical because you talked a few times, even if you tell them you arent looking for sex or dating? Or a man ready to drop his gf for a new hot young thang?

[joystickd]

But this guy was ready to drop his older girlfriend for a new one. I'm sure age has some part.

You are sure but we never know what's truly going on inside someone else's head. It's easy to assume he is ready to drop his older girlfriend for someone younger but we may never know what was really going on in their relationship. He might of seen something in you his girlfriend wasn't offering that was attractive. Men do focus on external thing but there is a lot of internal qualities men look for in women too.

[Keenly]

Sounds like the only person who is painting the young girls as less than equals is the same person claiming that that is what older men do.

 

 

It would seem that you are referring to grown mid 20s adults to " children" your exact words. So you think people are too stupid to make their own choices ?

[FitChick]

Mme,

Whats wrong with wanting to be friends with a man?

I would have loved to be friends with the guy, but he ruined by throwing sex in the mix. I was nice to him, and he started harassing me.

 

You can be friends with older gay men. They might even fix your hair for free.

[hotpotato]

You can be friends with older gay men. They might even fix your hair for free.

 

LoLs. You are joking, but it's true. Im not going to bother trying to be friends with a man unless he is gay.

[RedRobin]

Are you mentoring anybody?.

 

Yes, I do and have for quite a long time... both young men and women, and occasionally minors.

[RedRobin]

Sounds like the only person who is painting the young girls as less than equals is the same person claiming that that is what older men do.

 

 

It would seem that you are referring to grown mid 20s adults to " children" your exact words. So you think people are too stupid to make their own choices ?

 

It is not stupidity that makes the younger person (usually women) in these large age gap relationships make some of the choices they do... It is naivete.

 

Nothing wrong with being naïve. We all are naïve about what life will hold for us in the future.

 

Best shared with someone they can grow with together... not be used as a crutch.

 

Not sure why you are pitching the status quo so hard unless you are angling to carve off your own piece of young flesh to prop up your ego too. Is that it?

[Weezy1973]

I think what has happened is that the dating / relationship world has changed drastically in the last 30 to 40 years. In my parents day, the most common scenario was high school or college sweethearts getting married for the purpose of having a family. People tended to be of similar ages and relationships had a specific purpose (having a family).

 

Nowadays, anything goes for the most part. Having a family is optional. If someone chooses to focus on their career and spend time traveling instead of settling down and having a family, that's fine. If someone decides to not work and stay at home to look after the kids, that's fine too.

 

People can date casually for their whole lives - not a big deal. Serial monogamy - also perfectly acceptable. It's actually more frowned upon where people that are younger (younger than 24 for example) do get married (and those couple are way more likely to get divorced) than when they stay single and establish a career for themselves.

 

The rules are different - family is no longer the focus, therefore other things take priority - sex, activity partners, friendship etc. in relationships. Younger man, older woman is fine as is older man, younger woman. It's all perfect acceptable.

 

One thing we'll never be able to get rid of however, is people that we are not attracted to getting romantic feelings towards us. It happens. For the most part, people I have had to reject have been very polite about it. When they are rude or obnoxious, it means there is something wrong with that person, NOT the whole gender or society in general. It seems a couple of you women have a really hard time understanding that...

[joystickd]

It is not stupidity that makes the younger person (usually women) in these large age gap relationships make some of the choices they do... It is naivete.

 

Nothing wrong with being naïve. We all are naïve about what life will hold for us in the future.

 

Best shared with someone they can grow with together... not be used as a crutch.

 

Not sure why you are pitching the status quo so hard unless you are angling to carve off your own piece of young flesh to prop up your ego too. Is that it?

Just like one could ask why are you pitching ageism. Is it so you can hopefully increase the available dating pool around your age?

[Pompeii]

Yes, I do and have for quite a long time... both young men and women, and occasionally minors.

 

God help them then.

[RedRobin]

Just like one could ask why are you pitching ageism. Is it so you can hopefully increase the available dating pool around your age?

 

It's the 'men' who target much younger women who are ageist... that is why they target them.

 

 

I don't know whether you realize how much you are expressing exactly what you're railing against: sexism (against both men AND women), and ageism.

 

Ok. Have it YOUR way. Anything goes. But be careful what you wish for.

 

Look forward to female professors, bosses, clergy, and anyone else in a position where they are routinely granted access to much younger men hitting on them and abusing their trust in order to try and have sex with a hot young body with a pliable emotional foundation.

 

oh, and when that happens, make sure to blame the young man, that he must have done something to ask for it.

 

Because, hey, it it's all good for older men to ply their wares wherever they can find a willing body, then it should be all green lights for women to do the same.

 

God help them then.

 

Whatever. Someone has to give young women a clue what they are up against. Or try. It's not like that many 'men' around here give a shyte about them. Not really... Your signature line kinda makes that clear.

Edited September 23, 2013 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

LoLs. You are joking, but it's true. Im not going to bother trying to be friends with a man unless he is gay.

 

You can still have male friends.

 

Just don't internalize it when some of them keep hitting on you when you tell them you aren't interested in dating them, or when they decide not to be friends with you for whatever reason.

 

Seek out places where the men have a bit higher moral code for friendship.. or where you can get to know someone through shared activities.. not personal one on one conversations until you really get to know them. Fewer a-holes per square mile at those places.

 

Random strangers you meet here and there are going to potentially come with a whole host of possible issues to deal with.

 

Not all friendships work out... just like not all relationships work out. Male or female.

[joystickd]

It's the 'men' who target much younger women who are ageist... that is why they target them.

How do you know it's because of age. I mean you and a handful of others talk about men wanting younger women and make a big issue out of it. If they want to date them that is their choice. What's the harm in that? Hell I am currently dating a woman older than me. People are free to date whoever they want to. You are judgmental about this and it's funny because you are the first one to jump on a man for calling a woman a slut.

[JamesM]

They don't James. When older men hit on us or flirt with us, especially the wider the age gap gets, we don't look at you like your our age.

 

I know. I am not stupid. Honestly, I think you read my post wrong. I don't intend to flirt, but it may come off that way once in awhile to some women.

 

 

Do you care about your wife's feelings at all about it? Or is it more important to flirt with the young girl?

 

Reread my sentence. I don't flirt with her, but I share friendly conversations. She knows I am married because I am getting my wife's scrips. My wife is not with me, and I mean that I would carry it farther than being friendly because my wife would not like it.

 

 

 

Sorry I missed this. I quit this thread long ago because it was off track...until someone liked my post you quoted.

[crederer]

I'm a guy, but with my ex that i was with for 5 years, we'd take turns on paying for our dates. It was her turn to pay and we were sitting at the stools at the bar. Some super old dude saw her paying for the drinks at the end of the night and saw it as an opportunity to try and play the "rich guy" role.

 

It was embarassing to watch. I think it's just sad pathetic old men hitting on anything with a vagina.

[JamesM]

Sometimes men think a woman is flirting with them when she is simply being nice and friendly.

 

Totally agree. And I assume this quite often. The girl in the donut shop WAS being friendly. That was point. I could take it as flirting and be way off base.

 

James, you never answered my question from earlier about your wife and how it makes her feel when you are paying attention to younger women.

 

First off, I am friendly with people in general with or without her. Yes, men and women. Older and younger. It comes from working with the public. If I am in the talking mood, then everyone is in danger.

 

Second, question answered above.

 

 

The reasons she said that to you because she thought you were harmless.

 

Agree. That is what my wife says too. I also have told her that I get more friendly responses with my ring on than if it is off.

 

But I find it strange that you, even at 40 something discount women 10 years older as being sexual when you clearly don't with girls 20 years younger than you.

 

Actually, my point was that if I discount older women's comments as friendly, then why would I not do the same with younger women?

 

I should and usually do. Is it that we men feel flattered if younger women are friendly with us and assume more than we should?

[crederer]

If my husband is friendly to young women, or even recognizes that they are pretty, I have NO problem with it. I'm friendly to them myself, and also recognize that they're pretty.

 

He's not wishing he was with them instead of me, I am sure of that.

 

Very confident and mature view. I agree with you completely, even though it is easy to get jealous in those types of situations.

[Radu]

RR, women in positions of power have been taking advantage of that for ... a long time.

 

When i was still playing a certain online game, one of my friends was a 55yr old dude, who openly admitting to cheating on his wife during the beginning of his marriage.

His reason was that he worked in a female dominated field, his wife was a SAHM, and his bosses up to 3 levels up were all female.

His boss made passes again and again, was well connected [this was happening before '89 and behind the Iron Curtain], so he had an affair with her rather than risk losing his job, getting blacklisted and having his family starve.

His wife never found out, and in his own words 'if my wife ended up doing the same thing, i can't judge her'.

 

30% of managers in my country [if not more], are still female as of today.

If some women are in a position of power, there are chances that they will abuse it, just like some men will do.

[RedRobin]

What you are describing seems to be sexual harassment in the workplace, which is not acceptable regardless of the ages or genders of the people involved. And, you seriously don't think that some women in positions of power do NOT take advantage of younger men?

 

Or, as in the much publicized cases of some teachers, of minor boys?

 

And what is this phrase, "granted access"? People work, socialize, attend school, and generally function with other adults of all age ranges. At least, in my world.

 

Sleazy people who "abuse trust" in order to "try and have sex with a hot young body" are - sleazy people. Users. It's not a function of gender, or of age. You've been around here a while; I'm sure you've seen some of the many, many threads about how to take advantage of girls with low self esteem because it's "easy" to do it. Threads written by young men. Whom I, personally, deem sleazy.

 

Where do you think these attitudes come from? IMHO, they all come from the same place.

 

Power trips and dishonesty. And not holding 'men' accountable for their behavior. Crap like 'boys will be boys'. Blaming 'biology', junk like they can't help it, and it's just a personal choice... blah, blah

 

Praising 'men' for this behavior, like it's something to be proud of and flaunt (ie Hugh Hefner, George Clooney, Clint Eastwood)... instead of viewing them as the pathetic losers they are.

 

It all goes together.

 

... but yea, if anything goes, then we can look forward to women exhibiting the same behavior because that is what is being rewarded.

 

And young men will get to enjoy wondering whether their grade will be affected if they say no to the female professor, or how his career will be affected if he says no to the dinner invitation from the senior co-worker he THOUGHT merely liked his work... or wondering if his car is gonna get fixed properly if he doesn't laugh at the disgusting joke his older female mechanic just threw at him. Or going for a walk in the park with a woman he thought was his friend, but who really just pretended to care about his troubles so she could get a piece of *ss.

 

Yea, that's the world *I* want for young men and women. Not.