Getting hit on by elderly men

[EasyHeart]

Maybe I'm just clueless, but I don't know how old people are when I just meet them out in public. Am I supposed to be asking for IDs before I talk to anyone to see if it is appropriate for me to talk to them?

[Babolat]

I'm not dating men young enough to be my kid and saying "Go me!!" Oh, and I believe your 29 year old friend has issues too. It's not all on you.

 

You like being the daddy and the fixer.... so this should work out great for you.

 

but back to the topic... the OP wonders why much older men hit on her.

 

OP, it really comes down to the fact that lots of men can't have healthy relationships with women that don't involve getting their d*cks in them somehow. It's kind of sad, really...

 

That the only way they can validate themselves as men is through the sexual attention of women young enough to be their children.

 

I never said "Go me", I am not dating her, and yes, she paid for her own dinner last night. She also paid for all of our drinks, mine included, when she invited me out Saturday night. We went for a drink afterwards last night and she insisted on paying for her own drink too.

 

Daddy and fixer? I agree to fixer, not to the daddy, and it's something I am working on and paying attention to, thus why I am currently not dating and working on being friends with woman. Yup, she does have issues, lots of them. I don't think one of them is being attracted to older men..it's who she is and who she is attracted to. i don't judge her for that. I don't care though, I am not dating her, don't plan to; just enjoyed her company.

 

It was a fun night, we had some great conversation, no more, no less.

 

I have always liked you RR, but wow, you really have some kind of issue, or issues, with men and try to put all of us into buckets. I keep forgetting, you work with all men, so you know....

 

We have to stick our d*cks in a woman to have validation...really? Mine has not been in one in a looong time, and I feel validated and like myself.

 

An older man flirts with a younger woman because he needs validation? Bunk, he may just be having fun, he may be ver social, heck, he may really want to see if she bites, and maybe she will. Doesn't make him everything you say he is.

 

To the OP, I see nothign wrong with an elderly man flirting and having fun with a younger woman. It's how the younder woman responds to it that matters in my opinion.

[Babolat]

Its not just hitting on me. He is going to lengtgs to literally chase me, tell me what kind of porn he likes, trying to get me to his house, parking next to me when there are plenty of other available parks, implying that he will leave his gf if I say the word,, making comments about my body and how i 'bounce' when I walk...

 

Then define your boundary with him, pretty simple. If it continues and you feel uncomfortable about it, take the next step to define your boundary..heck, file a constraint on him.

 

I think you like the attention; and it's ok to. Nothing at all worng with that. Enjoy it for what it is.

Edited September 19, 2013 by Babolat

[Babolat]

When men feel old, they exploit someone else's body and youth... and feel zero guilt about it whatsoever.

 

Wow, my respect for your opinions has gone waaay down, trying to fit us all into your bucket, your stereotype. Exploit? Really? Feel zero guilt?

 

Remind me to not hang out with male ballet dancers, as it sounds likes they all fall into your buckets. Though my one neighbor who is in our local ballet is a pretty cool guy, well rounded, married to a ballet dancer, just had a child...strange...I will have to do another assesment of him based on your feedback of men.

[carhill]

Its not just hitting on me. He is going to lengtgs to literally chase me, tell me what kind of porn he likes, trying to get me to his house, parking next to me when there are plenty of other available parks, implying that he will leave his gf if I say the word,, making comments about my body and how i 'bounce' when I walk...

To me, that's harassment. Way beyond 'creepy', especially with the porn part and pursuing you. Depending on proximity, it could be considered assault, since sex is involved and you could reasonably fear sexual assault, and fear for personal safety is one aspect of assault. That's far beyond some older man hitting on you or flirting with you, IMO.

[Babolat]

A study was done in the early 1990's seeking to learn the ideal age of a woman, for dating, as perceived by men.

 

In order to calibrate the answer to all men (instead of just reaching a raw average of all responses - which would be something like "27.349272118")... the answer was: Half a man's own age plus seven years (was the average man's ideal age in a woman he'd like to date).

 

(*** now of course this did NOT take into account what was in (or who was behind) the bra right in front of his eyes while at a bar on a lonely Friday night - this was him, being asked to select a number out of the blue, in answer to a survey)

 

 

So, at 26, it then stands to reason that men 38 are focusing (their bifocals) on you. And if one happens to get attention from groups of 21yo's, she needs a 70yo to help offset those numbers.

 

If I understand this study, at 47, I would prefer to date a woman who is 30.5? (47/2 + 7). Then dam, I should be chasing this 29 year old, in 1.5 years though!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

When men feel old, they exploit someone else's body and youth... and feel zero guilt about it whatsoever.

 

 

 

As a well-known sex columnist once said:

 

"Dating a much younger person is like going to a campsite. It's OK as long as you leave the much-younger person better than they were when you found them".

 

 

(*** and before you say it, NO! - a 13yo girl who dates a 26yo guy is never better off in the long run for having done so)

[JamesM]

As a guy who is almost old...but will keep saying he is middle age....

 

I don't FEEL that old nor do I really think I am that old. A part of me (and not just that part!) believes that all women think of me as around their age even when they are young enough to be my daughter.

 

Do I flirt with younger women? Probably without meaning to. There is a classy girl who looks young enough to be my daughter, whose face lights up when she sees me come into her store. We exchange some comments but none that would be considered sexual. Do I take it any farther? Nope. My wife really doesn't like it.

 

These older men are hitting on you because they may not think of themselves as that much older. They may be taking it as far as they can in hopes of convincing you likewise. But as has been stated, they may simply be saying it because they figure you won't take them seriously. Either way, don't.

 

And let us not forget those men who develop dementia. This could be a sign of a guy who is "losing it" and is reverting back to a younger age as his memory fails him.

 

The fact is...none of us want to get old, and none of us feel we are old. I work with a lady who is 77 and she lives in an apartment where the college kids and young families reside. I asked her why she doesn't live in a condo. "I don't want to live with those old people! I may be old but I don't want to act like it." In her case, she doesn't really look it, and she has the stamina of a much younger lady. So it is with your men. They want the excitement of a young lady like you giving them attention. They don't want to feel old.

 

BTW, when I was younger (and back when we wore bell bottoms No, not really.) I had a few "older women" hit on me. Back then they seemed old. Fact is they were the age I am now. One said more than once that she wanted to take me home. I wouldn't have minded but she meant for her and not for her lovely daughter...who was my age.

 

Relax and avoid such lecherous old men. One your age will come along soon enough...even if it is when you are as old as the old men. Just kidding.

[Babolat]

As a guy who is almost old...but will keep saying he is middle age....

 

I don't FEEL that old nor do I really think I am that old. A part of me (and not just that part!) believes that all women think of me as around their age even when they are young enough to be my daughter.

 

Do I flirt with younger women? Probably without meaning to. There is a classy girl who looks young enough to be my daughter, whose face lights up when she sees me come into her store. We exchange some comments but none that would be considered sexual. Do I take it any farther? Nope. My wife really doesn't like it.

 

These older men are hitting on you because they may not think of themselves as that much older. They may be taking it as far as they can in hopes of convincing you likewise. But as has been stated, they may simply be saying it because they figure you won't take them seriously. Either way, don't.

 

And let us not forget those men who develop dementia. This could be a sign of a guy who is "losing it" and is reverting back to a younger age as his memory fails him.

 

The fact is...none of us want to get old, and none of us feel we are old. I work with a lady who is 77 and she lives in an apartment where the college kids and young families reside. I asked her why she doesn't live in a condo. "I don't want to live with those old people! I may be old but I don't want to act like it." In her case, she doesn't really look it, and she has the stamina of a much younger lady. So it is with your men. They want the excitement of a young lady like you giving them attention. They don't want to feel old.

 

BTW, when I was younger (and back when we wore bell bottoms No, not really.) I had a few "older women" hit on me. Back then they seemed old. Fact is they were the age I am now. One said more than once that she wanted to take me home. I wouldn't have minded but she meant for her and not for her lovely daughter...who was my age.

 

Relax and avoid such lecherous old men. One your age will come along soon enough...even if it is when you are as old as the old men. Just kidding.

 

Well said. I have always thought of myself as "young" and not my old age of 47. Those in my social circle say the same, and I have young male friends too, not just female ones.

 

And to the OP, enjoy the conversation just set a boundary, a clear one; even old folks have something we can learn from, and one day we will be them!

[hotpotato]

Then define your boundary with him, pretty simple. If it continues and you feel uncomfortable about it, take the next step to define your boundary..heck, file a constraint on him.

 

I think you like the attention; and it's ok to. Nothing at all worng with that. Enjoy it for what it is.

 

I didnt mind talking to him at first. Then he started escalating. He is having relationship issues and is very confused. Yes, I think its time to end this.

 

If I come back saying some slashed my tires or keyed my car, we know who dunnit. :/

[carhill]

If I come back saying some slashed my tires or keyed my car, we know who dunnit. :/

 

Elderly men may be prone to some teenagerish acts, but I doubt you have anything to worry about in this regard. Set him straight on your boundaries and I'm sure everything will work out fine. If not, he can talk to the guy or gal with the gun.

[RedRobin]

I like RR and her attitude on things.

 

'Everyone who does different than i think they should be doing, has a problem in the head.'

Very democratic, egalitarian, and totally not judgemental.

 

On a serious note RR, now.

I don't know your background, but you have a problem and it's visible in your dedication to the cause of 'all men who date/marry younger women are scum', there is no middle ground, no room for excuse.

And that's as far as i'll go with trying to read into this ... because i'd rather not get reported.

 

Women young enough to be their children. Yes. I think they are 'scum' in some cases, and/or have issues in most cases. Heck, my antenna goes up if he has a habit of dating women more than 5 years younger, and definitely if it is more than 10 years. That kind of guy would not be LTR for me at all. He'd be someone I'd have fun with (maybe), and that's it.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Furthermore, I wouldn't date a guy who had a sexual relationship with someone that much younger than him because it speaks to a dynamic I want no part of...the Daddy, superior, fixer guy.

 

Nor, do I want to be that person to a man.

 

I'm looking for an equal and someone who wants their equal. Not someone who is terrified of getting old and needing some young thing to prop them up.

 

We all have our preferences. I prefer men who aren't ageist about their own age.

 

... and OP... I'm sorry you are losing a nice conversation buddy. I'm sorry that these men don't own a mirror and realize that the time for them to enjoy the sexual aspects of a woman your age has past (unless they are providing you with some compensation for your youth, which frankly, I find there is no price high enough)... I'm sorry they can't value their role as mentors and friends instead.

Edited September 19, 2013 by RedRobin

[mercuryshadow]

As long as comments aren't perverted or over the top, I think it's kind of cute.

 

I'm close to 30 and this has been happening to me since I was about 16. Elderly men tend to be very honest (i.e. say what they think) so take it as a compliment.

[JamesM]

By the way, what do you all consider elderly?

[Got it]

It happens. My father who is in his 60s dates women in their 20s and 30s. Ugh.

 

Sorry but men can get very skeavy with age or maybe the filter is just less.

[mercuryshadow]

I'd say 70+

[Anela]

 

I'm looking for an equal and someone who wants their equal. Not someone who is terrified of getting old and needing some young thing to prop them up.

 

We all have our preferences. I prefer men who aren't ageist about their own age.

 

Same here. I'm not interested in dating someone much older than I am, and I'm supposed to be fine with my age, so why can't they feel good about themselves, and women their own ages?

 

I get so tired of looking through profiles of men my own age (mid- to late-thirties) who now "prefer someone younger". I deactivated my account again. That sort of thing didn't appear until I was 36, which is hardly ancient. And I know more than one guy on there who had themselves as younger, in order to find someone younger. One finally fessed up to being ten years older - his age changed overnight - and another left his age on there as three years younger, and is dating a woman seven years younger, which is fine and their business. It's just the "I prefer someone younger" bit - they're great at 38, but women? Psh.

[Anela]

My hero!

 

47/29 is not a bad age gap. 60/37 is pushing it.

 

That's my sister and her husband: she turns 37 this December, and he's 60.

 

I'm not looking forward to 39, but I have yet to lie about my age in order to try to attract someone. I've barely had a dating life, due to other issues, and when I finally started to get out there, it was only men who were too old or too young (or too bitter) who wanted me. What the hell?

[Pompeii]

... and OP... I'm sorry you are losing a nice conversation buddy. I'm sorry that these men don't own a mirror and realize that the time for them to enjoy the sexual aspects of a woman your age has past (unless they are providing you with some compensation for your youth, which frankly, I find there is no price high enough)... I'm sorry they can't value their role as mentors and friends instead.

 

Women waste their youth on bull**** guys when they are younger, so I don't see any difference between those guys and older men.

[RedRobin]

Same here. I'm not interested in dating someone much older than I am, and I'm supposed to be fine with my age, so why can't they feel good about themselves, and women their own ages?

 

I get so tired of looking through profiles of men my own age (mid- to late-thirties) who now "prefer someone younger". I deactivated my account again. That sort of thing didn't appear until I was 36, which is hardly ancient. And I know more than one guy on there who had themselves as younger, in order to find someone younger. One finally fessed up to being ten years older - his age changed overnight - and another left his age on there as three years younger, and is dating a woman seven years younger, which is fine and their business. It's just the "I prefer someone younger" bit - they're great at 38, but women? Psh.

 

I hear you... it's why I stopped using online for 'dating' quite awhile ago.

 

You can do what I do... just put yourself up looking for friends/activity partners.

 

I only accept meetings with people who want to do something that lines up with my posted interests... which are hiking, biking, running, rock climbing, etc. No coffee/dinner/drinks stuff for me. If they insist on that, I just say, hey, "sign up for such-n-such race, I'll meet you there" and see what they say.

 

... and I don't post pics. It works very well for me. Had a meeting the other day with someone studying atmospheric science (lines up with my community work) and have a get together tonight with someone to go kayaking.

 

We don't talk about lots of personal things, which I like. They are strangers.

[Lansing]

I don't actively seek out younger women but I tend to meet them and get along with them more than girls my own age. I find girls my age are kind of boring and don't get out and do the things I want to do. Yeah, maybe it is because I haven't met the right girl but in the meantime I don' t think I should limit hanging out within a few years of my age because I get along with people younger than me.

[GorillaTheater]

The cloud of aging men's angst is thick like pea soup in here.

 

One thing you have to give women credit for... when they feel old, they get plastic surgery (something they do to their own bodies).

 

When men feel old, they exploit someone else's body and youth... and feel zero guilt about it whatsoever.

 

You know, if God forbid I ever wind up single, I can't for the life of me imagine dating a woman much younger than me. I want to be with someone who listened to the Ramones and B-52's before they wound up on Classic Rock stations.

 

But this sort of nasty generalization is really over the line.

[RedRobin]

You know, if God forbid I ever wind up single, I can't for the life of me imagine dating a woman much younger than me. I want to be with someone who listened to the Ramones and B-52's before they wound up on Classic Rock stations.

 

But this sort of nasty generalization is really over the line.

 

I was going to edit my above post before others posted after me....

 

It is not a generalization. It is based on my personal experience being hit on by much older men who I thought were my friends and mentors... Men who had no business hitting on someone as young as me (relatively).

 

The OPs situation is one I could retell any number of times.... the much older bosses and co-workers who hit on me, the much older professors who hit on me when I was in school and all I was looking for was help with lessons.... then there are just random, much older men you'd just like to be nice to without them suggesting sex or something romantic.

 

It's pretty repulsive and sad. I'm sick of it.

 

All it shows is their inability to grieve their lost youth, their inability to make peace with getting older, and this expectation that somehow, MY youth is to be sacrificed to make them feel better about themselves.

 

It is ridiculously selfish on their parts. Even worse, is the message it sends a young woman that a woman's only value is between her legs. Which is exactly how lots of guys feel, I can only assume.

[GorillaTheater]

And how do you reconcile those experiences with your friend (who's married, no less) seeing a much younger man?

 

Is that similarly repulsive and sad, or do you think that's different?

[Babolat]

So, qeustion, I have noticed a pattern while looking at OLD profiles where the woman, mid 30s to mid 40s, have their age limit, at their age for the high end, and 10 - 15 years younger for the low end.

 

I have seen a lot of these. I will be looking at their profile, thinking "Hmmmm" then I see their age ranges and I move on.

 

Why does it appear to be socially acceptable, at least on this thread, for a woman to want a man 10 - 15 years younger than her, but than a man, me, has dinner (no romance at all, not going to date her) with a woman who is 29 and I have issues?

 

RedRobin, my dads wife is 10 years younger than him and they have an incredible marriage, almost 25 years and running. My ex wifes fathers' wife the same, 10 years younger, and they had (I assume they still do) a wonderful marriage.

 

Some woman just like older men...why does it have to be anymore than that? Some woman like younger man....why tag them with "they have issues" or "they are sick"....

 

I will repeat, I prefer a woman closer to my own age. But if I meet a woman who is 10 years younger than me and we hit it off, I am not going to put her, or myself, into these buckets you have created.