Getting hit on by elderly men

[Babolat]

You do realize that just because she asked you out, you still have full control over your choices and you agreed to go out with her? I mean, I am not saying you shouldn't go out with her. But to make it sound like you have no other option or choices but to go along with whatever she says or ask is kind of silly too.

 

Of course I have full control.

 

I did not intend for it to sound like I did not have any other options. My point was it was my choice and, I knew my intentions and yeah, I had a lot of fun. Should she contact me again, yeah I will hang out with her.

[Pompeii]

Umm no. Women don't "waste" their youth on anything. That is a very misogonisitic viewpoint about women and their worth and exactly what I'm talking about how men devalue women.

 

The fact is both younger women and younger men need time to gain experience and should be allowed time to mistakes in their life to learn from. Unless you Pompeii are a perfectly formed human being who never made any mistake, the rest of us normal people, men and women aren't. And sometimes both men and women do make dating/relationship mistakes with the wrong people. But don't sit there behind your computer and give allowance to men for their mistakes while holding women up to some bullcrap abritrary nonsense about how women are suppose to be so perfectly formed when they are young, that they aren't allowed to make mistakes. Or pretend that men also don't make mistakes.

 

So before you going make comments about how women "waste their youth" perhaps the problem is how you and other men treat and see women and hold them to abritrary standards you obviously do not hold yourself to.

 

 

It's only "misogynistic" because you don't agree with it. RedRobin clearly said that women who date older men waste their youth on these men. I'm the one reasserting this position. Women throw their time away on all sorts of charlatans, wannabe bad boys, mini-Machiavellis, and generally unsavory guys. It's one thing to make a mistake once, but it is outright stupidity to make the same mistake over and over again. Yet women do this all the time.

 

I also don't know what "arbitrary standards" I'm holding men or women to. If you're going to say younger women shouldn't date older men, then the reverse better damn well be true as well.

 

Your argument has zero weight because you're bringing assumptions out of thin air. Step up to the plate and stop bull****ting or don't at all.

Edited September 19, 2013 by Pompeii

[Pompeii]

At 21 my Poppop was married, owning his own business and taking care of his family. The only reason some men like to believe their "immature" is so they can justify devaluing women based on their age.

 

You're going to compare some old bygone era to modern day? Seriously?

 

This is rich.

[Babolat]

Okay. How about we just say what you alot of you guys reall ywant to be true anyway? "Men are fabulous no matter how they treat women. It's great when men consider their value and worth greater then women's to the extent that even at 70, they are hitting on 20 year olds. I hope more men dumb their old and aging wives and gfs because men deserve nothing but the youngest, hottest pieces of ass. It's great how much pressure and value men place on wome nfor their looks and age. Men are so fabulous and wonderful and kind when they flirt, chase after, oggle women half their age." Is that what you want? Feel better?

 

Here we go again with tossing us men into buckets....your reply supports Radus comment...you know that, right?

 

I use to be a big fan of RedRobins and I valued her advice here. I think she has gone a bit too far with this one though. She would know all about men though right, becasue she works with them all day and has so many successful LTRs with men, right?

 

Why do you guys try to toss all of us into buckets, stereotypes? If a 70 year old perv wants to flirt with the OP, and she allows it, why is that wrong? She knows her boundaries...she let him cross them and then turns it into a "elderly" men post...where you and a few others want to judge men for this? Toss ALL of us into your buckets?

 

Enjoy your sex toys is all I can say.....

[RedRobin]

And how do you reconcile those experiences with your friend (who's married, no less) seeing a much younger man?

 

Is that similarly repulsive and sad, or do you think that's different?

 

He's not that much younger. Maybe 5 years.

 

It's the cheating part I don't like. I've stopped seeing her as a friend a long time ago... after my efforts to help a) keep her from starting an affair and then b) get her to stop the affair and repair her marriage failed.

 

She's now just someone I share a ballet class with. I refuse to be her 'accomplice'.

 

What do I think? I think she's selfish too.

[RedRobin]

Here we go again with tossing us men into buckets....your reply supports Radus comment...you know that, right?

 

I use to be a big fan of RedRobins and I valued her advice here. I think she has gone a bit too far with this one though. She would know all about men though right, becasue she works with them all day and has so many successful LTRs with men, right?

 

Why do you guys try to toss all of us into buckets, stereotypes? If a 70 year old perv wants to flirt with the OP, and she allows it, why is that wrong? She knows her boundaries...she let him cross them and then turns it into a "elderly" men post...where you and a few others want to judge men for this? Toss ALL of us into your buckets?

 

Enjoy your sex toys is all I can say.....

 

Is your 29 year old the one with the BF??

 

Why is it wrong? Read below. Because it isn't JUST one guy. The OP is complaining because it isn't just ONE guy. Why should women walk around holding up signs saying stay the f*ck away?? From men old enough to be her grandfather. No. He's the perv. It's on him. Not her.

 

It's the whole lot of you who think you are entitled... who (in your mind) have convinced yourselves you are so fabulous and 'deserve' this somehow. Just like I said.

 

... and just like I said... to someone who has seen alot in her life... it comes across as sad and pathetic. Ridiculous even.

 

Get over yourself already.

Edited September 19, 2013 by RedRobin

[Pompeii]

No. It's misogynistic because you don't allow for women to be human beings in ways you obviously allow men to. It's misogynistic because you believe that women are only good in their youth. So much to make the statement that they "waste" their youth and the rest of their years make them throw-aways to men. That is why your comments are misogynistic.

 

 

 

 

 

No. Women, like men, live full bodied lives that are full of different stages and seasons. SOme seasons are for growing and making mistakes. Others are for triumphs. Just because you do not know how to see value in women past a certain age,doesn't mean they "threw" away those other years. Again, that is where the misognism comes into play.

 

Tons of people MEN and WOMEN alike make the same mistakes over and over again. I bet you've done so yourself. You would be inhuman if you didn't. So don't get all high and mighty and make it sound like your this super person that never mademistakes when you were young or even made the same ones at some point then talk about how women are basically throw-aways.

 

No, because unlike many people I am not stupid and I learn from a mistake when I've done it once. I can't speak for everyone else.

 

 

 

 

The arbitrary standards of holding women to a time of "wasting" their youth that you make no mention for men. Did you even read my post?

 

Who are these girls men are wasting their youth on? Who should they be spending their youth on? If you're going to say that "men have casual sex with bitches, blah, blah, blah", then stow it. Only a small amount of men have a lot of consistent casual sex. The average woman will have a higher partner count than the average guy. Men aren't the ones who come on here complaining they got burned by some guy who wasn't what they thought he was.

 

 

 

Again, arbritrary comments. I am a human being with a valued opinion and I made good points. Not agreeingwith me and listing why, which you still haven't done is one thing. Simply degrading my opinion with abritrary insults is your issue, not mine. I think you should take your own advice and step up to the place to recongnize the misognism in your own comments.

 

You're a human being. So what. We all are. You haven't made any valid points. Your entire post is just straw man after straw man. You put words in my mouth about how I'm a misogynist and value women only by their age. This is all just a cover for how women should be able to date piece-of-**** guys and get away with it because "we all make mistakes", right? That's all this is.

 

Also, "misogynism" isn't a word.

[GorillaTheater]

No. It's misogynistic because you don't allow for women to be human beings in ways you obviously allow men to. It's misogynistic because you believe that women are only good in their youth. So much to make the statement that they "waste" their youth and the rest of their years make them throw-aways to men. That is why your comments are misogynistic.

 

Holy drama-fest.

 

As much as Pompeii has gotten under my skin in the past, do you understand that he was only repeating what RedRobin said?

 

The generalizations on this thread are bad enough without adding ignorance to the mix.

[Pompeii]

If 80 years ago men were mature enough to have families at 21, own businesses and own a home, then the men of today can do it too. The fact is that there is a lot more immaturity breed in our culture today then there use to be. There is also a huge lack of accountability for men and women alike. But don't sit there and say that men simply date younger women because they are just these poor little immature things that need a young women to balance them out. It is uterly ridiculous that the world has to wait for a man tobe in his 30s before he's considered mature enough to deal with life. And it's utter bull****. Because plenty of men back in the day were fully able to embody mature qualities that the men of today are saying just aren't natural to them. Bull crap.

 

Eighty years ago women were just getting the right to vote. 80 years ago, blacks couldn't even look at a white person crossing the street without getting lynched. 80 years ago, there was no cellphone, internet, or even TV. 80 years ago, an 18 year old could easily go to the store and get wine. I'm going to take it back even further. 1,000 years ago, people were getting married in their teens. The world is a very different place now where the life expectancy has gone up and we have access to more people than ever before.

 

At 21, people are still in or just leaving college. Most people don't get married until late 20s or early 30s. You can't even rent a car until you're 25. You aren't taken off of your parent's healthcare until you're 26. So if you expect someone to settle down at 21 just to prove that they are not "immature", then it's clear your perspective is very myopic.

 

In the end, if you are going to compare the world now to when your grandfather was living, you are a ****ing fool and I cannot take you seriously. The world is much more complex, has lots more red tape, and is less "idyllic" than the world he was growing up in.

 

I'm done with this thread. There's little to discuss here now.

 

Take the last word.

 

I know you will.

[EasyHeart]

If 80 years ago men were mature enough to have families at 21, own businesses and own a home, then the men of today can do it too. The fact is that there is a lot more immaturity breed in our culture today then there use to be. There is also a huge lack of accountability for men and women alike. But don't sit there and say that men simply date younger women because they are just these poor little immature things that need a young women to balance them out. It is uterly ridiculous that the world has to wait for a man tobe in his 30s before he's considered mature enough to deal with life. And it's utter bull****. Because plenty of men back in the day were fully able to embody mature qualities that the men of today are saying just aren't natural to them. Bull crap.

Two big differences:

 

(a) Prior to 30-40 years ago, a man could graduate high school and get a job that would support a family. Now, that's very hard to do. Most men need to get an education before they can even begin to think of raising a family.

 

(b) Also, sex was far less readily available to men. If a man wanted to get some, he had to prove to a woman that he was willing to make a commitment and had the financial means to support her. Men -- especially in their 20s -- are driven almost completely by a desire for sex. If we have to work for it, we will, but we'll only work as hard as we need to. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" and so on. Nowadays, the milk is not only free, the cows are chasing men down and stuffing their udders in the men's mouths. There's very little incentive for men to get involved in a serious relationship unless and until he wants children.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

I don't FEEL that old nor do I really think I am that old. A part of me (and not just that part!) believes that all women think of me as around their age even when they are young enough to be my daughter.

 

 

There is something to this, but I (humbly) suggest that it really isn't you "thinking they think..." of you as 'around their age'.

 

It is more, something akin to a courtesy/respect when you/WE stop and let ourselves (what usually amounts to taking the time needed for pondering their outlook on life, from that age when interacting).

 

Now I do not mean the tales in which we grope their asses (because they're young and hot?), or some such thing. Instead I mean to merely contrast US from the old people who earn and garner the rap that says we "talk down" to young people, and/or don't respect them, etc.

 

In the same way that caused somebody to once coin the phrase: "Everybody's white on the internet" ... there is something to the will had by most to interact with others online (usually adults) on a peer-like level, regardless of age differences.

 

 

And I'm sure that LoveShack contributes-to/enhances that.

 

 

Strangely, and largely because of the internet, the whole social society is evolving toward a distant place where age differences will be far less significant than they are today.

[Sugarless]

Some even consider it mildly insulting and might play along with the man in teh moment to not hurt his feelings but aren't exactly thinking the kindest thing about him. I've seen this situation time and time again. Especially in restaurants and bars. Old coot thinks he is a big stud and flirts with the young women around him. He walks away the the girls roll their eyes or make some other comment or say "he's harmless". But they are not very entertained or pleased. He walks away like stuffed peacock believing he is still a stud because the women are too nice to want to hurt his feelings. And the women is left to deal with his immaturity and sexism about his age vs hers.

This

 

It's one thing to get hit on by older man often and disliking it, it's another thing not saying anything because you try to be nice.

 

You can't blame others for your inaction, holding in your anger just to "be nice"... ?

 

If you don't like something say it, as clear as possible. You can blame them for hitting on you but you can't expect it to just stop like then when you dont make it clear. I know that it won't stop them from flirting with you, however not doing anything is no good.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

women are suppose to be so perfectly formed when they are young

 

 

 

Isn't that the crux of this entire thread???

[hotpotato]

Two big differences:

 

(a) Prior to 30-40 years ago, a man could graduate high school and get a job that would support a family. Now, that's very hard to do. Most men need to get an education before they can even begin to think of raising a family.

 

(b) Also, sex was far less readily available to men. If a man wanted to get some, he had to prove to a woman that he was willing to make a commitment and had the financial means to support her. Men -- especially in their 20s -- are driven almost completely by a desire for sex. If we have to work for it, we will, but we'll only work as hard as we need to. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" and so on. Nowadays, the milk is not only free, the cows are chasing men down and stuffing their udders in the men's mouths. There's very little incentive for men to get involved in a serious relationship unless and until he wants children.

 

And ive said that on here before...

 

Why would you buy milk when you got the cow for free?

 

Not only do men get sex without marriage, they also get a live in partner. She wants marriage, but really at this point he gains nothing. Im old school, so this cow aint free (oooh that came out bad! Lol)

 

That part I can agree with.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

Why does it appear to be socially acceptable, at least on this thread, for a woman to want a man 10 - 15 years younger than her, but than a man, me, has dinner (no romance at all, not going to date her) with a woman who is 29 and I have issues?

 

 

 

That's mere supply and demand. A woman need merely open up shop, and the applicants will come a'runnin' from all categories. Because the supply and demand data are in her favor, she has the means through which to be more selective.

 

Not only that, but in a purely statistical sense, she needs some criteria by which to narrow the traffic, merely to be able to keep up with all of the paper work. (So she gets to make something of a choice that way along the lines of something you don't get)( though, admittedly, Clint Eastwood probably does...)

 

 

 

Were it your custom to place a personals ad and draw 274 responses, you would then be free to limit your replies only to women wearing green in their photos, who don't have pets, and whose garbage is put out on Mondays and Wednesdays. You'd have to start somewhere, and age is a common criteria that way.

[thefooloftheyear]

And ive said that on here before...

 

Why would you buy milk when you got the cow for free?

 

Not only do men get sex without marriage, they also get a live in partner. She wants marriage, but really at this point he gains nothing. Im old school, so this cow aint free (oooh that came out bad! Lol)

 

That part I can agree with.

 

Ohhhh....nooooooo!!!:laugh:

 

 

TFY

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Okay. How about we just say what you alot of you guys reall ywant to be true anyway? "Men are fabulous no matter how they treat women. It's great when men consider their value and worth greater then women's to the extent that even at 70, they are hitting on 20 year olds. I hope more men dumb their old and aging wives and gfs because men deserve nothing but the youngest, hottest pieces of ass. It's great how much pressure and value men place on wome nfor their looks and age. Men are so fabulous and wonderful and kind when they flirt, chase after, oggle women half their age." Is that what you want? Feel better?

 

 

ROFL - you could put no more than THAT paragraph, and nothing else, on a personals ad with no photo, and draw scores and scores of responses, provided you checked "female" in the gender box when designing the ad.

 

 

This more than offsets that about which you are grumbling.

[hotpotato]

Ohhhh....nooooooo!!!:laugh:

 

 

TFY

 

It sounded good in my head

[SincereOnlineGuy]

After amusing my way through this thread, it suddenly dawns on me that there must be a reason why there are so many old men in porn, and so relatively few old ladies.

 

So perhaps while the younger generations can attribute their fixation on anal sex to what they saw in porn... maybe our generation's (once-)new thing was old guys boffing young adult women.

 

ROFL

[RedRobin]

Often I believe that the agism men pit women up against to is really insecurities men feel about their own aging process.

 

Of course it is.....

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Because women are discounted in ways men are not in our society. Its not even a big compliment to those young women who keep getting old men peddled off on them. And who are just as much being exploited for their age as older women are for being discounted for her. And when they are cast off for the next new set of girls, they will only then experience how men truly feel about women. Some may believe I am 'over dramatizing" but I really am not.

 

 

You are NOT off the mark with this at all... and during the relatively short lifespan of the internet, I can think of some of online porn's early amateur headliner hotties who have since vanished from the face of the internet.

 

However, I don't know that it reflects the all-inclusive: "how men truly feel about women".

 

Instead it may be a function of what sells.

 

 

I recall once reading about an adult arcade wherein women of color screamed 'racism!' when they were not given the same amount of time in a more lucrative corner of their (legal) business as were their white counterparts. And in that case it all boiled down to who brought in the most business in that role, and wasn't a suggestion of one race being somehow better than another.

 

 

I wish I could fairly and comfortably word a question relating to just how your strong-line stance in so many related subjects is benefitting you in the here and now.

 

In some ways it gives off a vibe of not being comfortable in the spot you're in (no matter what/where that is), and that trait definitely keeps the most healthy humans at arm's length.

 

 

I mean, were a random woman to appear out of nowhere and (demand of me socially) to describe and explain any actions I've ever taken, in relation to women, I could do so and not feel wrong or regretful, yet I can recognize some valid points in your stance (and some of my going along with a big, male crowd, in terms of, say, my appreciation for porn, etc.).

 

While I can certainly see and analyze data sets far bigger than I, and while I can recognize trends unfavorable toward women, at the end, we're all individuals, and I would suspect that too much grouping us together harms you, internally, more than it will ever harm the entire male subset of society or any individual within that subset.

 

So, I guess I want to say, what do you gain from the strong stances??

[Babolat]

Is your 29 year old the one with the BF??

 

Why is it wrong? Read below. Because it isn't JUST one guy. The OP is complaining because it isn't just ONE guy. Why should women walk around holding up signs saying stay the f*ck away?? From men old enough to be her grandfather. No. He's the perv. It's on him. Not her.

 

It's the whole lot of you who think you are entitled... who (in your mind) have convinced yourselves you are so fabulous and 'deserve' this somehow. Just like I said.

 

... and just like I said... to someone who has seen alot in her life... it comes across as sad and pathetic. Ridiculous even.

 

Get over yourself already.

 

Putting me in a bucket again. I do not feel entitled because a 29 year old woman invited me out, not at all. In fact I had no idea she was 29 until she told me. I am not going to stop at that point and say "No way, RedRobin says it's wrong for me to enjoy your company",

 

I think the OP needs to look at herself and figure out what she is putting out there if she is getting all of this attention from elderly men. And again, why judge the man..he can do whatever he wants, right? It's the message she sends back that tells him to keep going or not.

 

She has admitted SHE continued with him, that was her choice. Then, to complain about it, really?

[hotpotato]

Putting me in a bucket again. I do not feel entitled because a 29 year old woman invited me out, not at all. In fact I had no idea she was 29 until she told me. I am not going to stop at that point and say "No way, RedRobin says it's wrong for me to enjoy your company",

 

I think the OP needs to look at herself and figure out what she is putting out there if she is getting all of this attention from elderly men. And again, why judge the man..he can do whatever he wants, right? It's the message she sends back that tells him to keep going or not.

 

She has admitted SHE continued with him, that was her choice. Then, to complain about it, really?

 

So if im nice to a man, he should automatically think I want to have sex with him? This is an issue with men in general. Anytime a remotely attractive female is nice to him it means she wants more. Everytime I have tried to be a mans friend, this is what happens.

 

I dont put out any signals. In fact, ive become a big time mean mugger lol.

Recently I have had guys my age hit on me. I guess more and more guys are liking my Kristen Stewart angry face.

 

I think older guys are braver than younger ones. Usually I have to OLD because otherwise no guy even close to my age wi hit on me.

[RedRobin]

So if im nice to a man, he should automatically think I want to have sex with him? This is an issue with men in general. Anytime a remotely attractive female is nice to him it means she wants more. Everytime I have tried to be a mans friend, this is what happens.

 

I dont put out any signals. In fact, ive become a big time mean mugger lol.

Recently I have had guys my age hit on me. I guess more and more guys are liking my Kristen Stewart angry face.

 

I think older guys are braver than younger ones. Usually I have to OLD because otherwise no guy even close to my age wi hit on me.

 

Exactly. I'm sick of women being blamed for men's shytty behavior.

 

oh, then when you do tell them to properly go f*ck themselves, they call you names for that too.

 

Whatever. I think alot of men must either be genetically incapable of empathy or society is royally screwed up... or both.

[RedRobin]

Putting me in a bucket again. I do not feel entitled because a 29 year old woman invited me out, not at all. In fact I had no idea she was 29 until she told me. I am not going to stop at that point and say "No way, RedRobin says it's wrong for me to enjoy your company",

 

I think the OP needs to look at herself and figure out what she is putting out there if she is getting all of this attention from elderly men. And again, why judge the man..he can do whatever he wants, right? It's the message she sends back that tells him to keep going or not.

 

She has admitted SHE continued with him, that was her choice. Then, to complain about it, really?

 

You have a choice. You could have said, oh, pardon me... I thought you were closer to my age.

 

Even then, you still come here and do the little whoop whoop dance that some 29 yr old is giving you the time of day... as if that shows anything positive about you.

 

If you are going to mess around with (relative) little girls, maybe keep it to yourself... especially when those girls have BFs...

 

Question.... if she were 39 or *gasp* 49, would you give a woman who has a BF the time of day? Answer. No. The only reason you are overlooking her behavior is because she is 29 and that makes you feel like a stud. Maybe you even like being 'that guy' who messes up other people's relationships.... eh??

 

... and I'm telling you, it makes you look like a man with seriously poor judgement, who can't manage his aging process, and well, rather desperate.

 

... oh and on the last part. She hasn't 'continued' anything. Her acting in a manner that equates to basic civility isn't an invitation for this man's behavior... anymore than my basic civility to Mr. Sexy Talk got me stalked.

 

We all know very well that the stupid PUA lit and general sentiment out there dictates that women can and should be hit on blatantly by random strangers whenever it suits them. And our good breeding dictates we (as women) don't treat them with the same casual disrespect they treat us with.

 

I dunno Bab. I happen to believe that men ought to be educating other men on how to behave. It shouldn't be up to women all of the time. Although, based on the outcome of this thread, I won't be holding my breath on that. You guys think its all fun and cool and her fault.