Getting hit on by elderly men

[Keenly]

It's depressing, having a man close to 60 tell me that I sound perfect, and having men my own age ignore me, because I'm the same age as they are. My sister's husband hit on me, too - it felt like her was trying to take advantage, and assumed that my being single meant I was desperate.

 

There are a couple of men that I might not say "no" to here, because of their attitude: they aren't prizing women based on the amount of collagen they produce. Ideally, though, I would want someone my age. Shame that some men aren't strong enough to deal with the fact they *they* are getting older, too.

 

Yesterday, I said elsewhere, that the main thing making me feel old - at the grand age of 38 - is men my own age. That, on top of men twenty years older, who keep hitting on me.

 

So why don't you hit on some men your age ?

[Anela]

So why don't you hit on some men your age ?

 

Why do you assume that I haven't?

 

They mostly "prefer someone younger."

[hotpotato]

In the early 20th century average life expectancy was 49. Read up on it.

 

You also can't use your parents and grandparents marriages and try to apply them to modern day standards. Those days are over.

 

Also GIGS is grass is greener syndrome where many people who are in seemingly happy situations all of a sudden want to experience the other side. If they are married they want to be single and free and experience dating other people. Extremely common in people who settle down young.

 

Definitely havent seen that around me.

 

A lot of people died as children, if you could make it past 5 you were set.

 

I do understand things are different now much of it because of no fault divorce.

[Babolat]

She hasn't met with him. Expecting her to do double back handsprings to avoid a person who shouldn't be hitting on her in the first place is unreasonable.

 

... and yes, I do judge the character of men who chase/date/marry much younger women. You will be too, if you make a habit out of it, should you choose to date women closer to your own age. Although, I don't get the sense you will. I get the sense you will keep women your own age around for fun and emotional support while you continue to ply your wares with women like that 29 year old. That's fine. As long as the women your own age don't invest too much in you.

 

and the end clause... well, not sure what you are selling but you are definately selling something. Your original post was trying to sell the idea that a 29 year old found you attractive (or so you believe). Now you are claiming it's not a date. You are just enjoying her company. uh huh.

 

And you won't deny this 29 year old is the very same 29 year old you've been hovering/orbiting/buzzarding for months.

 

Sorry. Seen it my friend. And I'll say it again. You think you are unique in this behavior.

 

Just like this 70 year old guy has it in his head that HE is unique and should be considered an exception to the OP... as long as he can weasel her into some kind of attachment... however skeevy.

 

It was not until after my last post that she better defined what "meet" meant, so I do agree with you there.

 

Really, she should not go full NC if this man does not leave her alone? Though they never "dated", full NC seems appropriate (and yes, I know I am stretching what full NC is here) here if she does not welcome his advances. Part of full NC is to avoid seeing each other in the same places you use to, if I recall correctly. Break off ALL contact. Heck, she even said "this will be fun" a bit ago. Really? Fun? Come on...open your eyes to the OP here; she knows what she is doing.

 

There is one woman "my own age" in my life now who is a good friend. The two others started hinting a wanting more than a friendship so I stopped spending time with them. Makes me a bad guy, huh? I did not ant them to invest their time in me so I ended thing.

 

I hang out with a 28 year old a few times, then have dinner with a 29 year old, and I am now suddenly seeking younger woman?

 

This 70 year old guy thinks he is unique? Doubtful, he flirted, she did not stop him, he continued, she did not stop him, in fact now "it will be fun per the OP.

 

Aren't you the one who joined OKCupid "just for friends" yet you post here about wanting a relationship? Mixed messages? Eh?

 

I DO appreciate your assessment of me, and I DO listen. I just think you are off this time.

 

Lets agree to disagree, and I will let others play on this post.

 

To the OP, please don't make this "just for fun". Tell the man CLEARY to leave you alone.

[Keenly]

Why do you assume that I haven't?

 

They mostly "prefer someone younger."

 

Because you didn't mention it.

 

 

Keep in mind ladies, that men like younger women not just because of their outside, but they still have the inner youth about them. They are full of life, laughter, and they aren't bitter and ruined by the world yet. So its not a " disgusting pig " thing.

 

 

I'd imagine your biggest.obstacle is that a lot of men are taken by your age.

[RedRobin]

So why don't you hit on some men your age ?

 

I do.

 

Most of them at some point say "you are so much hotter than that 20 something I used to date" or "you have the body of a 20 year old cheerleader" or they can't shut up about this or that 20-something who they think hit on them or their friends/colleagues who have much younger girlfriends. So you can imagine my surprise when they get pissed when I dump them.

 

I'm really tempted to say "Thanks! You are so much dumber than the 20 something I dated. I like that in a man" or "you have the body of an aging football player. Keep it up!" or yammer on about the millionaires and powerful men I've dated then say "That's ok. I like you for your personality."

 

:rolleyes:

[Babolat]

So why don't you hit on some men your age ?

 

Or 20 yerars younger, at that is acceptable from the female comments on this thread.

[hotpotato]

What the heck is/are GIGS? I Googled it and did not find an answer.

 

RR, I have no issues with personal values, we all have our own, we mostly learned them early on in childhood, and, in my opinion, we continue to review them as we age and mature and move thru life experiences.

 

Having spent a lot of time on LS reading the cheating stories (which I think are disgusting) and having met a lot of women who were cheated on, I am scared to death to get into another LTR because of cheating. I am having serious trust issues right now, and perhaps that is why I am working on friendships with woman versus a LTR.

 

The issue I have with your comments in this post is making judgements about ALL men, and, in a way, forcing your values onto men. A 70 year old man has as much a right to act and behave the way he choses, as does a 70 year old woman. I have been "hit on", flirted with if you will, by many a grandmom, and I took it as a complment, laughed it off, and moved on. I did not judge her for her comments. Heck, it happened in church one day with my dad and his wife. One of their elderly friends sat next to me, obviously flirted with me, and I later discovered her husband was one of the priests!

 

I had no issues with it. She got her "kicks" from it, I was flattered, no foul, no harm done. Who knows, it could have led to her introducing me to her daughter, another female family member....I did not throw her into a bucket with ALL women.

He wasnt trying to introduce me to anyone. He was trying to get me in his house and in bed even despite having a gf.

[hotpotato]

It was not until after my last post that she better defined what "meet" meant, so I do agree with you there.

 

Really, she should not go full NC if this man does not leave her alone? Though they never "dated", full NC seems appropriate (and yes, I know I am stretching what full NC is here) here if she does not welcome his advances. Part of full NC is to avoid seeing each other in the same places you use to, if I recall correctly. Break off ALL contact. Heck, she even said "this will be fun" a bit ago. Really? Fun? Come on...open your eyes to the OP here; she knows what she is doing.

 

There is one woman "my own age" in my life now who is a good friend. The two others started hinting a wanting more than a friendship so I stopped spending time with them. Makes me a bad guy, huh? I did not ant them to invest their time in me so I ended thing.

 

I hang out with a 28 year old a few times, then have dinner with a 29 year old, and I am now suddenly seeking younger woman?

 

This 70 year old guy thinks he is unique? Doubtful, he flirted, she did not stop him, he continued, she did not stop him, in fact now "it will be fun per the OP.

 

Aren't you the one who joined OKCupid "just for friends" yet you post here about wanting a relationship? Mixed messages? Eh?

 

I DO appreciate your assessment of me, and I DO listen. I just think you are off this time.

 

Lets agree to disagree, and I will let others play on this post.

 

To the OP, please don't make this "just for fun". Tell the man CLEARY to leave you alone.

This will be fun=sarcasm

[Keenly]

I do.

 

Most of them at some point say "you are so much hotter than that 20 something I used to date" or "you have the body of a 20 year old cheerleader" or they can't shut up about this or that 20-something who they think hit on them or their friends/colleagues who have much younger girlfriends. So you can imagine my surprise when they get pissed when I dump them.

 

I'm really tempted to say "Thanks! You are so much dumber than the 20 something I dated. I like that in a man" or "you have the body of an aging football player. Keep it up!" or yammer on about the millionaires and powerful men I've dated then say "That's ok. I like you for your personality."

 

:rolleyes:

 

 

So..... you don't date men your age because.... they Like you....

 

 

Honestly you sound like the single most impossible to please human being, not just woman, but person, I've ever seen.

 

 

Have you ever loosened up and attempted to look past something in order to make dating some one work ? If you'd really dump some one for them calling you attractive.... I mean come on.

[Babolat]

I do.

 

Most of them at some point say "you are so much hotter than that 20 something I used to date" or "you have the body of a 20 year old cheerleader" or they can't shut up about this or that 20-something who they think hit on them or their friends/colleagues who have much younger girlfriends. So you can imagine my surprise when they get pissed when I dump them.

 

I'm really tempted to say "Thanks! You are so much dumber than the 20 something I dated. I like that in a man" or "you have the body of an aging football player. Keep it up!" or yammer on about the millionaires and powerful men I've dated then say "That's ok. I like you for your personality."

 

:rolleyes:

 

You make me laugh RR, who is doing a "whoop whoop dance " now....

[Babolat]

So..... you don't date men your age because.... they Like you....

 

 

Honestly you sound like the single most impossible to please human being, not just woman, but person, I've ever seen.

 

 

Have you ever loosened up and attempted to look past something in order to make dating some one work ? If you'd really dump some one for them calling you attractive.... I mean come on.

 

Well said, if she spent as much time as she did on here trying to tell us how ALL men are the way they are, we all suck pretty much, as she did investing time in a LTR, well, she might not be here. Jus sayin'.....

[GorillaTheater]

Well said, if she spent as much time as she did on here trying to tell us how ALL men are the way they are, we all suck pretty much, as she did investing time in a LTR, well, she might not be here. Jus sayin'.....

 

Mde. Chaucer and I have had a similar conversation before. It's women like RR and DY who help me empathise with her frustration with the misogynistic tools on LS.

[RedRobin]

Aren't you the one who joined OKCupid "just for friends" yet you post here about wanting a relationship? Mixed messages? Eh?

 

I am looking for a relationship... just not with anyone I meet online.

 

The people I've met on OkC, we don't talk about sexual things or even personal things. I went kayaking last night with a guy. It was fun. He gave me crap about paddling too slow. He wants to do an urban version of the Warrior Dash race next. Sounds like fun.

 

The other guy I've met there... we talked about atmospheric science, fluid dynamics, Von Karman vortices... how abundance of plant life changes the surface roughness of the earth and flow characteristics. He's sent me some music to check out on my flute too.

 

Both seem pretty innocent to me.

 

They are single. Which means they have time do do things I'm interested in.

 

I suppose there is a possibility that one of them may lead to something more, but that would be a very distant chance.

[RedRobin]

So..... you don't date men your age because.... they Like you....

 

 

Honestly you sound like the single most impossible to please human being, not just woman, but person, I've ever seen.

 

 

Have you ever loosened up and attempted to look past something in order to make dating some one work ? If you'd really dump some one for them calling you attractive.... I mean come on.

 

If their 'liking' me is only in comparison to someone else and they feel the need to make me aware of that, then yea. I'll pass.

 

I don't compare them to men I've met and dated. I expect the same in return.

 

It's not rocket science.

 

Explain to me what I'm supposed to look past? According to LS, I'm supposed to look past promiscuous behavior in men.... I'm supposed to look past his taste in much younger women... I'm also supposed to look past addiction history and other assorted poor behaviors I don't share. I'm supposed to look past the fact he might be much older than me and will likely die long before me. If they have kids, I'm supposed to look past the fact that I will be dead last in their priority list.

 

I mean... when I look at the list of all the things I'm supposed to look past, I'd argue that having a 'relationship' with something that passes as a 'man' (or at least the typical single man) these days doesn't seem all that appealing, TBH.

 

There are plenty of things I'd 'look past' if I'm not interested in a relationship. For instance, I'm not asking these other two guys I just mentioned above anything about their lives. I imagine that I could look past lots of things if all I cared about was having sex and having fun. Which is pretty much what most people mean when they talk about 'dating'.

 

Fine. I can do that. Not give a shyte. Have done that before.

 

Anyway, this thread isn't about me. It's about the OP.

Edited September 20, 2013 by RedRobin

[Keenly]

If their 'liking' me is only in comparison to someone else and they feel the need to make me aware of that, then yea. I'll pass.

 

I don't compare them to men I've met and dated. I expect the same in return.

 

It's not rocket science.

 

Explain to me what I'm supposed to look past? According to LS, I'm supposed to look past promiscuous behavior in men.... I'm supposed to look past his taste in much younger women... I'm also supposed to look past addiction history and other assorted poor behaviors I don't share. I'm supposed to look past the fact he might be much older than me and will likely die long before me.

 

I mean... when I look at the list of all the things I'm supposed to look past, I'd argue that having a 'relationship' with something that passes as a 'man' (or at least the typical single man) these days doesn't seem all that appealing, TBH.

 

What you are supposed to look past is your desire and obsession for perfection.

 

You expect men to have not made all of these choices, (what you would call mistakes) When I know for a fact that you yourself are not a perfect human being who has not made their fair share of mistakes in the past (EVERYONE has, don't even deny it).

 

Men being promiscuous? Once again, arguing against biology. You have no idea what it feels like to be an 18-29 year old guy, wanting to have sex all the time. You expect them to just suppress their base desires and instincts, and for what? You expect them to behave how YOU want them to.

 

The younger women thing, once again, completely biological. Just because society came along and has been around for 1/1000th of the human races existence, you expect all men to suppress what has been evolved into their subconscious for millennia.

 

 

Addiction history? What if the guy is 45, and when he was 21 he became addicted to something for 2 years, and then got clean, and hasn't touched the stuff since. You are going to completely disregard him and stick your nose in the air because of something he was able to overcome 20 years ago?

 

 

All I can say to you ma'am is good luck finding a walking statue of david, because if sheer perfection is what you are searching for, you will not find it on planet earth.

[RedRobin]

What you are supposed to look past is your desire and obsession for perfection.

 

You expect men to have not made all of these choices, (what you would call mistakes) When I know for a fact that you yourself are not a perfect human being who has not made their fair share of mistakes in the past (EVERYONE has, don't even deny it).

 

Men being promiscuous? Once again, arguing against biology. You have no idea what it feels like to be an 18-29 year old guy, wanting to have sex all the time. You expect them to just suppress their base desires and instincts, and for what? You expect them to behave how YOU want them to.

 

The younger women thing, once again, completely biological. Just because society came along and has been around for 1/1000th of the human races existence, you expect all men to suppress what has been evolved into their subconscious for millennia.

 

 

Addiction history? What if the guy is 45, and when he was 21 he became addicted to something for 2 years, and then got clean, and hasn't touched the stuff since. You are going to completely disregard him and stick your nose in the air because of something he was able to overcome 20 years ago?

 

 

All I can say to you ma'am is good luck finding a walking statue of david, because if sheer perfection is what you are searching for, you will not find it on planet earth.

 

And we are back to where we started on this thread... men don't bear any responsibility for their choices. It's all biology...

 

... and it is up to women to 'look past' all of men's poor choices and poor behavior.

 

waaaaa!!!! Shall I call the whaambulance??

 

Start owning your life and choices for chrissakes. Starting today.

[Anela]

Because you didn't mention it.

 

 

Keep in mind ladies, that men like younger women not just because of their outside, but they still have the inner youth about them. They are full of life, laughter, and they aren't bitter and ruined by the world yet. So its not a " disgusting pig " thing.

 

 

I'd imagine your biggest.obstacle is that a lot of men are taken by your age.

 

The only time I have expressed bitterness, is when I've been continually reminded that I'm too old for men my own age, or even those five years older - those who prefer to flirt with twenty-five year olds.

 

Keep in mind, gentlemen, that women tend to appreciate men who are well-adjusted, men who like women (not just for their ages), who aren't bitter and twisted, and looking for payback against women they assume would have rejected them before they had a heftier pay cheque. It IS a "disgusting pig" thing, when everything about me is acceptable except for my age. I might not quite be pretty enough, either - it doesn't matter if they aren't a male model, they have to have someone just that much prettier. And when I was thirten/fourteen/fifteen, I had men older than my father leering at me. That's just gross.

 

I'm not saying that ALL men are awful pigs, just a disturbing number of them are.

[Keenly]

And we are back to where we started on this thread... men don't bear any responsibility for their choices. It's all biology...

 

... and it is up to women to 'look past' all of men's poor choices and poor behavior.

 

waaaaa!!!! Shall I call the whaambulance??

 

Start owning your life and choices for chrissakes. Starting today.

 

 

A little hypocritical, to tell people making life choices that you don't agree with to own their decisions, and then blame men for your high standards.

 

When did I take responsibility off of men exactly? People are entitled to do as they see fit in their pursuit of happiness. People don't need to conform to what you want, because its not about other people, its about us. The only person losing in this situation is you, but you do not seem to understand that.

 

By the way, you are the only person crying in this thread about how men don't make the choices that you insist that they make.

[Anela]

 

I'd imagine your biggest.obstacle is that a lot of men are taken by your age.

 

I missed this bit before. Thanks, but unfortunately, I don't think that's the case. There are plenty of men my age out there, who are just looking for the perfect younger woman. I don't know what they plan to do when she gets older, unless they're just happy with the fact that she'll always be that much younger than they are.

 

They aren't all looking for children, either, although I don't appreciate that about some of them: "I'll sow my wild oats until I'm old, then I'll look down upon those women who also wanted their freedom, or just happen to be my age, and look for someone young enough to reproduce - but she can't have slept around!"

[RedRobin]

A little hypocritical, to tell people making life choices that you don't agree with to own their decisions, and then blame men for your high standards.

 

When did I take responsibility off of men exactly? People are entitled to do as they see fit in their pursuit of happiness. People don't need to conform to what you want, because its not about other people, its about us. The only person losing in this situation is you, but you do not seem to understand that.

 

By the way, you are the only person crying in this thread about how men don't make the choices that you insist that they make.

 

No. The OP started this thread because she didn't like the choices that 70 year old was making.

 

Me thinks he should know better by now.

 

However, if he's been spending his life mostly around other 'men', I get it that they all tell him it's ok, or cute, and it's up to women to deal with anyway.

 

JUST LIKE YOU ARE and so many of the other guys here. It's just another version of 'boys will be boys'. No responsibility or accountability at all.

 

Like I said... own your own life and choices. It's not up to women to 'fix' you or look past your crappy choices.

[Keenly]

The only time I have expressed bitterness, is when I've been continually reminded that I'm too old for men my own age, or even those five years older - those who prefer to flirt with twenty-five year olds.

 

Keep in mind, gentlemen, that women tend to appreciate men who are well-adjusted, men who like women (not just for their ages), who aren't bitter and twisted, and looking for payback against women they assume would have rejected them before they had a heftier pay cheque. It IS a "disgusting pig" thing, when everything about me is acceptable except for my age. I might not quite be pretty enough, either - it doesn't matter if they aren't a male model, they have to have someone just that much prettier. And when I was thirten/fourteen/fifteen, I had men older than my father leering at me. That's just gross.

 

I'm not saying that ALL men are awful pigs, just a disturbing number of them are.

 

So then you admit that its a personal jealousy issue between you and the women getting the attention?

 

Keep in mind women, that men who are well adjusted, can like women (not just for their ages) who aren't bitter and twisted, and who aren't looking to hurt women just because they have been hurt, can still choose to date a woman younger than they are. I know this might BLOW YOUR MIND but there are normal, kind, gentlemanly, sweet guys who find younger girls they connect with on a mental and emotional level that they then choose to date and then marry.

 

You can't have it both ways, you can not insist that the ONLY reason a man would date younger is because he is looking for a hot piece of tail, that's actually ridiculous.

 

Every time I see women complain about this thing its very obvious where it comes from, and its a jealousy issue. The women look around and see the men their age going after younger women and they get mad about it, so they put down the men AND the women because they are mad. If you really want to talk about accepting responsibility for your situation, look no further than inward, because you are blaming men and young women for you being single, when in reality, there is only one person to blame for that.

 

 

One thing I have always found hilarious about the female gender is how they scoff at men, regardless of age, hitting on them. They turn their noses up in the air, berate these men to their friends, complain about old guys, or too young guys, or creepy guys, or thuggish guys. But the second they stop getting that kind of attention, they genuinely feel sad that its not longer coming.

[Keenly]

 

Like I said... own your own life and choices. It's not up to women to 'fix' you or look past your crappy choices.

 

 

I don't know how you can possibly think that I have anything I need to own. I'm not old. None of this even applies to me, I'm just tired of the whining.

 

I own everything about myself, and all of my choices. I don't need any kind of fixing at all. But if a woman is unable to look past the mistakes of anyones past, who needs her? She is the kind of woman who will dig stuff up from your past to throw it in your face in an argument because she just can't let the past go.

 

You are talking to me like I need to "take responsibility" for hitting on young women, when I AM young, soooooooooo what exactly do I need to take responsibility for?

 

I posted here because what I said about women and getting attention is true, no one has even tried to argue that. If you have trouble looking past another's past mistakes, that's on YOU, I don't understand how it's men's fault that you are single. Oh, that's right... It isn't.

[gaius]

Mde. Chaucer and I have had a similar conversation before. It's women like RR and DY who help me empathise with her frustration with the misogynistic tools on LS.

I don't sense a hatred of men from either of them when they speak. But each to their own I guess. It's funny, I could tell a lot about Disenchantedly before I met her in person from the way she talks. But everyone else seems to misinterpret and think she's talking about them and end up getting all offended. Narcissists.

[hppr]

And when I was thirten/fourteen/fifteen, I had men older than my father leering at me. That's just gross.

 

Guys have to look we are wired that way. If a girl has a certain breast/waist/hip ratio I am going to look it is that simple.

 

Also I only know of one guy who is middle aged and going for the 'hot young things' and he's the typical bought-a-Harley-at-50 guy. The rest of the 40-50 year old guys I know who are single are divorced, have their kids part of the time and want a woman who is of a similar age and in a similar place in life. So really you must just be picking out guys who are shallow or misreading them thinking the guy who just wants a fling is really after a relationship.