Breakup from awhile back

[Ace]

Hello,

 

My name is Adam and I am 20 and am in college with my "ex" girlfriend who is 21. Just to make things short, she broke up with me about a month ago due to some issues that she didn't think that I was going to support her enough and just some other future expectations that she didn't think I had. She is getting ready to graduate and I simply thinks that she is scared. That is a quick rundown of our situation. Anyway, after we broke up, I was just really heartbroken because we have been going out for 4 years.

 

I have gotten the vibe from her that she still loves me, but she has not called or anything. She is a really stubborn girl and I think that she just won't do it. I have emailed her and talked to her and we are friendly to each other but that is about it. I have been hoping that we get back together for a long time now and this hope is killing me. I want to make for sure if she will get back with me or not in the next few months. I have a plan of giving her a note and a gift to sorta say goodbye, but also at the same time a gift to sorta remind her of the good times and get her to maybe come back. What do you guys think of the idea and is there anything else that you think I should try?

 

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[Ace]

I am sorry but this if from about a month ago and I just wanted to get it to the top again so that you guys could maybe look over the situation now. This is the response that I gave to the original also. If you want to, you can go back and check the responses that you fine people left.

 

thanks again,

 

I am sorry that I haven't checked this earlier but to tell you the truth, I have had alot of things going on and I had this bookmarked on my roomates computer because mine was out.

 

Thank you guys very much for the advice. I have done almost exactly what you said. It had been almost 3 weeks after I have given her that note. I sent her a nice christams and new year's email. She replied back with an email that said "I just thought that I would reply, I hope you had good holidays". I thought that this sounded like she didn't care and it pissed me off. I sent her back a s***ty email about it. That day she called me after almost 3 weeks of contact and sounded very apolgetic and teary eyed. I was surprised. I acted very cool and acted like it didn't bother me. I was proud of myself. I also sent her family a letter thanking them for all that they have done. She said that it made her mom cry. She told me to think that this wasn't hard on her because it is which she NEVER said anything about when I used to talk to her. She was mellowing out about the whole thing and I think was missing me. I am alone here at school and so is she. She is only a few buildings down. After we got off the phone from the nice talk that we had, I asked her to come over and watch a movie. She thought about it for awhile, but she gave me a pretty valid excuse why she couldn't come over. I believed her, but I still really can't tell for sure. All in all, she sounded like she is maybe regretting it. Not for sure though. It was definately a plus.

 

Question: School is going to start this Monday. I am only going to be alone here in the apt for one more day. Should I ask her to do something tomorrow? What should I do next? I know that is always good to just let her make the first move, but IF I was to make the first move, what do you recommend that it be??

 

Thank you guys very much about the advice and taking the time to reply. It is very much appreciated.

 

Adam

[Ace]

Also, she said while we talked that she has lost her best fiend(me) and have lost alot of other friends in the process(my friends). My friends and her really got along. I just thought of that. Maybe it will be little help.

[Tony T]

She's the one who broke up with you. It's up to her if she wants to approach you about getting back together.

 

Yes, she very well may still love you a lot but that doesn't make a lot of difference. Relationships are about a lot more than just love. The issues about which the break up occurred are apparently very important to her. I'm sure she didn't end the relationship without a lot of soul searching and due consideration.

 

You need to let some time pass. You need to back off. If I were you, I would forget giving her any gifts or doing anything even remotely romantic. That may actually piss her off. My best feeling right now is that she is trying to move on with her life, which is about to go into a much different direction than yours with her graduation.

 

When she is ready, if she becomes ready, she will approach you. Meanwhile, you shouldn't put your life on hold. You really shouldn't hold up any particular expectations about this. There are many things she could be feeling and thinking about now.

 

You are going to do whatever you want to do. But my vote is to do nothing...play her little game. There is nothing more unattractive to any woman than a lovesick wimp. If you run into her be friendly but brief and go on. If she calls, be kind but make the conversation a short one.

 

Right now, I promise you she is not in the mood for you to come back around and try to kiss her butt to get back with you. That's not where her mind is at...even though I'm sure she still loves you.

[Deejette]

All the effort has been coming from you to get back with her and she is doing nothing to show you that she has the same intentions. I know this is hard for you to hear, but you need to accept her decision. You have to give her the respect that she knew what she was doing when she broke up with you.

 

No amount of gifts, e-mails, or phone calls will change that decision just because you want them to. This is hard to accept, because you don't want to think that you did not do everything you could to bring it back together again. But if she wants to come back to you, she knows your number and can get hold of you very easily.

 

Don't keep torturing yourself with this and understand that sometimes the only thing we can do is let go.

She's the one who broke up with you. It's up to her if she wants to approach you about getting back together. Yes, she very well may still love you a lot but that doesn't make a lot of difference. Relationships are about a lot more than just love. The issues about which the break up occurred are apparently very important to her. I'm sure she didn't end the relationship without a lot of soul searching and due consideration. You need to let some time pass. You need to back off. If I were you, I would forget giving her any gifts or doing anything even remotely romantic. That may actually piss her off. My best feeling right now is that she is trying to move on with her life, which is about to go into a much different direction than yours with her graduation.

 

When she is ready, if she becomes ready, she will approach you. Meanwhile, you shouldn't put your life on hold. You really shouldn't hold up any particular expectations about this. There are many things she could be feeling and thinking about now. You are going to do whatever you want to do. But my vote is to do nothing...play her little game. There is nothing more unattractive to any woman than a lovesick wimp. If you run into her be friendly but brief and go on. If she calls, be kind but make the conversation a short one.

 

Right now, I promise you she is not in the mood for you to come back around and try to kiss her butt to get back with you. That's not where her mind is at...even though I'm sure she still loves you.

[Ace]

Thank you guys very much for the advice. I guess I am going to not do anything because it is the best thing to do. The thing was that I was doing really good and then she called me and it all went to sh**. I am now back in the Tracy mode again. That is her name by the way. I guess I am going to have to ween myself off again. It won't be as bad as the first time though. That was horrible. What do you guys think about me just asking her to go out and just do some fun stuff that has nothing to do about the relationship? I know, I know, don't do anything but I don't know if I can just sit back and do nothing. O well, you guys surely know the best thing to do. Lemme know.

 

thanks again

 

Adam

[Deejette]

You are in denial if you think you can have a fun date without the whole relationship thing cropping up. You may have to wean yourself off of her the way an alcoholic or a smoker has to quit (you can't keep saying, "Just one more!"). Be strong and understand that if it was meant to be, it will come about and you cannot force it.

Thank you guys very much for the advice. I guess I am going to not do anything because it is the best thing to do. The thing was that I was doing really good and then she called me and it all went to sh**. I am now back in the Tracy mode again. That is her name by the way. I guess I am going to have to ween myself off again. It won't be as bad as the first time though. That was horrible. What do you guys think about me just asking her to go out and just do some fun stuff that has nothing to do about the relationship? I know, I know, don't do anything but I don't know if I can just sit back and do nothing. O well, you guys surely know the best thing to do. Lemme know. thanks again Adam

[Ace]

Hey guess what guys? I just saw her at the grocery store today and we talk friendly but that was about it. It just makes me weak when I see her. I get really nervous. I still want to ask her to get back together SOOO bad, but I know that I can't. This post was more of a venting post. I just had to tell someone about it and the way that I feel. It is kinda nice to tell someone.

 

Adam