GremlinGirl Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 About a month ago I was out with a few friends and met this hot guy. I'm pretty fit myself but wouldn't say I was beautiful or anything. This guy most definately is!Well things were great that night because I was drinking and feeling pretty confident. The problem is, I'm just so intimdated by his good looks! He keeps calling me and I'll blow off any suggestions of a one-on-one date, organising to meet him when I'm out drinking with my friends. I've also turned down offers to stay over at his place, because if he ever saw me in the morning I think he'd run screaming! The bottom line is - he is out of my league and although we get along really well, I always feel self conscious around him and start wondering why the hell he is with me and not some girl who is prettier. I want to be with him and be confident in the relationship but this self-doubt is plaguing me. I feel like I have to let this one go, a pre-emptive strike to prevent myself from getting hurt later on, but my friends say that would be ridiculous. So confused. I just wish he was a bit less good looking! Any advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 always feel self conscious around him and start wondering why the hell he is with me and not some girl who is prettier Maybe because he knows that looks account for very little when it comes to compatibility. The bottom line is - he is out of my league Nonsense. No one is more "worthy" than you or any of us for that matter. Go out with the guy, get to know the man behind the good-looks - there is one there. You'll probably be surprised to find that he's just as nervous & human as you are. pre-emptive strike to prevent myself from getting hurt later on, but my friends say that would be ridiculous. Your friends are right. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 I find beautiful people sometimes can be extremely insecure. Most hot guys who are hot are self-confident and will look for an equally hot girl, others are just hot without being interested in dating a hot girl, instead they prefer someone who is witty and self-confident and compensates for their own lack in these desired features. He might like you, because you look self-confident and have a great personality. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 He sounds very interested, so I would GO for it! After you have been together for a while, you can confess your insecurities and he will explain why he finds you attractive. It's quite likely he is a throbbing ball of insecurity and self-doubt himself. Look, he can't even get a girl to call him back...he must be such a loser... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Obviously he is interested in you! Give him more credit for not being shallow.. I'm sure you're very pretty, and more than that there must be something in your personality that attracts him to want to spend more time with you... You're not just into him based on HIS looks right? So give him some credit for not being all about yours. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
creativelyobsessed Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 screw the looks department. it's fun to be hot and good-looking or maybe be with someone who is, but come on -- people are the SAME under the skin. i consider myself a very good-looking girl, but i NEVER really see my exterior when talking to another person, particularly the opposite sex. what i see is who i am inside and how i feel -- tha'ts what we all do. looks are something that will sometimes lure a person in, but if you don't click with them, it doesn't matter what the hell they look like. i don't believe in dating someone "in your league" lookswise. i have dated what my friends called "and ugly guy", he was my first love and we were together 4 years. in a blunt aesthetic sense, he was not very attractive at all -- but i didn't care at all. i fell in love with his heart. to this day guys i date see pictures of us and ask me why i was with him. this makes me VERY mad. i never once felt this guy was inferior because he wasn't a model. i also dated a model who was the most insecure freak of a loser i have ever met in my life. he was abusive and had major issues. i dated another model who was brilliant in my eyes -- and didn't see looks but personality. it can go either way... the point i am trying to make is yes, looks can intimidate because society tells us that beautiful people are lucky or better in some way. not true. how many goofy-looking actors/comedians are there that you would fall head over heels for? a lot, i think. i was intimidated a lot by a couple of the guys i have dated, but was SO surprised to find out how attractive they thought i was -- because of my goofy/wierd personality. even though i held myself in the "good looks" department, i never felt like it around them...until i REALLY got to know them. at a certain point in life you realize that certain things are worthless and meaningless -- looks being one of them. that is why you should ACT how you FEEL INSIDE -- that is the ONLY way someone will be attracted to you. another thing, good looking people are used to getting the opposite (or same) sex quite often with little having to do with proving their personality -- if you are the target of this guy, you should feel that you have the edge -- you have nothing to lose, he may have his pride to lose if you deny him. you have all of the power on this one, sweetie. go for it. he will respect the fact that you know who you are and some stupid symmetry or rock hard curvy body can't hold a candle to your heart and mind....please don't be afraid of this guy. smile and NEVER act self-conscious -- EVER. and DON'T rely on booze to make you feel comfortable. you COULD end up making a fool out of yourself, and if he notices you are drunk or drinking each time you hang out, he will know you are intimidated or just think you have a problem with booze. make sure if you make plans they are something you are comfortable doing or good at doing, whatever it is. make them on your terms, and if you have to, on a "good day" when you don't have a case of the uglies that day or are feeling fabulous about yourself. you have nothing to prove to him simply because he is attractive -- SO WHAT. by the way, it helps if when you hang out you think about him taking a crap and how bad he would smell doing it...and think of him having bad breath...and think of him having a big, hairy mole somewhere...or a crooked penis...or hemmroids (sp?)...or lice...or acne on his butt....all things that HUMANS have to deal with from time to time!! keep us posted please..and remember -- the way you act around him is what will make him like you. he already knows what you look like, so stop fixating on it!! obviously he really likes what he sees, even you aren't convinced yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Personality/character/behaviour is more persistent than looks. Thus, relations based on looks last only as long as looks do (not long at all). Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Originally posted by kooky I find beautiful people sometimes can be extremely insecure. Most hot guys who are hot are self-confident and will look for an equally hot girl, others are just hot without being interested in dating a hot girl, instead they prefer someone who is witty and self-confident and compensates for their own lack in these desired features. He might like you, because you look self-confident and have a great personality. I have found that this is true in both men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 This is the perfect example of throwing around the cliche: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!" Seriously... he thinks you're HOT & you should too It's not about conceitedness, it's about acknowledging that this HOT guy thinks you're HOT too, even if you don't understand why. Simple as that. Don't compare yourself with the other girls, it'll just drive you nuts. There'll always be someone prettier or smarter but none hold a certain combo like you! Also, I think it's quite normal for you to feel all flush with him around because he falls within your high-hotness level and lets face it, really hot boys just seem to do that Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
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