Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I didnt learn my lesson. I can't get over this obsessive crush I've got. Went to another BBQ and got leglessly drunk and we ended up having sex. Fast forward to afterwards, he can't even be bothered to get in touch to even say anything about what happened, making me feel like ****. I am **** I know that. None of us want to leave our lives I don't even like the way he is, it's like some sort of obsession. It has to completely stop. I'm up early I can't sleep I'm looking at my hubby and I feel sick. Has anyone been in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Yes. A lot of those people who have already told you what you should have done to avoid this mess yet you thought you knew better. I must admit I had wondered how long it would be before you made a post like this. Continue on this path and your husband and his wife will find out. Probably by finding the two of you having drunken sex in the marital bed whilst everybody else including the children are downstairs at a family bbq We have told you what to do Betsy if you want to end this affair. So its all up to you now. You cannot minimise this anymore. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Betsy, I'm not at all suprised to read this update - several of us predicted this was exactly how this was going to go. You asked for help to stop, you were given excellent advice but then you didn't listen to any of it. Read your previous threads - see how you're flip flopping all over the place. I'm assuming drunken legless sex meant that condoms weren't used? In my experience of affairs, I learned that you can't assume AT ALL that OM is only having sex with you. I'd be getting an appointment at the GUM clinic asap and definitely before you sleep with your husband again. I said on your last thread, this guy is a master manipulator and you've fallen for it...don't fool yourself into thinking that you're anything special to him, with a guy like this, he's always going to be looking for other women. As for him not contacting you - from his perspective there's no reason to do so yet, plus he owes you nothing. It was just sex. This isn't a romantic relationship. He just wants some fun and there's no need for him to contact you at all. Except when he's ready for some more fun with you. On the subject of contact, I thought you said you'd deleted/blocked him last time, as per the advice given here ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Calcmag has it right. Why should the MM make an effort to contact you. He gets to have sex with you already with making no effort on his part. Its all easy to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I have been following your story and as Anne1707 said, I also did not think it was really over for you. He is using you, no ifs or buts about it. I am not perfect myself, but I do know when to close the door and keep it locked. But being able to lock the door comes with self preservation, and I worry do you do not have this yet. I have been where you are feeling now, and you can either grow from it and become a better person, or allow this to drag you down into the depths of hell. I hope you choose the former. What are you going to do? Did you use protection? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 I sound like a child now but I'm scared stiff I conpketely messed up my pill last week and took it late, but then I got so drunk I forgot all about this on Sunday. And no protection. Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I sound like a child now but I'm scared stiff I conpketely messed up my pill last week and took it late, but then I got so drunk I forgot all about this on Sunday. And no protection. Please get tested, including a preg test. Once that is done, refuse all contact with this man. Easier said than done I know, especially now that your emotions are more involved than ever, but this is not going anywhere except to wreck all lives involved. Then start working on yourself. Only once you know who you are and what you are all about, will you be able to enforce correct boundaries. I am still learning myself, but I am just about there after years of work on myself. It takes time, and the sooner you start, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 No, I haven't done what you're doing. I hope you will learn to love and honor yourself. You must get willing to help yourself. What you KEEP doing puts you on a downward spiral. Implement change. Tell your husband! And stay away from bar-b-ques and alcohol!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Have you considered maybe NOT drinking? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Oh my god. No protection? We are not sixteen year old kids, the least that could be done is being responsible where birth control is concerned. I am on the pill. I was hammered. He has since said that I have no idea that he is really busy and it does not mean that he doesn't care. I gave him a mouthful ridicolous I am again but he does my head in. Told him this time to not bother speaking to me again. He replies we will always be good friends ??????? but this is not right and it's too messy.ugh I didn't reply. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I sound like a child now but I'm scared stiff I conpketely messed up my pill last week and took it late, but then I got so drunk I forgot all about this on Sunday. And no protection. You need to pull it together and get some help NOW, make an appointment to see a therapist. Sorry that my words are harsh Betsy, obviously nothing being said here makes a difference to you once you log off. If you want your life to change for the better, MAKE the changes. Just do it, even if it's hard as heck to do. You're an adult and it's time to 1)STOP drinking because you are making really bad choices that will have long lasting consquences. See your Dr and get a pregnancy and STD test done. And, though you'll hate to read this part, it's something you need to do. Come clean with your husband. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I am on the pill. I was hammered. He has since said that I have no idea that he is really busy and it does not mean that he doesn't care. I gave him a mouthful ridicolous I am again but he does my head in. Told him this time to not bother speaking to me again. He replies we will always be good friends ??????? but this is not right and it's too messy.ugh I didn't reply. Pill isn't going to protect you from STI's. So you gave him a mouthful? That means you contacted him? Chasing him in this situation means you're giving up any dignity you had to this guy. I can't believe you told him - again - to not speak to you again. You told him that a couple of weeks ago and then rewarded his bad behaviour by sleeping with him ! He's using you Betsy. Don't get me wrong - I don't automatically say that about all affairs, because a lot of the time I believe there is genuine care, affection, even love between the two partners. But in this case he is using you for fun. And you're prepared to lose your marriage and devastate your husband just to be this guy's plaything.... As for his 'explanation', nobody is so busy that they can't make some sort of contact nowadays. 'busy' is an excuse for 'you're not important enough'. He's going to do the bare minimum now to keep you on the hook. Look how well he's played you so far. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Pill isn't going to protect you from STI's. So you gave him a mouthful? That means you contacted him? Chasing him in this situation means you're giving up any dignity you had to this guy. I can't believe you told him - again - to not speak to you again. You told him that a couple of weeks ago and then rewarded his bad behaviour by sleeping with him ! He's using you Betsy. Don't get me wrong - I don't automatically say that about all affairs, because a lot of the time I believe there is genuine care, affection, even love between the two partners. But in this case he is using you for fun. And you're prepared to lose your marriage and devastate your husband just to be this guy's plaything.... As for his 'explanation', nobody is so busy that they can't make some sort of contact nowadays. 'busy' is an excuse for 'you're not important enough'. He's going to do the bare minimum now to keep you on the hook. Look how well he's played you so far. No he contacted me. To which I told him what you've just said and a lot of horrible stuff , that the busy is an excuse. He just doesn't care. I'm just gutted I got so drunk and did thisbecause I was going up to bed he said come back for a chat ( everybody had fallen asleep) and I'm gutted I did. Why do this to someone you know really likes you? Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm sorry but I refuse to see him as the bad guy in this situation. You refuse to take responsibility and the truth is if he called you being all sweet you two would be back in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 I just want to know why he won't leave this alone when it is nothing to him. He doesn't cheat on his wife with others I don't believe that, no reason for him to lie about that one and they've been together years. I'd done the NC and we had decided to leave it be after the kiss but he started it agen and then doesn't want to speak to me after. Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Because you gave him sex, he doesn't have to talk to you often and you won't tell his wife. This is not some great love story. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Because you gave him sex, he doesn't have to talk to you often and you won't tell his wife. This is not some great love story. But he bloody does. Talk to me often. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Why do this to someone you know really likes you? Come on Betsy. You should be able to answer this one. After all, why do you do this to your husband? I.e. someone who really loves you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 But he bloody does. Talk to me often. So even before the weekend, your so called NC had been broken? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Come on Betsy. You should be able to answer this one. After all, why do you do this to your husband? I.e. someone who really loves you. I do not know Anne. I'm just obsessed with him. Um yes doing pretty well on NC but I ended up breaking it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 So what do you plan to do Betsy? How are you going to deal with this affair you are now well and truly in? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm waiting for the next installment two weeks from now where she tells us she's pregnant and not sure who the father is. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm waiting for the next installment two weeks from now where she tells us she's pregnant and not sure who the father is. Oh cheers. How nice of you. Certainly won't be posting that And thanks for liking that Anne, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 So what do you plan to do Betsy? How are you going to deal with this affair you are now well and truly in? I'm starting NC officially AGAIN from tommorow. Getting to 1 month and I figure I shud feel better by then shudnt I? Blocked from twitter, deleted the number (again) though not sure how to block on an iPhone, and just go from there..,, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm starting NC officially AGAIN from tommorow. Getting to 1 month and I figure I shud feel better by then shudnt I? Blocked from twitter, deleted the number (again) though not sure how to block on an iPhone, and just go from there..,, No Betsy - it won't end... Stop fooling yourself. You cheat. You hurt people. You lie. Just stop playing these games with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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